by Kat Addams
“I’m at the midwife’s office. I can’t talk right now. I need to know your health history though. Can you tell me really quick, and I’ll call you back when I get out of here?” I slowly swung my legs back and forth on the edge of the table, avoiding Celeste’s gaze.
“You’re there now? Why didn’t you tell me! How far is it? I’m on my way.”
“No, no. You don’t have to do that,” I said breathlessly. The thought of having these awkward conversations with the man who had pounded me in the backseat of his car made me sick to my stomach.
“I want to. Please. Please let me help. Support. Whatever I can do.” He sounded hysterical, on the verge of tears.
A pang of guilt shot through my chest. This wasn’t only my crazy situation. It was his too.
“It’s at 8511 Central,” I said, shrugging my shoulders at Celeste.
“That’s right by me! Okay. I’m on my way. No bad health history. Cavities and the odd … hemorrhoid now and again. Though I don’t think that is hereditary. I think it’s all the damn spicy food I eat. I’m getting into my car now. See you soon!” He hung up the phone.
My cheeks burned as I stuck my hand out to lean back onto the table. Today was too much. This was too much. Aiden’s hemorrhoids were too much. How had I gone from sexy salsa lessons to humiliating medical history in a matter of days?
“He says he has cavities and hemorrhoids.” I pursed my lips together and looked toward the window.
Celeste flinched.
“All right. Aussie hemorrhoids! Oi! Oi! Oi!” She laughed, scribbling on her clipboard. “And I’m assuming he’s on his way, so he can tell me more … if I have questions. Which I do.”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now, you seem like a safe case, but I just want you to know that I also have a doctor on the team, just in case. Okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“Cesarean. C-section. If you can’t push the baby out or something happens, I always have a doctor on call. But you’ll be fine. You seem as healthy as a horse! Now, I’m going to step out and let the nurse come in and do some labs. I’ll see you after in the ultrasound room.” Celeste stood up, towering over me and laying her hand on my shoulder. “And, hey, it’s okay to be nervous. Deb is excellent at handling all of that. I’ll send her in later too. You got this, Mama.”
I sniffled back tears, nodding. I’d never had surgery before or pushed a baby out of my hoo-ha. I wanted my mother here with me or DTF or, yes, even Aiden. When he had told me he was coming, I’d surprised myself by breathing a sigh of relief. Our relationship had changed overnight from friends to parents, and neither one of us was equipped to handle that. But still, he’d offered me comfort. After all, that was what friends were for.
The nurse came in and took my blood pressure, my blood, my height, and my weight and asked me even more questions before leaving again. I felt like a science experiment—poked and prodded and on the table for display. My weak stomach could barely handle it.
At least I can skip the pelvic exam, I thought to myself as I kicked off my heels and put my feet in the stirrups for a quick photo op.
I spread my knees and held my phone out and down, so I could snap a quick, silly selfie of my panties to send to the DTF group text, captioning it #momlife. I’d always wanted to use that hashtag, but the only one I could relate to now would be #singlemomlife. I sighed.
“Knock, knock!” Aiden said, opening the door.
My feet flew out from the stirrups, knocking my phone out of my hand. It landed faceup at Aiden’s feet. The camera was still on with the selfie of my legs in stirrups staring up at him. He paused, cleared his throat, and picked it up, handing it back to me.
“Were you trying to get our baby’s first picture?” He laughed.
“No! I was—” I hopped out of the stirrups, straightening my skirt.
“Ms. Jenkins, time for your ultrasound. Oh! Hello. You must be the father,” the nurse said, stepping aside and opening the door wider.
I watched as her eyes grazed over his chiseled features, right down to his package that always bulged in his work pants. I had grown accustomed to women checking out my friend over the last year. I even laughed it off most of the time. But this time, this time … my nostrils flared.
“I am! I’m Aiden. Nice to meet you.” He stuck his hand out, greeting the nurse, who stared at him as if he were from another planet.
“Wow. That accent! Australian.” She sucked in her breath, motioning for us to follow.
“Yep. Aussie through and through,” he said, touching the small of my back and guiding me in front of him.
My jealous hormones calmed the second his fingertips were on me.
We walked into a dark room, where Celeste was waiting.
“Hello.” She smiled, introducing herself to Aiden.
He made small talk with the midwife while she covered my legs with a paper blanket, pulling my shirt up to my rib cage and exposing my softening belly. It hadn’t exactly ever been a rock-hard belly anyway. I ate my fair share of junk, and working out was out of the question unless it was swimming laps in my pool. I always started my summers in that pool with my swimming gear on and ready to time myself on each lap. But somehow, I ended up lying on a floaty with a tropical drink.
Now, I wouldn’t get the chance to earn that rock-hard body. Summer was creeping in on us, and before too long, I would be as big as a house. Women in my family carried their babies high and out, like a fat torpedo ready to aim and fire, destroying our bodies from the inside out. My mother loved to point out her stretch marks, blaming me for each one. My aunts and grandma did the same—or worse. Grandma had had five kids and five hernias, each named respectively. I shivered in my seat, remembering poor Aiden’s health history.
“Sorry, this is cold,” Celeste said, rubbing jelly on my stomach. “Right now, your baby won’t look like much to you on this screen. It’s hard to read. But I’ll point out all of the features I see. Let’s listen to the heartbeat first.” She rolled the wand below my navel, searching.
I side-eyed Aiden, who stood next to me with his eyes glued to the screen.
“Is it too early to tell if it’s a girl or boy?” he asked.
I kept my mouth shut, knowing it was a girl. It had to be. I couldn’t picture myself raising boys. Plus, I had that feeling. Nikki would probably say it was my ancestors speaking to me.
“Measuring at three months, so, yes, it’s a bit early. When you come back next time, we’ll be able to see the sex.” She stopped rolling the wand and pointed toward the screen. “Ahh. There’s your baby! And listen to that heartbeat!” She turned a dial on the machine, sending the thump, thump, thump sound bouncing off the walls.
“That’s the baby’s heartbeat? Not mine?” I asked. My heart felt like it was beating just as fast.
“Nope. That’s your baby’s,” she answered.
I looked up at Aiden, startled to find he was staring down at me. His hand smoothed over my forehead, tucking my hair away from my face. It was an intimate move I wouldn’t expect from a friend, and coupled with the stars in his eyes, I began to feel uncomfortable. This wasn’t how my baby was supposed to happen. Not with a friend or someone who was only in awe of me for carrying his spawn. This moment was supposed to be between my husband and me—two years after we married, according to my life plan.
I grabbed Aiden’s hand, gently holding it to stop him from patting my head like a puppy. The thump, thump, thump of our baby’s heart rang out, loud enough to pull me out of my frustration so I could focus on the life inside of me. I dropped Aiden’s hand, closed my eyes, and breathed.
“Are you okay?” Celeste asked.
“More than okay. Just taking a mental snapshot of this moment.” I smiled, eyes still closed, partly because I really was trying to compartmentalize this, but also those little heartbeats had me tearing up.
This wasn’t how I’d planned things, but I wasn’t dumb enough to refuse to enjoy my curveball. Even if that
curveball came with stretch marks and heartburn. That was my curveball—and Aiden’s—and I’d love that little nugget just as much as I would have if she’d arrived on my carefully planned schedule. I couldn’t fault her for not sticking to the rules. She’d inherited that from me.
As soon as I opened the back door to the taco truck, I pulled out the ultrasound picture of my baby and proudly handed it to Nikki.
“Check it out! Bun in the oven. Bean in the burrito. Call it what you want, I’m pregnant!” I smiled.
Nikki snatched the picture out of my hand and beamed. “This is the best. It’s like I can experience the good times of having a baby and hand it back to you. Do you know the sex? Boy? Girl?”
She passed the picture to Rox, who gave it to Betty. Even Betty couldn’t hide her smile before she handed the picture back to me.
“I have a feeling it’s a girl. It has to be. I don’t know anything about boys!” I put the picture behind a magnet on the fridge.
“Aiden would help with that, I’m sure. Have you seen him since you told him?” Rox asked.
“I did! He came to the midwife’s office with me,” I said, tying on my apron and getting to work.
I counted at least fifteen customers in line already, and we wouldn’t open for another twenty minutes.
“Hold up. Aiden went with you?” Betty asked.
“No, wait. You have a midwife?” Nikki asked, cutting Betty off.
“Yes, and yes. Aiden was there. We got to hear the heartbeat together. And my midwife is Celeste. She’s amazing. Oh! And you’ll be proud of this, Nikki: I have a doula! Deb the doula. You’d like her.”
Nikki clutched her crystal necklace, no doubt praying to something or someone.
“I’m so glad that man is stepping up. Good for him. I’m going to need to buy him a drink. I’ll tell Terrance to swing his truck by there and deliver some cocktails.” Betty bobbed her head and swayed her hips.
“I can’t believe you have a midwife and a doula! I’ve always wanted to see them in action. Can I be there when you go into labor? Please, please, please.” Nikki hopped up and down on her feet. The crystal that hung around her neck bounced around, catching the light and throwing sparkles around our tiny kitchen.
“I was hoping you’d all be there. I don’t think I can do this alone.” I fumbled with cups, plates, and silverware, unsure of which task to begin.
Ever since I’d found out I was pregnant, half of my brain had quit working. I’d read about this pregnancy brain symptom in one of my baby books, which explained a lot about my recent behavior. Just last night, I’d found a toilet paper roll in my fridge. I wondered where I had put that when I brought it to the downstairs bathroom and had to wobble around, looking for it, with my new, stretchy, elastic panties pulled around my ankles. I had stopped for a snack on the way to the potty, and … well, pregnancy brain.
“You’ll be fine. I think we all want to be there. But even if we aren’t, you won’t be alone. I think Aiden will be more than happy to be involved with his baby. He’s a good man. Just like his brother.” Rox opened the window slightly, letting out the taco fumes. She must have sensed my queasiness.
I could smell tacos all day, every day before I became pregnant. But now, I needed to buy a mask.
I wobbled against the countertop.
“Yes, he’s a good friend,” I muttered.
“Friend.” Betty smirked. “Terrance was my friend too. If you want more than that, you gotta go after it, honey.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know if I want more than that. We’re great friends. I’m afraid I’ll screw up what we have if I ask for more. Or worse, what if he doesn’t want to give it a go and I become crushed? How could I raise our child with someone who didn’t like me?” I put a dishrag to my face, wafting the scent of spiced meat away from my nose.
“He likes you more than a friend. You two made a baby! I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty sure sex causes that. And you need to at least like someone to have sex with them, right? Betty, don’t answer that. I’m talking to the normal people in this room. Without sex dungeons,” Nikki said.
“Even if he weren’t going down that train of thought with you, you would both figure it out for the sake of your baby. But you’ll never know unless you ask. If—and only if—that’s what you want. Don’t feel like you have to be in a relationship with your baby daddy. Put your kid and you first.” Rox tapped her spatula on the side of the pan and set it down.
Out of all my DTF friends, she’d grown the most over the last few years. After the life lessons she’d learned, I valued her advice more than anyone else’s.
“I’ll think about it. I’m just not sure I want a relationship with Aiden. We’ve never moved past the sex part. And that’s all it was. Fun dates and sex,” I said.
“Sounds like a relationship to me.” Betty shrugged.
“A friendship with benefits. No emotions.” I choked back my wooziness, straightened myself up, and began to work.
“You’re telling me, you’ve had zero emotions for that hot Aussie accent during the entire course of the year we have known that man? He is fine! I can’t believe you’ve never felt more than a twitch in your knickers,” Nikki said in a poorly attempted Australian accent.
“Maybe more than a twitch. Maybe a tickle. In my knickers and … in my chest. But that was gone soon enough! Whenever he clapped me on the back like I was one of his mates. Or whenever he high-fived me instead of hugged me. Or whenever he called me bro.”
“He called you bro?” Rox frowned.
“No. I think I made that part up. But still,” I said, trying to come up with any excuse I could not to turn my friendship with Aiden into a relationship.
There were too many variables, and he probably didn’t want to start something with me anyway. I was his dance partner, who occasionally did the horizontal tango with him too.
My thoughts circled back to the moment in the ultrasound room when he’d laid his hand on my forehead, smoothing my hair back and gazing down at me. Me. Not the screen, not the midwife, but me. As if I were the one making our baby’s heart beat. Which, now that I thought about it, I kind of was. I was his baby’s mama. The vessel bringing forth his child’s life. The divine fertile goddess populating the planet with my loins.
I shook my head. My thoughts had been heading into weird territory.
Pregnancy brain.
“Slowly ease into it. Don’t bring him into your dungeon and spank him with a riding crop, like I did with my man. I don’t think that will work on Aiden. He seems much more … traditional. But if that man came to your first appointment, he’ll be open to more. I can bet on it. Plus, look at you. You’re going places, Layla. That art studio is going to be yours one day. You’re beautiful, you have ambition, and you’re amazingly talented. Aiden would be a fool to not want to at least try to win you. That’s right. I said, win you. You’re the one carrying his baby. Let him do a little work too.” Betty wiped her hands clean and opened the window, calling out to the crowd that lunch was served.
“Thanks, Betty,” I said, throwing my arms around her back and squeezing her tight. “I don’t know what Terrance did to you today to put you in this sweet mood but thank him for me.”
“It was me who did something to Terrance that put me in this marvelous mood. Now, let’s sell some tacos, so I can get out of here and get mines later! DTF and little bean!” Betty laughed.
“DTF and little bean!” Rox, Nikki, and I chanted back.
FOUR
Aiden
I stepped into the steaming shower and let the water wash over my face. Moment by moment, my body began to warm from the frigid spring morning. Outer Forks’s weather wasn’t anything like Australia’s dry heat. It had taken me a while to acclimate to the cooler temperatures here. Though still considered a Southern city, Outer Forks had the perfect elevation in the mountains to experience all four seasons. I didn’t miss the searing heat of Australia, but I would give anything not to ha
ve to ice skate across my frigid floor in the morning.
I groaned, reaching for the shampoo bottle. I had another long day ahead of me. Ever since Layla had told me she was pregnant, I’d been working even harder than usual, trying to find a second location for Scarlett Herb. If I could manage two restaurants, I’d have enough revenue to support my child and possibly Layla, if need be. Not that I thought she needed my help, but the idea of me sitting around, doing nothing, while she grew our baby made me feel guilty and useless.
That last time we had been together was nearly a month ago in Celeste’s office, where we listened to our child’s heartbeat. I’d never experienced anything like that before. Not even with Monica back home. She kept her appointments to herself, never inviting me anywhere or involving me in the pregnancy. I suspected her keeping me at arm’s length was because she didn’t want me to know the truth until she was ready to tell it, which was, unfortunately, the moment after she birthed her child. I could still hear those haunting words from time to time. They’d often come out of nowhere, knocking me out of focus from whatever task I was occupying myself with at the time.
“He’s not yours. I’m sorry. Please go.”
I sighed, sticking my face into the stream of water as if I could wash those memories out of my mind. I’d tried. Everything. But those memories still stuck with me. Hope was what I’d had back then—or what I liked to call hopium. I’d sworn not to let myself fall into that drug again, but lately, with Layla, that addictive emotion had begun to creep back into my life.
Just last night, we’d had a four-hour chat on the phone. Our schedules were too busy to meet up, but we always checked in on one another almost daily. And last night, a quick check-in had led to a long and thrilling conversation.
“What do you think about Penelope?” Layla asked.
“What do you mean? Who is that?” I pulled my boxers off and slid naked into the covers, settling into bed. I’d never been one for pajamas. When my pants shifted one way, my ding-a-ling would shift another, and I’d toss and turn all night, adjusting myself.