by Laney Kay
I laughed, too. “Well, I still hate to dress up and I still hang out with the same people and do the same things, except now, I have my own fabulous house and my own car and a job.” He grinned at me. “So, why did you come to see me, Luke?”
“Sara told me you were living in the area and I just wanted to say hey.” Diego jumped in his lap and licked his mouth before Luke could react. Sputtering, Luke grabbed his muzzle and kissed him with a loud smack on his mouth, which cracked me up. He smiled at my reaction. “I’ve spent most of the past twenty plus years running a huge construction business. I was totally fried so I sold it, and I’m looking to do something totally different. Right now, I’m teaching a class on residential construction a couple of times a week at Georgia Tech, which is fun, but for the first time in years I actually have some free time and I want some folks to hang out with.”
“Well, you’ve come to the right place, at the right time. Sara and Mark are cooking out this Saturday and Lola, Mo and Harrison, and I are all going to be there. You know everyone, so you should come.”
He looked happy. “I’m in. It’ll be great to see everyone again. What time?”
I gave him the details, and we chatted for a few more minutes and I told him I had to go. Tomorrow was my first longer segment on the morning show, and Lola was coming over later to go over a few things and so she could approve my outfit.
He put Diego on the ground and stood up to go. I smiled up at him and he picked up our cups and tossed them in the trash can. “Well, Daisy, it was great to see you, and I look forward to seeing all y’all this weekend.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek and then waved as he headed off. I waved bye, gathered up my pups, and then headed home.
The next morning, I stood in the front of the mirror at the station and nervously checked my teeth to make sure I didn’t have spinach stuck in them, or more likely Cheetos, since I’d been hanging out with Lola the night before. Teeth fine. Hair not sticking up. Remembered to remove the Kleenex on my neck that kept the makeup off my shirt. Check. Check. Check. I was dressed in black jeans and a light green top the same color as my eyes. I wanted to wear all black because I’d never been a long lanky girl and it was true that the camera does add ten pounds, although if you’re short and overly curvy like me, I swear it’s more like fifteen. Maybe thirty. My boss told me that all black doesn’t make you look thinner on TV, so Lola approved this shirt because it drapes nicely, it’s actually stylish, it doesn’t wrinkle, and it’s a good color for me.
I had found a really interesting woman for my first long segment. Marie White had been a stay at home mom for several years until her husband killed himself. Marie found herself at forty-three with two teenage kids, a mountain of debt and an IRS tax lien on her house and bank accounts. For the next several years she took every job she could find, including a job as a phone sex operator, because she could do that at night from home while her kids were asleep.
Long story short, she eventually bought the phone sex business and franchised it. In fact, if you ever see a sign for Goddess4U, that’s Marie’s company. Her business is in an office park in Roswell and she has a call center for those who don’t want to work out of their home that is beautifully decorated and is ergonomically designed for the operators’ comfort with comfortable chairs and neck-saving headsets. She offers medical insurance for all her full time employees, plus a 401K and paid vacation. It’s amazing what she’s managed to accomplish and she’s an incredibly cool chick. I think most of my viewers are going to think she’s as awesome as I do, even though my boss wasn’t sure about the fact it was a phone sex business. I finally convinced him that most of my followers were women my age who would find this very interesting, and he agreed to let me give it a shot, so long as I focused on the business side and promised there would be no demonstrations or invitations for me to participate. We’ll see how it goes.
It turns out the interview was amazing. Marie came across as caring and determined, and I looked like I was having a great time, which I was. My entire life, I’ve always loved other people’s stories, and I’m one of those people that other people will tell everything to, whether we’re in a private room or in line at the Walmart. I think I just have one of those faces that makes people want to talk to me, but Lola says it’s because I’m friendly to people and there are a lot of people out there who don’t have anyone to talk to, at all.
That to me is very sad. I’ve always had a lot of friends, although Lola, Sara, and Mo are my absolute best friends, so I can’t imagine that my only option of someone to talk to is someone in the line at the Walmart. However, it’s happened to me enough that I guess Lola is right. There are a lot of people out there without a great support system, so maybe my goofy little interviews will help people realize that there are plenty of other people out there with problems just like theirs.
7
I was pretty happy about my first interview, and was excited to tell everyone about it. When I woke up Saturday morning, it was a gorgeous spring day. The sun was shining, the humidity was low, and it looked like the perfect day for Sara and Mark’s cookout. I got up, took a shower, got dressed in an old pair of shorts and my favorite t-shirt that said, “Dogs and Day Drinking,” fed the mutts, took them for a quick, well, quick for them, walk, and called Sara to see if I needed to bring anything. She told me to come on over and we’d make a grocery store run and get everything we need. I leashed up the mutts, put down the top, belted them in and headed over to Sara’s.
As I came into the backyard and shut the gate behind me, my pups spotted Mark over by the grill and started howling in excitement, so I let them off their leashes. In their experience, Mark is a reliable source of various cooked meats, so they love to hang out with him whenever we get together. I went over and hugged him. “I’m going in to grab some coffee. Want a refill, since it’s still a little too early for beer?”
He rolled his eyes and handed me his empty mug. “Yeah, that would be great, but to clarify, it’s never too early for beer.” I went inside and saw that the pot was almost empty, so I rinsed it out and started a new one. As I waited for the coffee to brew, I looked out at the backyard and marveled again at how beautiful it was.
Sara and Mark’s backyard is what happens when you put an architect and a designer together and turn them loose to create whatever they want. It’s almost an acre and is a mix of beautiful trees, flowering bushes, and year-round flowers that provide a profusion of colors all over the property. There’s a pool that looks like an old swimming hole, with a waterfall. He’s always getting leftover rocks and plants after jobs are completed, so there are walkways and patios that meander all over the property. Sara, who is a master gardener, has combined beautiful flower beds along with various vegetables so it’s beautiful and functional. Every year I buy her a bunch of flowers and fruits and vegetables to plant, and she supplies me with fresh produce all year. It’s fun for her because I try to find unique plants that I know she’ll enjoy and I’ve even gotten her involved with an heirloom seed exchange with a lady I interviewed for the paper last year.
The coffee was done, so I poured us two cups, doctored them, and took Mark’s out to him. He was cooking a couple of butts and some ribs on the smoker side, and we were having burgers and dogs on the grill, so he’d set up his area with an umbrella and a book. He’d turned on the outside speakers to classic rock, and had an ottoman to prop his feet on. All three of my dogs were sprawled around Mark’s feet, figuring that whenever the meat was coming, they’d be ready. I grabbed a chair and settled across from him so I could share his ottoman.
Mark is one of my favorite people. He’s tall with salt and pepper hair, has a runner’s build, and is kind of quiet and very laid back, which is a great contrast to his tiny dynamo of a wife. We sat and drank our coffee in comfortable silence. Suddenly I realized it was too quiet. “Hey, where are your kids?”
He laughed. “They all heard about the party and decided to spend the night out so Sara wouldn’t be able to
rope them into some kind of indentured servitude.”
That made me laugh. “Me, too. I saw her out front and hurried past her before she hijacked me and made me clean the fish pond or something.”
Mark looked around to make sure Sara wasn’t around before he spoke. “Look, if we see her, we need to look extremely busy. She said something last night about wanting to put in a waterfall and I’m not in the mood for that kind of work.”
I nodded in agreement. “So who all’s coming today?”
He took another sip of coffee. “The usual suspects. Us, Lola, Mo and Harrison, and the kids and their friends will wander in eventually.” He got up to check the smoker and satisfied with what he saw, he sat back down. “Oh, and I think Luke is dropping by. He said he saw you out the other day.”
I nodded. “Yep. He sounds happy to be back so I’m glad he decided to come”.
Mark agreed. “Yeah, me too. He’s a great guy and I’m glad he moved back to town.”
I was curious about Luke and what happened to him in New Orleans. “He seemed kind of evasive about it when I asked about it last weekend.”
Mark winced. “Sorry, Daisy, I think you really need to ask Luke about it. It’s a long, bizarre story and I think it really needs to come from him.” He scrambled to his feet and made a production of opening the smoker and checking the condition of his wood chips.
I narrowed my eyes and stared at him. “I know why you just did that. And you should know that checking your charcoal won’t make me go away, big boy.”
He rolled his eyes, very familiar with all of the women in his life and how we worked. “No shit. Nothing makes any of you go away.” He poked his pile of chips with long-handled tongs to resettle them, shut the lid, and settled back into his chair. “Seriously, Daisy, it’s not a fun story, it was a really bad time for him, and I don’t think I should be the one to tell it.”
Fair enough. I knew that at some point Luke would tell me what had happened, so I changed the subject to let Mark off the hook.
“Have you seen Bobby?”
Mark shook his head. “No, but he’s called me and Harrison every week to see what’s going on during the weekend.” Mark looked disgusted. “He just doesn’t get it. He thinks it’s no big deal, that we can just jump back into hanging out like we always did. He actually said that, quote, ‘once Daisy calmed down,’” he made little air quotes with his fingers, “’…it shouldn’t be a problem if we all hung out together.’”
I felt like my head was going to explode. “Are you freaking kidding me?” I jumped to my feet and threw up my hands. “Like it’s my fault? Like I’m having some temper tantrum and am keeping all of y’all from hanging out with him and his baby skank?!”
Mark laughed. “That’s pretty much my reaction, too. Last time I talked to him I told him that none of us were interested in hanging out with him and his teenage baby mama, and that he might need to find some new friends to go with his new life.”
I was grateful to Mark for his loyalty and felt tears well up in my eyes. I kissed him on the cheek and settled back into my chair. I actually kind of felt bad for Bobby because these guys had been some of his best friends since college and apparently I had gotten all of them in the divorce. He really had no close friends left. “Look, Mark, I love y’all for being so sweet, but I really don’t mind if you and Harrison wanted to hang out with Bobby if Sara, Lola, Mo and I aren’t around.”
He his head. “Yeah, we offered that as an option, but it doesn’t look like that will work. Apparently, baby skank doesn’t like him going anywhere and doing anything without her, and Harrison and I both made it clear that we were not hanging out with the two of them together.”
Okay. I was loving that. She won’t let him hang out without her? That’s hilarious.
About that time, Sara came into the backyard and Mark and I pretended not to see her and instantly tried to look busy. Mark leaped to his feet and checked the fire and I grabbed our coffee cups and headed toward the house, supposedly to get us a refill. Sara rolled her eyes. “Y’all are so full of shit. I’m not going to make you do anything, so you can relax.”
Mark and I froze and looked at each other, unconvinced. She had fooled us before. She sighed and put her hands on her hips. “I just came back here to get Daisy so we can go get groceries. Mark, you need anything?”
We relaxed and Mark dropped back into his chair. “Just some cheap beer. Nothing fancy. Bud Light or Coors Light is good.”
I raised Mark’s cup to see if he wanted a refill. He shook his head and smiled and I headed inside. He grabbed Sara’s hand and pulled her on his lap, “Other than that, whatever you want is good. Get some hot dogs and buns.” He kissed her quickly on the mouth and helped her back up. “And I think we need some buns for the hamburgers and the butts, but we have plenty of burgers.”
She smiled and patted his face as she got up and followed me inside.
I went into the kitchen, rinsed out the cups, and put them in the dishwasher. Sara grabbed her purse and keys, and we headed out the door. We decided to take her SUV since my Bug is pretty limited size-wise, and as she pressed the button to unlock the door, I felt my heart rate speed up as I realized she was planning on driving. I casually asked, “Hey, Sara, why don’t you let me drive.”
She shook her head and started to get into the driver’s seat. Now I was feeling a little panicked. “Sara, seriously, please let me drive. I’m begging you…”
She shot me a nasty look. “Just get in, buckle up, and shut the hell up.” I rolled my eyes, but I got in, buckled my seat belt, tested it to make sure it was secure, and pushed my seat back as far as it would go so I’d be farther away from the airbag.
The truth is, Sara is a terrible driver and none of us let her drive anywhere if we can help it. One day, when Sara had almost wrecked us trying to avoid a squirrel, Lola told her that as a woman of Asian descent, she should not be such a bad driver because it just perpetuates the stereotype. Sara didn’t say a word, just threw up her middle finger, looked in the rear view mirror to stick her tongue out at Lola, and promptly ran into a brick mailbox.
Honest to God, that was about the funniest thing we’d ever seen. She flattened both tires on the passenger side and ripped the bumper off the front corner of the car. Mo took a picture of Sara looking down at the car with the bumper cover in her hand and the most pitiful look on her face you’ve ever seen. All of us have a framed copy of that picture. Mine’s on my desk at home, and it makes me laugh every time I see it.
I think that’s what I love the most about these women. They are all so funny and so full of life and just a blast to be with. My mom asked me once if I thought we’d ever grow up, and all I could think of is that if growing up means calming down and not having fun when we’re together, then no, we’ll never grow up.
It was sunny and warm, so we rolled down the windows, turned up the radio, and headed out. It was going to be a beautiful day. Well, if we made it back in one piece, that is. “Hey, did Mark tell you that Bobby has been calling him every week?”
She snorted. “Yeah, I know it. I told Mark to tell that jackass that he and his skanky whore are never welcome around us, whether you’re here or not.”
I started to laugh. “Hey Sara, you sure he understood your position on this? I know you’re not very confrontational, ha, ha, ha.” I had no doubt about her loyalty to me, and I also know if Bobby asked her directly, that would be her actual answer. “Seriously, though, I don’t care if the guys want to hang out with him if I’m not around.”
Sara shook her head. “They really don’t want to. They’re as disgusted with Bobby’s behavior as we are, and they refuse to have anything to do with the baby skank. Apparently, she won’t let him out of her sight, so he can’t hang out with anyone unless she’s there.”
She and I looked at each other and started laughing. She intoned in this deep voice, “Be careful what you wish for, little boy.” We yelled at the same time, “Because you just might get it!
”
We got back from our errands to find that Mo and Harrison were in the backyard with Mark. They had all moved onto the screen porch, and Mo was in the hammock and Mark and Harrison were in two rocking chairs with their feet on the coffee table. They all had a beer and were lazily rocking back and forth, chatting about whether we should all take a vacation together this Christmas. I could hear my dogs chasing some varmit in the woods. I indicated that Sara should join them on the porch. “Go sit. I’ll unload the car and put everything away.”
Instead, Mo got up and followed me and Sara out to the car. It took three trips but we finally got everything inside and started putting it away.
Lola came in just as we finished. As usual, she looked like she had just stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine, even though she was wearing a pair of old denim shorts and a faded UGA t-shirt. I shook my head, marveling about how Lola always managed to look put together, no matter what she was wearing, whereas I was the exact opposite. I could be in a ball gown with professionally done hair and makeup, and within ten minutes, I would look like a hot little mess with some spill on the front of my dress, my hair standing on end and dragging a piece of toilet paper from the bottom of my shoe. Hilarious.
I was just about to tell her how awesome she looked when she casually asked, “Hey, did y’all see Bobby parked out front?”
My jaw dropped. “What do you mean, ‘did y’all see Bobby parked out front’”?
Lola shrugged and said she’d seen Bobby in front of the house. “I walked up to the open window, grabbed the front of his t-shirt, and whispered in his ear that he’d better get the hell out of here before I got my car and took out his other testicle. Bobby turned pale and said that he knew we were all together and wanted to talk to all of us. I told him it wasn’t a good time and that he wasn’t welcome and that if he wanted to talk to us, he could text us and make an appointment.”