Vivian looked at her daughter, who was cooing and smiling, happy to be outside in the morning sun. “Well, Fifi, you sure know how to make an impression!”
Chapter 2
Plaything
Two years later. Vivian is now twenty-one years old.
The minute hand on the clock in Vivian’s small apartment ticked to indicate 10:00 PM, and as if on cue, her boyfriend Todd barged through the front door. His imposing, muscular body darkening the moonlit hallway.
Two-year-old Fifi was sound asleep in her crib, which had now been moved into the living room. Vivian sat on the sofa watching late-night TV. Todd grunted and stomped clumsily toward her.
“Hey, baby, there’s meatloaf on the counter if you’re hungry,” said Vivian in a hushed tone, not wanting to disturb Fifi’s slumber. She’d taken ages to go down that evening and Vivian was exhausted from carrying her around and singing nursery songs to her for hours.
“Mm. Already ate,” responded Todd, scratching his belly, seeming to purposely defy Vivian with his loud voice. He lumbered toward the fridge and grabbed himself a beer.
Vivian could smell the booze oozing from his pores, and wondered why he needed another beer. His gait and scent both told her that he had already had more than his fair share for the night. Vivian, however, decided to keep all this to herself. Todd wasn’t generally in a good mood when he came home from work … or ever, really, and he would be angry at her if she even attempted to mildly lecture him. She’d learned that the hard way.
Todd plonked himself down on the sofa next to Vivian and sucked down his beer in a few loud gulps. Vivian kept her eyes glued to the TV. He leaned forward and slammed his empty beer can down on the table, burping loudly. His hand made its way to Vivian’s inner thigh and squeezed its way upward.
“I’ll get you another beer, babe,” Vivian got up hurriedly and made her way into the kitchen. Just as she was opening the can on the counter, Todd snuck up behind her and began manhandling her once again. He pushed her against the kitchen counter and unbuckled his belt as if he was going to take her then and there. Vivian was exhausted from looking after Fifi all day. Now that her daughter could walk and talk, she was so much more work. Vivian tried to get out from under Todd’s grasp, but her struggle to escape only made him more aggressive. He’s the one who pays the bills, Vivian reasoned as she took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom where his brash sex noises were less likely to wake Fifi.
Todd pawed at her plump breasts, pinching and twisting her nipples. He slipped his thick fingers into her mouth. He pulled up her skirt and yanked down her panties, then spanked her ass while pulling her hair, forcing her to arch her back. Todd then tossed her on the bed—he was stronger than he looked—and shoved himself roughly inside her. He rammed her so hard and fast Vivian could see the nails that held the wooden planks of the bed’s headboard together were coming loose. She worried the loud squeaking they were making might disturb Fifi. Part of her hoped it would because it would give her an excuse to get away.
Todd continued to use her like she was a piece of meat with no purpose other than to spread her legs for him. There was no pleasure for her. It was like he didn’t even know anything about a woman’s parts, or didn’t care. But she knew a trick to get it over with quickly—she opened her mouth, tilted her head back, closed her eyes, and moaned. She had never understood how he could really believe she was enjoying him jackhammering into her with no regard for her pleasure, but she figured he didn’t give it much thought, not beyond his own pleasure anyway.
At long last, he shot his load inside her with a grunt. He rolled over, let out a hefty fart, then closed his eyes and got comfortable.
Vivian stayed on her back, legs spread, wide awake for some time. She wished that Todd was more of a father, that he would one day come home from work and tell her he was taking her and Fifi to the movies, or out for pizza ... something. Or even come home early for once, so they could spend time together as a family rather than heading straight for the bar after work as he did most nights.
Her eyes trailed over Todd’s sleeping outline. He gave a rumbling, throaty snore and slobber seeped from his parted lips and down his chin. She shook her head. It wasn’t within his character to be caring. He had been sort of sweet when they’d met at the restaurant. He’d come in after work for a beer with his buddies and had taken a liking to Vivian, who was waiting tables. He’d asked Vivian for her number and she’d given it on the bill with a winky face. Todd was an electrician—she had read it on his name tag attached to his blue overalls. He may not have been an investment banker, but Vivian knew full-well tradesmen were in high demand, and electricians were well paid. So, when he had called her the next day to ask her out for dinner, she’d obliged. He wasn’t the best looking guy, and youthful Vivian was still in her prime, so she worked it to her advantage. She could tell Todd was proud to have blonde arm candy that evening. It hadn’t taken long, however, for his charm to wear off. After they’d been living together for a few months, it was gone entirely. Now she was basically his glorified sex doll, with a daughter he put up with for that reason and that reason only.
Vivian got up carefully, doing her best not to disturb Todd. She tiptoed out to the living room. She’d moved the crib out there because Todd never seemed to care about waking the baby; why would he? It’s not like he ever fed her, changed her, or even picked her up.
Peering over Fifi’s crib, Vivian kissed her daughter lightly on the forehead. “Todd may not be the best father, Fifi, or a father at all, for that matter, but at least he gives us a place to stay and pays the bills,” she whispered, forcing a smile through her tears.
Chapter 3
Beta bucks
Three years later. Vivian is twenty-four years old. Fifi is five.
The clouds parted and sunbeams streamed down onto Vivian’s cheek, warming her as she put on her sunglasses. She looked up at Adrian who she’d been meeting for a few months. He had kind eyes, a bulbous nose, thinning hair, and a potbelly; not terribly physically attractive, but Vivian was most drawn to his gentle demeanor—the opposite of what she was used to in a man. The thirty-eight-year-old worked in middle management at an industrial equipment company. Adrian didn’t date much because of his slight social awkwardness, which may have also explained why his wife left him three years ago and he’d remained single ever since.
Vivian tried not to get down on herself for her interest in him. It wasn’t as though fit and stylish men were paying attention to her anymore. Why would they when they could go for fresh, child-free, eighteen- and nineteen-year-old girls?
Since Vivian had stopped breastfeeding, her boobs had taken on the appearance of old, limp balloons that had lost their air. She would often hold them up in the mirror and lament the days when they were perky and buoyant. It wasn’t fair—most girls her age had firm, plump breasts. Then again, most girls her age hadn’t given birth. Even her skin had lost its luster and clarity. Not only was it spotty and patchy, but fine lines had appeared at the corners of her eyes, around her mouth, and between her brows. Her ass had developed dimples, and cellulite crept down her thighs. When groups of young college girls walked past her while she was out running errands, it all hit her that much harder. At only twenty-four, she already felt she’d left her prime behind her.
Besides the fact that Vivian didn’t think she could find anyone better, Adrian had a stable job, a decent income, and lived in a much larger, more modern apartment than the one she’d been living in with Todd previously.
Vivian and Adrian had met in a park near Todd’s house a few months back. Adrian had been on his lunch break, and Vivian had been on a run with Fifi. She worked late afternoon and evening shifts at the restaurant, so she had daytime hours off, which she used to spend time with Fifi and keep herself in shape. He’d bumped into her while eating a hot dog, and the two had started talking. They’d ‘run into’ one another almost every day since. She would tell him her relationship problems, he would spill
to her his latest work drama. They had only recently started seeing each other outside of the park. Adrian had asked Vivian to join him for dinner at his favorite restaurant then to the movies. She’d gone, telling Todd she was working late. Not like he cared anyways.
One day, Adrian hadn’t shown up at their usual meeting place, so she’d messaged him. He had been sick in bed. Vivian asked him for his address and had brought him a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup, with Fifi dangling on her arm. Their relationship progressed slowly but surely from then on.
Today, Vivian had decided to kiss him.
She was used to having to fend off advances from the gross guys she served at her waitressing job, but she wasn’t used to being the one to put the moves on. Slowly, she leaned in and puckered her lips.
Adrian’s eyes widened and he pulled his head back in shock. “What are you doing? You’re married!”
Vivian hadn’t expected him to put up a fight. Nor was she entirely sure why she’d lied and told Adrian she was married to Todd. They were far from married, on the contrary, Vivian had been trying to work up the courage to leave him for a while. She’d told Adrian she was in an unhappy marriage when he’d told her about his ex-wife to make him feel more comfortable talking to her. At that point, they had been just friends. She hadn’t known she may want something else.
“Vivian, there’s no way I would kiss another man’s wife. I know things have been bad between you and Todd, but you need to leave him before anything could ever happen between us.”
“Sorry, Adrian. I know, I know. I’m just so ... scared. And you’ve been so nice to me.”
Adrian took her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “And I will continue to be nice to you whether you leave him or not. But you need to be strong and make a decision, I’m not getting in the way of anything until you do.”
When Vivian got home that night after work and picking Fifi up from the nursery, she showered then changed Fifi and put her to bed. Vivian headed out to her balcony with a glass of wine and a cigarette. It was an old habit she hadn’t quite kicked, though she was down to one or two cigarettes a day now.
She placed the tan filter between her lips then sparked the lighter, bringing it to the cigarette tip and lit it. Sucking in the sweet nicotine, her whole body relaxed. Between each puff, she sipped her grocery store wine. Leaning against the rusted railing, she noticed Todd’s truck pull in to the parking lot earlier than usual. Dammit, she’d been looking forward to some alone time. She was still embarrassed from the incident with Adrian and had wanted to work out her next move in peace and quiet—rarities in her life. Todd was nothing but an annoyance who just wanted to cum inside her, rollover, and fall asleep.
Todd got out of his car as a tall, big-breasted woman crossed the road. She wore a tight black dress and silver stiletto heels. Even from as far away as she was, Vivian could see Todd’s eyes follow the girl’s ass. He didn’t break his stare until she was out of sight.
Vivian felt a hot burning in her belly she hadn’t experienced for a long time. She was seething. Who does he think he is? Looking at other girls right in front of our apartment! What will the neighbors think? That I’m some kind of whore? I’m the young, good-looking one. I’m the one who’s supposed to have the wandering eye. Not him! It was bad enough that she barely made enough money to keep her daughter in nursery, that she had to rely on this piece of crap to keep a roof over her head and pay the bills, but she wasn’t aging well and it was starting to affect her. Vivian had only her looks and they were fading. Todd eye-fucking another woman right in front of her just rubbed salt in the wound.
She stubbed her cigarette out then pulled another from the pack. She didn’t get angry often, but when she did, she could smoke half a pack.
A few minutes later, the knob on the front door wriggled then turned. It swung open and in stomped Todd.
Usually, Vivian greeted him with a sweet hello and a kiss; he didn’t typically reciprocate, but she knew he liked a cheerful welcome. He wasn’t getting one of those today. She averted her eyes and took deep breaths, trying her best to calm down. At one point, she caught him glancing toward her in her peripheral. He seemed to be purposely making noise to get her attention, so she would ask him to keep it down for the baby’s sake. She refused to relent.
Eventually, he lumbered over and opened the balcony door, looking at her curiously. “You need to cut that out,” he grumbled, pointing to her cigarette.
“Oh, do I, Todd? Do I?” She took a long drag then blew tendrils of smoke his way.
“What’s the matter with you?”
“I’ll tell you what’s the matter with me: I come home after a long day of work, take care of my baby, then sit patiently waiting for my boyfriend to get home. You pull in and I catch you staring at some hooker! You ogled her for so long I thought you were going to whip your dick out and start jerking off!”
Todd was taken aback. Vivian knew he checked out other girls all the time. It was just the kind of guy he was. She didn’t know why this incident had her so riled up but she couldn’t seem to control her anger.
“You better watch your tone, woman,” Todd responded calmly but firmly, taking a swig of his beer.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Todd. What? Are we in a relationship from the 50s? No one talks to their girlfriends like that anymore. Welcome to the twenty-first century.”
Todd’s health had declined recently and he was looking weaker, not as imposing. “I’ll talk to you however I want,” he said menacingly, moving toward her slowly.
“You know what, Todd? No, you God damn won’t. I’m sick of you treating me like shit. I’m sick of you not giving a crap about Fifi. I’m sick of looking at your ugly face. I’m fucking done!”
“You’re done? I should’ve dropped you two years ago before you started looking like a ratty skank. You think all that makeup makes you look good but it just makes you look old. Time to get me an upgrade.”
“Do whatever, or whoever, you want, Todd,” Vivian yelled as she slammed open the balcony doors and made her way to the bedroom. She re-emerged with her suitcase, which banged against the wall as she dragged it out, waking Fifi.
“You and that annoying little kid can get the fuck out of my house tonight! It’s not like we’re married or anything,” he yelled from the balcony.
By this point, Fifi was screaming. Vivian put down the suitcase to pick up her little girl. “Shh, baby girl. It’s okay,” she said in the calmest voice she could muster.
Vivian had managed to pack her and Fifi’s things in a matter of fifteen minutes. No goodbyes were uttered upon her leaving. She waved at Todd with her middle finger from the driveway. He responded in kind.
Her car was in the shop (as it usually was, the hunk of crap that it was), so the mother and daughter pair walked along the sidewalk, the chilly air nipping at their skin. Fifi was pulling her prized possession—her red wheelbarrow full of books—behind her. The wheels squeaked, breaking the heavy silence between them. She looked up at Vivian. “Mommy, where are we going?” she asked softly.
“Uncle Todd is a big meany, sweetie. We can’t stay with him anymore. But we’re going to be fine, okay? We’re going to go stay with a friend.” Vivian could see her breath, white plumes on the cold night air. She pulled her zipper further up and jammed her free hand in her pocket, the other gripped Fifi’s.
“Is it a friend like Uncle Todd?”
“No, baby girl. This friend is much nicer than Uncle Todd.” Vivian noticed the streetlight shined on Elijah painted in white along the side of Fifi’s wheelbarrow. A book tumbled out and onto the sidewalk.
“Stop, Mommy! Stop!” Fifi was always overdramatic when it came to her books.
Vivian sighed with impatience, but also with a bit of appreciation for Fifi’s love of and dedication to books. Elijah would have been proud. Vivian wondered for a moment what he was up to, but pushed the thought from her mind.
“Mommy, I’m cold. And tired. How much longer do we ha
ve to walk?”
“Just a few more blocks, sweetie. Let’s walk faster. If we get our blood pumping, it will warm us up.”
With that, they sped up their pace.
Vivian remembered where Adrian lived from the time she had brought him soup. She prayed she could pull this off.
They walked until they came upon a high-rise apartment building with mirrored windows. They admired it from below before entering the lobby. The guard, who had fallen asleep with his feet up behind the reception desk, woke with a fright when the door slammed behind them.
“Good evening,” he greeted them, trying to recover from his slumber.
“Good evening. Don’t worry, I know where I’m going,” Vivian put her hand out to let him know he needn’t get up. She walked straight to the elevator and pressed the ninth-floor button. In moments, the doors swished open, and the mother-daughter duo was transported to Adrian’s condo.
When the elevator doors opened, Vivian stepped out then stopped. “Give me a sec, Fifi,” she said while reaching into her handbag. She pulled out a compact and opened it, she pinched the skin around her eyes. Next, she took out her mascara and a tissue then smeared mascara beneath her eyes. She pulled out eye drops and doused her eyes with the solution.
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
“Nothing, babe. Just hang on, I’m nearly done. And listen, when we get to Mommy’s friend’s house, Mommy is going to act like they do on the movies. Don’t say anything, okay, Fifi?”
Vivian snapped her compact closed and took Fifi’s hand, leading her down the hallway while sniffling and rubbing her eyes. The wheelbarrow’s dodgy wheels squeaked, echoing through the narrow hall. They stopped in front of the door.
“Go ahead, knock, Fifi.” Vivian urged her daughter.
Fifi knocked timidly.
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