I had my moments when I thought I could have a real future Liz, but there were many times when I realized I was just getting caught up in the heat of passion, or what could be. I didn’t think I’d ever settle down with anyone, not even her.
Now, alone with my thoughts, I let myself truly consider how I felt about her. Was it possible that I was just deluding myself? That I was so stuck in my old way of thinking that I wasn’t willing to consider that it was wrong? Was I really just a fool to think that I could pretend with Liz and it wouldn’t turn real at some point?
I wished the answer was black and white in my brain, but the fact of the matter was that I couldn’t make up my mind on how I felt about her. Not deep down inside, anyway. Sure, I loved her in my way, and I thought she was hot as hell, but when it came down to it, I didn’t know if I could commit to her for life.
My mind was so cluttered; I didn’t know what to think.
But I still couldn’t help but wonder - what if I could fall in love with Liz?
What if I already had?
Chapter 15
Liz
No, I already told you I’m going out with Cassie tonight. We’re going to have to reschedule or something – you knew about this already!
I hit send, but the answer came back rapidly, and I sighed.
I told you on Thursday that we need to be out together, and now you’re ditching me to hang out with Cassie!
I typed out a response, then I erased it and tried again. I didn’t want to fight with Nick, but at the same time, I didn’t want to go out with him tonight. We had been spending a lot of time together, and tonight, I just needed some space. It wasn’t as though I was going to be doing anything too exciting.
Cassie and I had plans to go downtown and grab a few drinks. We might go shopping, or we might just hang out at one of the bars. We could do what we wanted, I wasn’t worried about the tabloids, and I didn’t think the investors would care about what I was doing as long as I wasn’t making a spectacle of myself, which I had no intention of doing.
As long as Nick was staying out of trouble and off their radar, then we were free to do as we wanted. And tonight, what I wanted was to see my best friend.
I’m not ditching you. I told you that I had plans with my best friend, and I’m going to go out with her. I don’t think we need to be seen out all the time together; the last thing you want is for people to think that we are codependent. Not to mention the investors didn’t ask me to babysit you all the time. Enjoy some space tonight.
I hit send, and I expected another rapid response, but my phone didn’t go off again. I was relieved and decided it was time to get ready to go out with Cassie. I didn’t mind spending time with Nick, but I didn’t want this arrangement to start invading my life entirely.
I hadn’t seen Cassie since I told her about Nick’s and my business arrangement. She had seen it in the news when the engagement was announced, and she had called me to ask about things, but she had school to worry about, and I was busy with work and trying to keep up with appearances.
With the reporters and paparazzi constantly being a factor, I didn’t always have the freedom to just go out with her like we once did. There was a part of me that felt bad about that. I had told her, after all, that we were going to be able to hang out like we did back home in Phoenix.
It was something she had looked forward to when she moved to New York City, and something I genuinely thought I’d be able to do with her. But I hadn’t realized back then I was going to end up engaged to one of the richest men in the country, or that my life was going to change so drastically in such a short time.
She had been so understanding with me before; now I wanted to make the time for her. After all, celebrities did get to go out and spend time with their friends, and I was going to take advantage of that fact
Cassie and I had already planned to meet downtown, and I was eager to get down there. I changed into something flirty but tasteful and did up my makeup as nice as I dared. I didn’t want to look single, but I was an attractive twenty-six-year-old woman. There was no need to look like a nun.
I had to figure something out – something that was right for me while I was still there for Nick the way I said I would be. It was true, I didn’t know what to expect when I got myself into this mess, but I certainly didn’t think it was going to turn out like this.
All I could do was take it one day at a time and swing at the pitches that came my way. As soon as Nick’s investors were satisfied and got off his back, things would go back to normal, and I could go back to being an anonymous brand manager and not the tabloids flavor of the week.
But the thought of going back to normal was almost just as distressing. I loved spending time with Nick, and I liked the way it felt when he put his hand possessively in the small of my back. I knew it was all for show, but it felt good just the same. And the sexual chemistry we had was off the charts. We hadn’t slept together again since the last time, but it was only a matter of time before we would. The pull between us was just too strong. I sighed as I finished putting on my earrings. I knew that there was a part of me that was frustrated with the fact I knew Nick didn’t have it in him to be in the kind of relationship I ultimately wanted.
He was too hurt by his past, too reserved. He didn’t open up to women, and I knew that. My mind briefly flashed back to the memory of when he told me he was leaving Phoenix. He didn’t want to leave, but he couldn’t stay, either. I tried to tell him that I had feelings for him, but I was so protective of my heart, I couldn’t get the words to come out. He rescued me from having to say anything by telling me that he wasn’t cut out to be in a real relationship.
I remember crying about it; I remember hating him for a short time. I also remembered never being able to hate him fully. I just wanted him, and I’d never let it show.
Now, I was dealing with more feelings that I didn’t want to have. Feelings that were confusing me and making me want to pull back. I didn’t want to be hurt by him again, even if it was my own fault that I did. It was so complicated, the only thing I could think to do was go out with my friend.
“Hey! You made it!” she said as I stepped out of the cab.
“Missed you!” I hugged her. “Life’s been crazy.”
“Tell me about it. I’ve been watching some of what I could on what you’re up to recently. Talk about going from zero to one hundred in a day!” Cassie laughed.
“Right?” I sighed. “I needed a night out with you.”
“Then let’s get this party started!” Cassie said with a grin. “Come on, we’ve got some catching up to do!”
She grabbed my hand, and together we started heading to the bar. I was glad to be out with her. She was just the dose of positivity that I needed. I’d always loved that about Cassie. She was the kind of person to be happy about life no matter what was going on, and I knew she would cheer me up.
We didn’t plan on staying at any club for very long. We had so much to see and talk about; we didn’t want to have to shout at each other half the night over the noise of the crowd and the music. Not to mention, I knew the longer she and I were sitting at a bar or dancing, the more likely it was to get hit on.
Though the engagement I had to Nick was fake, I didn’t want the paparazzi to get a shot of that. I didn’t think they were going to be following me around, but I also didn’t know what would happen if they managed to get an image of me that could end up on a tabloid, either.
Hopefully being with Cassie would be enough to keep any rumors at bay, but I wasn’t so sure. It was New York City, after all, and there were plenty of people out to get a good story. They didn’t care how they came by the information, either. As long as they had their story, they were going to sell it to whoever would buy.
We had a good time, catching up and laughing, and I was almost able to forget about the stress in my life. I knew a night with Cassie would do that for me. But there were a couple of times I almost texted Nick, just to see how he was
doing.
When I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed, I wanted to know what he was up to. I wanted to hear what he was doing or make plans to see him in the next day or two. Cassie centered me. She made me feel light and happy, and like everything was going to be okay.
It was a good feeling, and there was a part of me that didn’t want the night to come to an end. I could have spent all my time laughing and dancing with her, forgetting about our problems.
But then, reality slapped me upside the head.
It happened when we were at our third club. A group of guys came walking over to us as we sipped on our drinks, grinning and laughing with each other. Then one happened to recognize me.
“Hey, aren’t you engaged to Nick Brantley?” he asked. “Look! Who would have thought that he’d let you out of his sight?”
“He doesn’t have me on a leash,” I said, annoyed. “This isn’t the 1950s.”
“Still. If you were my girl, I wouldn’t let you out dressed like that without me.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m not your girl, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Ooh, feisty!” he said with a laugh. “I like that. Tell me, does your man like that too?” Now he was standing way too close to me, and I could feel his hot breath on my cheek as he spoke.
“Why don’t you back off asshole?” I said, trying to turn away from him. Back off.
He stepped closer to me, but Cassie had had enough. She stepped forward, and in a single motion, kicked the guy in the balls.
“She said get out of here!” she snapped. The guy fell to the floor, and the others backed off. We were getting the attention of the bouncer, and as soon as he came over, we told him what happened.
“I can have these men removed immediately,” he said.
“Don’t bother with that,” Cassie said. “We’re leaving.”
I was still in a state of shock. I’d never had anything like that happen to me before, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. She grabbed my hand, leading me out of the club and back to the sidewalk.
“What the hell was that?” I said at last.
“You’re with someone famous,” she said with a shrug. “People are going to get weird now.”
I sighed. I hadn’t thought about that. I was shocked enough that the reporters were all over me. I didn’t realize I was going to have to watch out for the creepy fans, too. But, now that she said it out loud, of course, I’d have to be.
It was something that came with the territory.
“Come on, let’s go back to my place and get drunk,” Cassie laughed. “There’s no creeps there.”
I agreed. I wanted to crack another joke, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. I was overwhelmed all over again, and I couldn’t believe this was really going to be my life now. It didn’t matter if the marriage was fake or not. They thought it was real, and that was really what mattered.
I didn’t know how long it was going to last, and that made it worse in a way. It was going to be something I had to get used to, along with the people forever watching every move I made.
I wasn’t sure I was cut out for the stress of it all.
But I’d made a promise to Nick, and I intended to keep that promise.
I’d just have to deal with it.
Chapter 16
Nick
I finished stirring the sauce and had just finished pouring the wine when my doorbell rang. I knew it was Liz, and she was going to be alone tonight. I invited her over earlier that afternoon, telling her that we needed to really talk about the wedding plans and what we were going to be doing for that.
She agreed, but we kept the conversation short and to the point. I hadn’t spoken to her since she texted me telling me she was going out with Cassie, and I thought it was better to give her some space. I didn’t want to push her away in my enthusiasm – or my fear over what might happen if she were to change her mind.
She seemed to be rather distant overall lately, and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.
I didn’t like how things had become rather complicated between us. I had to admit that it was my fault that they had. I was the one who set the whole thing into motion.
I hadn’t thought at the time what toll it might take on our friendship. I thought she would be perfect for the position in my life because of how good our friendship was, but I didn’t think that things might change between us because of it.
Of course, they would. How could I ask someone to pretend to marry me, only to make sure we both knew that it was fake and not have things change? It would only be in a perfect world that things could stay entirely the same before and after.
And God knew we didn’t live in a perfect world.
I took a deep breath as I walked toward the door. I hoped she wasn’t going to be upset about the night before, but then, I wasn’t afraid to stand up to her if she was. She had agreed to the plan, and that meant she was going to have to do her part in everything. It wasn’t easy for me, either, but I was doing my best.
And that’s what I was asking from her as well.
She smiled when I opened the door, and a feeling of relief washed over me.
“Come in,” I said with a smile. “You look great.”
“Thanks,” she said.
She grinned at me, and I motioned for her to follow me to the kitchen. “I can make you a margarita if you like, but I thought the wine would go better with the spaghetti.”
“Wine and spaghetti are a good mix,” she said with a grin. “Did you put wine in the sauce?”
“I have my own secret recipe. If you hang around long enough, you might just learn what it is,” I replied with a smirk. She gave me a playful punch on the arm before taking the wine from me.
“I’ve got a pounding headache from last night,” she said.
“Were you out late?” I asked, trying not to sound too invasive.
“We ended up at Cassie’s place because of some creeps at the bar,” she said with a shrug. “I ended up just crashing there because I was too drunk to try to navigate my way back home myself.”
I shook my head, immediately becoming protective. “What kind of creeps? What did they do?” I asked, not realizing my hands had fisted at my sides.
Liz looked at me like I’d lost my mind for a second. “Nothing big, just some assholes who thought they were charming. They weren’t, and we let them know that.”
“Oh, so nothing got too out of hand then,” I said, relaxing a tad.
“Yeah, Cassie handled it like a boss,” she said. “I’m sure they wished they hadn’t tried to hit on us by the time we were done with them.”
I laughed, trying to keep the mood light. I was going to let her tell me as much as she wanted, then let her keep the rest to herself if she wanted. As long as she wasn’t in danger and the agreement stayed in place, I couldn’t really intrude in her life too much.
But it was becoming pretty damn hard to separate my feelings from the arrangement. “So about this wedding,” Liz said. “What do you have in mind?”
“It’s going to obviously be rather publicized, however we do it,” I told her.
She nodded as she looked down into her wine. I knew she wasn’t thrilled with that fact, but she had come to accept that it was all part of the deal she’d made. I was going to do my best to keep it as lowkey as possible, but there was only so much I could do.
When the media was involved, I knew it was going to be tough keeping things secret.
“The main thing we’re going to need is to get a marriage license,” I said. “Once we have it, we’ll only have thirty days to make it official. We can have paperwork put in place by attorneys outlining the terms of the marriage and that way when we part, it’ll be that much easier for both of us. When the time comes to call it off, we can make one of those ‘consciously uncoupling’ statements a ’la Gwyneth and Chris.”
I watched her face as I spoke, not sure how she was going to take it. But, once again, she just nodded. I felt a tension in my chest
, and there was a part of me that was a bit disappointed. I knew this is what we both agreed to do, but I wanted a bit more of a reaction out of her.
I didn’t like feeling as though she didn’t care. I knew that I wasn't fair to her, as I wasn’t sure how far I wanted it all to go, either, but that didn’t change the fact that I wanted more of her attention. I wanted her to want it to be real, and I didn’t understand that in my own head.
“So, are you going to hire someone to take care of all the planning and the details?” she asked.
“I was going to, yes,” I nodded. “And I was going to ask you how involved you wanted to be. We all know that planning a wedding is stressful, so I wanted to make it especially easy on you considering the circumstances.”
She nodded. “I’m not too picky, really. I never have been. I always thought if I ever got married, it was going to be very small and private.”
I laughed. “Well small we can do. Private, not so much. I know you aren’t thrilled with this, but I promise you I will do everything in my power to make it as painless as possible. It’s not going to be as bad as it seems, I promise.”
She looked at me, but then she shrugged. I knew she wanted to say something, and it was likely along the lines of how I’d promised a lot of things wouldn’t be so bad, but they were. It was hard for me to remember she wasn’t like me. She didn’t like being in the spotlight, and I thrived when I was the center of attention.
We were different in that way and always had been.
“So it’s settled then,” I said, trying to change the subject for the better. “We’re going to find someone who’s easy for you to work with, and you can tell them whatever you want. This can be as big or as small as you want it to be, just know that it’s going to make its way into the media.”
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