A Dangerous Temptation

by L. R. Olson

  “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes.”

  I felt him come inside, the warmth of his seed spilling deep within at the same time that I gave into my release. My entire body seemed to burst into a million tiny white stars, brilliant stars that danced and floated across the heavens in pure bliss. I never wanted the feeling to end.

  All too soon the beautiful tremors faded. Exhausted, I collapsed atop James. My nipples were wet. I was leaking. I should have been horrified. I was too tired to care. Jamie’s own harsh breathing rang in my ear, stirring the tendrils of hair that whispered around my face.

  It had been different this time. So very different. Our other intimate moments those months ago had been rushed, frantic and almost angry. But this…this was something else. James had been tender, almost caring. Had he been afraid of hurting me because of the birth, or was it something more? Did he care? More than I realized, more than he wanted to admit.

  His hands trailed down my spine, a soft caress. Outside the wind rattled but I felt safe, warm. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. When he reached for the covers and pulled them up over us, I didn’t even move to assist, too bloody content. I’d missed him. I’d missed him so much that having him here now seemed unreal.

  The sudden sting of tears caught me off guard. I slid off his body, my back to him. While pregnant, and now even after giving birth, my emotions were a jumbled mess I didn’t understand. But James would not be ignored. His arm wrapped around my waist, and he tugged me close until his body curled around mine. I’d never felt more protected.

  “Don’t pull away from me,” he whispered, his breath warm against my ear. “Please.”

  I closed my eyes. Could I trust him again? Could we somehow make this work? “What happens now, Jamie?”

  He nuzzled his face into my hair. “I don’t return without you.”

  I stiffened, surprised. “You’ll force me to go back?”

  He brushed aside my hair and pressed a kiss to the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. “No.”

  I turned in his arms to face him. “You’re saying as long as I remain here, as long as I refuse to leave, you’ll stay as well?”

  He nestled his chin atop my head and pulled me into the crook of his arm. “I am.”

  “But…” I pushed myself up on my elbows and away from him. I couldn’t think that close to his heated body. “You have an estate to run.”

  He shrugged and fell onto his back. “It can wait.” He stacked his hands under his head, his biceps flexing. He was right, he was no lazy lord. He was a Greek statue of some ancient god. “I have managers.”

  He was giving me almost everything I needed. Almost. I sat up, my back to him, and drew my knees to my chest. There was an unseasonal amount of ice and snow outside. The world felt so still. We would be trapped in the cottage for a couple days, at least. Time for me to think. Time for me to be alone with James. But when the ice melted…could I return to the moors? Could we make his estate a home for Millie? Or would it always be a place of bad memories?

  His hand ran down my back, a gentle caress. “I could get used to this.”

  I smiled as I gazed out the dark windows. And I could get used to having him warm my bed. Feeling comforted and safe. “Have you not been intimate with many women?”

  “Yes, of course. But I don’t speak of the act of intimacy.” He slid his arm around my waist and pulled me close. “The…after.”

  I snuggled up against him, soaking in his warmth. Yes, I could get used to it too. I slid my cold feet between his muscled calves. “Cuddling?”

  He sighed. “Yes. As reluctant as I am to admit it.”

  This was exactly as I’d always hoped our marriage would be. I’d never felt closer to anyone than I felt toward him at that moment. “You’ve never cuddled with any of your…special friends?”

  “Special friends?” He laughed, a deep rumble that I could hear in his chest. “That’s one thing to call them. No. The act of intimacy was just a way to find my release.”

  I didn’t want to think of him with another, but I had to ask, “And…Claudine?”

  He closed his eyes and raked his hand over his face. “I was young. I was drunk most of the time. It was after my father and Michael had died. I couldn’t find Evangeline. I went to the continent after hearing rumors of her there.”

  Suddenly, he was pulling away and I regretted mentioning the woman’s name. He sat up, his back to me, his feet on the cold floor. For a long moment he didn’t speak, merely sat there, staring out the window. I wished I hadn’t mentioned the vile woman. Wished we had continued to cuddle and caress, pretending as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

  “It was so easy for her to seduce me because I wanted it. I wanted to forget. Wanted to enjoy life for once. But no…I never loved her. I doubt I even cared.”

  Something didn’t sit right. “Why did she bring the boy? It seemed a rather strange attempt to capture you.”

  He stood and paced toward the window, gazing out onto the cold, white scenery. He wasn’t ashamed of his nudity, nor should he be. My gaze greedily traveled his wide shoulders, down his muscled back to his tight bottom. “I found out years after our fraud of a marriage that Claudine had been pregnant while we were together. I assume the baby was mine, although I can’t be positive.”

  I froze. Jamie had a child out there? “What happened?”

  “She got rid of it.”

  “Got rid?” I stood and reached for my dressing robe. “I don’t understand.”

  He turned to face me. “There are ways that a woman can terminate a pregnancy.”

  “Oh,” I whispered, shocked. I wasn’t a complete dunce. As a young woman I’d heard rumors of concoctions that could get rid of an unwanted pregnancy, but they had always only been that…rumors.

  “The ironic thing is that I would have…” His voice grew strained and he looked away. “I would have taken care of her and the baby if I’d realized. I would have married her even not knowing for sure if the child was mine. If she had kept the babe, she would have gotten what she wanted.”

  I tied the sash of my dressing gown. So many emotions were running through my mind. “That’s why she brought the boy to the ball…to pretend to be your son.”

  He nodded. “If she had gotten rid of the child because she was alone and couldn’t afford to raise him, I would have forgiven her. How could I not? I know how difficult it is for women.”

  He’d dealt with so much pain and distrust in his life. There was so much I wanted to say to him. So much I needed to explain. Perhaps I’d been punishing him and that’s why I’d left. I’d wanted a real marriage; I’d wanted his trust. But mostly I wanted him. All of him. Damn it all, I loved the man.

  “Can I ask you something?” he said.

  “Of course.”

  “How did you escape the estate?”

  I flushed, knowing he wouldn’t like what I had to say. “Would you believe that Terrifying Tony helped me?”

  He went pale. “You’re jesting. Surely you did not ask that man for help. A known criminal.”

  I shrugged sheepishly. “He said he owed me.”

  He fell back onto the bed and covered his face with his hands as if I’d just killed him. “Christ, do you know what could have happened to you?”

  “He was very polite,” I muttered in his defense.

  He groaned.

  “Would you prefer we discuss something else? For instance…whatever happened to Cecilia? She was supposed to arrive by now.”

  “Broken coach wheel?” Jamie offered with a grin. The man had no shame.

  “Indeed.” I was torn between amusement and annoyance. He knew almost everything now. Every dark secret. Every desire. Perhaps, just perhaps, it was time to be completely honest. “James, I—”

  Millie cried out, whimpering for attention.

  I knew that cry well. Something had startled her. She would not relent until I held her close, rocked her to sleep. “James, would you like to meet your da
ughter?”

  It was my gift to him. This man who had received so little from anyone. Who had known only pain. He swallowed hard. The emotion in his gaze nearly undid me. And in that moment, much like a puzzle, everything settled into place. It all became so clear. How could I have ever doubted that he would love Millie?

  “Yes,” he said softly. “I think I’d quite enjoy that.”

  The floorboards were cold as I moved across the room and into my own chamber. The window latch had come undone, cold air seeping in through the crack. Shivering, I pulled it shut.

  Millie lay there watching me, as if she’d known I would arrive all along. So trusting. So innocent. Keeping her from her father had been a mistake. I would never let her down like that again. I lifted her warm body and snuggled her close, then made my way back into the guest room. James stood there waiting, his trousers on, his gaze pinned to her as if she were the most valuable of any treasure.

  “I think she has your hair,” I said, mostly to make conversation. Carefully, I handed the child over. “Millie, your father.”

  He held her in the crook of his muscled arm, a myriad of emotions sweeping across his features. But it was the look of awe upon his handsome face that made me smile. I knew that feeling every time I looked at her.

  “Lovely to meet you,” he whispered.

  She murmured, as if in response. With a soft laugh, he rocked her gently. Seeing him holding our baby took my breath away. The tears I’d been trying to keep at bay stung fiercely. I knew in that moment I couldn’t remain here. Millie needed her father. She deserved her life of privilege on the moors. As much as I hated the idea of returning to that cold estate, it was time to say goodbye to my cottage by the sea.

  Chapter 7

  James

  “Shhh, sweet one,” I whispered. “Your mother needs her sleep. Can you not wait?”

  The whimper grew louder, the tiny baby in my arms squirming in protest. Her round face looked so outraged that I nearly laughed, waking Jules myself. Every expression, every sound Millie made fascinated me. This tiny bundle I had helped create. This utter miracle.

  I nestled Millie to my chest, knowing I would never get tired of holding her. It was cold and I worried she would catch a chill. She’d only recovered from her illness a week ago. So sweet. So innocent. I might not have been able to protect Evangeline, but I sure as hell would protect my daughter. And if Jules didn’t want to leave this small, inconsequential village, I would stay. She might not realize quite yet, but she and Millie needed me. And if I could, I’d give up my damned inheritance in order to remain in their lives.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Julianna’s dark hair lay spread across the white pillows. Her thick lashes made shadows across her sharp cheekbones. Those full lips, still swollen from my kisses, parted on her deep and even breathing. My heart squeezed almost painfully.

  Cecilia believed that I loved Jules.

  I’d never loved anyone before, yet the feelings I’d experienced with my wife were new and unfamiliar. How would I know if it was love? I’d kill for her. I’d die for her. I’d give up my damn title if I could. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to hear her thoughts and opinions on everything under the sun. And I sure as hell wanted her in my bed.

  Was that love?

  Three days I’d been in Julianna’s cottage. For three days we’d slept in the same bed. It was a quaint life, perfect all the same. She cooked me simple, peasant meals that no earl would have been caught dead eating. Yet, no Parisian chef I knew could have produced something as delicious. Everything seemed suddenly brighter. The world no longer dark and dreary, but full of hope and expectation.

  I brushed my palm over the soft, dark hair covering Millie’s head. Every purse of her tiny bow lips, every blink of her eyes fascinated me. She was completely perfect. Even while squirming in my arms, so very much less interested in me than I was in her, I found the child amazing.

  In the last three days Jules and I hadn’t talked much about our problems, about Claudine or my stepmother. Nor had we talked about moving back to the estate. We had been content in this little cottage by the sea and didn’t want to ruin the peace we felt here. Yet, I knew it wouldn’t last. The moment the ice melted, the world would invade. I cooed at Millie, attempting to comfort, but she wanted nothing to do with me. She only wanted her mother. I didn’t blame her; I was a bad second choice.

  “You seem to be getting on quite well,” Jules said, her voice drowsy with sleep. It amazed me how often she was up in the middle of the night, singing softly to the baby while she fed. How she could thrive on so little sleep, I didn’t understand. My own mother had nursed us, much to my father’s annoyance. Yet another unpleasant memory I’d retained. At times I wished I could wipe my childhood from my mind.

  “Ladies do not nurse!” he’d screamed when Evangeline had been a babe.

  It was the one time she had refused to obey him. I’d heard him yelling from the room next door. Had surged to my feet and prepared to rush into the room to protect her. But he had not hit her that time, perhaps because she held his child. He’d left her in peace, probably to go visit his mistress…the current Dowager. How many times had I wished he still lived so that I might kill him myself? But this early morning, for the first time in my life, my father no longer mattered. Let him rot.

  Jules crawled across the bed. Her white night rail hung off one shoulder and her hair shimmered in waves down her back. A pure seductress, I’d never seen anyone so beautiful. If I hadn’t been holding Millie, I would have pulled my wife forward and showed her just how attractive she appeared in that moment.

  She paused next to us and smoothed her hand over Millie’s soft hair. I breathed deeply Julianna’s sweet scent. Would I ever get used to her? Become bored? No. Never. Sensing her mother’s presence, Millie squirmed even harder, determined to find food.

  I smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “I didn’t either.” She met my gaze. A shiver of awareness swept through my body. The entire world seemed perfect in that moment. “No one does, do they?”

  “I suppose not.” Millie’s little fingers wrapped around mine, drawing my attention to her. She stared up at me with an all too keen gaze. I had a feeling that she knew in that moment I was her father. My chest felt suddenly tight. “Was there anyone to help you?”

  “Mrs. Willow was here, and a midwife.”

  Anything could have happened to her in this small shire. Jules was an earl’s wife. She could have had the best doctor in London. The thought of losing her sent a cold chill over my body. “I should have been here.”

  “It’s not uncommon for men to miss the births of their children.”

  She was right. But I wanted to be there. I wanted to hold her hand, to tell her all would be well. I wanted to be the first person to comfort my child. I’d missed it all. And I couldn’t blame Jules. I couldn’t even blame my stepmother and Claudine. I could only blame myself. If I had told her the truth from the beginning, she would have been prepared. If Jules had known my secret, they would have had no power over me.

  I realized, in that moment, that I hadn’t been terrified the world would know about Claudine, but I’d been terrified that Jules would find out. I hadn’t wanted her to see me as weak, as pathetic and easily duped. I’d been no better than my father, attempting to portray to the world a man of strength, steel.

  “I can hold her back no longer.” Gently, I placed the baby in her arms. Jules tugged down the shoulder of her night rail, exposing a breast, and rested the baby against her chest. The greedy child opened her mouth like a baby bird, and latched on quickly. It was an intimate moment. Jules glanced up at me through her lashes and blushed but she made no move to cover herself or leave.

  I knew I should have given her privacy, but I found utter fascination with the bonding experience. There was nothing to be ashamed of, and I’d already missed so much. With our baby latched to her breast, I reached out and rested my hand upon Millie’s tiny
head, brushing back her fuzzy hair. Her eyes closed, her body relaxing. I liked to think the child knew my touch, and that she felt safe with me nearby, but more likely Millie was merely content being fed.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about Claudine?”

  And there was the question I dreaded. I could have brushed it off, given her the answer she expected, but I was tired of the deception. “I would like to say that I was protecting you from the vileness.”

  She lifted her brows. “But?”

  “But in reality, I suppose I was protecting myself.” Needing to think, I stood and walked to the windows. “Things were going so well with us, I didn’t want to ruin it. For the first time in my life I looked forward to waking up in the morning.” Once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop. “Yes, I tried to stay away from you. But I couldn’t. I found myself wandering toward your rooms, watching the windows to see when you would walk by outside…”

  I turned to face her in all of my vulnerability.

  “I couldn’t get enough of you.” I started toward the bed, wanting so badly for her to understand how I felt, but not sure if I could do it justice. “And I prayed you would never know the truth. Because to uncover the truth about Claudine, would mean that you’d see me as weak for being duped. And Whitfield men are never, ever weak.”

  She shook her head, the softness in her eyes telling me she understood. “You should have trusted me. And I should have trusted you.”

  I settled on the bed beside her. Fair enough. But we’d both been hurt too many times; we were wounded and vulnerable. “Can we move forward? Can we release the past? For our sakes, but also for Millie’s?”

  I reached out and drew my fingers down Julianna’s cheek, waiting for her response.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I’m sorry for keeping her from you. I’m sorry for—”

  “Don’t.” I cupped the side of her face. “Don’t apologize. Please don’t. I made life so very hard for you, I don’t deserve it.”