“Everything okay, baby?”
I feel Noah’s arm circle my waist from behind and I lean back against him as he kisses my neck, my eyes still fixed on the couple making love on the couch. “Everything’s fine,” I murmur, and for a second I just stay there, letting the music wash over me as my husband holds me.
“This is one of the public rooms, obviously.” His voice vibrates against my neck as he speaks, and I continue to watch the couple having sex, they’re reaching their climax now, I can tell. The woman bucks her hips up, arches her back, and as her partner gives one final, gentle thrust it’s quite obvious he’s coming too, and I feel a surge of excitement rise up inside me, a burning sensation deep in the pit of my stomach. This doesn’t feel wrong, it doesn’t feel weird, it feels – I don’t know. Okay. Yes, sex is an intimate thing, but it can still be intimate, even when the setting isn’t, can’t it? When others are watching, it can still be intimate, so this – this isn’t wrong. “Most of the private rooms are upstairs …”
Noah’s talking to me, but I’m not really listening, and I turn around in his arms, I kiss him, I need to do that because what I’m feeling now is confusing and overwhelming and I just need a second to think.
“Whatever we want to do; however we want to do it, Kari, here, it’s possible.”
I still need that drink, before we do anything, before we even leave this room, so I take the beer from his hand and swallow down a long draft, and that small hit of alcohol is enough, for now. Tonight of all nights, I think I need to keep a clear head.
“Anything is possible.” Noah smiles at me, and I feel okay. I feel good.
“Yeah. I guess ...”
An Ariana Grande track I recognise starts up, her beautiful vocals flooding the room, and I slide an arm around Noah’s neck; press my body against his and he holds me close as we dance, swaying slowly together, our foreheads touching, his hand on the small of my back. I close my eyes and let the music wash over me, I’m blocking out everything but where we are, who I’m with; what we might be about to do. I haven’t thought that far ahead yet, I’m too caught up in the moment; a beautiful moment, one we may never experience again, this is special, so, I’m taking it all, every strange yet magical second.
“I love you,” I whisper, because I do. I love him with every beat of my heart, I ache for him, every day, he’s my world. I’d do anything for this man. Anything …
And that includes having sex with someone else, while he watches?
“Love you back, a million times more.” He smiles, and it’s crazy, how happy I am right now, in this moment. I’ve lost the nerves, the wariness is lessening, because I have Noah by my side. He promised never to leave me, and I believe his promises. I always have.
He takes my hand and we move to the side of the room. I let him push me back against the wall, the kiss he gives me this time slightly harder, more urgent, we’re building up to something, but what that is, exactly, I don’t yet know.
It’s strangely liberating, being here, in a place where having sex in public isn’t frowned upon, it’s actively encouraged. What I’m feeling right now, it’s almost like being transported back to those heady first few weeks when Noah and I first got together. When we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, grabbed any moment we could to kiss; had sex at any opportunity, because we needed each other so badly. I feel that way all over again, except, this time, we don’t need to sneak about. We don’t need to hide. We don’t need to find a hidden space, a few private minutes alone, we don’t need to be alone.
He slides a hand up under my dress, pushes my underwear to one side, I still can’t believe how free I feel here in this room. Every inhibition I thought I had is slowly disappearing, I’m living this moment, this night, for everything it’s meant to be – a beautiful, heady escape.
I reach down and my fingers brush against his; I touch myself, I’m wet. I’m so wet, and now I need him to touch me, too. I want him to fuck me, right here. If we’re going to do this, join in with this, let’s not even think about it, let’s just do it.
Taking hold of the hem of my dress he slowly pushes it up over my thighs, lets his fingers trail lightly over my skin and I gasp quietly as his thumb skims my hip bone. His other hand takes hold of mine, his eyes boring so deep into me it makes me shiver, and he pulls me against him, he kisses me. We’re so close almost every inch of him is touching me, and as he cups my bottom I throw my head back and groan out loud as his lips brush the base of my throat, it feels so good! The music, the atmosphere, the fact we’re doing this in a room full of people, I’m not worried. I’m not ashamed. And this night, it’s only just beginning. What we still might do – if that happens, I won’t be ashamed of that, either.
“You found the place okay, then?”
I drop my head, my eyes springing open at the sound of a deep American accent close by, is he talking to us? Did he deliberately interrupt us? And because it’s so dark in here, it takes a minute or so for my eyes to focus fully, but the second I see him, the man standing behind Noah, my heart suddenly shudders to a halt, or that’s what it feels like. And when Noah turns around; when I realise he knows this man – I don’t know what to feel. It’s thrown me slightly, that’s all.
“Hey … Yeah … Look, thanks for this, I mean … it’s some party you’ve got going on here.”
This is the man Noah met at his birthday party? The man I saw in the bar last night. The man whose eyes met mine; caused a shiver of excitement to tear up my spine, and I ignored it. Because it was nothing. Because it was stupid. Because I hadn’t thought I’d ever see him again.
“I’m glad you guys could make it. Good to see you’re enjoying yourselves.”
This man – he looks at me as he says that, and I feel my stomach tighten as I reach for Noah’s hand.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I should’ve introduced you … Joe, this is Kari. My wife, obviously. Kari, this is Joe. Joe Millar.”
He leaves a second or two before he responds, and I get the feeling he’s doing that deliberately. To unsettle me? Does he remember me, from last night?
Why would he?
I’m not that special.
“Good to meet you, Kari.”
His eyes once more lock on mine, and last night comes flooding back, those few, brief seconds when he looked at me exactly the way he’s looking at me now. And I can’t say anything, I can’t reply, it’s like any ability to speak has been wiped away and I don’t even know why.
“Anyway, I’ll leave you both to settle in.” He turns his attention back to Noah. “If you need me, I’ll be around, okay? Just come find me.”
“Yeah, thanks, Joe. I will.”
I watch him walk away; watch as he stops to talk to various people as he moves around the room, he seems to know everyone. But then I remember, this is his party. Of course he’ll know everyone, Noah told me he vets the guest list. And then I wonder if he’s here alone. Or is he here with a companion, that woman he was with in the bar last night, maybe? Why do I care?
“What did he mean, if you need me …?” I ask, pushing my short black dress back down over my thighs.
“If we’re gonna do this, Kari … if we’re gonna do what we talked about … I don’t know. I guess I’d just feel safer if the man you had sex with wasn’t a complete stranger.”
The way Noah says those words, almost matter-of-factly, as though choosing someone to join us – a man for his wife to have sex with, he’s talking about it like it’s a regular, everyday thing. It makes me a little uncomfortable, brings a little of that uneasiness back to the forefront, and I drag a hand through my hair and glance back over at Joe. He’s chatting to a couple of women I’m guessing are hostesses here, both of them elegantly tall with long, almost silver-blonde hair that cascades down their back in loose waves, their bodies on show in the sexiest of black lingerie. Skyscraper heels accentuate the length of their incredible legs, they’re mesmerising to look at. But I guess that’s their job, what they’re here to do
– pull people in, make them want them, this place, it’s intoxicating. It changes you the second you walk over the threshold, it really is a different world.
“I thought that was the whole point.” My eyes are still very much on Joe. I can barely tear them away; barely ignore the ache in my thighs, that now-familiar flicker of something dangerous burning away inside of me. “You, me, and a stranger.” I face Noah. “That’s what you said.”
“He’s not exactly a close friend, Kari, is he?”
“But he isn’t a stranger. Not to you, anyway.”
“I’d just feel safer, if this involved him. This is the first time we’ve done this, and Joe, he – he knows how this works.”
“He does this a lot, huh?”
“He runs these things, Kari. He’s organised dozens of these parties, all over Europe and America …”
“You said he was a businessman.”
“He is. He’s CEO of a major global networking business …”
“So, this is just a nice little sideline for him, then?”
He narrows his eyes slightly, and I realise I’m starting to sound a bit defensive now. “Look, Kari, if you’re not comfortable with this …”
“No … Sorry, Noah, it’s just … this is a lot to take in, that’s all.”
He cups my cheek, and he smiles the kind of smile that instantly calms me. What exactly is my problem?
I’m this close to having sex with another man while my husband watches, that’s my problem.
“Joe wouldn’t be the first businessman to have a lucrative sideline, would he?”
I return Noah’s smile, kissing him slowly, I need to get back to that place we were before. Before Joe interrupted us. “Maybe not.”
“But if you really don’t feel comfortable …”
“Noah, I’m fine. I’m okay.” I look at him, right into his eyes, I need to make sure he’s okay with this, too. And I fight the urge to glance over at Joe again. I stop myself, even though every inch of me wants to. “But we really need to be sure about this. About what we might be doing here.”
“Baby, it’s just a fantasy, remember? That’s all it is. We do this, we enjoy it, we move on. I love you, so much, I will always love you, this isn’t going to change anything, I promise. And I’m going to be there, the whole time, it’ll just be the three of us. You’ll be safe. Joe won’t hurt you, he won’t, because I’ll be there, too.”
“I know, I just …” Something doesn’t feel right. Is it because I know that, somewhere deep down inside, I’m attracted to Joe Millar? Is that why this feels wrong, all of a sudden? Why I feel guilty, almost? “I just … I feel like I’m … It feels wrong, Noah.”
“This isn’t wrong. It isn’t, okay? What we’ve just done, touching you like that, here in a room full of people, did that feel wrong?”
I look at him, I shake my head, but it isn’t the same thing. It isn’t even close.
“Under this roof, nothing is wrong, Kari. Nothing. And whatever happens here tonight, it’s only gonna make us stronger, I told you that, and I mean it. It’s only gonna bring us closer together.”
I still believe him, when he tells me that. And when he kisses me, I kiss him back, harder. Faster. He’s right. Whatever happens, here, in this place, it isn’t wrong. Not if everyone wants it. Do I want it? I think I do. Because Joe Millar is the man I’ll be sleeping with?
“Talk to him, Kari. Get to know him a little bit.”
“Shouldn’t we try to keep this on a less personal level? This man, he was supposed to be a stranger, after all.” He was supposed to be, now he isn’t. Not really. Does that change the game? “You’re asking me to sleep with another man, Noah.”
“While I watch, Kari. We can control this, remember?”
“Are we really going to do this?” I whisper. But I think that’s a question I’m asking myself more than anything. A rhetorical question.
Noah’s hand presses hard against my bottom, pushing me against him, his mouth bearing down on mine in a long, slow kiss and I lose myself in that kiss. I let myself fall, I close my eyes and I know that he means it, when he says I’ll be safe. I’ll be safe. Will we be?
“If you have any doubts, Kari …”
“I don’t.”
I do. I have a million doubts, all of them screaming at me, filling my head with reasons why we shouldn’t do this, but I’m choosing to ignore every one of them. Because I may just be overthinking everything. Creating problems where there aren’t any.
“All right …” His hand slides on to the small of my back, his fingers fanning out against me, and he kisses me again. And again I fall into him. My husband. My world. I love this man so much, and I know he would never do anything to hurt me, so this – it’s going to be okay. “Maybe we need another drink first, huh?”
I smile, I nod, I watch him walk away, and then I turn my head to see if I can find him. Joe Millar. But I can’t see him anywhere now, the women he was talking to earlier, they’re now deep in conversation with a group of people near the archway.
“Kari?”
His voice causes me to spin around, almost losing my balance in the process, and he reaches out to gently grab my arm. To steady me. And I’m grateful for his help, but also slightly embarrassed that I needed it.
“You okay?” he asks, his brow furrowing in genuine concern, and once more I find myself staring at him. He’s incredibly handsome, conventionally so. And tall, much taller than me, I have to tilt my head right back to look at him properly, and then I realise I’m staring, and I drop my gaze.
“I’m sorry … yes, I’m fine. I’m fine, I just …”
“Come and sit down. Come on.”
His hand slips into mine, and for a brief second that shocks me, that he’s taken my hand like that when he barely knows my name, but then I remember where we are. The kind of party this is, and I know that him holding my hand, that’s nothing, compared to what we might be about to do later.
We sit down on one of the dark leather couches at the side of the room, and he leans forward, clasping his hands together between his knees, but he turns his head to look at me.
“I’m assuming Noah’s told you? About me?”
“He’s told me he knows you through a friend of a friend. Albie Andersen. That you own a global technology company. That you host these parties as a sideline.”
He smiles slightly, and his eyes, they never leave mine. “I host these parties because this is a world I like to be a part of, sometimes. A world you obviously want to spend some time in, too. Am I right?”
“We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t want to be.”
It’s me who breaks the stare, because I need to. His eyes are verging on hypnotic, and I need a second to breathe. To find Noah.
“Is this your place?” I ask, because I’m curious. I don’t need to know this, I want to, despite me trying to keep this all as vague as possible.
“Yes. One of them.”
I look at him again, the corner of my mouth inching up slightly. “One of them?”
He laughs quietly and drops his head. “Sorry, that probably sounded a little conceited.”
“Not at all. You’re obviously an extremely successful man, it stands to reason you’d invest some of your money in property. And this cabin – it’s beautiful.”
He raises his gaze and his eyes once more meet mine. “Thank you.”
“Is it purpose built? Only, there are no windows in this room, so, I’m guessing it’s somewhere in the centre of the building? Am I right?”
“You’re right. And yes, this cabin was purpose built to my own specifications.”
“Do you open your doors to this kind of thing regularly?”
I know I’m staring at him, I can’t help it, there’s something about this man that is utterly captivating.
“Now and again … Look, Kari, it doesn’t have to be me. You and Noah, if you choose to do this, here, tonight, I don’t have to be the man you sleep with. But I think I should be.”
“Why?”
“Because the first time can be a little nerve wracking.”
“The first time? I don’t have any intention of turning this into a regular thing.”
The corner of his mouth edges up into a slight smirk, and that irritates me a little.
“You say that now, but once you’ve tried this, believe me, Kari, it can become quite addictive.”
I want to say something, but I’m not sure what, and I’m saved from trying to offer up any kind of comeback by Noah’s reappearance.
“Everything okay?” he asks, looking from me to Joe.
“Everything’s fine,” I reply, standing up and taking Noah’s hand, kissing him quickly. “I’ll be back in a second.”
I head off to find the rest rooms, I need another, more private second. I need to think. I need to be sure that what we’re doing, it’s the right thing, for us. Noah’s all in, but it isn’t him Joe will be touching. It isn’t him Joe will be having sex with, it’s me. And I’m just not sure anymore … because I want it too much? Want him – Joe – too much? It could just be because I’m caught up in the heady atmosphere of this place, where nothing is wrong, nothing is frowned upon, as long as it’s legal – that could be the reason why I’m feeling this way. Why I’m confused and excited, but I still need that second to think.
Locking myself in a stall I lean back against the wall and close my eyes. I breathe in deep and exhale slowly. I reach down and touch myself, and I flinch because I’m sensitive, and still wet.
“What are we doing here?” I whisper to myself, but I know, what we’re doing here.
We’re living out a fantasy.
It’s just a fantasy, that’s all.
An innocent act between three consenting adults.
What harm can that possibly do …?
Seven
Joe closes the door behind him and leans back against it, his hands in his pockets, he’s giving us another chance to think about this. To make sure. But I already knew, the second that door closed, that none of us were backing out.
Wicked Game Page 4