by L. R. Olson
She sniffed, fighting her tears. “But if I had talked to you…if I had…”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips softly to hers. It was a gentle kiss that made my throat feel tight and my heart beat a little quicker. A kiss I’d never experienced with anyone before. A kiss to show my affection, that was all. Not to get under her skirts, to find my release, to forget…to show her I cared. All too soon I pulled back, worried about crushing Millie between us.
I could be happy here, resting beside my wife as she nursed our baby in this small, unassuming cottage. I could stay here for weeks, months…forever, and be content. It had been a long, long time since I’d done nothing. In the past I’d kept busy, always, trying to ignore the emptiness, ignore the pain. Worried that if I paused, the reality I’d tried to avoid would make its presence known.
“The snow has stopped,” she whispered.
“It has.” I glanced reluctantly toward the windows. I didn’t want this moment to end any more than Jules did. “I should head to my cottage before Mrs. Willow returns.”
“Or…” She hesitated, taking her lower lip between her teeth. I could practically see her mind spinning. “I could tell her the truth of who you are. That way you can remain here.”
To tell the truth would mean giving up her safe little cocoon. It would mean admitting she was an earl’s wife. It humbled me to realize she wanted me enough to give up her sense of peace. “You wish for me to reside here?”
She flushed. “I know we have to return to our responsibilities soon. But just a few more days alone?”
The relief I felt was immediate. It was as if I could breathe with some normalcy once more. She would return. But more importantly, she would have me again. “Jules, I wish we could stay here forever alone. But I’m happy to remain as long as you wish.”
“I know.” She smiled. “But I’m ready to return. To face reality with you.”
But was I? I suddenly found myself not wanting to share my wife or daughter with the world. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to hers once more. My lips lingered, for I had no desire to leave even for the few moments it would take to pack. Millie shifted between us, whimpering.
Reluctantly, I ended the kiss. “I should gather my belongings. We will stay here until the weather is a bit warmer, for Millie’s sake.”
Jules watched me as I finished dressing, her gaze greedy and heated. She wanted me as much as I wanted her. Our mutual attraction had never been the problem. In fact, it had kept us bonded. But we needed more.
She deserved more. Julianna shifted Millie to her other breast. “How many days left?” she asked.
“We will stay as long as you wish.” I pulled on my boots, eager to get my things and return. “Whatever you wish.”
I didn’t want to rush her. Honestly, I was in no hurry to return to my world. Back to the rumors, the gossip. I’d tried to ignore my stepmother and Claudine. Ignoring them wasn’t working. As an earl I had power. Extreme power. I also had friends who could help. It was time to call in some favors. It was time to stop ignoring the past.
She handed Millie to me and tugged on her slippers. “Don’t stay away long.”
Her words warmed me, made me feel wanted, needed. “I won’t.”
We headed onto the landing. A whisper of cold air caught my attention. The window in Julianna’s bedchamber was open. “Do I heat your blood so much that you need the window ajar?”
She grinned and moved into the room to close it. “Indeed. I was thinking of rolling around in the snow if this didn’t help. Blasted window keeps popping open.”
“I shall procure my hammer and other tool thingies and fix it.”
She laughed. “That sounds promising?”
I quirked a brow, pausing on the landing. “Do you doubt my manly prowess?”
“I wouldn’t dare. You’ve shown me the last couple days just how manly you are.”
I carried the baby down the steps, Jules following. “Very good.”
“Shall I make breakfast?” she asked.
“Yes.” I liked this playing house. At the bottom of the stairs I turned. Jules was standing a couple steps up, bringing her at eye level. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. “I’ll return soon.”
She was smiling when I returned Millie. I would never get tired of seeing Jules this way…thoroughly ruffled from a night of making love. If it took the rest of my damned life I would make sure she never hurt because of my actions again.
Grabbing my jacket from the hook in the foyer, I opened the door. Unable to help myself, I glanced back. One last look before I left. I wanted to memorize every detail. It was a new and pleasant feeling knowing there was someone waiting for me. Wanting me.
She and Millie were mine now. I would protect them no matter what.
Even if it meant destroying my family name.
****
Julianna
“What say you, Millie? Do you love your father as much as I?” I carried the babe back upstairs as Jamie left, closing the front door. “I can’t deny it…at least not to you, my darling. I’ve loved him for some time now.”
At the top of the steps I pressed my lips to her forehead. I could never get enough of the child. Her powdery scent. Her velvet skin. The sweet innocent face made my heart ache with an adoration I’d never experienced before.
And for the first time in almost a year I felt a peace like I’d never known. I moved into my bedchamber. Holding Millie made me feel better as I floundered in a relationship that was so unsteady. Yes, I loved James. But he’d never once indicated that he loved me. Oh, how I wanted to trust him, to tell him how I felt. It would be so much easier if I’d heard the words from his lips first…I love you.
With a sigh, I glanced out the windows onto the snowy scenery. In the distance, beyond the high cliffs, I could see the white-crested waves. They had become so familiar, and despite their volatile nature, I took comfort in knowing they were always there. Something, at least, was permanent.
But I must return to society. I’d shirked my duties long enough. James was certainly being more patient with me than I deserved. It was time to face my future, whatever that future might be. Finger-pointing. Perhaps even more snobbery from the ton.
A year ago I’d been so worried I would destroy what little reputation I’d managed to retain, that I’d tip-toed through life. I hadn’t dared to dream the dowager and Claudine would ruin everything. My life was a jest. Fodder for gossip. Then again, I really had nothing to worry about anymore. They could do no further damage to my reputation. Perhaps I should thank them, for this had only brought James and me closer.
Millie cooed.
“Your father adores you, that much is obvious.”
I paused at her basket. But how could he not love her? The problem was…did he love me? I wanted to have faith that he had changed. I wanted to believe there were no more secrets between us, that he trusted me. I so desperately wanted to have faith in James.
Resolutely, I squared my shoulders. Love would come. If it didn’t…what did it matter? It was my duty to return to our privileged life for Millie’s sake.
“No matter what my thoughts or insecurities, I owe you an apology, my sweetling.” She gazed up at me with her wide, blue eyes as if she understood exactly what I said. “You missed out on your father for the first six weeks of your life because I was afraid. I know now that he would never hurt you, that you can trust him to keep you safe.”
She cooed her forgiveness.
Laughing, I lifted her close and kissed her soft cheek. “You do forgive me, don’t you?”
She cooed again as I lowered her to the basket. I wondered if her eyes would stay blue, or if they would turn dark like her father’s. Her hair was as black as Jamie’s. I brushed my fingertips across her downy cheek. Would she be sweet and kind, or would she be bossy and bold? Would she paint like me, or perhaps adore dresses and society as Penny did? She would never be earl of the estate, but I would make sure she knew she could
do whatever she wished, despite being a woman in a society that defined ladies as weak.
“Will you be a good girl while I wash?” I tucked her blanket around her. “I would like to look somewhat presentable for your father when he returns.”
Already her eyes were closing. With one last kiss to her cheek, I moved downstairs to procure hot water. How long would it take for James to return? I couldn’t help but look outside the kitchen window as I put the kettle on the stovetop. Lord, I was like a virginal debutante with her first attraction.
Smoke trailed up from the chimney next door, which meant he was probably staying for some time. With a sigh of disappointment, I returned to the stove. I blushed at the thought of telling Mrs. Willow the truth. I doubted the honorable constable had told her about my marriage. No, the town would be knocking at my door if they knew an earl was in residence.
I could admit I missed the finer things I’d come to take for granted while living in the home of a titled lord. Bathtubs and maids to help with water. I missed warm beds and food always prepared, waiting. Thanks to Mrs. Willow’s help, I’d learned to cook, yet I certainly was no professional chef from Paris.
The kettle whistled. I picked up the pot and carried it up the stairs. Perhaps Jamie wouldn’t mind watching Millie so I might have a proper bath, instead of washing with a cloth and bowl. Perhaps Jamie might like to have a bath with me. I grinned at the thought. There was more than one positive about returning to the estate, the large bathing rooms, large beds...
I heard the voice the moment I reached the landing. Confused, I paused, thinking it had been my imagination. An eerie, whisper-like voice with a French accent. My heart leapt into my throat. The kettle fell from my hands, clanging down the steps and splashing hot water along the stairs. I could barely breathe as I bolted into the room.
A woman with long black hair held Millie. Not a ghost. Not my imagination. It took a moment for my mind to process what was happening. Another moment for me to recognize the person who stood in my chamber as if she belonged there, holding my baby like she was hers. “Claudine.”
Slowly, she turned to face me. Dear God, it wasn’t a nightmare…but real. All too real. She looked at me and smiled, a smirk of a smile that said she had won this game she played. “Such a lovely, lovely child. Would be terrible if something happened to her.”
My body went cold.
How had Claudine gotten here? How had she made it up the stairs without me hearing her? Dear lord, the window. The hem of her gray gown was coated in mud. Her cloak was buttoned crooked, the material tattered. She looked as if she’d clawed her way up from the depths of hell.
Millie squirmed, whimpering.
My anxiety flared. The desire to kill the woman tormenting my child overwhelmed me. But I knew I could not react. If she sensed my desperation, she might pounce, and Millie could become a casualty in this war. Frantic, I glanced toward the window and at Jamie’s cottage. He was still there, the smoke swirling from the chimney. I had to keep Claudine talking until he arrived.
Slowly, I moved into the room, cursing each creak of the floorboard. “Why are you here, Claudine?”
“Why?” She glared at me. Her nails were caked with dirt, her hair in ratty clumps that hung around her face. Her outside appearance matched her chaotic mind. “Because this has gone on too long. I’m tired of waiting for Jamie to come to his senses. Tired of waiting for the courts to bow to my side.”
How could anyone so beautiful be so evil? She paced across the room, her steps agitated, her arms tightening around Millie. The baby whimpered, squirming, and my heart lurched. At one time I’d actually felt sorry for this woman. No more. If I’d had a gun, I would have shot her in her black soul without a moment’s hesitation. She had tried to ruin my life. Had almost ruined Jamie’s. She would not ruin Millie’s life.
“Well then, put Millie in her basket, and we can go downstairs, discuss this over tea.”
“Tea?” She released a harsh cackle of a laugh. Her dress was tattered, stained, as if she’d been wearing it for days. I knew without doubt that she’d traveled here alone. For once, perhaps Jamie’s stepmother wasn’t involved. “Yes, you English and your damn tea. I don’t want your tea!”
She looked as if she’d escaped Bedlam. How had she found me? “If you don’t want tea, what do you want?”
She frowned, looking confused. The woman had no idea what she truly wanted. “The dowager said that even if the courts didn’t agree that our marriage was legitimate, we could ruin Jamie anyway. We would destroy his reputation.”
I inched closer, my weak legs stumbling. Dare I dive at her? Could I catch Millie before she fell? “If you love him why would you want to ruin him?”
“I don’t!” She stomped her foot, making Millie cry out, and making me cringe. “I want him. I want him and I will have him. We belong together!”
I held up my hands in surrender. “Very well. What say you we find Jamie and discuss this with him?”
“You’ll sway him!” She shook her head, that angry gaze morphing into one of terror. “The only way to win him back is to get rid of you once and for all.”
An icy chill raced down my spine. I surged forward.
“No!” she screamed.
Balancing Millie in one arm, she reached into her coat pocket and tore out a pistol. My heart lurched. I came to a skidding halt only a few steps away. She was going to kill me, but I’d be damned if I’d allow her to kill my daughter.
I swallowed hard over the lump of emotion in my throat. “If you kill me and the baby, Jamie will never forgive you.”
She grinned, her black eyes shining with madness. “He won’t know I did the deed. It will look like an accident.”
Perhaps she wasn’t quite as mad as we’d assumed. “Leave the baby and I swear I’ll go with you without fight.” My mind spun, attempting to figure out a plan. “The cliffs! If I fall off the cliffs it will certainly look like an accident.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why are you helping me?”
“Have you ever loved someone, Claudine? More than you love yourself?”
She tilted her chin stubbornly high. “Jamie, of course.”
I could have argued with that, but didn’t dare. “That’s how I feel about Millie. Please, she’s an innocent in all of this. She’s Jamie’s child.”
She looked thoughtfully down into Millie’s scrunched up face. My daughter was preparing to scream her displeasure. My fear intensified. If the crying annoyed Claudine, it would ruin my plan. One step at a time. First, I needed to get Millie out of the woman’s arms. Then, get Claudine out of the house.
“If you shoot me here, the mess would be terrible. You would never clean it up before Jamie arrived. He’ll know you did the deed. If it looks like I slipped off the cliffs, he’ll never think that you were responsible. And Jamie can still raise his baby.”
She frowned, studying my daughter. “With her dark hair, I suppose she might blend in with our children. No one need know. She does rather look like me. What say you, baby, shall you be part of our family?” She lifted Millie closer, the pistol tight against the baby’s back. My heart lurched. One misstep, one twitch of her finger and Millie would be dead. “James would be grateful, perhaps, if I didn’t kill his bastard child. If I took care of her like she was my own.”
Her words chilled me. Made me ill. Claudine as Millie’s mother was not something I could even stand to imagine. “He’d be grateful. He does enjoy her. He seems to love children.”
“Very well.” She settled Millie back in her basket. “I’ll leave her alone, if you go without fuss.”
I could finally breathe with some normalcy. “Just let me get dressed. It would look suspicious if I was seen out in my nightgown.”
We weren’t safe yet, but at least my baby was out of the mad woman’s arms. I started toward the basket to check on Millie. I had to see her one last time. But I’d only taken two steps when Claudine lifted the pistol and pointed it directly at my chest.
“My new daughter will stay,” Claudine said with a smirk. “But you are going with me. I am getting rid of you once and for all. Then James and I can be together forever, just as God intended.”
Chapter 8
James
A knock on the door surprised me. Other than Mrs. Willow and Jules, I knew no one in this small village who would dare to visit. Curious, I closed the trunk of clothing I’d been packing and moved out of the small bedroom at the back of the cottage. The knock sounded again, two impatient raps this time. Unease raised the hairs on the back of my neck. It wasn’t a feminine knock, but heavy and fisted.
Things were progressing well with Jules…almost too well. I felt closer to her than I’d ever felt to anyone. She was starting to trust me and I wouldn’t destroy that trust ever again. My instincts had been warning me something would go wrong eventually. My stepmother would not give up so easily. Neither would Claudine. Like serpents, they were waiting to strike.
I moved toward the door and tore it open, hoping to see Jules.
Instead, a tall dark-haired man stood there, beaver hat covering his head, dark eyes glaring at me under bushy brows. “Where is my sister?” he asked in a thick, French accent. “I know she’s here.”
My anger flared, boiling so I feared I might explode. This was the man who had sold Claudine to my stepmother, who had been so desperate for his sister to find a match that he hadn’t cared about ruining my life. My hands curled. The urge to slam my fist into his face overwhelmed me.
“Get the hell off my property before I kill you.”
He shifted, his desire to flee warring with his need to stand his ground. I could see the unease in his gaze, underneath the bravado. “I will leave when you tell me where to find my sister.”
“Do you honestly think I’d allow that woman into my home?” How had the man uncovered my location? Unbelievably, he started into the cottage. I shoved my hand forward and pushed him back out the door. “I didn’t invite you inside.”