And because his eyes hardly strayed from her, he saw Jaya’s face at the exact moment Noah entered the bar. The change in her composure was abrupt and alarming.
With Noah fucking with her head and refusing to go away, with his stupid gifts and weird letters, with his social media nudges and flower deliveries, the sight of him casually strolling into the bar Pissed. Her. Off. She tried to keep her face placid, though Sebastian sensed her tension immediately.
“Hey, good to see you all!” Noah called as he meandered over to the corner of the bar, two other Shark teammates in tow.
Powerful responses competed for Jaya’s body—ice in her spine and heat on her face. The force of that contradiction made the air shift around her. Sebastian’s eyes narrowed. Noah wasn’t even pretending to look at anyone else as he stepped closer. Everyone was staring at Jaya.
She reigned in her emotions, attempting the stoic indifference of a bronze statue. But despite the calm demeanor, she was not calm. Inside, she was in turmoil. How would she do this? How would she keep things from blowing over and taking everyone down while also making sure Noah knew he wasn’t welcome? Ever.
“Hey,” Sebastian said to his teammates. He reached over and wrapped Jaya’s tight fist in his big hand. Surely, he must feel the tingling of her fingers as unspent tension and unexpressed anger vibrated through her body.
“Can we join you?’ Noah said, already pulling a chair.
Jaya, in a clear voice that carried over the sound of scraping chairs, declared, “No.”
The whole table stilled. Noah looked shocked at first and then resolved, as if she launched a challenge instead of a rejection.
“Well, that’s not very hospitable. Just wanting to get to know the area with some locals. And hang with my new teammate, Jaya. You’re not upset with me are you, babe? Be good, now. Don’t let our history get in the way of socializing.”
She squirmed at the word “babe” and the patronizing tone of his whole response. There was a time in Jaya’s life when this kind of casual manipulation made her cave. Made her question her own prickliness. But she had years of teaching herself it was OK to be prickly. It was her inalienable American right to be prickly!
Noah’s old tricks had no effect. She wasn’t going to be pleasant and easy. She was going to be unpleasant and difficult. Why? Because she was pissed and had every reason to be mad.
“You heard her,” Jake said, standing up and putting his body against Noah’s. The other two hockey players with Noah stepped forward but the captain stopped them. Sebastian and Carlos were about to stand up too, but Jaya looked at Carlos and shook her head. She put her hand on Sebastian’s forearm.
Her boyfriend’s body was throbbing with the worst kind of protectiveness. The indeterminate kind that threatened to lash out at the slightest provocation. Jaya forced Sebastian to look at her. The message was clear. I’ll handle this because Noah is my problem. Stay the fuck seated.
His face answered just as severely. You’re crazy if you expect me to do nothing. At least that’s what she read into his fuming features. Breathing heavily and vibrating with anger, he managed to stay seated. She would deal with his fury later. There was only one thing on her mind.
“I got this, Jake,” she said casually as if she was running an errand and not about to publicly tell the best defenseman of the NHL what a piece of shit he was. She saw Jake’s nostrils flare, though he sat down as she requested.
“Yeah, Jake,” Noah mocked. “She’s got this.” And then the jerk smirked. Jaya felt Sebastian’s hands fist and she placed her palm on his thigh, hard and resolute, to keep him in place. This was her time. She would take it. Because that smirk stirred something primal inside her. Namely, the need to wipe it off Noah’s face once and for all.
She took a sip of her wine, pretending she was unaware of the rapt silence and the ripple of interest emanating from their corner to the rest of the bar.
“I’m having a drink with my friends and my boyfriend. Our table is full,” she said with a haughty glare and an arched brow. “You need to go somewhere else.”
Noah’s eyes glared and his cheeks flushed. He didn’t think she would dare tell him off in public. He didn’t ever think anyone would, but especially her, who used to hate conflict. Well, she fucking loved it tonight.
He didn’t move or say anything, so she followed up with more derision. “While you’re busy getting lost, make sure you take your unwanted gifts and stupid flowers with you. Am I missing anything? Oh, yeah, your ridiculous letters can get lost too.”
Noah looked around. The two other players who flanked him shifted their feet uncomfortably. Everyone within hearing distance was agog. Jaya tried not to focus on Sebastian’s gawking look. He was just as shocked, but for even more complicated reasons. She would deal with that later.
Suddenly, Jaya noticed that the bar was unnaturally, alarmingly quiet. It might have something to do with the fact that a bunch of enormous and famous hockey players was in a showdown. People dropped their pretenses, openly staring and straining to listen. Thank goodness Jake got them a secluded spot in the corner.
“You say that now, Jaya, in front of your friends and boyfriend,” Noah pronounced the last word like a spit. “But I didn’t hear you complain when I sent those gifts or flowers. Nothing got sent back. In fact, when you called me, you seemed pretty eager to get into things. Though I understand why you might put up pretenses in front of your fragile fuckboy over there. You can drop the bullshit now. We both know you and I need to talk.”
Sebastian shot up and nearly got his grip on Noah’s collar, presumably to thrash the jerk. But Carlos blocked Sebastian and the two other Shark teammates held Noah back as well.
Jaya stood between the two large men. She turned to Noah, shaking her head. “You never listen, Noah. You never did, so let me be clear. Fuck. Off.” The last two words were punctuated by her finger jabbing up at his face.
Instead of being angry, Noah looked more intensely passionate. He leaned over seeming to say something privately to her. She recognized this extreme focus, this single-minded possessiveness. No one else existed for him. Not even her, except as a prize to claim. As an argument to win.
“I thought we were over each other, too,” he started to say, his voice mired in affect that could be mistaken for sincerity. “But then I saw you in Florida. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel the same way. I know the way you looked at me. I know you, Jaya. I just want to…to reconnect. Get to know each other again. Like before.”
“Before? You mean when you treated me like shit and assumed my life was yours to manipulate? Well, I’m not that kid anymore, Noah. I grew up and realized you weren’t good for me. At. All. You were in it for yourself. And this? This bullshit chasing me down? It’s still about you. Always been, always will be. Which is why you really, really need to fuck off.”
He tried to wiggle out of his buddies’ hold and knocked over a chair, but they held him back. She was suddenly taken over by fatigue. At his relentless stubbornness and at this humiliating show they were putting on. Her anger was spent when she said, “Before you embarrass yourself further, just leave me alone. I mean it, Noah. Please, just leave me alone.”
Maybe it was because the fire in her voice was gone, Noah seemed to realize that her exhausted statement hit the table like a bomb. And although their small group was partially covered by the semi-private booth, everyone in the bar was straining to see and hear.
He paled as embarrassment replaced aggressive pursuit. In one swift motion, he re-kicked the fallen chair, spun around, and walked away. The two men accompanying him gave their table a nod. One of them looked at Sebastian with pity or apology, it was hard to tell. Then they left too. Everyone else continued to stare.
She felt Sebastian’s arm around her. She melted into him and placed her head on his welcoming chest. She felt his deep voice against her body as much as she heard it. “Are you OK, Jaya?”
She nodded and inhaled him, filling herself with that
wonderful aroma she missed so much. Clean soap and sweet cookies. Jaya tilted her face up to him, hoping to chase all of this ugliness away with a kiss.
What she saw stopped her. It wasn’t lingering anger or unspoken worry in his face. It was hurt. So deep and encompassing, it changed the very color of his clear gray-blue eyes to a faded, glassy version.
His voice, when he spoke, was like vocal cords ground in glass. “We need to talk.”
***
They walked outside. Jaya drove from Cincinnati to Columbus by herself, using Sebastian’s car, knowing that she would stay overnight. They were finally alone, Jaya thought wryly, when it was the last thing she wanted to be. She was dreading this conversation.
Driving to the team’s hotel was not an option. So they got into his car and sat in the parking garage surrounded by vacant vehicles and concrete walls. Feeling just as empty and trapped.
“Can I?” she asked while reaching out to hold his hand.
“Stop. I can’t think when you…when you touch me. I need to ask you some questions, OK?” He retracted his hand and pulled his body back, turning her way but leaning heavily on the door to widen their distance. Sebastian was beyond her reach in more ways than one. His voice was low and calm, but she recognized the enormous strain exerted to keep it that way.
“You can ask me anything, Sebastian.”
“When did he start…bothering you?”
“After Florida, he sent me flowers and I told him to stop. I blocked his number.”
He nodded but continued to look wretched. “So he had no way to call you or text you? How about through social media?”
“He couldn’t DM me but yes, he followed all of my pages. But so do thousands of people. You know that.” Her voice was clear and gentle. Jaya was eager to explain, to clarify, to ease the hurt she saw in his face.
“Florida was over a month ago, Jaya. You didn’t think to mention that he, that he was, what, stalking you?”
Although somewhat alarmed by his frantic tone, she sighed and tried her best to answer. “I wouldn’t say that. He was nowhere near me. Noah was just being a pest. But he’s your captain. I was handling it the best way I knew. Ignoring him for as long as I could and then telling Patrick to help me…to help me emphasize my position. Patrick can talk some sense into Noah since they were old friends. I couldn’t involve you, Sebastian. This is your first real chance at the NHL. The implications for your career if you fought Noah…”
“Don’t fucking talk to me about my career! You’re not my manager, you’re my girlfriend!” The vehemence in his voice was so palpable, she felt like she was slapped. Even Sebastian looked shocked at what came out of his mouth. Once he unleashed his anger, he couldn’t stop.
“And Patrick? You turned to Patrick? So, a whole buncha guys know that this is happening between you and Noah? But not me. I’m just the stupid boyfriend that’s too fragile to get involved so let’s keep him in the dark. I’m just another fuckboy of the season after all, not the guy you spent years in a relationship with. That about right, sweetheart?”
When he said that last word laced with cruelty—a word that always brought her a deep sense of belonging—Jaya felt her eyes sting. Because he wasn’t being fair. She did what she thought was right. She did her best under circumstances beyond her control.
It was like pushing a boulder to get the words out of her mouth, but she moved that boulder to try to explain. “I never told you about me and Noah. How much he, anyway, it took a lot to get over the relationship. And if I talked to you about things, it would affect everything in Florida. If you confronted him, he would have baited you into a fight. If I confronted him, he would have pulled me into his sick world. A world I crawled out of, Sebastian. I didn’t have the energy to do it all again. I thought ignoring him would make him go away. When he didn’t, I took the next step that involved one person. Patrick was the logical choice because he knows what Noah and I meant to each other. He has the context and, I was hoping, the ability to talk sense into his old friend.”
Jaya slumped. All she wanted to do was lie down and be held by the man she loved. Except she was starting to suspect that he had no intention of holding her tonight. Dread seeped into her bones. She was done with this conversation, but Sebastian looked like he was just getting started.
“And what is that context exactly? What do you mean it was hard to get over the relationship? Is it true that you were calling him? Do you care about him? Is that why you couldn’t say anything until you absolutely had to because I was right there? Do you still love Noah? Fuck, just tell me! Do you?”
Jaya tried to answer the first two questions, but he was not going to be interrupted by something as pointless as an explanation. No, Sebastian didn’t want to talk to her, he wanted to talk over her. To overpower and control. He wasn’t screaming but his voice sounded like a hiss, his face set in a sneer, and rage pulsed out of him so forcefully, it made the car rock.
His unwavering attention that once felt like warm protection started to choke her. And then he said words with such anguished cruelty, it made her skin crawl. “You’re killing me. Do you know the effect you have on people around you, Jaya? You have to know.”
“What are you talking about? Wha—” She stopped. His berating questions and nasty accusations didn’t need her response. There was nothing she could say to him to make this ugliness go away. Exhaustion assaulted her senses and she surrendered to it. Jaya tried to hold that boulder open—the one that would shut her down if she let it—with all her might. But the more he railed, the more she lost her grip. She let it go. Jaya let herself shut down.
Because wasn’t this exactly how it started? The talking over her. The illogical accusations. The questioning of her judgment. The vehement possessiveness. She survived this once and promised herself that never, never would she go through it again. Not with Noah. Not with anyone.
Unable to speak but resolute in her actions, Jaya opened her door and started walking as if in a trance.
“Oh, c’mon Jaya,” Sebastian said getting out of his side as well. “Don’t fucking do this. Don’t walk away when we’re talking.” She kept walking. “Just stop, Jaya! You can’t just end this conversation. I…I won’t allow it.”
She stopped in her tracks and looked over her shoulder. “What did you say?”
“Don’t do this.”
“Why? Because you won’t allow it?” A humorless chuckle came from her stiff mouth.
“What?! No! Don’t twist my words. You know that’s not what I meant. I want to fix this. We can fix this.”
She had nothing to say, so kept walking. “Jaya! Jaya, stop. I’m just asking you to…to clarify things for me. Help me understand more clearly.” He ran after her and reached around her waist, but she wiggled away.
The tears were streaming now, and she could hardly see past them. Her vision was blurry, but it wasn’t just the tears. Something like steely determination made everything fall away except for one simple refrain. Never again. Never again. Never again.
“Stop, Jaya, please. Stop saying that. Baby, I’m so sorry.”
She didn’t even realize that she was speaking. She was so disoriented, the man in front of her blended with the man from her past. Never again.
One final surge of effort and then she could shut down for good. Jaya turned to Sebastian and roughly swiped a sleeve across her face to clear her vision. “You’re right. I should be much, much clearer. Starting now.” She gulped because it was getting harder to breathe but she needed one final push.
“We’re done. Is that clear enough for you?”
CHAPTER 20
Her face made him crumble. Her features were so hard and so closed, he almost didn’t recognize her. It wasn’t the swollen eyes and blotched cheeks that struck him. Nothing would make her anything less than beautiful in his eyes. It was that flash of anguish preceding a mask of determination. The determination to reject any comfort he would offer.
He wanted to comfort her in a wa
y that was almost impossible to fathom. He wanted to wrap her in a blanket of his apology. Eviscerate the pain of her past with promises of a future. But what he most desperately needed, more than his next breath, was to offer himself.
Because what was the point of breathing if he couldn’t breathe her in? What was the point of his hands if he couldn’t hold her? His strength if she didn’t need it. And his love if she didn’t want it. What was the point of him?
But instead of voicing those pleas, the responses to which he suspected would only make him crumble into even smaller pieces, he handed Jaya his car keys and got in a cab headed for the hotel.
The day after Jaya broke up with him, Sebastian went through the motions of heading back to Florida with the team. He didn’t confront Noah right away. Sebastian bid his time. This was going to be between the two of them. It was important to keep the Sharks as far from the confrontation as possible.
Once back from Columbus, Sebastian showed up at his captain’s fancy house with the intention of…Well, it was a long list. Beat him up? Demand an explanation? Force an apology? Expose his bullshit? Beat him up again? It was a long list, but the sequence was flexible.
When he opened the door, Noah looked about as shitty as Sebastian felt. His captain wordlessly kept the door open and assumed Sebastian would follow into his sterile white mansion which felt even more sterile and colorless now that Jaya wasn’t by his side.
He followed Noah through hallways and down a breezeway till they got to an office.
Noah poured two whisky glasses and motioned for him to sit. Sebastian took the glass, downed it like a shooter, and slammed it on the desk.
“I’m going to let you explain to me exactly why you’re stalking my girlfriend. And that explanation better have a reason for me not to beat the shit out of you.”
Sebastian didn’t plan to start a conversation. But something about Noah’s wretched face and defeated body language just seemed so…familiar. So much like his own misery. He waited.
“I haven’t thought about Jaya in years. I knew you were seeing her because your dating news made the rounds and my parents told me. They still haven’t forgiven me for letting her go.”
The Love Campaign (Romantic Revelations Series Book 1) Page 23