by Ford, Mia
I grip onto her butt and keep her where she is while I continue to drive her wild with the tip of my tongue. Just as she reaches the top of the edge where she cannot handle it any longer, I focus on her clit and push two fingers into her, making sure the pleasure is coming from every single angle. She whimpers and cries out as she thrashes hard and fast, the intensity of the orgasm cascading all the way through her, trying to keep as quiet as she can, but I love how much she struggles. I absolutely adore doing this to her.
Once she’s done, I wipe the panties from her and unhook her bra while she reaches for a condom to roll over me. No way we can make that little mistake again. The possible consequences are all too real for. Once I’m sheathed, I lie back down on top of her and kiss her gently as I slide into her.
“Oh, Josiah.” She wraps her head tightly around me, allowing me to push deeper into her. “Oh, God.”
I groan with her, burying my face into her hair to keep the noise down as the hot pleasure builds up. The bliss is burning, it’s intense, it’s powerful. I’m completely consumed by Paisley right now and it’s wonderful. As we come together, our bodies shuddering powerfully together, I’m overcome with the knowledge that I can suffer anything for this woman. She is worth it all. We are worth all of it. Our love is worth it all.
30
Paisley
I wave Kate off with a grateful goodbye in the morning, promising to fill her in with all the details as soon as I get a chance. I am honestly so happy to have her in my life, in my son’s life. Without her, I wouldn’t have everything slowly piecing back together around me, I would remain in a mess with absolutely nothing.
Now Sian knows, and Adam knows. Surprisingly he is okay about it. Soon, everyone else will know as well but I suppose I cannot guarantee that they will all take it in the same way.
“Are you two still playing football?” I giggle as I return into the living room. “Threatening all of my furniture.”
“We’re being careful,” Josiah reassures me, but I honestly don’t mind. Seeing the two of them together, happy, bonding over anything is all I really want. “We won’t break anything, will we, champ?”
Freddie laughs and shakes his head. “No!” he yells. “I love football.”
I head into the kitchen to make hot drinks, smiling to myself as I do. I want to whistle with glee, to sing out with joy, to make some kind of noise to show how happy I am. Everything is exactly as I want it to be. My family is together at last. I don’t know if I deserve all of this, but I’m so glad that I have it.
Of course, there is a thick black cloud hanging over me, the knowledge that today is going to be a brutal day. But I do want to enjoy the calm before the storm, this bliss before it’s all up ended once more.
I pour some juice into a tumbler and grab the drinks to take them into the living room.
“No more kicking balls!” I yell out to stop them before there’s an accident. “I have drinks here.” When Freddie groans I cock my head towards him and give him a look. “I’m not saying that you have to stop playing football completely, I’m just asking that you take two seconds to have a drink.”
“We can do that, can’t we, buddy?” Josiah says with a smile, supporting me sweetly. Thankfully, because it’s come from him, Freddie doesn’t argue it. He follows Josiah’s lead and swigs back his drink.
I honestly don’t think he will take it too badly when I tell him the truth. I think he will be pleased to learn that Josiah is his father. He’s too young to ever really ask me the questions about his parents but I’m sure there must be a part of him that knows he hasn’t ever had a father around. I think he will be happy to have this gap filled. I also think that Josiah will be a good parent. He didn’t have his own around, so I know that he will be attentive to make sure that his own son doesn’t have a similar experience to him. It’s just a shame that it has taken so long to get to this point. I do wish that Josiah had been around for the long haul…
Then again, I suppose there is always time for more. Maybe.
As I watch him look at Freddie with such adoration in his eyes, the same amount of love that I look at my child with, my heart almost explodes with joy. I love him even more; I feel even closer to him than I have ever been before. We share something so deep, so powerful, so intense now. A bond that will never be broken. I think I would absolutely love to have more children with him, one day. This time I want the time to be right.
“Is that your cell phone ringing?” Josiah finally asks me, breaking the silence.
“Oh!” I grab at it and smile at the screen. “It’s Adam, I wasn’t expecting him to call so early.”
I exit the room before I answer, needing to have this call away from the prying ears of my son. I’m hoping that everything today can be done with as little drama as possible. Especially because Freddie will be there. I couldn’t ask Kate to give up any more of her time for me, so there isn’t any choice.
“Hey, Adam, how are you feeling this morning?” I don’t know if there has ever been a time when I have been able to speak to him in such an easy going tone. There has always been something awkward hanging between us.
“Hi, Paisley, yeah all good. Me and Sian were just wondering what your plans for today were?”
I blow out a breath of air. “Is it too late to cancel and just forget about the whole thing?”
“Much too late. We need to get this secret all over with and out in the open now.”
“I know, I know. I just… I don’t know, it’s going to be awful, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” he laughs. “But it still needs to be done. So, what time are you thinking?”
My eyes linger over to the living room. Much as the anticipation is building I want to have just a little while longer to enjoy this peaceful morning. “How about just after lunch?”
“Great, so around two o clock?”
“Yep, two o clock… the time when my life will end.”
“Not with me around, it won’t,” he reassures me. “Don’t forget, I will be sticking up for you.”
“I know, thank you so much. That does mean everything to me. I’m still dreading it though.”
“They might be feeling remorseful, after sending me and Josiah to jail, however briefly.”
“Hmmm, remorse,” I reply wryly. “You’ll be lucky if you’re waiting for that.”
“Yeah. I think you might be right about that one, but it doesn’t hurt to dream. Anyway. I will see you at two o clock at Mom and Dad’s place then. I would say I’m looking forward to it but…”
I chuckle. “Yeah alright, I will see you soon, Adam. And thanks again.”
The morning passes much too quickly. I wish that I could hang on to every single moment and stretch it out longer, but of course, time ticks away in his usual way. I don’t have any choice but to let it slide by. It’s much too soon when it’s time for us to all get ready to go to my parents’ home. I get Freddie dressed in his best outfit, I dress in the smartest outfit I have, and Josiah pops back home to get as smart as possible too. It’s clear that he’s had a shower when he comes back because I can barely see the cuts over his body. It’s as if the fight happened ages ago, rather than last night. The longest night of my whole damn life!
“Shall we do this?” I ask quietly. “Are you going to drive us there?”
“That’s why I have my car!” Josiah agrees. “And I think I’m just about ready to face it.”
My heart jumps about like it’s in a bounce house while I fix Freddie’s car seat in place, I just keep thinking about all the possible ways that this could go, and I have to admit none of them are very pleasant. There are going to be a lot of buffers between me and my parents, but I will still feel exposed and vulnerable.
“It’s going to be okay,” Josiah reassures me with a gentle kiss once Freddie is inside the car. “It is.”
I pull back and stare into his beautiful brown eyes, butterflies flapping in my belly as I swim in his loving gaze. “It isn’t,” I tell him wi
th a smile. “But it will have to be in the end.”
I no longer care what my parents think. If they do not accept this, then they reject me. They reject everything that I want. I have survived this long without them, I would prefer to keep them in my life, but if I can’t it won’t matter. It will all be fine. Josiah and I can live this happy life without their approval.
“Come on then, let’s go. Let’s get this over and done with,” I say with false confidence.
“Yep. Let’s do it. I think this is the last difficult conversation that we will have to have in a long time.”
“Urgh, I sure hope so.” I roll my eyes. “I am done with this feeling.”
The drive over is intense. Freddie chatters away in the back of Josiah’s car, singing along to songs on the radio, and Josiah talks happily back to him. But I remain silent, just staring, planning, wondering how it will go. I know that there isn’t anything I can do now, what will happen is out of my hands, but I need to keep going over it obsessively in my mind all the same. I have to say when I was a teenager and I used to dream and fantasize about all of this, I never thought about the hard bits like this. I always assumed that it was going to be easy.
“Here we are.” I wipe my sweaty palms along my trousers. “Let’s do it.”
I don’t have time to pause and gather myself any longer because Freddie rushes to the front door, eager to see his grandparents. The only good thing is that Adam’s car is already here. They have arrived which makes it a lot easier. I reach out and grab Josiah’s hand, ready to face this head on. There is no other way.
“Hello?” I call out as we step inside. As usual, Mom has opened the door for Freddie and become distracted by him. Not that I mind, especially today. “Are you out in the kitchen?”
There is a murmur of noise from the living room, so we head in there. For a moment it confuses me that neither of my parents are even looking my way, but as Adam cocks an eyebrow at me, I remember. They are probably feeling worse than I thought they would about calling the police.
“Hey everyone!” I say in a much too bright tone of voice. “How are you all?”
“Hmm, yeah fine.” Mom’s voice is bright too, falsely so, at least she does until she turns her eyes and she notices my hand in Josiah’s. I can literally see all the color draining from her face. “Oh, I see…”
“Freddie, why don’t you come into the garden with me!” Sian bolts upright, finding an escape for herself and my son. I’m equally grateful and jealous as hell. “We can go and play while it’s nice.”
As she goes, I blow out a relieved breath, but then I immediately suck it back in again. Now, it’s time.
“What’s going on?” Mom demands, her arms folding across her chest. “Is that what you were all fighting about last night? Because you two have started dating and making a massive mess of everything?”
“First off…” I start, completely indignant. “What does it matter to you who I date? I am an grown woman now, I can date who I like. And before you start bleating on about how it affects you and your reputation, I have to let you know that people really don’t care enough about our family to be bothered.”
The color returns to Mom’s face in a heartbeat. She goes a funny shade of red, but it isn’t her who yells. “So, you don’t think people care that there was a fight outside our house last night? That the cops were called? You don’t think the whole street will hear about that? What about at church? It’s embarrassing.”
“You shouldn’t have called them then, should you?” I cry back. “That didn’t help at all.”
“So, I’m supposed to just let them fight like idiots?” Dad throws his hands in the air, frustrated. “And I’m supposed to just let you date him? This idiot who tried his hardest to wreck Adam’s life.”
“No, he didn’t, what are you talking about?” I’m not going to let this go.
“The big party…” he starts as if this is actually a reasonable thing to still hold on to.
I roll my eyes and snort. “You are not still going on about that? They were in high school! All people have parties and stuff, that’s just normal. Adam was just as in to it as Josiah. He wanted a party too.”
I stare at my brother warningly; he’s taking much too long to join in here. Finally, he gets it.
“Yeah, I have to say, I did want that party too, it wasn’t just Josiah…”
“You keep out of it, Adam. This isn’t anything to do with the past anymore.”
“Well, if it isn’t anything to do with the past then what is it?” I demand. “You didn’t use to like Josiah because he was an orphan. You never said it aloud, but I know that’s what it is. You and your snobby ways didn’t see him as good enough because his parents dared to die when he was a young kid. But now… what can you possibly have against Josiah now? He is a very successful business man, he leads a great life, he is a well-established person in society who has earned a lot of respect, so what could it be, hmmm?”
I can see that I have my dad stumped which is great. I want him to take a long hard look at himself and his previous judgments to see how ridiculous he is being. There is nothing wrong with Josiah.
“You’re saying that he is willing to take on you and your son?” Mom demands.
“Actually…” I chew down on my bottom lip. “Josiah is Freddie’s father.”
A hushed silence fills the room. I have never understood the phrase ‘the tension could be cut with a knife’ before but now I’m really feeling it. Every inch. It’s stifling, almost unbearable. No one moves, everyone is as still as a statue as we wait for the explosion to happen. Or not… I mean, I’m hoping not. I would much rather this to be a positive moment of quiet acceptance. This is good news, our family coming back together.
“What the hell?” my mother finally shrieks, using the harshest words I have ever heard come out of her mouth. Especially in that tone, it cuts right to the bone. “You two have been together before? He is the one who’s identity you kept a secret? He is the one who defiled you and wouldn’t step up to the plate?”
“You didn’t give him a chance! You shipped me off like I was an embarrassment.”
“Because you wouldn’t tell us, which told us you had been sleeping about. I assumed you didn’t even know who the father was. What other reason could you have for not telling us?”
I drag my fingers through my hair, frustration bursting through me. “Because the two of you are crazy, that’s why! I knew that you would freak out and I was right. You acted like nutters and ruined my life. Freddie’s too. He had to grow up without a father because of the way you acted. Josiah and I could have had very different lives, Freddie too, if you had just kept your nose out of it. You should have just let us be.”
“We did what we thought was right for you. We tried to protect you. We sent you away to take you away from all the negative influences here. Aunt Lily was good to you, wasn’t she? She helped you to raise your baby. We knew that she would. That’s all this was about… to protect you. Why can’t you see that?”
“You wanted to protect yourself.” I’m disgusted that Mom would even try to blame it on me. “You wanted to make sure that no one else knew that I had a life, not that it was anything to do with anyone else. And you are still so obsessed with what others think so you sent your own son to jail. That is horrific parenting. Do you even see yourself? You care so much about what others think that you don’t worry about what your own children think. Our opinions have never mattered to you which is just sad. I would never disregard Freddie like that.”
There is another moment of silence where everyone darts their eyes towards one another. I don’t know if I have finally made everyone see the truth and we’re going to finally have a frank and honest discussion where we can get to a sensible place, or not. I really hope we are because I am done…
But then the volcano erupts, and everyone starts yelling all at once. Adam defends me, Dad defends Mom, but in all honesty, no one can really hear anyone else. We’re all
just screaming out our points louder and louder trying to drown one another out, getting nowhere at all. I’m in the middle of it all, screaming the loudest. I have spent my whole existence not being heard and now I need to be listened to. This is the most important point I have ever had to make, and I won’t stop until they listen to it. I have to make them hear it now.
Why won’t they hear me? What is their problem? Why are they so damn determined to shoot me down?
31
Josiah
“Please everyone!” I cry out. “You need to stop yelling, let’s try and talk about this properly.”
But of course, no one is listening to me. They are all too busy trying to be heard. This is a nightmare. I mean, I knew it wasn’t going to be the easiest, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad. I thought there would be a bit of annoyance, not full on screaming. There is no sign of this calming down at all.
“Mom.” I spin around with wide shocked eyes when I hear Freddie running back inside. My guess is he has heard the shouting and he wants to know what the hell is going on. Me and him both! “Mommy.”
Paisley is too busy trying to get her mother to listen to her to hear her son, Sian tries to grab Freddie to stop him from getting in the middle of the row and I do too, but today no one is good enough for him. He slips and slides through us both to get to his mother. She’s the only one who’s good enough for him.
“Mommy! Mommy, please.” Freddie bursts in to hysterical tears. He clearly doesn’t get why all his family, his support network, is yelling at each other. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”
“Paisley.” I need to step in now. This is getting ridiculous. “Paisley, Freddie is crying.”
Something about those words snaps her back into the real world and she finds her son at her feet. In an instant, she scoops him up into her arms and holds him close to her chest. I can see her saying sorry to him over and over again. I hate the guilt in her expression, I don’t want her to feel worse than she already does.