by S M Mala
‘Yes,’ smiled Ethel as she examined the paisley printed book. Hatty could see tears coming to the eyes of the old lady. ‘Me not see dis in years. How ya find it?’
‘When we came from London there were a few things that belonged to my mother left in the house. This was one of them. I kept them safe.’ She darted a glance at Jake. ‘She wasn’t all bad.’
He looked away.
‘Me know ya two not friends right now,’ said Ethel solemnly, as Hatty wanted to cry or scream or even shout. ‘But let see if me can sort dis out.’
‘Nothing to sort out,’ she said quickly. ‘What’s done is done.’ Hatty walked towards the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water before taking a swig. ‘Let’s get on with the cooking.’
The radio blared out in the background to hide the heavy silence. Jake silently peeled potatoes as Hatty tried to get to grips with cutting the fat off the lamb. He noticed Ethel was standing away from her as she wielded the knife.
Hatty had barely spoken two words to him since he saw her on the beach. Against Murray and Philip’s advice, he stayed put in the house, determined not to go anywhere until they sorted things out. He hadn’t taken into account Hatty’s resistance.
Her stubborn streak.
He’d watched her, every day, walk out of the house and go into her work hut, keeping the door shut knowing she’d done it so as not to set eyes on him. Two Sunday mornings he’d woken to find the jeep gone and her arriving home in the dark. Louisa told him Hatty had been with her.
Jake felt a real sense of loneliness for the first time in ages. He didn’t want to go out with his work colleagues and certainly didn’t see the appeal in starting up with Gina, though he’d bumped into her half a dozen times in town. All she asked about was if he and Louisa were still together and was it true that Mad Ha Ha Hatty had managed to fall into the sea. Jake felt angry with Gina and himself.
This only added to his hurt about his current situation with the woman he loved.
A day hadn’t past he wished he hadn’t opened his mouth.
‘Ya listenin’ Jake?’ snapped Ethel. ‘Me need potato an’ ya peelin’ dem so small.’
‘What?’ he said, shaking out of his daze to see he’d reduced a large potato to the size of a bean. ‘Sorry.’
‘Concentrate!’ barked Ethel as Hatty stood perfectly still, cutting large chunks of cubed lamb. They’d been in the kitchen for an hour and he could see Ethel was continuously glaring at the pair of them. ‘Enough!’
‘Pardon?’ he said as the elderly lady took the knife out if his hand and then Hatty’s.
‘What’s wrong?’ Hatty asked.
Jake longed to touch her.
She looked smaller and he wondered if she’d lost weight or simply because she seemed so distant.
‘Me need ‘appiness in me kitchen not dis!’ snapped Ethel, shaking her head furiously. ‘Me know what ‘appened. Me know Hatty ya know tings ya need not know from Master Jake, an’ now Mister Murray.’
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ Hatty said quietly, turning around to look out of the window.
‘I want to talk about it!’ Jake snapped, seizing the opportunity. ‘We need to talk.’
‘You knew so much about me and you never said until you were ready to hurt me. That’s all I need to know!’ He could hear the anger in her voice. ‘I know what I am and that’s all there is to it!’
‘Really?’ said Ethel, walking up to her. ‘And what dat?’
‘Something disgusting,’ she said and started to cry as he watched her whole body shake.
Ethel put her arms around her and glared at Jake.
If ever he felt bad, it was hearing her heartfelt sobs. He walked out of the kitchen and into the main house, trying to compose himself for a second, before returning to the kitchen. They hadn’t moved and she was still crying.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly. Ethel let go of Hatty and looked at Jake, gesturing him to come closer. He didn’t know what to do but slowly walked towards her, standing behind Ethel. ‘Hatty look at me?’
‘Go back to New York,’ she said, in between sobs. ‘Don’t stay here to hurt me.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘You hate me, I know you do. You think my mother’s a slut and now we know my father’s a rapist, how more revolting can I be? Of course you want other women because I’m not good enough.’
‘Dat not true,’ said Ethel gently, stroking her hair. ‘Ya know dat not true.’
‘I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I hate myself!’ Hatty then ran out of the kitchen and towards her bike. Jake followed her and grabbed her bike out of her hands. She looked straight into his eyes and he noticed she seemed lost. ‘Leave me alone.’
‘You’re not going anywhere until we talk about that night and what I said. I was wrong and I shouldn’t have told you anything!’
‘If you’d told me the truth from the very beginning, then we wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have let it happen. You need to go back to New York. You need to leave me alone.’ She closed her eyes. ‘I’m not being melodramatic. I’m just telling you how it is. Please?’ Big fat tears rolled down her face. ‘You and I shouldn’t have happened. It’s not fair on me and it’s really not fair on you, can’t you see?’
‘All I can see is I’ve hurt you.’ Jake handed back her bike but placed his hands firmly on the handle bars. ‘You think I’ve been happy since what happened?’
‘Please go back to America?’ she gently said.
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he said, staring at her as she suddenly wiped her tears roughly away.
When she looked over his shoulder, her face froze for a second before looking more upset.
‘I better go,’ Hatty quickly said.
‘Jake!’ Gina shouted and he turned to see her walking towards him. ‘Me heard ya were here.’
‘Hello?’ he said, confused at seeing her on the estate on a Saturday.
Jake quickly saw Hatty looking at the ground as Gina approached then realised she’d think they’d spent the night together.
‘Let me go,’ begged Hatty as his palms grasped her bike harder. ‘Your woman’s here.’
‘I wasn’t with her last night,’ he hissed. ‘And she’s not my woman.’
‘None of my business.’
‘Ha Ha Hatty,’ said Gina dismissively, smirking. ‘Cryin’ again?’
‘No,’ Hatty said and looked away.
‘Done something bad?’ provoked Gina.
‘As always. It’s in my blood’ Hatty gulped and Jake saw the tears were freely rolling down her face.
Gina grimaced at her before smiling at Jake, who felt like shit realising the full extent of what he’d done to Hatty.
‘Cry baby Hatty! Nuttin changes.’
‘I know,’ snivelled Hatty as she tugged on the bike and he was more resilient in not letting go.
‘What ya doing tonight?’ she smiled sweetly but Jake couldn’t stop looking at Hatty, her shoulders slumped, head down and tears falling to the ground.
‘This isn’t a good time,’ he said quickly.
‘Tonight is the Valentine’s Party at the marina an’ me bought us tickets. Ya been busy so me thought we’d-.’ Gina then stopped in mid-sentence and stared at Hatty. ‘What wrong wid ya?’
‘I don’t feel well.’
‘Mental?’
‘Yes and emotional,’ said Hatty, tugging her bike again as Jake still held on firmly.
‘Hatty never been to the Valentine party as no one ask, isn’t that so?’ said Gina quietly. He noticed the way she looked at him was as if he should join in with the teasing. Jake felt angry and suddenly ashamed, looking at the cause of the quarrel. ‘And no one ever will.’
‘I don’t mind, I wouldn’t fit in,’ said Hatty sadly. He felt so sorry for her. ‘You’d really like it Jake. It’s a lot of fun and Louisa says they have fairy lights all over the marina. You can go on a boat and sail round the island too. Everyone says it’s very r
omantic.’
‘For someone who never been ya know a lot,’ said Gina.
Jake realised she was eyeing him up and down as Hatty watched.
‘Philip and Louisa told me,’ she said quietly. ‘I better go back to the kitchen and see Ethel.’
‘Run along!’ said Gina dismissively, as Hatty left them. ‘Stupid gal! What wrong with she? ‘er peppermout’ quiet today.’
‘I’m busy tonight,’ Jake sharply replied as he watched Hatty walk back into the house.
‘Jake, Jake,’ Gina shook her head from side to side. ‘Ya know it an’ me know what goin’ on ‘ere. There’s something between us an’ ya can’t deny it.’
‘There is,’ he said, glancing at the kitchen knowing what it was. ‘Gina, I can’t come out tonight I’m really-.’
‘What you scare of? Ya scare of me?’
‘No.’
‘Come out. What ya gonna do? Baby-sit a cry baby?’ laughed Gina. ‘Come on, have some fun. Louisa won’t mind.’
‘You think?’
She knew Ethel was staring at her as she put the spices together, following the instruction in her book. Jake got into his jeep and drove off. Hatty watched Gina get into her car and follow. Momentarily, she was scared they were going to the house to make love but shook her head, knowing he had every right to as it was his father’s house in the end of the day.
‘Why ya do this?’ she heard Ethel ask as Hatty did a double glance.
‘It says on the instructions to-.’
‘To Jake? Why hurt ‘im? ‘e upset too.’
‘He has nothing to be upset about and-.’
‘‘e’ a man an’ ‘e stupid! Sayin’ stupid tings to prove ‘e a big man. Me not see a man wantin’ to sleep wid Gina Glory Glory just now. Me see a man who not know what to do about Hatty.’
‘How badly did he beat her?’ she asked, glaring at Ethel knowing she knew what she was talking about. ‘Did he hurt her?’
‘Child,’ sighed Ethel. ‘Ya need not know.’
‘I need to know. I need to know about that monster, whose blood runs in my veins,’ she said, throwing the paste in to the pan as the oil splattered up and she stirred it. ‘I’ll find out.’
‘Not if I got anytin’ to do wid it!’ Ethel said sharply. Hatty glared at the old woman. ‘It dead an’ buried like ‘im.’
‘He was cremated!’ sighed Hatty. ‘Hopefully thrown into a gutter!’ She heard Ethel laughing for a moment before glancing at her. ‘Where did they scatter his ashes?’
‘Ya love Jake?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Ya love Jake Logan?’
‘That’s irrelevant. What do I do next?’
She looked at the paste sizzling in the oil as Ethel poured some water in it as Hatty stirred.
‘Make up wid Jake.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘It better to ‘ave a moment of love than a life widout it,’ Ethel said wisely, as she looked into Hatty’s eyes. ‘Dat boy may not be ‘ere forever but ya need to grasp what ya can now. Tings change as we get older, me know. Take it now before ya not ‘ave the chance.’
‘I’m spoiled goods.’
‘Who say? You say? What ya know?’
Hatty went back to the house and put the food in the fridge. She went into her work house and carried on carving a mirror for Delores. Her items were neatly stacked for the market and she sat looking glumly at them then noticed an A5 envelope on the side.
She picked it up and opened it then bit her lip on seeing what it was. The front page was titled ‘The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha’ by Jacob Logan’. Slowly she opened the book and read what he’d written about her life. It was a child’s fairy tale.
‘Once upon a time there was a little mermaid called Hatty Ha Ha. The thing with Hatty Ha Ha she was afraid of the sea and this made her scared of everything around her, including mosquito and love. She had legs and arms like the rest of us, but she knew the sea held secrets to her life she needed to know about.
‘Hatty Ha Ha’s mother, Eloise, was a beautiful mermaid who fell in love with a human called Mister Murray. She knew couldn’t be with him, so she married a merman from another part of the sea who treated her badly. But Hatty Ha Ha’s mother realised, no matter how badly she’d been treated, she was going to have a little mermaid and would cherish it forever.
‘The day Hatty Ha Ha was born an old turtle called Ethel and the human man Eloise loved, Mister Murray, stayed by her side as the ugliest mermaid baby came out into the world, laughing.
‘‘I’ll call her Hatty Ha Ha,’ Eloise said proudly. But a few days later Eloise’s heart, which was full of love for her child, burst and she went to the spirit world of the sea leaving Hatty Ha Ha alone.
‘Mister Murray and Ethel looked after Hatty Ha Ha with the help of Aunt Delores, a stern black electric eel who taught Hatty Ha Ha to speak properly and behave like a lady. Unfortunately, Hatty Ha Ha liked sneaking off and having fun but Aunt Delores, Mister Murray and Ethel the turtle let her have her freedom. Though Aunt Delores would often try to control the wilful small mermaid with sharp shocks.
‘Hatty Ha Ha grew up to be the most beautiful mermaid ever. But Hatty Ha Ha still couldn’t go into the sea. She was scared of so many things but mostly it wasn’t the big waves but of being happy. An octopus called Glory would tease her, making her cry, saying neither the sea nor land wanted her as she had no friends in either place. There was no need for Hatty Ha Ha to be in the sea as she was surrounded by water due to her tears.
‘She grew up and lived a lonely existence other than a few friends. Then one day she met Jacob, a very handsome human boy, but Hatty Ha Ha didn’t feel worthy to love him or be loved. She thought as a mermaid, afraid of the water, he would never respect or love her knowing humans rarely loved mermaids. She’d see Glory the Octopus with her tentacles wrapped around Jacob and thought he preferred the eight legs not her soft arms and lips. Slowly Jacob and Hatty Ha Ha became friends and soon they fell in love but one day things changed.
‘Jacob, feeling bad he wanted to play with Glory the Octopus’s tentacles, said horrible things to Hatty Ha Ha, making her cry so badly she fell into the sea. She had nowhere to go, but the sea didn’t want her and that’s when Jacob realised he did.’
‘Bitch!’ she laughed for the first time at what seemed like forever.
She stopped when she read the text.
‘Hatty Ha Ha cried and cried refusing to accept Jacob’s words of remorse as she wandered the land, her tears creating great waves of puddles everywhere, so much so, Glory the Octopus came to the shore, just to tease and make Hatty Ha Ha cry even more.
‘But Hatty Ha Ha needn’t feel alone and ashamed of her life because so many people loved her. Ethel the Turtle, Mister Jacob but especially Jacob.
‘As Hatty Ha Ha sobbed, Jacob wondered what to do to make her happy and so they could be friends again. So she would trust and love him once more. He decided…
There was no more text. She sat holding the small book in her hand and smiled.
‘Where’s my ending?’ she mumbled to herself and walked out of her work house into the strong sunshine, seeing his jeep wasn’t there.
Hatty let out a sad sigh and realised he was with the octopus and started to walk down to the cove.
The beach looked beautiful and the golden sand made her smile. She took a deep breath and walked down the side and onto the sand, taking off her shoes, which wasn’t a good idea as she started to hop because it was so hot.
‘Bloody sand,’ she said and walked towards the water, stopping where the sand became wet and looked out at the sea.
Her toes started to sink into the sand and she didn’t know what to do.
It wasn’t what he expected to see when he drove to the house and finding the back door wide open. She was so careful about mosquito coming in and he immediately thought the worst as he ran outside, frantically looking for her.
‘Hatty!’ he shouted, knowing she was back as her
satchel was thrown on the kitchen table. ‘Hatty!’
Jake ran down to the freshwater pool and she wasn’t there. He then flung open her work shed and saw the book on the table, opened at the last page. Then he panicked, thinking she was upset by what he’d written. Quickly, he ran through the house, opening every door until he got to her room and saw her standing on the beach, in the cove.
‘Fuck!’ he shouted and ran out of the house as fast as he could. ‘Hatty!’
She didn’t turn around and was perfectly still as he jumped down the side and ran towards her, flinging his arms around her and pulling her to the ground.
‘What are you doing!’ she screamed as he put his leg over her, stopping her from moving.
‘Protecting you!’
‘From what?’
‘The sea.’ The next thing he felt was a hard thump in the gut as she pushed his arms off and sat there, glaring at him. ‘I thought-.’
‘You thought wrong,’ she said defiantly. ‘I was just looking.’
‘But last time I saw you-.’
‘I fell over.’ She stood up and dusted the sand off her clothes. ‘I’m still scared but not as scared of it as I am of you!’
Hatty marched off in her usual manner as he sat there baffled.
‘Hey, wait up!’ he said, quickly bouncing to his feet and following her.
‘Thank you for your story,’ she said, climbing up the side.
‘Why aren’t you afraid like before?’
‘Humans are worse than the sea, especially the handsome Jacob.’ He noticed she smiled as she said it and waited for him to climb up. ‘So that wild water is nothing compared to the handsome Jacob who didn’t tell me the truth but when he did start to speak freely, he said things to hurt me. Even the sea’s not that cruel.’
Before he could open his mouth and say something, she’d walked off back to the house to wash her feet.
‘We need to talk.’
‘That’s all we ever do sometimes and frankly, I don’t want to talk. You, on the other hand, can tell me why you never told me about my parents even when you knew.’ Her head was down as water splashed off her feet.