“Well, if you’re okay with the boys seeing Hallee, they can have playdates here, then you won’t have to deal with Heather. Anyway, David left our sister holding the bag on this one.” Amy sipped her wine and looked at her over the rim of the glass. “Do you think if he’d lived, he’d have left you for Heather?”
She’d asked herself that a hundred times. “I don’t know. My gut says he wanted to stay with me and the boys. That’s why he tried so hard to hide the affair.” Sierra shrugged. “Or he just put off telling me, trying to avoid a fight. That’s what we did . . . avoid things.”
“Been there. Done that.”
She studied Amy. “But you and Rex are back on the same page.”
“And better than ever. The past week or so has been great. We’ve found our way back to each other. I feel like I can go to him with stuff now. He feels like I listen to him now.” Amy smiled. “I’m trying anyway. We both are.”
“The closeness is back.”
“Great sex will do that.” Amy’s bright smile disappeared. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive given what you’re going through.”
“Hey, I like great sex. I just prefer my husband is having it with me.” Sierra couldn’t believe she was able to joke about this, but it felt good to find some humor in all the drag-me-down feelings running through her.
“She really fucked up.”
Sierra took another sip of wine. “Yes, she did. And the thought of running into her, other people finding out and gossiping . . .” She didn’t know if she could take it.
“Fuck them. You know what people are going to be talking about? The fact that you landed the hottest, most eligible bachelor in the state.”
Sierra chuckled. “Mason has been a light in all this dark mess.”
Amy met her gaze. “And you’ve been a light in mine. I’ve missed you. I need you to tell me when I’m turning into a batshit crazy control freak. And”—Amy held up her glass—“who else will have afternoon wine with me?”
“I’m sure Rex would love to sit out here with you sipping wine.”
Amy’s smile softened into a dreamy grin. “I met him for lunch this week. It was so nice to sit together and have a nice meal and talk about anything but the kids.”
“Mason and I really haven’t been together that long—”
Amy waved that away. “You’ve known each other forever.”
“Which is why it’s so easy to be with him. We know each other. We connect. When I’m with him, I’m really happy. Before I knew about”—she circled her hand in the air to encompass the affair and Heather and David without having to say it again—“I felt guilty that I liked being with Mason so much.”
“You felt like you were somehow betraying David.” Amy closed her eyes and shook her head, then opened them. “Don’t. Even without the affair, David would have wanted you to be happy after he died. He wouldn’t have wanted you to stop living your life. He’d want someone for you and the boys. I know that.”
So did Sierra, but now all her thoughts were muddled up with the affair and she second-guessed her memories and what she thought David would say and want for her and the boys.
“Since I found out about the affair, I don’t feel guilty about seeing Mason anymore. After all, David had already left me before he died. Well, I guess I feel a little guilty about being with someone else when the past is so present at the same time.”
Amy leaned forward and put her hand on Sierra’s knee. “Give yourself a break. David died a year ago. You grieved. It’s okay to move on. Just because you know about the affair now doesn’t mean you have to start the process of grieving him and your relationship all over again. The clock doesn’t start over. Yes, process what happened, but don’t sacrifice the happiness you could have with Mason. If you want to be with him, be with him. Love him. Let him love you, Sierra. You deserve it. Don’t let them take that from you.”
“Mason wants us to move in with him.”
“Do it. The best revenge against the ones who hurt you is to live your life, happy and carefree, doing what you love, being with the one you love, and having a great life with your family.”
“Heather is part of my family.”
Amy sat quietly contemplating the scenery, lost in thought. “I don’t know what to do about Heather. I’m angry she hurt you. I want to understand why, but I don’t think anything she says will satisfy that question because who can accept that she was simply selfish and heartless? What she did was despicable. But would I judge her so harshly if she had an affair with a married man we didn’t know? What if the wife was some other woman? How would I feel then? I’d be upset by her actions, but would I feel this disappointed and disheartened?” Amy locked gazes with her. “It’s because she did this to you that I find it hard to see a path to redemption for her. I’m not sure that I can forgive her, and I’m not the one she hurt.”
“I feel guilty that this has fractured the family and that it affects your relationship with her and her relationship with Mom.”
“She’s the one who should feel guilty.”
“I can’t help it. I thought moving back here would mean we’d all share our lives. Our kids would grow up together. We’d have birthday parties and holidays together. It would be so fun and the kids would take those memories into the future and have that with their kids. The years and distance made our relationships less intimate, but I hoped we’d grow closer again and things would be like they used to be.”
“Where we bickered but loved each other.” Amy smiled, nostalgia in her eyes along with the humor in that all-too-true statement.
“Yes. We three are so different from each other, but we always managed to get through the rough patches.”
“Because we’re family.”
“Now what?” Sierra asked Amy, because she really didn’t know how to get through this, this time. An “I’m sorry” wouldn’t fix it. She couldn’t look at Heather without thinking about what happened. She couldn’t trust her.
“I wish I knew, sis, because this sucks.” Amy downed the last of her wine in one gulp. “All I know is you can’t let what happened stop you and Mason from moving forward with your relationship. Marry him. Make a beautiful blond-haired, green-eyed baby with him. Live on that ranch and spend every day grateful for your second chance and the happiness you deserve.”
Amy painted a beautiful picture of what could be.
No. What would be. Because Sierra wanted that life.
And nothing was going to stand in her way of having it. Not even herself.
“I think I’ll talk to the kids tonight about moving in with Mason.”
“Great idea. While you’re at it, pack them up and just show up on his doorstep.”
Sierra laughed. “Mason wants to fix up two of the rooms in the house and surprise them.”
“See, that’s a good man, thinking about making it fun for the boys. He wants them to see that he wants them there. You can’t give up a guy like that.”
“I have no intention of letting him get away again.” But she did want to find a way to put all this other stuff in the past where it belonged, so she could move on with Mason with a clear and open heart.
Amy checked her watch, then settled back in the seat, closed her eyes, and turned her face to the sun. “I’ve been making myself learn to do nothing but relax.”
“Self-care is important.”
“I’m not very good at it yet, but I’m trying. Rex and I are taking the kids out to dinner tonight. I don’t have anything to do until then that absolutely has to be done.”
“I bet Rex and the kids will play for at least another twenty minutes.” Sierra settled back in her chair much the same way as Amy and let the sun warm her face.
“It’s going to be okay,” Amy whispered.
The talk with her sister helped Sierra to settle many of the thoughts running around her mind, but sitting in the silence out in the garden with that whispered promise eased her heart even more. It came with all her sister’s love
and understanding that there was no easy answer, except to move forward and accept that eventually everything would work out the way it was supposed to because Sierra had people who loved her in her life.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Sierra stood outside the car, the boys ready to go home and in their car seats, and stared up at Mason. “Thank you for dinner.”
“My pleasure. I’m glad your talk with Amy earlier helped.”
Sierra put her hand on his chest. “It affirmed for me that moving forward is the best way to put the past behind me. I don’t want to get lost in what happened, the why, the how, the what-ifs. It’s just so overwhelming and disheartening. It takes all the energy out of me. I loved coming back here and watching you and the boys man the barbecue.”
“They need to know how to make the perfect burger.”
“I think they’ve got it now, thanks to your expert tutelage.” She couldn’t help the smile. The boys had hung on Mason’s every word and off his arms and back as they tried to wrestle him to the ground while the burgers cooked.
Mason brushed his fingers across her lips. “I love it when you smile.”
“You always knew how to make me smile. Now, you do it for the boys.”
“They’re little monkeys.” He stretched his back, pretending he was sore. “I’m getting old.”
She tapped him in the gut, her hand hitting rock-hard muscle. The ranch kept him in great shape. “Whatever you say, grandpa.”
He locked his hands at her back and pulled her close. “I’m not too old to sweep a pretty girl off her feet.” He did just that, grabbing her waist and picking her right up.
She giggled and clasped her arms around his neck. “Put me down.”
He hugged her tighter. “You don’t mean that.”
In fact, she held on and leaned in close, her mouth an inch from his, their eyes locked. “I want you to hold on to me this time.”
The mirth in Mason’s eyes turned to sincerity. “I won’t ever let you go.” He kissed her softly, then broke the kiss and stared at her again. “I won’t ever give you a reason to leave. I promise, Sierra, you’re all I want or will ever need.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. She hadn’t known how much she needed to hear that until Mason gave her the words. “How can my heart be broken and battered and so full of love all at the same time?”
“Because you care. About me, the boys, your family, and even David and Heather. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt so much. And because you use your whole heart in everything you do, including the way you love me. I feel it, sweetheart. I’m humbled by it. I want more of it. I can’t wait for you to move in and for us to be a family.”
She pressed her forehead to his. “Soon. I promise. I don’t want to wait, either.”
He kissed her one last time, keeping things relatively tame because they had eyes on them. He set her on her feet, opened the door for her, waited for her to climb in before he looked into the back seat. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“Night, Mason.” Danny waved.
“Bye.” Oliver yawned.
“I better get them to bed. It’s back to school tomorrow. Don’t work too hard.”
Mason remembered the case files he’d brought home and hadn’t touched this weekend. “I won’t.” If she wasn’t staying with him, then he’d spend the next couple hours in his office, alone with his files instead of her. “Call me if you need me.”
She smiled. “I will. Promise.”
When she was home, alone, in the quiet, that’s when it was the hardest to shut off the thoughts. He knew something about that, because though he’d get his work done, the rest of the night he’d be thinking about her, them, and what he wanted their life to look like for their future.
He closed her door, waited for her to turn the car toward the main road, and waved good-bye before heading in for the night.
Drawn to the brilliant stars overhead, he looked up and stared in wonder at the sheer number of them. He picked one that seemed to wink at him.
I wish for a long and happy life with Sierra by my side. I want to watch those boys grow up into good men and find someone to love who loves them the way I love Sierra and she loves me. I want all of us to be happy.
More than anything, he wanted Sierra to find peace here on the ranch with him.
* * *
Sierra walked in the front door behind the boys and spotted her mom cleaning up the toys the boys left out. “Mom, I’ll do that.”
“I’m almost done.” Her mother tossed toy cars into the bin and pulled apart the racetrack.
Sierra helped the boys out of their zip-up hoodies and hung them on the coatrack. “Go upstairs and brush your teeth. Change into your pj’s and I’ll be up in a few minutes to read books.”
Her mom finished pulling apart the last piece of the track and tossed the two plastic pieces into the bin. “Lord, it’s been a long time since I had to pick up after kids.” She put the toy bin next to the other two the boys had brought down from upstairs.
“You won’t have to do it much longer.”
Her mother gave her a knowing smile. “Is that man of yours getting impatient?”
A smile tugged at her lips. “Honestly, we both are.”
Her mom put her hand on the coffee table and used it to help support her while she rose from sitting on her feet. She rubbed at her sore knees before she stood straight. “It’s been just as long since I spent that much time on the floor. I hope Mason knows what he’s in for.”
Sierra listened to the water running upstairs while the boys brushed their teeth. “We talked this morning about turning two of the rooms in his house into the boys’ rooms.”
“They’ll love that. Lord knows he’s got the space and then some in that big house.” Dede studied her for a moment. “I take it things with Amy went well.”
“Believe it or not, she had some great advice. She made me feel better. She thinks moving forward is the best thing for me.”
Her mom nodded. “I agree.” Her eyebrows drew together. “I spoke to Heather.”
“She stopped by Mason’s but I left without really talking to her.”
“I hope she apologized to him about her behavior.”
“She did.”
“I understand your frustration with her, Sierra. What she did . . . It makes no sense, and yet, I understand what she wanted.”
“You may want a chocolate bar, but stealing it still comes with consequences.”
“She’s feeling those consequences. And I understand you need time and distance. But I’d like you to consider something that I hadn’t really thought about until I spoke to her. I was so angry about what she did, I didn’t think about the similarities you share.”
Sierra wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this.
Her heart pounded as the answers came to mind and her mother spoke out loud.
“You both lost the man you love. You both have children who will grow up without their father. You both have to explain to them how they are connected. You both have to keep David’s memory alive for your kids.” Dede held up her hand, cutting off words Sierra couldn’t get out her constricted throat anyway. “I know it’s the same but different. I just wanted you to think about that. Heather scolded me for not understanding that she has her feelings, too. I guess what I’m saying is that you both have a side. She was wrong to do what she did, but she did love him. Not that that’s an excuse, but . . . I don’t know. It’s so hard to articulate and reason out.”
Sierra bit back the anger and focused on her mother and how hard she tried to make Sierra understand that somewhere in all this mess, with a little sympathy and understanding, Sierra could see her sister as a woman who’d loved and lost and who grieved like she had once. Heather faced a future similar to hers and a time when she’d have to explain David to Hallee and how their relationship started and ended. It was a tragic love story that might have ended differently if it had been born of truth and honesty instead of mired in lies and dec
eption.
“No matter how you explain it, what she did was wrong. I know you want us all to be the way we used to be. I just don’t think that’s possible. But . . .” She took a deep breath and tried to wrap her head around the next words she gave her mother even if she didn’t wholly believe in them yet. “One day, I hope, Heather and I can understand each other and love more and hurt less.”
Her mom’s eyes overflowed with tears. “Yes. I’d like that very much.” Dede closed the distance and hugged her close. “Thank you, Sierra, for keeping your heart open to possibility.”
Sierra hugged her mom back. “I’m still angry. I still want to kill her. But I feel it a little less today than I did yesterday.”
Heather had been coddled and pampered far too long. Not anymore.
Sierra was taking care of herself first this time.
Her mom released her, but touched her hand to Sierra’s cheek. “I love you, sweetheart. I hope you know that I want the very best for you.”
“I know you do. I know you want that equally for Heather.”
“Well, maybe she gets ten percent less than you now.”
Sierra appreciated the teasing tone, but knew her mother didn’t mean it. And it was okay, because she’d have a hard time not wanting both her sons to be as happy as they could be, either.
“Does that mean you’ll miss me when I move to Mason’s?”
“I will, but still, it’ll be nice to have the house to myself again. I hope my grandsons find their way here often.”
“I bet they will.” After all, they only had one wide pasture to cross to get here. She smiled for her mom. “And so will I.”
“That’s a promise, then.”
Sierra nodded. “Good night, Mom.”
“Good night, sweetheart.”
Sierra made it up the stairs just as the boys turned off their bedroom light, leaving the room in shadows, the heads of their beds bathed in a soft glow from the night-light.
Danny held two books on his chest. Oliver sat on Danny’s bed, waiting for her to take her place next to Danny so Oliver could sink between them.
“Mom?” Danny studied her, his eyes serious.
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