by Kasey Krane
I didn’t want to speak to anybody. I didn’t want to even overhear anyone talking about them. If nobody ever spoke about it, then it wouldn’t have to be real.
I didn’t ask a single person to leave my house. Whoever wanted to crash here could do so, they could drink as much as they wanted, eat all my food, get high and break all the windows—for all I fuckin’ cared. Just as long as nobody brought up my parents and reminded me of what was waiting for me in the real world.
I didn’t want to attend the family meeting, and I was pretty sure there was nothing any of them could do about it if I just didn’t show up. But my brother, Tate, finally left me a voicemail and said he expected me to be there and so did everyone else.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to any of them since we all got the news. I had to accept the fact I wouldn’t be able to avoid it forever and I’d have to face it at some point.
So I picked myself out of my drunken stupor, dragged my feet to my truck and drove to the family home.
I was the last one to arrive. Everyone else’s car, including Michael’s, was parked in the driveway my mother had so lovingly designed. I felt a physical pain in my feet and hands as I forced myself to get out of the car and walk to the door. I kept imagining my mother opening the door, my father appearing at the bottom of the winding staircase with a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Gravel crunched under my shoes as I took those painful steps towards the house I had grown up in.
I’d avoided my brothers, not because I didn’t give a shit about them—but because I didn’t want to have to look at the pain in their eyes too.
I was the oldest. I was supposed to protect them from their miseries and bad decisions—but how would I protect them from a loss like this? I felt personally responsible and I didn’t know what to do.
The front door opened before I even got to it. My brothers, Tate and Harris stood there, waiting for me to join them. They weren’t speaking to each other, but it looked like they had a lot to say to me.
“Hey,” I said, pulling my sunglasses off my face.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Harris growled at me in response.
I pushed past them and went into the house. The last thing I needed right now was a lecture from my brothers who were all younger than me.
“Do you even give a shit our parents have been dead for two whole days? You haven’t shown your face since you fuckin’ found out!” Harris raged as he followed me into the living room.
I knew the others would be waiting there, along with Michael who was standing by the window, looking out in silence. Everyone turned when I entered the room.
“What have I missed so far?” I shouted back.
“You didn’t think you needed to be there with the rest of your family? You didn’t need to grieve with your brothers?” Harris continued.
“And what if I wanted to grieve by myself?” I stepped towards him and Harris didn’t back off. I knew he was lashing out at me because he had nobody else to lash out at. We were all dealing with this in our own way. Harris dealt with it by taking it out on me.
“This is your idea of grieving?” He said it with a bitter smirk. I knew what he was getting at—it was obvious to everyone in the room I’d been partying all night. That I’d somehow managed to drag myself out of bed to get here for this damned meeting.
“You gonna start telling me what to do now?”
At one point, I used to be bigger than him. Back when we were kids and I was taller and he was little. Harris and I had always butted heads. But he was a grown man now, and there wasn’t much difference between us as far as height and strength was concerned. We had the same genes and the same blood in our veins.
“I’m going to tell you that you’re being a dick and Dad wouldn’t be proud right now,” he snarled.
My palms turned into tight fists at my sides. Jack must have noticed it because he quickly stepped up and pulled me back. Punching one of my brothers in the face right now wouldn’t be acceptable.
Michael stepped in between us.
“Okay, boys, come on. We need to talk. There are a lot of things to discuss. This won’t be an easy conversation for any of us but it needs to be done.”
Harris and I glared at each other, but inside of me—I wished I’d told him I knew how much he was hurting, because I was hurting the same. But Harris spun away from me and walked over to the other side of the room instead.
Michael seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
“Let’s talk,” he said.
But none of us were ready to.
“Your dad wanted each one of you to be equally involved in the running of the business,” Michael said.
My brothers and I were scattered around the room and none of us were interested in looking at the other—none of us wanted to face the fact that our parents were dead. For real. The people in the room right now were the only people we had left anymore. The foundation of our family had been rocked to the core, and none of us knew how to fix it. None of us were prepared.
“He should’ve mentioned it when he was still here, because he gave us the impression all these years that he didn’t want any of us involved,” Tate said. And he was right.
Michael shrugged.
“He wanted you guys to have a good life, to enjoy your youth I guess. There was always going to be time for business later.”
“So what exactly are you trying to say?” Harris asked.
“I’m trying to say your father wanted all of you to work together and keep the legacy alive. He didn’t want any outside interference in the running of the business. He wanted it to remain a family enterprise.”
“And how are we supposed to do that?” Jack was just as surprised as the rest of us.
“You have to get involved. There’s a meeting with the shareholders coming up, you find your footing there and then start showing up at the offices, acquainting yourselves with the way things are run around there. He had faith in each one of you and so do I. If you need guidance, I’m always going to be here.”
I looked around the room at my brothers’ faces. As much as I didn’t want to be in the room at that moment because I wanted to get away from all of it—I wanted to protect them all at the same time too. I wished I could somehow make it all go away.
Michael turned to me again.
“You’re the oldest, Everett, and that makes you in-charge, at least until you guys can figure out how you want to organize yourselves.”
I didn’t want the responsibility because I’d never asked for it. I wasn’t sure if Harris would be open to the idea either—if any of them were.
“In-charge of what?” Harris grunted in response, just as I expected him to. “You think Everett wants to run the family business? Be responsible for the whole company when he won’t even show up here on time?”
“Harris, shut the fuck up, man,” Jack growled at him. Harris continued though, because he thought he was on a roll.
“Are you even going to turn up for the funeral? Do you even know when it is? Or were you too fuckin’ high to register the information when it was told to you?” he continued, shaking his head.
“Yeah, I’m done with this fuckin’ bullshit,” I snapped and walked past all of them, heading for the door. I could’ve grabbed Harris by the collar and slammed him back into the wall. He would’ve tried to knock me out in return and he may even have succeeded, but at this point, I just wanted all their voices out of my head.
“You’re right,” I added, turning to Harris again. “I’m not sure if I’ll make it to the funeral.”
I walked out before any of them had a chance to respond to that. I already felt the tequila wearing off. I drank just about enough before leaving the house to tide me over meeting my brothers and talking about our parents. But the effects hadn’t lasted as long as I wanted them to.
I needed to go somewhere I could drink some more because I definitely needed to forget about this.
Three
Keira
“Come on, you look gorgeous. Please don’t change out of this one too!” she remarked.
What I was wearing now was the fourth outfit I’d changed into. I couldn’t decide what to wear because I couldn’t remember the last time I went on an actual date. I didn’t know what was appropriate, and I couldn’t decide on a look.
“You sure this doesn’t look too…out there?” I asked, examining the deep neckline of the dress I wore now.
My cleavage looked exaggerated and I wasn’t so sure about it anymore. Steffi rolled her eyes.
“No! You’re going on a date with a handsome desirable man, who you’d want to look beautiful and desirable for. There’s nothing wrong with this dress, Keira.”
I bit down on my lip which kinda ruined the lipstick I’d spent ages on. I leaned towards the mirror to make sure my makeup was still in place.
“You just have to make him want you, then marry him and have his babies. So yeah, no pressure,” she said, smiling.
I shook my head at her, grinning because we both knew none of that would actually happen. Steffi was the one who came up with the idea of setting me up on a blind date. She said she knew the perfect guy for me. So none of this was my idea. She practically forced me to meet this guy.
“I’m just trying to have a nice evening with an interesting man. I’m not trying to meet my life partner or the father of my kids,” I remarked.
“There’s nothing wrong with having a nice evening with an interesting man who could also be the father of your kids.”
“Come on, Steff, you know I’m not even sure if I want kids. Why would you even bring it up?”
Steffi made a big sigh and threw herself back in the bed—like she was ready to completely give up on me.
I really didn’t want to go on this date and I kept making excuses, changing my clothes and shoes, touching up my makeup. Anything I could do to delay the departure.
“Are you trying to stand him up?” Steffi asked eventually.
I sat down on the bed beside her with a thump.
“No, sorry, I’m not going to stand him up. I know you’re friends with this guy. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.”
“Then why aren’t you going? You know, there’s a chance you might actually end up liking him?”
I rolled my eyes.
“I don’t think that’ll happen. I’m too…busy and caught up in other things to take any relationship seriously. It wouldn’t be fair to the guy.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Keira, come on, you have a demanding job, sure. We all have jobs. We are all able to balance having a career with meeting someone special and falling in love and building a life with them.”
“But you don’t have a brother whom you’re responsible for.”
“Does Sean know you feel responsible for him? As much as I know of him, he wouldn’t want you to give up having a life on his account.”
“I never said that. I don’t consider him to be a problem. I want to take care of him. I want to be there for him. It just doesn’t leave room for a man in my life. At least, not right now.”
Steffi sighed. She stared past me, checking us out in the mirror’s reflection. We sat together on the bed, and even though we looked so different from each other, we could have been sisters.
“Some day, Sean is going to break free. He’s in college now and very soon, he’s going to have a social life, a private life, he may even meet someone and get married…and where will that leave you? What are you going to do when Sean doesn’t want you around all the time anymore?”
I’d be lying if I said I’d never considered that. Sean was a smart handsome guy. Funny and caring. He was headed towards having an exciting and fulfilling life and Steffi was right, someday I’d be left behind.
“I’m okay with that. I want him to have his own life, and until then, I’ll be right here where he needs me. He won’t admit he does, but he needs me.”
Steffi smacked her lips together and jumped off the bed.
“Just go on this date, will you? Go meet this guy and I’m going to keep my fingers crossed you’ll fall in love with him.”
I had to concede. I couldn’t keep this guy waiting around any longer. I had to go, at least for Steffi’s sake.
Once I had met him, I knew there was no chance of me falling in love with him. Steffi could pray for it as much as she wanted to, but it wasn’t going to happen. There was just no connection here.
Tim Beech sat across from me while a candle burned silently between us. I’d ordered a salad while he ate a steak. To me, the food turned out to be the most interesting thing about the date. I couldn’t believe Steffi had thought for some reason this guy would be perfect for me.
Or was I just somehow missing the point?
I had to hand it to him, he was very handsome. He had sleek dark hair, carefully styled to add a touch of sophistication. He had broad shoulders and wore a well-tailored suit. He also had a very charming smile, but there really weren’t many reasons for us to be smiling at each other.
I wasn’t sure if he’d noticed it too—he’d have had to be blind to not notice the complete absence of a spark between us.
“So, you work at a PR agency?” he asked, swirling the wine in his glass.
“Yes, keeps me on my toes.”
“So you’re responsible for spinning stories and handling an awkward situation for a celebrity?” he continued. Even his voice was drowning and boring.
Because I rarely went on dates, I’d hoped he’d at least be exciting. That we’d at least have some sexual chemistry so I could get laid tonight. But I didn’t even see us caressing each other suggestively.
“Yeah, something like that,” I replied. “And what do you do?”
“I work at the same place as Steffi. I work in the financial planning,” he said.
“Very exciting.”
“Yeah, it’s what I’m good at. Steffi tells me you’re very good at your job too. You started as an intern at this company?”
“Yeah, I did. While I was still in college. I didn’t know where my career was headed. I barely knew what PR agencies even did, but as it turns out, I’m a natural at it.”
Tim grinned and drank some more of his wine. Then, while he cut his steak and I popped some more salad in my mouth, there was complete silence between us for several minutes.
I looked around the restaurant, wishing I’d never left the house. Wishing I’d listened to my gut. I knew tonight wasn’t the night. I wouldn’t meet someone special. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t looking.
“You look very beautiful, by the way.” Tim broke through my thoughts. That sentence almost sounded rehearsed.
I didn’t even blush at the compliment. I didn’t take it seriously.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, returning to my salad. More silence descended upon us and I counted down the minutes until it’d be polite enough for us to part ways.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what Sean was up to tonight. If he’d made friends in college. If he was having fun and being safe. I would’ve much rather spent the night watching movies with him instead.
Tim and I walked out of the restaurant together and I itched to get away. It wasn’t that there was anything particularly wrong with him, but he just wasn’t for me. I’d already thought of what I’d say to Steffi. I hoped she would understand…not like she had a choice.
“So…” I began to say, struggling to find the right words to let him down gently.
“Back to my place?” he asked.
I was stumped and I stared at him with my mouth parted in surprise. Was this guy for real? After the disaster that the dinner was…did he really think I was even remotely inclined to go back to his place?
“Excuse me?” I muttered.
We were standing facing each other and Tim took a step towards me, closing t
he gap between us.
“I’m going to be honest with you, Keira. I don’t see us going on any other dates, so there’s really no point holding out. If you’re thinking you want to wait till our third date to sleep with me or whatever, it’s not going to happen.” He even had a lopsided grin on his face as he told me this.
I clenched my palms into fists, experiencing an urgent desire to punch his face. Who did he think he was? Did he seriously think I’d want to go on another date with him?
I gulped down the angry lump in my throat, trying to compose myself. I had to keep repeating in my head that this guy was Steffi’s colleague. I had to keep it together for her sake.
“That is so very thoughtful of you, Tim,” I replied sweetly.
He still looked clueless.
“I’m glad you’ve given me the option to fast forward our fucking to tonight,” I added.
“I’m just trying to cut through the noise, right? The dating scene these days is unnecessarily complicated and full of these silent rules. I mean, most people meet up so they can eventually bang. Why delay it, right?”
His true nature had finally come to the surface. He’d said more words now than he’d said the rest of the night. I felt so enraged, I almost fell sick. I still wanted to punch him in the face but I decided I’d walk away without leaving him with a bloody nose.
“Yeah, too many rules. You’re so smart.”
Tim grinned like he had no idea I was being sarcastic.
“But I’m going to pass,” I added.
His smile dropped quickly. Seriously, he wasn’t expecting that? Which planet was he on?
“What? Why?” he groaned, looking confused. Like he couldn’t believe a woman would refuse to sleep with him.
“Because I’d rather make myself come than waste my time faking it with you.”