by S M Mala
‘Why?’ he muttered to himself again and again. Since she was a child, he had protected her. But he let his defence slip and she was now in danger and he was strapped to a machine. His son walked into the room. The anger he felt towards him disappeared when he noticed he was in a complete state. ‘Any news?’
‘Why won’t they let me go out and search?’ he said quietly. Murray watched as he hovered around the door, unable to decide whether he wanted to go close or stay away. ‘Every minute we don’t hear then-.’
Jake broke down in tears and Murray was at a loss on what to do. He then watched him angrily wipe his face before walking out of his room.
He felt hopeless as he lay in bed.
As much as he fought with Frederick and Philip, they wouldn’t allow him to leave the hotel. He’d walk around the place and knew people were talking about him and, more importantly, Hatty. Keeping his head down, he’d pace around the place again and again, hoping she was locked in a cupboard but he knew she wasn’t.
‘Are ya okay?’ he heard someone ask.
Jake recognised the policeman Hatty said was called Quelly and touched her tit.
‘Yes,’ he said, half stunned at seeing him again, noticing the police. ‘Have you found her?’
‘Harriet?’ he said and the man’s face seemed tense. ‘Not yet but we lookin’ hard. She be somewhere on da island.’
‘How many people died? How many people are missing?’
‘Mr Logan we are searching,’ he said in an official tone.
‘Find her for me,’ he said, grabbing the man’s arm trying not to cry. ‘Please find her.’
The scream made him jump the following afternoon. The sheer force of it startled his body when he realised where it was coming from. He ran into his father’s room. Frederick and the nurse were trying to control Murray as he frantically screamed and sobbed. When he saw Jake he stopped as a weeping Philip stood bent over, his face in his hands.
This was a bad sign.
He could hear his own breathing.
He then noticed Caroline standing in the corner, silently crying.
‘What’s wrong?’ Jake said as Murray put his hands over his face.
‘They’ve looked all over the island and they can’t find her?’ Philip said quietly, shell shocked as he spoke. ‘And someone thinks they saw a body, matching her description, floating on the coast.’
‘That could be anyone,’ Jake said, then gulped hard as he stared at Philip. ‘It’s too soon and she could be anywhere.’
‘She might be anywhere,’ Philip replied, as he bit back his tears. ‘But she’s not here Jake and it’s been nearly four days. Hatty’s the only one we can’t account for. They think she’s dead.’
Murray screamed out as Jake’s world abruptly stopped.
He knew what he was going though, he knew the pain well. It hadn’t left him and he so dearly wanted to comfort his son but he couldn’t. Murray watched Jake stand there, in total shock, unable to say anything or look at anyone. Philip walked up to him and put his trembling hand on his shoulder before crying.
‘I did this to her. It’s my fault,’ Jake said, his face etched in pain.
‘What did you do?’ asked Murray.
‘He’s right. You did do this,’ said Philip as Murray knew the man was overcome with grief and Jake seemed stunned by the comment.
‘Don’t say that!’ snapped Frederick angrily.
‘And you did as well!’ Philip said, turning to Frederick before looking at Caroline who was in the corner. ‘And so did you. Are you happy now they can’t be together? Is this what everyone wanted? And where’s Delores? How hard is she going to celebrate that Hatty’s dead?’
Philip then stormed out of the room.
‘And I did too,’ muttered Murray, sobbing into his hands on hearing the words about Hatty. ‘I should have protected her. I’ve let Eloise down, I let them both down.’
Jake sat clutching his own hands. He couldn’t think. It was worse than a nightmare and he was numb.
‘It’s not true,’ Jake said as he watched Frederick’s pained expression.
‘Jake,’ Frederick whispered, leaning down to meet his eyes. ‘I know this is hard but …’ The man couldn’t speak as he started to cry. ‘No one could survive. Many people have died. We can only presume Hatty went outside and-.’ He couldn’t talk as Jake watched the man sob into his hands. ‘She was so angry with me.’
‘It’s okay,’ Caroline said, stepping closer to Jake.
‘Get out!’ screamed Murray to her. ‘Leave my fucking family alone!’
‘Murray I’m-.’
‘She’d dead! She ran outside because I hurt her!’ Jake screamed as he held his breath then turned to his aunt before screaming. ‘Hatty’s dead! Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? Is that what you pushed her to do?’
Those words hit Delores hard as she stood outside. No-one had said a thing to her. She didn’t know what to think, what to say. Her first reaction was to cry but she couldn’t. Murray’s sobs were loud and clear as she opened the door. He saw her he cried even more.
‘Dee!’ he said. He’d not called her that for years. ‘My little girl’s dead. Hatty’s dead!’
Seeing him in such as state made her cry as she rushed up to him, flinging her arms around his shoulders knowing he’d never want her to go.
Not anymore.
Then she saw Caroline staring hard at her and knew it was far from over.
He called her. He rang and rang hoping she’d pick up but there was no answer. Jake noticed there were a few messages as he quickly listened. They were from friends and Sam at the ‘New York Times’. He flicked through his text and email messages and there was nothing from her.
Jake walked into the room they sat together last and saw his laptop, where he left it. Something inside him wanted to crack. There was still the bottle of champagne they’d left but the glasses were smashed on the floor.
It felt like his insides.
Jake knew what he had to do.
He started writing about the hurricane.
It was fast approaching mid-afternoon as Jake typed away, sending emails and reports. Then he spotted Chief Harvey staring at him before he stopped what he was doing and got up.
‘Jacob,’ the police officer said and Jake knew the look. The one of sheer sympathy while trying to disguise it. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine,’ he said bluntly, all numbness replaced with anger. ‘Did you find Hatty’s body?’
Even the coolness of his own voice surprised him.
‘Not yet,’ he said, looking away. ‘Are you okay?’
‘How many other people died?’
‘We’re still trying to find out,’ he said, his face creased in pain. ‘I-I’m so sorry. She was a beautiful child. Do you know how Hatty-.’
‘She went outside,’ he said, swallowing hard.
‘She wouldn’t have been that foolish,’ the man said gravely. ‘Everyone knew that hurricane was dangerous.’
‘Hatty decided to let go of her life, what can I say?’ spat Jake.
He noticed Ethel from the corner of his eye starting to sob.
‘Me baby Hatty dead! She dead!’ cried the old woman who was being comforted by her daughter. ‘How Jacob? How she die when ya wid ‘er?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said, putting his laptop on the reception desk, walking away, knowing he was being stared at.
As he got to the front door he was stopped from leaving the building.
‘It dangerous out sir, ya need to stay back,’ one of the younger officers said.
‘I’m a journalist and I need to report the news.’
Jake was let through as he walked out and saw the complete devastation around him. The sun was struggling to come out and he knew where he had to go. He kept hearing the roads were blocked from the people clearing up the debris and decided to head off on foot, down the side of the hill. The focus was the sea. He was shocked to see homes crashed against the shore an
d all he could think about was Hatty being afraid and upset.
The beautiful island had taken a battering. He didn’t care as his arms and legs were getting cut by the wood and plants, as he scrambled down the side getting angrier.
Then he stopped.
He could see the cove.
Frantically he went down the side, slipping and falling on the wet earth before running to the gates, which had been mangled in the storm. There was a glimmer of hope she’d be inside, she’d be hiding.
He ran at full speed and saw the roof had been partly blown away and trees had fallen into the side where the kitchen was. Then he saw her work hut was nowhere to be seen. His heart sank quickly to the pit of his gut. Jake kicked some wood angrily away and walked into the house before holding his breath.
Their home had been nearly submersed in water and everything was out of place, strewn up against one of the walls. He started to feel sick as he climbed the stairs and tears fell down his cheeks as he knew she wasn’t there. The bedroom door was open and the room was in pieces. All her things were broken and the bed was turned up against a window.
‘Hatty,’ he said gently, knowing it was a wasted sound from his mouth.
Jake broke down realising as well as the house being broken, so was his heart.
Sedation didn’t help him as he just wanted to go home. The house on the estate was fine but the offices had taken a complete battering as well as Delores’s house. Murray hated being stuck in the hotel and to a machine.
Delores arrived but Murray didn’t want to speak. He lay there upset at knowing Hatty had been all alone in weather conditions which would scare her. The nurse was completely quiet since hearing the news about her death and he saw her silently sob in the corner. He knew he should say some comforting words but he couldn’t find it in him.
There was no comfort in his soul.
‘You have to eat,’ Delores said, with a pained expression. ‘You have to get better.’
He looked at her realising he no longer loved or wanted her. For that moment when he saw her, after realising Hatty was dead, he wanted comfort because they had both lost Hatty but Delores wasn’t acting how he felt. She was organising everything around him and didn’t even mention the child’s name once.
‘Did you see Hatty before she …’ He couldn’t say it. ‘You know.’
‘I didn’t,’ said Delores, shrugging her shoulders. ‘How would she have got out?’
‘That’s what we’re trying to piece together. Why did you tell the nurse not to let her in that night?’
Something bubbled inside him when he asked the question. It was a cross between nerves and anger.
‘You needed to rest Hatty was all over the place. Excitable and I thought she’d only tire you out.’
‘How would you know? I hear you were drunk?’
He noticed her sharp angry stare as she turned away.
‘I had a few drinks but I wasn’t drunk,’ she quietly replied. ‘And I was very upset so I wasn’t thinking straight.’
‘So you know where she went?’ he persisted, seeing the agitation across her face.
‘Will you stop this?’ she hissed, composing herself in a second. ‘You need to rest.’
‘How do you think she got out?’
‘There’ll be an explanation,’ came the cool answer.
He was taken aback by her comment and shook his head, staring at her with new eyes.
‘Hatty’s dead, did you hear me? She’s dead!’ he shouted. ‘And you’re going on as if nothing happened.’
‘For Christ Sake’s! What do you want me to do? Sob, cry and wail? What good would that do anyone? What’s happened, happened and we have to move on.’
‘Get out!’ he said, turning away. ‘Get out of my room!’
‘I know you’re-.’
‘She should have been mine!’ he shouted loudly and looked at her squarely in the eye. ‘Harriet should have been my daughter. I would have loved to have had a baby with Eloise but I thought she couldn’t. And then when Hatty came along, it was if she was mine. I felt like she was mine. I’ve lost my child Delores, can’t you understand, can’t you see?’
With heavy footsteps she walked down the corridor, avoiding people cleaning up. As she passed by the room Hatty was sharing with Jake, she stopped and had a flashback. She’d seen Hatty but couldn’t remember what was said other than Hatty was in tears. Delores shook her head and walked down the stairs into the main lobby. The place was heaving and by now the air conditioning was working. People were working together to clean up the place as well as anxiously waiting to hear news of loved ones.
‘Delores!’ she heard Ethel call and froze for a moment. ‘Delores!’
She stood up straight and walked towards the woman sitting in an arm chair in the corner. Ethel started to cry.
‘Ethel, are you alright? You gave us a scare this morning when you fainted.’
‘They say she dead,’ said Ethel. ‘But me know, like da last time, dey find Hatty. Dey will, me know in me bones dey will.’
‘We’ll see,’ she said and Delores closed her eyes for a few minutes dearly hoping they wouldn’t.
Thirty six
Another day past and the island was busy being repaired. Murray demanded to be transferred back to his home as he couldn’t stand another minute in the hotel. He asked to go to Hatty’s room, to clear up her things but he was told Jake was dealing with it. And all the time Caroline didn’t leave his side, even though he hated her with all his might, she stayed to make sure he was alright.
He noticed how Delores and Caroline stared at each other, as if there was something either one wasn’t saying. No one seemed to be telling him anything about Hatty’s last hours and Jake had disappeared.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Frederick said for the hundredth time as they sat alone in his hotel room. ‘I didn’t want to say anything in front of Jake and Caroline. She was so upset Murray, I can’t tell you. It broke my heart when she screamed at me to go.’
‘I know, I know,’ Murray said, seeing his friend’s turmoil.
‘She was trying to show she loved you regardless of what happened with her father and Jake should do the same for her. He was crushed. I could see he was so torn on what to do. Caroline…’ he said, shaking his head furiously. ‘She wanted them to stop. If she hadn’t have turned up then Hatty would still be alive.’ The man wept into his hands then roughly wiped his face. ‘And Philip’s refusing to speak to me. He told Louisa what happened and she’s heartbroken, completely devastated.’
‘They were good friends,’ Murray said, listlessly, closing his eyes and trying not to cry. ‘Jake’s suddenly gone cold as if he’s blocking it out. That’s what his mother used to do.’
‘He seems so distant. He won’t leave the room he was sharing with…’
The man let out a massive sigh.
‘I’ll speak to him later,’ gulped Murray. ‘Where was Delores when all this was happening? It’s as if she disappeared. I wonder what she was doing?’
He locked the door and looked at their belongings all over the floor and in the wardrobe. Jake stood there knowing he was supposed to be putting things away but he couldn’t do anything. There was then a knock at the door.
‘Master Jacob, can me come in?’ said Ethel and he froze for a moment, knowing his part in Hatty’s death. ‘Me want to ‘elp.’ Jake slowly walked to the door and opened it, looking down at Ethel’s sad face as she stepped in. He bolted the door behind her. ‘Ya alright?’
Jake stared at her for a moment before he walked over to her arrangement of mosquito repellent and picked one up.
‘I don’t want to get upset. She went outside knowing what was going to happen,’ he angrily said. ‘She knew she was going to hurt me by doing this.’
‘Master Jacob, me not know what go on but me ‘ear tings. People say dey see Hatty runnin’ out cryin’. It de last time dey saw her… alive.’ Ethel let out a little whimper as Jake didn’t want to look at her. ‘But me
never see ya two look so ‘appy as dat night, never. Me see ya love for each oder.’
‘Well I shouldn’t have fallen in love with her because it was against my mother’s wishes,’ he said bluntly and flung the mosquito repellent into the bin.
‘Ya moder dead, what can she say?’ said Ethel gently as she walked up to him. ‘Me want de repellent.’
He bent over and picked it out of the bin.
‘Her suicide note,’ he replied, looking over towards the side of the bed where he’d placed it. ‘Dad must have known and decided to screw her on the request.’
‘Know what?’ the old lady asked quizzically.
‘My mother said in her note she didn’t want me to have anything to do with Hatty and-.’
‘Ya told ya fader dis? ‘e seen dat note?’
‘Who knows!’
‘Show ‘im an’ let me pack up ‘ere.’
‘Why?’
‘Don’t ya tink ‘e ‘ave a right?’
As he approached the corridor, he saw Delores coming out and they both froze for a second.
‘You’re not going to try and shove your tongue down my throat again,’ he said distastefully.
‘Pardon?’
‘You probably forgot because you were so drunk,’ he said with disgust, hating the woman with all his might. ‘My aunt said you were trying to talk to Hatty before…’ He couldn’t say it. ‘Did you see her? Did you witness her taking her own life? Did you tell her it was a good idea?’
‘Jacob!’ she said aghast. ‘What a thing to say!’
‘Really?’ he replied, pushing past her and entering his father’s room.
Caroline was sitting on the sofa deep in thought as Murray stared out of the window. He turned to Jake and didn’t smile before looking back.
‘Here,’ Jake said handing over the letter. ‘You need to read this.’
‘What are you doing?’ said Caroline, jumping up and rushing towards the bed.
‘He needs to know why I turned my back on Hatty and explain why he never told me about this before,’ said Jake bluntly, angry with his father then looking at Caroline. ‘Surely he must have known?’