Dede glared at her, waiting for Heather to get it.
She did. But she didn’t have to like it.
“I’ll keep my distance.”
“Right. Like you won’t run into each other. This is a small town. Be realistic, Heather. For once, think things through.”
“What do you want me to do? I don’t have a lot of options. I’m a single mom on a fixed income with no support.”
“You have a fifty-thousand-dollar payout that your sister has been paying for because you slept with her husband. David took out a loan to get that money. Did you know that? And how do you think that makes her feel to be paying her husband’s mistress who happens to be her sister? Did you even think about that when you accepted that money?”
“I didn’t know about the loan. I thought he was well off enough to give it to me to support his daughter. What was I supposed to do? The bills from the hospital were piling up. I needed a place for me and Hallee that wasn’t some dump in an apartment complex I could barely afford along with day care while I worked.”
“Right. So now do you expect your sister to foot the bill for her husband’s affair?”
“I expected Hallee’s father to do his part!”
“Were you also hoping Mason would make your life considerably better? You barely know him, yet you went to his home with a clear purpose and it had nothing to do with horseback riding with Hallee.”
Getting called out by her mom sucked.
“Mason is a great catch. He’s never been married. He’s been spending all that time with the boys, so he obviously likes kids. I thought maybe he wanted some of his own. He’s got a great job, makes lots of money, and Hallee would love growing up on a ranch.”
“Except you didn’t even ask him if he was seeing someone before you threw yourself at him.”
She took her shot. “I had no idea he and Sierra had a thing.”
“Really? Then you’re the only one who can’t see that man is obviously head over heels in love with her.”
Frustrated and angry to be the bad guy in everything, Heather rolled her eyes. “Everyone loves Sierra. I got the memo a long time ago.”
Her mother fisted a hand and took a step forward, rage rolling off her. “You knew Sierra and the boys were spending a lot of time at Mason’s ranch. Didn’t it occur to you that something might be going on?”
“She never said a word about it to me when we spoke.”
“She kept it quiet because of the boys. She wanted to be sure their relationship was solid before they told the kids.”
“Yeah, well, he turned me down flat and outed me to Sierra. Now she’s pissed and probably out for revenge.”
“What can she possibly do to you that’s worse than what you’ve done to her? What’s the point? Nothing will change what you’ve done. No apology will be enough to erase the hurt.”
Heather knew that, but deep down she’d hoped that somehow, some way . . . “So it’s a lost cause to even try to make her understand.”
“Understand what? You can’t expect her to sympathize with you. You certainly didn’t care about her feelings or what would happen to her and the boys if David left them.”
“I did care. But there was no going back. So what am I supposed to do now?”
“Apologize. Take responsibility for what you did. Ask for forgiveness. Tell her what you hope can happen going forward with the kids and between you and her. Show her that you have a heart despite how you’ve acted.”
Heather didn’t know if that would be enough to get Sierra to even look at her again. “Are you going to be mad at me forever, too?” She hated the way her mother looked at and spoke to her. She didn’t want to lose her mother’s love and support. Her disappointment tore at her heart. If her mom turned her back on Heather, she’d be devastated.
“Mostly I’m disappointed that you’d do this to your sister and her children. You were always spoiled, but that’s my fault, though your sisters spoiled you, too. You got away with a lot. But I never thought you did anything hurtful, until now. I hoped you’d see the mistakes I made with men and do better. I hoped you’d see your sisters’ happy marriages and want that for yourself.”
“I can’t help who I loved.”
“No. But you didn’t have to act on it.”
She hadn’t been able to stop herself. “I know it was wrong. I’m sorry I hurt Sierra and fractured the family. I’m sure Amy will be just as angry and upset about this as you. I feel terrible that I snuck around with David. I even feel bad for loving him, even though I couldn’t help myself.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “And I will forever carry the weight of regret and guilt for begging him to help me and Hallee when she got sick and he drove down in the fog to be with us. I never meant for him to die trying to get to us.”
Her mother stepped forward and gave Heather a hug she didn’t deserve but badly needed. “I know you didn’t. It was a tragic accident. Of course you wanted David there to help take care of Hallee in her time of need.”
“Sierra blames me for his death.” Heather blamed herself, too. But at the time, she’d done what she thought was right. Hallee had needed her father.
“She’s angry and hurt and dealing with a lot. Give her time to sort things out for herself. Maybe you two will never come to an understanding, but she will find perspective when she’s had time to think. And you need to tell her you are sorry.” Dede pulled back and held her by the shoulders. “Heather, take some time and a really good look at what you did and the consequences. You can’t go to Sierra and ask for forgiveness until you truly understand the cost of what you did. That includes the fact that David wouldn’t have been on that road if not for your affair.”
“You said it was a tragic accident.”
“It was. But it was also an accident that should have never happened. If you want to make things right, put yourself in Sierra’s place. Put yourself in Hallee’s, Danny’s, and Oliver’s places. See this affair from their perspective. Understand how they will see the affair and all that happened. Imagine how they will feel. Only then will you really understand the impact your choices had and will continue to have on yourself and everyone else.”
“I don’t want to keep punishing myself for loving him. It hurts too much.”
“How can you forgive yourself for what happened unless you take responsibility for all of it?” Dede released her and headed for the door. Before she left, she turned back. “You can’t hide here forever. You will need to face them. You’ll need to look at yourself. I hope you find a way to do that with sincerity and an open heart, knowing that you may not get the forgiveness you want, but that it’s the only way you will have a shot at having some kind of relationship with your sister. Sierra loves you. She has been there for you your whole life. You deserve your feelings and hurt and grief, but so does she. And you’re the one who caused them. It’s up to you to try to make amends.”
“I just want to move on.”
“That’s your choice, too. But think of what it will cost you before you put this in the past and live your life without dealing with this first.” Dede never stopped being Mom.
She walked out leaving Heather with I’m disappointed in you, and an implied demand that she make better choices.
She should have gone to work today instead of trying to hide and just take a day to figure things out. Of course her mom showed up to hold her accountable. She wanted all her daughters to get along. She wanted them all to be happy.
Heather was pretty sure happiness was a myth.
A picture of Hallee caught her eye and she dismissed that thought altogether. All of a sudden she understood her mother a lot better. Of course she wanted this to all be sorted out and for her girls to get along and be happy. She wanted to go back to holiday get-togethers and birthday parties with everyone smiling and happy for each other.
Heather wouldn’t take back what she’d done, but she could accept the blame.
For Hallee, and because she really did love her sister, she�
�d do everything possible to make up with Sierra, so they could have some semblance of a relationship where they could be cordial and all the kids stayed connected. They shared David’s loss. Maybe being with her siblings would someday help Hallee connect to him through her brothers.
Heather walked back into her kitchen and stared at the kettle. A cup of tea wasn’t going to make her feel better. She needed to do what her mother said and dig deep, put herself in others’ shoes, and understand that, yes, her feelings mattered, but not more than theirs because she was the one who did the harm.
She knew that. Of course, she did, but she’d been hiding behind lies, omissions, and delusions to keep her secret instead of facing the truth and putting her heart out there to make things right.
Not anymore.
Time to take responsibility and do the right thing, even if it was hard and meant more heartbreak for her.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sierra leaned back into Mason, loving the feel of his arms around her. Yesterday had been one of the worst days of her life. But she woke up next to Mason with a sense that if she focused on their future, everything would be all right. More than that, she believed they could have a happy life together.
“What do you think?” Mason asked.
Sierra stared at the room that used to be Mason’s when he was a teen and lived here with his parents. Since then he’d redone it and turned it into a guest room with basic wood furniture and a queen bed covered in an old quilt. “If we paint and update the pictures and bedding, I think one or both of the boys will love it.”
“The off-white walls are kind of dull. Abstract art probably isn’t the boys’ thing. The bedspread was something left over from when my parents lived here. We’ll go shopping. New bedding. They can pick the wall color and decorations. What did you think of the other room?”
Sierra glanced through the Jack and Jill bathroom at the room beyond. “Same. Paint and updates to the bedding and decorations.” She glanced up and over her shoulder at Mason. “It’s time the boys get to have their own space and make it theirs.”
“When do you want to talk to them about us?”
“What do you think about getting the rooms ready first? We could surprise them. We could ask some questions about what they’d like their new rooms to look like in a general kind of way, letting them know I’m thinking of moving us to our own place. That will give them a chance to talk about what they want and how they feel about moving again.”
“We’ll do it slow,” Mason agreed. “Take all the time you need.”
She stepped out of his embrace and turned to face him. “I don’t need more time to decide what I want, Mason. This past year, I grieved for a man who— You know what? I’m not going there. I’m not going to keep putting energy into my anger and what didn’t work. This is my life. If I keep dwelling on what happened and what I’ve lost instead of what has come into my life and what makes me feel good, then all I’ll do is end up sabotaging myself all over again.”
“You didn’t sabotage your relationship with David.”
“Didn’t I? I definitely made things worse by not voicing my concerns about us. I let things go. I hoped they’d get better. But I didn’t do anything to fix it.” She thought about all her small attempts to get David to talk, or how she’d tried affection and outright seduction. She’d gotten a response, but it never lasted. “I should have seen what seems so obvious now.”
“Do you want to know why I never got married?”
“Why?”
“Because I saw all those couples come through my office miserable and hating the person they once loved like nothing could ever change that. I got engaged thinking the same thing. But then I realized why all those relationships ended, like mine, was because those people didn’t feed that love. They let it starve.”
That hit her right in the heart. “Yes. That’s what happened. We let everything else get in the way of us.”
“No matter how hard you’d tried to fix things, once David cheated and lied and spent all that time covering it up, you were doomed. One person can’t fix a relationship. One person can’t hold it together, but one person can destroy it all.”
Mason closed the distance and touched her face. “I’m not worried about us, Sierra. You know why? Because I don’t expect you to be someone different when we get married. I know life won’t always be easy, but I’ll have you beside me to get through the rough times. I want to be there for you, because I want to see you smile every day of your life. I love you. And the way that makes me feel . . . It’s something I never want to lose. So I will do everything and anything I can to show you how much I love you every day because I don’t want to lose you.”
She stared up at him. “When we get married?”
“Yes. When.” He kissed her softly. “But you’ll have to wait a little bit for that. I have plans.”
She smiled, her heart light because he understood that she needed his open honesty. “Plans for me?”
His eyes filled with desire at her seductive tone. He’d been sweet last night, holding her while she let her mind sort through the anger, sadness, betrayal, and confusion over how this all happened. When the sadness set in and she let the tears fall, he’d buried his face in her hair and whispered soothing words and affirmations that everything would be okay.
And she believed him, because she believed he was the kind of guy who stuck it out. He wouldn’t quit on them.
She hadn’t stopped loving him all these years. It had lain dormant in her heart, but now that she was free to love him, she wouldn’t stop. Not ever. The way he made her feel . . . Well, she wanted to feel this way all the time. It’s what she’d been looking for, what she’d missed, what she craved.
And right now, she wanted to show Mason how much she appreciated him for being the man she needed.
“I have plans to keep you here. Plans to make you happy.” He slid his hands down her neck, over her shoulders, and along her spine until his big hands covered her ass and pulled her closer. “Plans . . .” He covered her mouth in a searing kiss that sparked every nerve in her body and lit a fire between her legs, especially when he squeezed her ass and lifted her right off her feet. Wrapped in all his strength and love, she held him close and kissed him like her life depended on it.
She wanted to lose herself in loving him. She wanted to feel something good and sexy and hot and let everything else get wiped away.
She was so tired of feeling stupid and taken advantage of and left in the dark.
Mason made her feel desirable and necessary. Especially when he talked about their future and seduced her right out of her sorrows and into his arms like this.
He turned with her in his arms, feet dangling at his shins, and stopped short of walking out of the spare bedroom door when a car pulled up out front.
His eyes opened and his lips left hers and she missed the intimacy and building need. “Someone’s here.”
“I don’t want to see anyone but you. Preferably naked. And horizontal.”
He smiled. “I like the way you think, but it could be Amy with the boys.”
“I’m not supposed to pick them up for another hour.” But something could have come up and Amy needed to bring them back early.
Mason kissed her one last time, slowly, putting all the promise of more to come in the sexy kiss.
He set her back on her feet and smiled down at her. “You’re bouncing back really well.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still angry and upset. It overwhelms me sometimes. But being with you helps a lot. You take my mind off it. You make me see the possibilities of what we can have together. Something that’s honest and built on mutual love and respect.”
“I respect the hell out of the way you’ve handled this.”
A car door slammed out front, drawing Sierra’s attention to the bedroom window that looked out over the front of the house. She spotted Heather’s car and all the anger she’d tucked away this morning came flooding back in a h
ot wave of rage.
“If you knew what I was thinking right now, you’d think a hell of a lot less of me.”
Mason swore under his breath. “What the hell is she doing here?”
“Making things worse.” Sierra didn’t want to hate her sister, but that’s exactly how she felt right now. “I’m not doing this with her.”
Mason tilted his head, his face and eyes filled with sympathy. “She’s your sister. You can’t leave things like this forever. You two should talk.”
“All I want to do right now is scream at her.” Her whole body vibrated with pent-up anger. “No. She doesn’t get to pick the time and place and just expect me to do what she wants. Not after what she’s done.”
“Absolutely not. I just want you to consider that eventually you two should talk and try to come to some sort of resolution.”
“I get that mediating for your clients is a big part of your job, but I’m not ready to come to the table and hear anything she has to say.”
“Fair enough. I’ll tell her now isn’t the time and send her away.”
She followed Mason down the hall. “We spent the morning talking about our future, my moving in here with the boys, and she had to show up and ruin it.”
Mason ignored the knock on the door and turned to her. “Nothing has changed about all we talked about this morning. That’s all going to happen. We will have our life together and no one is going to come between us or ruin it for us.”
She deflated. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for feeling the way you do. I get it. If it were me, I’d be looking for a fight. You’ve at least maintained your composure.”
“You didn’t see my total meltdown on the beach yesterday.”
He brushed his hand over her hair and held her head. “I hope you know I wanted to be with you.”
She leaned into his hand. “I know. I just needed to be alone for a while.”
“You never have to be alone again if you don’t want to be.”
Heather knocked again, this time softer, more hesitant.
Sierra glared at the door. “I’d appreciate it if you took care of that. I’m going to head over to Amy’s and pick up the boys. I’m sure she’s got a million questions, and I could use some time with her.”
Sisters and Secrets Page 24