by LC Lehesaho
I look at him over my shoulder, waiting.
"Why are you dating this kid?"
Suddenly, Imagine Dragons are playing in my head, and they are telling the truth—I'm a bad liar. I shrug it off as fast as I can. "Because I like him."
Ah, these lies.
Okay, Luke is sweet, it's not him, it's me.
Look at me, already preparing myself for dumping his cute ass.
Dad's face is unreadable while he keeps me on my toes for a good time before speaking. "Okay, then. Have fun, and try to relax a little bit."
I can't help it; I laugh out loud. "Did you just say to me that I should relax? When is the last time you relaxed?"
"Cobra, now is the time." He makes his fingers walk in the air and then points toward the front door. "For you to leave."
Yeah, well, I didn't expect him to answer that. I take off before he changes his mind again and asks me something I don't want to answer. Luke is probably here already because I'm late, so I jog through the foyer, and Pietro, one of our guards, opens the door for me.
My blood goes cold the second my eyes take in the view.
"Ah, there she is," Tiger says cheerily, but there isn't a hint of happiness in his voice. Nope. It sounds like a threat, a very fucking vicious one. He sits on the hood of Luke's car, Puma standing next to him, he gives me an apologetic look. Luke stands beside them, one hand at his side and the other one taps his thigh, nervous as fuck.
"What's going on here?" I ask, warily, as I approach them slowly.
"We are keeping Luke company, so he doesn't have to wait for you all by himself," Tiger answers, tilting his head to the side as he stares at me. No, glares at me. "You shouldn't keep such a nice guy as him waiting, don't you think?"
Fuck me sideways, and ten times on Sunday. Clearly, Puma hasn't been doing his fucking job. I turn my eyes to Luke, looking for signs of any physical damage. "You okay?"
"Sure am." His eyes take in my broken nose, and his eyes widen. "What happened to you?"
I shrug it off. "Just a training accident, no big deal. Shall we go?"
"We should go too, c'mon, man." Puma pokes Tiger's shoulder, who doesn't even budge. His eyes drilling into me like he’s ready to shoot all of us. I bet he is.
I will shoot Puma after this, that's for sure. He fucking promised to handle Tiger. Ass-fucking-hole.
Luke walks to the passenger's side and opens the door for me, and I can see from his face that he really wants to leave. I'm not sure if I should say something to Tiger or not, but before I can decide, he gets up and walks to me with a couple of long strides. His broad form blocks the view from others as he stares down at me with blazing eyes.
I feel my stomach churn, and my chest aches because I don't want to do this. I want to go in and sleep in Tiger's arms. Is that too much to fucking ask?
He leans lower, so no one can hear him. "Ask me."
Please, don't touch anyone else.
Please, don't touch anyone else.
I try to make myself say it; I want to fucking beg him not to touch anyone else ever again. Only me.
Only me.
I open my mouth, but Puma appears beside us, slapping his palm on Tiger's shoulder, leaning closer. "This is not the time for this."
I let out the breath I was holding and bite my cheek, distress taking over my cells. Tiger straightens, his jaw clenching as he watches me, and I feel my agony suffocating me as if his hand were around my throat. From the corner of my eye, I see Puma giving me signs with his eyes that I should get the fuck out of here.
But it's not me who storms away. Tiger shoves Puma's hand off his shoulder and strides away, running his fingers through his hair, body tensed to the limits.
"Tiger, wait!" I start to bolt after him, but Puma grabs my arm, jerking me back, while Tiger just throws me a middle finger over his shoulder without stopping.
"No, sis, you're letting him go and do as we agreed," Puma whispers, leaning closer so Luke won't hear us. "You'll go out with that dude, and that's it."
I give Puma a murderous glare. "You fucking asshole. You promised to explain this to him!"
"Yeah, well, I didn't have a chance. Then he overheard us talking about this, and Luke was already here," he whispers, nodding toward Luke, who is watching us sharply from the car. "Go, I'll find Tiger and keep him on the leash."
"Tell him that this wasn't my idea, and nothing is going to happen. Fix it, or I'll kill you," I murmur back and then turn to the car, pulling on a glorious fake smile.
Fuck my life.
25
"Tiger, for Christ's sake, wait for a second!" I hear Puma catching up with me as I stride through the foyer, anger making me feel hot all over. Like my body can't contain the rage boiling inside me and tries to push it out of my pores.
"Listen to me." A hand grabs my arm with a sturdy grip, and Puma fucking should know better. Before I can even realize it myself, we're face-to-face, my fists full of Puma's hoodie as I press him against the wall, ready to beat the shit out of him. His light blue eyes stare back at me steadily, not making a move to fight back.
"Don't fucking touch me, ever again," I snarl at him, feeling the itch in my knuckles.
"It wasn't her—"
I throw my fist into the wall next to his ear, and I don't even feel the pain it should cause. "Shut the fuck up! Don't talk to me about her, do you fucking understand?"
Puma lets out a long sigh and looks exhausted. He is not the only one tired of this fucking life. Just when he is about to open that mouth, which will get him killed one day, his eyes trail past me, and the expression on his face tells me who it is.
"Disagreement?" Leo's voice asks calmly.
Even though I'm full of rage, I have a bit of self-control, and I let Puma go. He straightens his hoodie and takes off his cap, adjusting it to face backward on his head. I turn sideways, glancing at Leo, who leans his shoulder on the doorframe of his office, arms crossed on his chest.
"What was that about?" He shifts his piercing eyes from me to Puma.
"Cobra's date is nagging," Puma says truthfully, and for a second, I actually believe that he is telling Leo about Cobra and me. "Tiger doesn't like the Aussie."
Understatement of the Year. Leo cocks his head at me. "Is that so?"
"The guy is a piece-of-shit." I agree because it's true. "She shouldn't be going out with guys like that." With fucking anyone. "Because they will only bring us trouble."
It's not complete garbage, but like I care about that now. All I care about is his filthy hands not touching her ever again. Why the fuck did she go out with him again?
"We can handle trouble if there is any," Leo states, observing me. "You should let her live her life. Cobra said that she likes him, so if she wants to have her fun with him, she can."
My hands roll into fists at my sides at his words. She said that she likes him? What the actual fuck?
Puma clears his throat beside me and rubs his hands together. "Yeah, we'll leave it alone. Let's go, Tiger."
Leo lifts his palm. "I have a job for you two, and you can work that bloodlust out with it, Tiger."
I tilt my head, interested. I'm up for some mayhem right now, and I need someone's blood on my hands. Right now. I want to make someone feel worse than me. Why didn't she ask me?
Simple words. Why didn't she ask me?
Then it fucking hits me.
Cobra won't ask me because she doesn't want to promise me the same thing I was willing to promise her. Her words echo in my skull. I had fun with him. I feel my chest heaving from the emotions, and I try to push it all down, not show it on the outside. It's fucking hard.
"What's the job?" Puma asks from beside me.
I know Leo is observing me, but I can't focus my eyes on him. I can't concentrate on anything.
Cobra wants to fuck him, and she went out with him.
Again, she chose him over me.
I make myself think about the way I'm going to kill him. How slowly I'm going to cut him to pieces, bit by b
it. I need to imagine it, feel the satisfaction of it, so I don't feel the paralyzing pain in my heart. How can I still fucking love her even when she fights me like this? When she makes me feel like this?
Cobra knows that she is making me lose my fucking mind and still goes out with someone else.
How can I still be in love with her when it hurts this fucking much?
I need to kill him.
And she will fucking watch every goddamn second.
"Tiger, did you hear what I said?" Leo snaps his fingers, and I jerk back from my thoughts. Fuck, what?
"Yeah, sure." I didn't. Not a word.
He gives me a condemning look. "You don't usually lie to me, so I'm giving you a chance to try again."
I wipe my forehead, unable to hide the turmoil inside. "No, I didn't hear a word."
From the corner of my eye, I see Puma's eyes on me, and he looks worried. Leo stares at me for a solid minute before speaking, but it won't make me squirm this time. I have more significant issues going on inside me at the moment.
"You'll meet with Havoc," Leo states, eyeing me like I'm an unstable bomb. He's always read me like an open book. "He has a man who tried to switch sides and has been leaking out some information about Pronto Muerte. You can question him."
How fucking splendid. He can be my test animal before Aussie. I almost feel a little bit better.
"Great." I slap Puma on his back. "You'll drive, I need a drink."
Leo seems to be a little bit off today also because he nods toward the bar in his office. "Help yourself, son. Call me when you get something out of him."
The blood is harder to wash off than it is to spill. It permeates the skin like the fucking body moisturizers that women use. After washing my face and hands for the third time, I think I got most of it off.
"You ready? Your brother told me that you need to let out another kind of steam now, so we're going to the clubhouse." Havoc appears in the doorframe of the shitty bathroom. It's shitty because the entire warehouse is shitty, but the things we did to that snitch were not something you can do in a condo somewhere. Nah, we needed to be far away from people so no one could hear him scream. And boy, did he scream.
I squint my eyes at Havoc. "I ain't going to your fucking clubhouse."
He has changed his white tank to a new one because the last one was covered in blood just like mine. I didn't have time yet to go change, so I'm shirtless until we head back to Puma's convertible. I have a lot of tattoos, but man, Havoc? He is like a walking ink bottle, and I know he did most of them himself. I can see from the dirty mirror that he is now eyeing my back, but I bet he is smart enough to not ask people about their tattoos.
"Don't be such a fancy boy, c'mon. There will be a lot of nice pussy to choose from. Hell, take two if you feel like it," he says with a smirk on his face, his silver canine flashing and his eyes focusing on mine through the mirror.
"I'm going 'cause I need to stock up! If you're not coming, then walk home!" Puma yells from the open warehouse, his voice echoing in the vast, empty space. I know I smoked almost all his supplies during the weekend, so he really is going, that is for sure. I think about Cobra, what she is doing at the moment with him, and is he already inside her. Most likely because she didn't waste time at the club either. The vision of her pinned against the wall, but not by me, no. I see him fucking her, and her arms around his neck. It makes me sick.
"Yeah, why not." I feel the sinister grin creeping over my face when I remember her flaming eyes from this morning. "I might even take someone home with me, so I can have fun all night."
"That's the spirit." Havoc raises his hand for a fist bump, and I answer him, after throwing the last bloody paper towel in the garbage. I walk out beside him, making a note that he has already moved the body out of sight, probably somewhere waiting to be burned or buried. Somehow I don't think Havoc makes the effort to dig a grave.
Puma catches up with us, not wearing a single drop of blood. Why would he? He didn't participate. He never does. Now he gives me a dubious look. "Taking someone home? You sure?"
I smile at him wickedly. "Oh, yes. Why wouldn't I? It's not like I'm taken or anything. I'm single and free to do what the fuck I wanna do."
He takes hold of my forearm, stopping me. "We'll be right behind you, Havoc. I need to exchange a couple of words with my brother." Havoc nods while lighting up his cigarette and walks to Puma's convertible.
I jerk my hand, but he doesn't let go. "Don't test me again, Puma. Get your hand off me."
"I promised her to expl—"
I cut him straight off. "Not a fucking word about her. You don't want me to lose my shit any more than I've already done today, so keep your mouth shut for everyone's sake. If you mention her again tonight, even once, I'll kill everyone who comes near me. Got it? Everyone."
Puma drops his head back, taking a long breath, and wipes his face. Then he looks at me and adjusts his cap again. "It's not what you think it is."
I let out a sarcastic snort. "Like everything in life is. You should know that by now, brother."
"You'll regret it if you do what I think you're going to do," he says and lights up a joint. In the dark night, it illuminates his face with an orange glow.
"Wanna come watch me as I do it? Participate?" I sneer and turn my back to him, starting to walk to the Camaro. "At least the chick I'm gonna fuck is not your sister, so you can join me. I'll share her with you, bro."
"Don't say I didn't fucking warn you," I hear him mutter behind me, but deep down, Puma is a smart guy and doesn't push me any further.
I'm going to make her regret that she didn't ask me, and I can do it all night long.
26
I poke the French fries on my plate, sure that I will puke if I put one into my mouth. On our way to the arcade, I let Luke be in charge of the conversation, and I could tell he tried to make me feel better. I don't know why. It's not his problem or fault that I feel like shit, but he still kept trying. While we were playing air hockey, he still tried.
I smiled, laughed, and even made a fucking lame joke, but the entire time my chest felt like there was a truck parked on top of it.
"Cobra," Luke says from the other side of the table, where we've been sitting ten minutes in silence after we got our food. Which he insisted on us having, apparently, I wasn't much company at the games. I lift my eyes from the untouched plate to him, a giant lump in my throat.
He wipes his face and places his elbows on the table, leaning closer. His baby blue eyes drill into me. "You can tell me what's wrong. I'm an excellent listener."
I shrug, dropping my gaze to the plate again. "Nothing's wrong."
"You've been faking the whole night that you’ve been having fun. I know I'm good company, and I don't mean to be cocky, but it's a fact. So, if you're still fake smiling after spending an hour with me, something is really wrong," he says firmly, and he's right. There is not a hint of cockiness in him.
"I can't talk about it." I dodge his attempts to make me spill my dirty secrets.
"Can't or don't want to?"
He's good. I pinch my nose with a sigh. "Don't want to."
"I promise it will help," he cajoles, sliding his hand over the table and placing it over mine. It's warm, soothing, and I just want to cry.
I look around, feeling the stinging behind my eyes. My throat aches, the lump is just getting bigger and bigger. There are so many happy people around us, others on dates, and others with their friends. So normal. So easy.
"I shouldn't be here," I whisper, not looking at him. "With you. It's not right for you."
And it's not right for Tiger.
"Why?" His thumb makes a circular motion on my hand, soothing me.
I try to swallow the lump down, but it won't budge. "I have feelings for someone else."
The motions stop for a split second at my words, but he continues. With his other hand, Luke swipes his blond hair back. "Has it got something to do with the distraction you needed when you agreed t
o the first date with me?"
All I can do is nod. I'm so fucking ashamed for using Luke like this, I can't even look at him.
"Why don't you date him?"
I wish I could. "I can't. We can't..." I let out a long exhale, trying to find the right words. "It's complicated, in more ways than one."
"Open your mouth," Luke states, and I lift my gaze to him. He is handing a piece of his pizza to me, but I don't feel like eating, so I shake my head. "C'mon, Cobra. Open your mouth, please."
With a sigh, I do as he asks. Luke places the tiny piece in my mouth, his fingers lightly brushing my lips as he smiles at me supportively. "Now, let me tell you something. I'm not expecting anything from you. No sex, no nothing. No expectations whatsoever. Here is the question." He is still circling his thumb over my hand. "Will you let me be your distraction, so you don't drown in your thoughts? You look like you could use a friend."
I swallow the pizza down just in time because my mouth falls open at his words. "What? You want to hang out with me even though I'm fucking terrible company?"
Luke gives me a genuine smile. "Yes, I want to hang out with you. Did you know that broken hearts won't heal themselves? I know, personal experience."
"Fuck." I lean back on my seat, feeling the tears now rolling down my cheeks. "I can't... why are you so nice to me?"
He hands me a napkin. "Because I recognize the same pain in you that I felt myself once. Falling in love is easy, surviving the mess it can make is anything but."
It was easy. He is absolutely right. Falling in love with Tiger was as natural as breathing. Trying to reject him is like walking through Hell.
And I don't fucking want to reject him anymore.
I wipe my face dry, trying to push the sobs down I can feel coming up, and all this time, Luke smoothes my hand with his thumb. There is no hint of seductiveness in the motion; he just wants to make me feel better. I can see it in his eyes, he is genuine, and from that, I know he has gone through heartbreak himself.
"I'm not a good person, Luke. I don't deserve your kindness," I murmur to him, eyes on the napkin.