by Stacy Eaton
Maybe I needed to hit a bar, find a guy, and just let myself go for a night. I winced as I poured water into the coffee pot. I’d never been into one-night stands, so that wasn’t going to happen. Something needed to happen soon, though, or I was going to lose my mind.
I grabbed my laptop and cellphone and sat down on the couch to wait for the coffee to be ready. As my laptop woke up, I checked my phone. For the first time in a week, I didn’t have any messages from Trevor. Was he alright? Was Devon okay? Did he not want me to go with him now?
Ugh! I tossed my phone to the cushion beside me. Trevor wasn’t my problem, and even though I cared about Devon, he wasn’t my problem either. I shouldn’t care so much about either of them. The problem was, I did care. I adored Devon and could not imagine him not being in my life—and Trevor. Well, shit.
When it came to Trevor, I wasn’t sure how I felt. Yes, I desired him, but so had many other women. Yes, I enjoyed our conversations, and I even liked just being in the same room as him. Was I just a wee bit interested in his proposal to live under the same roof with him? Um, yeah, but just because I was interested didn’t mean I was going to do it. I had a feeling that if I did live with him, I’d find myself falling in love with him, and then my heart would get broken.
Was there a way for Trevor and me to remain in the friend-zone? I wasn’t sure about that. It was obvious that something bubbled under the surface between us. Maybe it was just physical attraction, or maybe it was something more. I wasn’t sure I could trust myself to determine which of those it was.
I shoved thoughts of Trevor out of my head and found an email from a co-worker saying they needed some help on a string of code. For three hours, I ended up working on that and going back and forth with them to test it.
After that, I ate, showered, and then gave myself a pep talk about going into Carol’s bedroom. I had to get this done, and it was now or never. Trevor had helped me break the invisible seal to the bedroom, and it hadn’t been as bad as I thought to be in there. Oh, it had been hard, but I knew I was just a chicken.
He was right; Carol would live forever in my heart and mind, and her stuff was just that, stuff. There were no ghosts in that room to be afraid of. I’d been in that room hundreds of times. I’d even slept in her bed, showered in her bathroom, and raided her closet a time or two.
I pursed my lips. Speaking of closets, what the heck was I going to wear to the wedding tomorrow? I went to mine and glanced through my dresses. They were all boring, or none were appropriate for this time of year. What were the colors of the wedding? Were the men wearing tuxes? What did the bow ties look like?
I chewed on my bottom lip as I stared at my phone, quickly typing a message to Trevor before I changed my mind.
Are you wearing a tux at the wedding or a suit? What color is the tie? I need to know so I don’t clash with you if I’m going to be your plus one.
I waited a few moments for a reply but didn’t get one. I knew he was teaching a class today, so I was pretty sure Trevor was tied up with that and not ignoring me. He didn’t seem the type to do that. I stuck my phone in my pocket and headed up to Carol’s apartment.
When I got there, I turned on my music app so upbeat music played through the speaker on my phone, and I stood at her bedroom door for a long moment. I could do this. I had to do this. No more being afraid of it, just step in and get to work.
I took a tentative step forward, then another. I was over the threshold, and I scanned the room. This was the one room in the house that wasn’t neat. She kept her living room and kitchen spotless, but her bedroom was a different story. Here it looked lived in.
The bed wasn’t even made; the covers were thrown back as if she were going to crawl back under them at any moment. I was tempted to do that, curl up in her bed and see if I could feel her. Stupid. I shook my head and turned to her dresser, my gaze drifting to her jewelry box and a necklace that spilled out from under the lid. I chuckled as I reached for it. I knew what necklace it was. I’d given it to her for her thirtieth birthday. It was a lightning bolt covered in sapphires, her birthstone.
She’d always had a thing for lightning bolts. I fingered the charm and then glanced at the picture over her bed. She had loved thunderstorms, always throwing open the curtains and watching the electricity come down from the sky. I asked her once why it fascinated her so much, and the conversation drifted back to me.
“It’s amazing. Every time a bolt comes down, it looks different. It’s unique and powerful.” She had eyed me carefully. “You know, one day you’ll get hit by a bolt, and it will change your life.”
“Let’s hope I don’t. If I get struck by lightning, my life will be over.” I’d laughed.
She had grabbed my forearm. “No, I wasn’t talking literally. I meant someday you would get struck by that lightning bolt that will change your life. It might be for work, or it could be a man. You never know. But everyone gets hit at least once in their life.”
She had grown quiet, and I’d asked her, “Have you?”
She smiled sadly, her hand going to her stomach. “Yes, I did.”
I had frowned, wondering what monumental event in her life she could be talking about. “Yeah, and what struck you?”
She peered at me and smiled sweetly. “Not what, who.”
“What are you talking about, Carol?”
She grabbed my hand, looking excited. “Vina, I’m pregnant.”
My cellphone notification broke me out of my memory. Carol had been struck, and that strike had killed her. I took out my phone and looked at the message I’d gotten.
Tux. Silver or gray or some shit like that.
That was all he said, and something told me he was upset by something. Was it because he’d only answered my question and not said anything else?
Okay, thanks. You okay?
A moment later, I got a reply. Shitty day. Talk later.
I nodded at my phone and set it down. Was that what Trevor had been talking about regarding instinct? I’d known immediately that something was wrong, even though his original text hadn’t made mention of it.
I put it out of my mind and went to Carol’s small walk-in closet, digging through her dresses in the back. While Carol had been taller than me, we wore the same size sometimes. Of course, my hips were a little more pronounced, and my bust was much larger than hers had been, but when it came to dresses, we could usually wear the same size.
I pulled out a burgundy one, no—too dark for spring. A peach one, too frilly. The third one I pulled down was a pale gray that shimmered slightly. I turned around and pulled her door closed so that I had the full-length mirror in front of me and held up the dress. This could work. It wasn’t a heavy dress, but light and gauzy like a spring breeze.
Would Trevor like it? I guess it didn’t matter what he thought. This was the one I was going to wear. I took it out to the living room and hung it by the front door before I went back into her room and got to work.
During the next few hours, I laughed a little and cried a lot. I managed to get through a lot of her room, filling bags with clothing that I could give to charity and collecting a few of my favorite pieces for myself. Her jewelry was harder to go through, and I decided to keep most of it. I could go through that again at a later time, maybe put a few pieces on consignment, or save them for Devon to have in the future.
I still needed to finish her closet, her bookshelves, and her bathroom, but I could do that on Sunday. I stood at her door, staring back at her bed. I hadn’t removed the bedding yet. I’d do that on Sunday, too, and wash it all before packing it up.
My cellphone rang, and I answered it to find my boss begging me to come into the office for a little while to help with a client. He’d been kind enough to give me time off, so I guess I owed him. I told him I’d be there soon and hung up, looking around Carol’s apartment.
Other than curtains and a few other odds and ends, it was almost done, and my heart tightened in my chest as I let myself out. I hate
d that it was almost done. It meant that Carol really was gone, and I reminded myself of what Trevor had said: She will always be with me in my heart and mind.
Carrying the dress and matching cape back to my place, I repeated that statement over and over again in my head. In my palm was the lightning bolt necklace that I’d given Carol. I planned to wear it with the dress. It seemed only fitting to wear it when I was with Trevor, seeing as he was the bolt that had struck her down.
Suddenly, the memory came back to me, and I paused on the steps. The day I went to tell Trevor about Devon, it had been storming like crazy. The lightning had been almost continuous as I’d headed toward his office. After I’d left, the storm seemed to break up almost immediately. Was that some crazy sign? Had Carol sent me my lightning bolt, directing me toward Trevor? A shiver raced through my body.
Chapter Nineteen
Trevor
Devon hadn’t slept well the night before, waking up every two hours. Between thoughts of Davina and dealing with Devon, I was exhausted when I finally got to the training center and downed my third cup of coffee of the day. It wasn’t even eight yet, and I was already dragging.
Harvey slapped me on the back as I filled my cup yet again. “You look like a beaten man.”
I tried to form a smile, but I think it was more of a grimace. “Rough night.”
“Your boy not sleeping well?”
“Not last night. He was getting really good for a while, but now he’s not doing so well.”
“Maybe he’s not eating enough.”
“He has a checkup on Monday. Hopefully, he’s not getting sick. I can’t afford to learn how to deal with that with everything else going on.”
He chuckled, then changed the subject. “Hey, did you hear, a couple of civilians and security from the Protag Security group went missing.”
That got my attention and took me back to when Alex and I had been taken prisoner the last time that Alex had been overseas with me. “No, what do you know?”
“Not much, just a few whispers down the lane. They are keeping it close to the vest. Don’t want the news to get out.”
“Shit. I assume Jake knows?”
“Yeah, he does.”
Well, if something came up, then Jake would fill us all in. Until then, I needed to get my head back into the game. I had enough on my plate, and as the morning went on, it grew fuller. One of the class members ended up almost shooting himself in the leg at the range because he had his finger on the trigger when he went to holster a pistol. The bullet had ricocheted off the cement at his feet and into the wall next to another person’s head.
I’d almost lost my shit, and it was Harvey that calmed me down, telling me to walk away and start the paperwork. As I did, I heard Harvey’s deep voice trying to calm the person down, while at the same time being stern and admonishing him for not being safe.
I felt my phone vibrate but couldn’t care less who it was. I dug around in the file cabinet in the office for the misfire paperwork. That fucker should be the one filling this out, not me. As far as I was concerned that douchebag shouldn’t even be allowed to have a gun. He had practically failed every aspect of the training. He was going to be a handful to deal with overseas, probably wouldn’t even last a week before he was sniveling and begging to come home.
I called Jake and told him, listening to him scream in my ear for a minute, and that didn’t help my mood. Even seeing a text from Davina didn’t lift my spirits. I was just ready for the day to be over with and get home to try and sleep. Maybe Davina could come over tonight and help me out. Man, I really was going to have to find a nanny soon. Otherwise, I was never going to get a good night's sleep again.
We were almost finished with the day when Alex called. “What’s up?” I said as I rubbed my eyes.
“Just reminding you of the rehearsal tonight.”
Well, shit! “Um, yeah, what time is that?” I had honestly forgotten all about it.
He chuckled. “Figured you had forgotten. Be at the church at five-thirty. After we rehearse, we’ll go over to Fiorello’s for dinner.”
“Shit, man, I did honestly totally forget about it. I’m going to have to bring Devon with me. I don’t have a sitter tonight.”
“That’s okay; you can bring him. Nothing fancy. We’re just going to relax and enjoy dinner together.”
“Okay, you sure you don’t mind?”
“Not at all. You can ask Davina to come.”
“No, that’s okay. It will just be me and Devon.”
Alex was quiet for a moment. “You alright? Davina still coming tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, just exhausted, and it’s been a fucked-up day.”
Alex chuckled. “So I heard. I could hear Jake screaming from the other side of the office.”
I laughed. “I’m sure you did. Okay, I’ll see you later.”
After we got out, I called Lucy and asked if she could keep him another thirty minutes. It only made sense to go home and change first, get what I needed for him, and then pick him up on the way to the rehearsal.
When I pulled up at her apartment, I wondered if I should say hello to Davina, but then I glanced at my watch and saw I was already running late. I hustled up to Lucy’s and gathered Devon and his things, quickly changing his clothes to something a little nicer than the onesie and sweatpants he was wearing. Instead, I put a fancy little shirt on him with fake dress pants that I’d found in the pile from Carol.
As I rushed out, I wasn’t paying much attention to where I was going and almost crashed into two people coming up the stairs.
“Sorry,” I mumbled to them and stepped aside for them to pass. Behind them another face came into view, and my dim world brightened slightly.
“Hey,” Davina said with a smile, and then it began to fade. “You do look like you had a hell of a day.”
“It sucked.” I glanced at my watch. “I’d love to chat, but I need to get going. The rehearsal starts in a few minutes, and I still have a twenty-minute drive.”
“You’re taking Devon to the wedding rehearsal?”
“Yeah, I forgot about it, to be honest.”
“Do you want me to watch him?”
“No, I can’t ask you to do that.” I stepped around her. “I’ll see you tomorrow, one o’clock sharp.”
“I’ll see you at one,” she said, looking slightly disappointed, and I flashed her a smile and dashed down the stairs. It wasn’t until I was out at my truck that I thought about the fact that I should have invited her. I paused by the truck and pulled out my phone, calling her.
“Yes?”
“Do you want to come?”
She laughed slightly. “To the rehearsal dinner?”
“Yes.”
“Would they mind if I did?”
“No, not at all. Dinner is informal after.”
“Okay,” she replied. “Give me one moment to put my laptop away, and I’ll be down.”
I said goodbye and put Devon into the truck, went around and started it, and then got out and came back to the passenger side as Davina exited the building. I opened the door for her, and she smiled brightly at me. I absorbed her smile, feeling a little more like myself as I did. Once she was settled, I closed the door and went to get in.
“You look nice,” she said once I had the truck on the road.
I glanced down, totally forgetting what I was wearing. I’d pulled a gray button-down shirt out of my closet and grabbed a pair of black slacks. “Thanks.” I glanced toward her. “You look nice yourself.” She did. The part of me that wasn’t exhausted had noticed that she was wearing a blouse, dress pants, and heels. “Why are you dressed up?”
“I had a meeting at the office.”
“Ah, I thought you were still off.”
“I was, but some things happened with a program, and the buyers for it were only in town for today. My boss called and begged me to come in and help with them.”
I yawned as I nodded.
“How much sl
eep did you get last night?”
“Not much.”
“Did Devon keep you up?”
I gave her a tired smile. “Yeah, something like that.”
My cellphone rang, and I hit the speaker. “I’m on my way, got tied up.”
“Was it good?”
“What?”
“Getting tied up, was it good?”
Davina chuckled beside me. “Man, I wish it were that kind of being tied up, but no. Traffic. I’ll be there in ten, and Davina is with me.”
“She’s there now?”
“Hi, Alex,” Davina called out.
“Oh, hey, Davina. Sorry about that tied-up comment.”
She giggled. “It’s okay.”
“Alright, I’ll see you guys in a few.”
I hung up after saying goodbye and yawned again.
“Do you want me to drive?”
“No, I got it, but thanks.”
Davina remained quiet beside me, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. “Did your meeting go well?”
“Yes, it did. We got the customers onboard. Scott mentioned that you had tested some of our products.”
“Yeah, I have.”
“He also mentioned that you said you’d fail the testing of our new tracker if he didn’t give me the time off.”
I glanced sheepishly toward her. “Did I say that?”
She laughed. “You most certainly did. It looks like my boss holds you all in high esteem. He said he doesn’t take lightly to being threatened, but he didn’t want to lose your help. He said that you and Alex have given good input in the past that has helped us out. I think I’ve seen some of your notes on some of the products that have come back.”
“We enjoy doing it. He didn’t give you a hard time, did he?”
“No, he was fine. I can deal with him.”
“Good to hear.”
We were quiet for the rest of the ride, and after I parked, Devon started to get fussy. “I’ll grab his seat if you can grab the diaper bag.”
“Absolutely.” Davina gave me a big smile before opening her door. “Does he need to be fed? I can do that while you guys are rehearsing.”