by Laney Kay
Of course she didn’t. Lola doesn’t have any issues with men and relationships because she doesn’t have relationships with men. She casually dates, and she has lots of sex, but she never becomes involved with anyone, so I could see why she really didn’t get what was freaking me out. So, I told her in one long verbal spew. “Lola, you know I don’t want a relationship. I like my calm, uncomplicated, man-free life, and Luke is a major complication. He’s the kind of guy you end up with, not some casual transition guy, and if I started seeing Luke, it could totally screw up my new life, which I really love. I don’t want to mess up a good thing.”
Lola laughed. “Hey dumbass, take a deep breath. He almost kissed you, not married you. Don’t you think you might be getting a little ahead of yourself?” No matter how much of an idiot I am, Lola still loves me, so she tried to sound a little nicer, knowing that I was really upset. “Look, I know the idea of someone in your life freaks you out, but he’s a great guy, so why don’t you just roll with it and see what happens? I think you’ll have a great time, and maybe you’ll finally get a little action.” I rolled my eyes at that. “And you can deal with all this relationship stuff later. Maybe y’all will drive each other crazy and it’ll never go anywhere.”
I snorted. Whatever. But, I had to admit Lola was right. I was getting way ahead of myself. “Okay, you’re right. But Lola, do you realize I’ve never been on a date as an adult? Bobby and I met at the beginning of freshman year, so I don’t even know how to act. And there aren’t many things I suck at more than ‘roll with it.’”
I heard Lola say under her breath, “That’s for damn sure.” When I took a breath to finish my tirade, she interrupted. “Look stop making this a bigger deal than this is. Quit being such a damn wimp, and get your ass back out to the porch before he thinks you’ve fallen and can’t get up.”
I shook my head, thinking that maybe I should have called Mo or Sara instead of Lola. “Thanks. I’ll call you tonight.” I hung up, took a deep breath, splashed water on my face and tried to look nonchalant as I walked back to the porch, but I really don’t have much of a poker face, so I’m sure I looked more like I was trying not to throw up.
Luke was scratching Diego’s ears, and when I came back on the porch he looked at me intently, like he was trying to figure out if I was still freaked out or back to normal. I tried to smile, but I apparently wasn’t too convincing, because whatever he saw in my face made him stand up to go. “Well, Daisy, thanks so much for the water. I guess I’d better get going so you can run your errands.”
I felt a little bad, but a lot relieved. I stood up, too. “Yeah, I guess I should get going. Thanks for breakfast, but I need to get to the grocery store and then go see my mom, so I guess I’ll see you later.” I held out my hand for him to shake. Oh, shit, I am such a dork. He smiled and took my hand and started to shake it. “And thanks for telling me your story. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with a bad divorce, although, to be clear, yours is much worse than mine.” I was still shaking his hand and he kept looking at me like he was trying to figure me out. I finally snatched my hand back, and I’m sure I still had kind of a sickly, unconvincing smile on my face, so he finally figured it was time to go.
He smiled and turned to leave. “Well, okay. I’ll see you later, Daisy.” He waved as he walked out the door.
As soon as he left, I collapsed back onto my glider and all three of my boys jumped up with me. I felt kind of guilty because I was rude and didn’t even offer him a ride, but hell, he’s a big boy and he only lives a few streets over, so I didn’t feel that awful. All three pups flipped over so I could rub their bellies, which I did absently as I thought back to that moment when we had almost kissed. I could picture the focused look in his eyes as he leaned toward me and my heart started to beat faster.
Holy shit. I do not need this right now. I need something else to think about. I decided to go see my mother, because I told her I’d stop by, and I know that by the time she starts commenting on my terrible fashion sense and out of control hair, I’ll be unable to concentrate on anything remotely sexual. I went inside, made sure the dog door from the porch was opened, grabbed my keys and headed out to buy groceries and see my mom.
I was right. By the time I returned home that afternoon, my mom’s visit had done the trick. I was too tired and irritated to think about Luke or anything else. I turned on the ceiling fan in my living room, kicked off my flip flops, and threw myself on my sofa and my dogs all jumped on. We were lying sprawled in a lazy pile when the doorbell rang. I pushed the dogs off and went to open the door.
It was Luke. He looked concerned and asked if he could come in. I was confused. “How’d you know I was home?”
He came inside, and stood in the foyer with his hands on his hips. “You nearly hit me in a cross walk on North Highland a few minutes ago and didn’t even slow down. I came to make sure you were okay. Did something happen with your parents?”
I was still confused. “They’re fine. I guess I’m just preoccupied. My mom spent her usual time bitching about my lack of ability to dress myself and my ridiculous hair, then once she was done with that, she started in with telling me that I needed to find a man. I told her that I’m not interested in a man, and then I left.” I sat back on the sofa, fell back in the cushions and took a breath. “So no, it was a perfectly normal visit.”
Luke sat down next to me, looking annoyed. “So, you’re not interested in a man?”
I felt my eyes get big and I stared at him. I really didn’t want to have this conversation. I swallowed and finally managed to choke out, “Well, I just got divorced.”
He looked me in the eye. “Actually, Sara told me you’ve been divorced more than a year and broken up longer than that.”
I started to get irritated. First my mom and now Luke? “That’s not that long, buddy, and what’s it to you?”
He looked at me and shook his head. “What’s it to me? I’ll tell you what it is to me…I really like you and we seem to enjoy each other’s company, so I thought we could start dating. What’s the problem?”
I was speechless for a moment. “Seriously? You never said anything about being interested in me.”
He stared at me like I was nuts and raised one eyebrow. “Seriously? You couldn’t tell I’d like to spend more time with you?” He looked at me intently. “We almost kissed this afternoon and then you ran away.”
I got a little more aggravated. “As far as I’m concerned, I thought we were just friends.”
He shrugged. “We are friends, and I like hanging out with you, but Daisy, I also would like to get to know you as more than friends.”
I did not want to hear that. I’m sure my eyes were rolling around in my head like a crazy person. I started babbling. “Well, I’m not sure that I ever want to date anyone, and I really like my life the way it is, and I’m not sure I want to change it. I think the whole thing is a bad idea.”
I finally had to stop to take a breath and Luke looked at me, as though trying to figure out what was going on in my head and how serious I was about not dating again. He could tell I was panicked, so he took a deep breath and leaned forward. “Look, Daisy, I think you’re making this too big a deal.” He gently took my hand and stared at me until I looked directly at him. He smiled at me until I finally smiled back at him and started to relax. “I just want us to keep being friends and spend more time together, and we’ll just see where it eventually goes.” He squeezed my hand, “I don’t want to scare you, or pressure you, but we have a great time together and I really enjoy your company. Can’t we just hang out and have a good time? I’m still fairly new to the area and I think you’re a lot of fun.”
I stared at him while my mind raced. We did have a lot of fun, and Lola was right, we’re not getting married, we’re just hanging out together. It’s just like hanging out with Lola or Sara or Mo. Well, except none of them ever wanted to kiss me and they don’t scare me to death. But other than that, really, what’s the b
ig deal?
He was staring at me intently and I knew he could tell I was considering it. Then, he smiled again and I couldn’t help but think how adorable he was when he smiled. I pulled my hand back and looked at him. “Okay. You win. We’ll keep hanging out as friends and we’ll go slow.” I looked at him for confirmation and he nodded. “But I’m not promising anything.”
He slapped both hands on his knees and stood up. “Fair enough.” He reached down and grabbed my hand to pull me to my feet. I was kind of off balance and tripped against him and landed against his stomach and all I could think was holy shit, I can feel his abs through his shirt. I can’t date a guy with abs you can feel through a shirt. Hell, thanks to yoga, mine are strong, but are covered by at least twenty pounds of what I prefer to think of as protective fat. The only way you could feel my abs is to drill your finger into my belly like the Pillsbury dough boy. Why would a guy with a body like that be interested in a little chubby chick like me? He dropped my hand so he could grab my shoulders to keep me from falling, stood me up, and held out his hand to shake. “You’ve got a deal.”
Before I could move, he pulled me closer, pecked a light kiss on my cheek, and let me go. I just stared at him like a total goof. He told me he’d call me in the morning, wished me a good night, and let himself out the front door.
I stood there, trying to take in what had just happened. I took my cell phone out of my back pocket and called Lola as I locked the front door and returned to the sofa.
When I told her what had happened, she was thrilled. “Hallelujah! A man who knows what he wants.”
That pissed me off. “Does no one care what I want? Whose side are you on, anyway?”
There was a moment of silence and then Lola sounded irritated. “Daisy, you know I’m always on your side, and the reason I think this is a great thing is because I think that he is exactly what you want, you’re just too chickenshit to admit it.”
I felt cornered, mainly because I think Lola was probably right. I did enjoy Luke’s company, but I didn’t want to rock the boat in my new life. “Lola, I’m not sure I can trust him. Bobby screwed around behind my back after years of being together. How do I know Luke won’t do the same thing?”
“You don’t,” Lola pointed out, “but again, I think you’re getting way ahead of yourself. He said he just wants y’all to get to know each other and hang out together. That’s not exactly a marriage proposal.”
She was right. I thanked her and told her we’d talk in the morning. I called the dogs and turned off the lights. I needed to think about this.
I took the pups outside before we went to bed. I wasn’t tired at all, so I put on the Braves game, but I couldn’t pay attention. I finally turned it off. I flipped through a magazine, but that wasn’t any better. I guess my movements were bugging the dogs, because Cletus scooted his big body alongside me and nuzzled my neck. I know it sounds silly, but he prefers a lot of eye contact and he likes me to talk to him when I pet him, so I turned on my side so we could stare into each other’s eyes while I rubbed his neck.
I slowly rubbed his long body as I softly crooned to him in a soothing voice. “Hey sweet boy, I know I can trust you. You’d never screw around behind my back with some skank, would you?” I kissed him on his head and put my nose against his so he looked at me with an adoring, cross-eyed gaze.
“So what do you think, Cletus? You think I’m being a total wuss? Luke seems like a great guy. Do I need to just chill out and take a walk on the wild side?” His ears perked up at the word “walk”, but once he realized that’s not what was happening, he gave me a big slurpy lick on my chin and cuddled his face against my neck.
I grabbed his chin in my hand and kissed him between his soulful, hound dog eyes and started murmuring in his huge ear. “What do you think, Cletus? Can I trust him, sweet boy? I trusted the wrong guy last time. You think I should try it again? Give me a sign, boy.” He stared at me and his tail thumped once, twice on the bed and then he rolled over with all four legs wide open so I could pet his freckled belly. I laughed as I scratched. “Well, I guess that’s a sign. I ask you whether I should consider dating a guy and you flip over and flash me your junk. That’s a total guy thing to do.” I scratched until Cletus started making tiny little “woof noises” and wriggling his long body in sheer happiness.
Once I scratched him into a doggie coma, I pulled him against by side, kissed his velvety head and reached up to turn out the light. I have to admit, I was feeling better. I just had to keep reminding myself not to freak out and to relax. I’m not looking for a serious relationship. This thing with Luke is just two friends hanging out, maybe eventually doing a little dating. No big deal. I needed to quit looking at this as though going on a date meant I’m going to marry him and then he’d cheat on me. It’s not serious, it’s just a casual relationship. Easy peasy.
Once I relaxed, I fell asleep pretty quickly. Maybe my subconscious was more at peace with my decision than I was.
9
The next few months were a combination of my usual schedule, writing, working on my TV segments, walking the dogs, working out, with a little, okay a lot, of Luke thrown in to keep it interesting. We walked the dogs together, we went to the gym, we went walking and running, we ate together. One Thursday he wanted to buy a new kayak to take over to the lake at Stone Mountain Park, so we went to REI, and by the end of the day we’d each bought a kayak and he bought a rack for the top of his Jeep. The next day, we took the kayaks to the lake and had a great time, although thanks to me and my usual level of coordination, we both fell off in the middle of the lake while I was trying to avoid a bee. Well, actually, I fell off and then I sort of pulled him off while he was trying to help me back into the boat. I’m sure that, thanks to me, we looked like two of the three Stooges in a kayak, but we had a great time anyway.
I’ll have to say, whatever we did, he was a perfect gentleman. When we’d walk, he’d take my hand or put his arm around me and when he’d leave he’d kiss my cheek or sometimes give me a nice quick kiss on the lips, and make another date for some casual activity. He was careful not to crowd me or monopolize my time, and the time we spent together was full of talking and laughing and just getting to know each other.
One evening, we’d just gotten in from a walk and were sitting on the porch drinking some tea I’d infused with pineapple and rosemary and trying some new pastries I’d make that morning. He gave me a quick peck on the lips. “Holy shit, Daisy, these new pastry things are awesome.”
I smiled at his enthusiasm. “I’m glad you like them. I made some extra for you to take home.”
He hummed as he took another bite. “That sounds great.” He swallowed and then stuffed the rest of it in his mouth, chewing and moaning in appreciation. “I think I owe you a dinner for all the times you’re always feeding me. That new seafood place up the street finally opened. Want to try it out Saturday night?
At that point, I was finally comfortable with the idea of an actual date. “Sounds great to me. We’ve been talking about that place.”
He grinned at me as he selected another pastry to try. “How about we’ll meet at your house and then, depending on the weather, we’ll either walk or ride over.” He stuffed the mini pastry in his mouth and said, around a mouthful, “Oh my God, this is amazing.”
I laughed at his over the top reaction to my cooking. “You’re such a goof.” I kissed his cheek. “That sounds great.”
That gave me a few days to get ready for our date. Mostly, I needed buy something to wear beside yoga pants and my grubby tshirts. And shave my legs. And maybe lose twenty pounds.
By the time Saturday night rolled around, I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. I kept reminding myself that it’s just Luke, I’ve known him for a bazillion years, we hang out all the time, it’s just dinner, we’re buds, it’s just like having dinner with any other friend, his cousin is my best friend, blah, blah, blah, but apparently I didn’t find myself very convincing. By the time he got to my h
ouse, I was a little sweaty, my heart was pounding, and my stomach was queasy. The good news is my new outfit, some super stretchy cropped jeans, a cute, low-cut swingy top with cutouts on the shoulders, and some blinged out flip flops, was just as comfortable as my yoga pants, so at least I had that going for me. I was even wearing some bronzer and mascara, which is almost like makeup, so I was thinking I was looking pretty fancy. I opened the door at his knock, and he was standing there in a pair of nice shorts, a short sleeve blue shirt that made his eyes look amazing and his shoulders about a mile wide, and a pair of casual slide on shoes. I must have still looked a little panicked because he immediately started laughing as he came inside. “Do I make you a little nervous, Miss Daisy?”
I shut the door behind him and I could feel my face turn beet red. I punched him in the arm. “Hey dork, a real gentleman wouldn’t mention that. He would tell me something like the nervous sweat on my face makes me glow.”
He grinned. “How about, ‘Daisy, I’ve always been a sucker for tiny little sweaty girls’.”
I rolled my eyes and tried not to laugh. “Dude, I hate to tell you, but you suck at compliments. That comment is barely above ‘you don’t sweat much for a fat girl’”. He laughed and grabbed my hand, and pulled me in close, which immediately shut me up. He looked down at me, although not as far as usual because my new platform flip flops added at least a couple of inches of height, which brought me up to where I was almost eye level with his nipple. He smiled and kissed me on the lips, not quite a peck, but not a full blown kiss, either. It was really nice and when he straightened up he smiled at me and told me I was still a little sweaty, but I didn’t look nauseous any more. I smiled back and told him I felt fine, but I didn’t tell him that his sweet little kiss made my lips tingly and my heart pound, because that was ridiculous. I reminded myself that we were just friends on a casual date and told him to just give me a minute to pet the pups and lock up and we could go.