by Seven Steps
Finally, his eyes raised to mine and they widened, as if just realizing that I was there.
My confusion grew stronger, making my stomach ache and my chest tighten.
“Hi.” I gave him a little wave, feeling foolish and awkward.
“I’m so screwed.”
His brows furrowed in what looked like regret.
At this juncture in our relationship, I was not expecting those words. I imagined he’d say, I’ve noticed you, or I think you’re adorable, but definitely not I’m so screwed.
My hands hugged my nervous stomach. I didn’t have a lot of experience with boys but I knew that having someone say they were screwed after they kissed you was not good.
“Things just got a little … out of hand.” He stood and raked his hands through his thick, blond hair.
Out of control? What did that mean?
“I don’t understand,” I said.
“It’s just that Dana was making out with that jerk right in front of me and I didn’t want to seem pathetic, so…”
His voice trailed off. I didn’t need to hear him say the end of that sentence. I already knew what he meant. He’d kissed the first girl he saw so that Dana would be just as jealous as he was.
I was that first girl.
My heart screeched to a stop then cracked into a million pieces. I was a fool. A pawn. Embarrassment washed over me and I felt my cheeks heat. Anger bubbled in my chest and I bit my bottom lip, holding in the threatening tears.
I was just some girl. Some very lucky, very stupid girl.
I sniffed back my tears. One thing was for sure. I would not cry in front of him. Not in a million years! He’d embarrassed me but I had my pride. He would not take that away from me. Ever!
Squaring my shoulders, I reached for the peeling silver door handle. My intent was to grab Ariel, make a quick exit and be swallowed whole by the Earth. Jake foiled my carefully laid plans by running past me and pressing himself against the door. He was a big boy and strong. One tug on the handle let me know that I wouldn’t be getting out of this hallway if he didn’t want me to.
A new emotion showed up to play. Fear. Fear that wrapped around my arms and slithered over my shoulders. I was trapped in a hallway with Jake. If I ran down the stairs, he would catch me. If I went for the door, he’d block it.
I focused on not appearing afraid, puffing out my chest like the bullfrogs in the lake near my grandparents’ house. I took a step back from the door, crossed my arms in front of me and gave him my best withering look. It was the one that my mother used to give me when I misbehaved in public as a child.
“Let go of the door,” I commanded.
Was this the boy that I had liked? That I had dreamed about? How could he embarrass me in front of the whole school then trap me in a hallway? What kind of a person does that? What kind of person was he?
“No. You can’t go back in there,” he said, his eyes wide. Pleading. Less scary. “At least, not alone. Not without a plan. Look, uh, uh…”
He looked around and snapped his fingers.
My stomach dropped. The truth was painfully obvious. He did not know my name. His brother had just introduced us on Friday and by Monday, I was forgotten. My illusions about Jake Winsted melted into a puddle and swirled down the drain of my heart.
He didn’t even remember my name.
Infuriated, I rushed to the door and pulled with all my might, determined to escape before I had a complete breakdown in front of him. Before I screamed.
“Get out of my way!”
“No. We need to talk.”
“Haven’t you done enough?” I cried. “You’ve just kissed me in front of the entire school and you don’t even know my name. What else do you want from me?”
He squeezed his hands together in a praying gesture.
“Please. I need your help.”
I shook my head. My chest hurt. My stomach hurt. My head hurt. My heart hurt. I just wanted to find Ariel, go home and hide under my blankets forever.
I backed up, leaning against the wall as he’d done a few moments before.
“There is nothing that you can say to me that I want to hear. I just want to go home.”
“Come on. I just kissed you.” The thought seemed to impress him because he smiled at me. A big, stupid, cocky grin, just like his brother’s. My blood boiled. “That should count for something, right? I mean, what girl doesn’t want to be kissed by Jake Winsted?”
He couldn’t be that arrogant. No one could be that arrogant.
“You can’t be serious,” I said.
He shrugged, his chest puffing out in pride.
He was serious. It wasn’t a joke. Jake Winsted honestly thought that he was god’s gift to women.
It was so crazy that I would have laughed out loud had I not been so furious. I massaged my temples with my pointer fingers. I had to keep my hands busy or else I would punch him.
How could my dreams of him be so different from reality? Had I been that love sick? That naïve? How could I have been so in love with him and not known him at all? My anger with him warred with the anger at myself for my own stupidity. I pushed off the wall, stood up straight and pinned him with a glare.
“If you don’t move in the next five seconds, I am going to scream. One, two-”
He held his hands up defensively.
“Look. I just need for you to pretend to be my girlfriend for a week or two.”
His words confused me and I shook my head, squinting at him.
“What?”
He couldn’t have just said what I thought he said. But he did. I could tell because he looked more pleased with himself with every passing second.
“You and me will go around school for the next two weeks, acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, making out, holding hands, whatever. Then, Dana will get super jealous and beg me to take her back. It’s the perfect plan.”
Was he serious? That was his plan? I let out a breath.
“Jake, whatever crazy plan you’re thinking up, forget it. I have—”
“A boyfriend?”
I shook my head. “No. Pride. Dignity. A life. Morals. I’m not a liar.”
“Not a problem. I can overlook that stuff if you can, uh…” He snapped his fingers again. “Uh.”
“Bella. My name is Bella French.”
“Yes.” His words came out a little too loudly. “Bella French. Uh … you do go to my school, right?”
Now this was just getting insulting. I shook my head and rolled my eyes, my chest tightening. Every second that I was in this hallway made me more and more angry.
“We are in English together,” I growled. “We’ve been in, like, a million classes together since Freshman year. You know what? Never mind. Get out of my way.”
I charged forward, pushing at his heavy, unmoving body. Each shove made me more and more angry. I swore that I would never like another boy again.
“No. Wait. This can work out for both of us. A relationship with me will skyrocket you up the popularity food chain. I am offering you an opportunity to change your entire high school existence.”
I paused.
“You’re a nobody now, right? No one knows your name. But with me, no one will be able to forget it.”
I thought about reaching for the door, but for some reason, I hesitated.
“People will kill themselves to talk to you, to sit with you, to dress like you, to talk like you.”
I thought about how I had examined every outfit Dana ever wore. The way she walked. The way she talked. I remember how I wished that I was her. That I wished for her life.
“They’ll listen to everything you have to say. With me by your side, you could run this school in ways that Dana never could.”
I let out a breath. My hands shook. My body felt electric.
It bothered me to think about how tempting this deal was. If I took it, it would make me a terrible person. A liar. A fake. A fraud. I shouldn’t have even considered it. And yet, I was conside
ring it.
Jake saw the look in my eye. That yearning to be someone better. To be popular. He stood up from the door and stepped forward as if he knew that I was no longer a flight risk.
He was right. I wasn’t.
A relationship with him would give me what I wanted. A voice. But did I want it this way? What would my friends say if they knew what I was doing? They’d tell me to run as far and as fast from Jake as I could. But they didn’t want the things I did. They didn’t care that we were nothing at this school.
I cared that I was nothing in this school.
I did not want to be nothing anymore.
I looked away from Jake, lest he see how much I was considering his offer.
“What about that little red head you came in with? Ayanna, Aretha, Alanna-”
“Ariel.” My voice was strained and choked. The air was thick with my wanting. My yearning to rise above the masses. It was so close that I could touch it.
“Yes. Ariel. She’s on the swim team, right? Her father owns half of New York.”
I didn’t respond and he kept talking.
“I have it on good authority that she likes my friend, Eric. I can get him to ask her out. In fact, I can personally guarantee that he will ask her to the Winter Formal. All you have to do is say yes.”
I raised an eyebrow. He’d already offered me the pot. Now he was sweetening it to irresistible levels.
“You’re selling your friend to us?”
He stood up straight and crossed his arms across his chest.
“No. But I can be very persuasive.”
His fingertips ran up my cheek, draining a bit of my anger from me. I had to admit, his touch felt nice.
“I am offering you everything. Popularity. A dream date for your friend. Me. Say yes and you can have it all.”
I couldn’t believe that I was actually considering this. I didn’t want to be Jake’s plaything, but now I had to think about Ariel. What would she think of me if I told her that I had said no to the one opportunity she had to date Eric? Would she ever talk to me again? If I were her, would I ever talk to me again?
The answer came immediately.
Absolutely not.
I let out a breath.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked.
Jake’s smile faded.
“Dana’s already moved on. I just want to show her that I can, too.” He shrugged. “She’ll see. When it all falls apart, she’ll come crawling back on her hands and knees.”
“That’s a very sad and demented story. But if it’s all going to fall apart anyway, why do you need me?”
“Don’t you see? You are perfect. You’re smart and you wear these hand me down clothes. You will be the catalyst. Once Dana sees that I’m with someone like you, she won’t be able to sleep at night. Then, she’ll take me back.”
I frowned at him.
“Do you know how insulting that is?”
“What? The part about you being smart or the part about the clothes?”
I growled. “All of it. I’m not some weirdo troll that you can manipulate to get your girlfriend back.”
“I didn’t say that you were. In fact, if you did your hair and wore makeup and clothes that weren’t rescued from a dumpster, you could be dateable.”
My anger went into orbit.
“I’m leaving.”
“No. Please. Just give me a chance. Give this a chance. Think about Ariel. She’d do it for you and you want her to be happy, right? Plus, you can consider this your good deed for life. Please, Brenda.”
“Bella.”
“Sorry. Bella. Please!”
I was vaguely aware that saying yes to Jake would be equivalent to making a deal with the devil. Jake was a self-centered jerk who didn’t know my name and who had insulted me. But he had offered me the thing that I wanted the most. A voice. To leave the realms of invisibility behind and walk among the stars. To have people notice me. The fact that I now had Ariel’s happiness to think about took away any choice that I had.
I remembered the first time I’d met Ariel. It was in the first gym class of Freshman year. The teacher, a sadist named Ms. Whittier, had forced us in to a game of dodgeball. Ariel and I were on one team. Dana, Mel, Ursula and Stephanie were on another.
Stephanie had intentionally thrown a ball at my face, making my nose bleed and sending me to the nurse’s office. Ten minutes later, Stephanie had joined me with the same injury, screaming about how she was going to get that red-headed witch. I got a swollen nose, a permanent place on Stephanie’s crap list and a best friend all in the same day.
Ariel had fought for me that day. I knew that she would always fight for me. And now, here I was, with her happiness in my hand. I had to take this chance. I just had to. She wanted Eric, and if this was the only way for her to get him, then so be it.
I sighed.
I was going to hate myself in the morning.
15
This day had taken so many twists and turns that my head was practically spinning when I walked back into The Center next to Jake, my new so-called boyfriend. Every eye in The Center was now on me, including the dark eyes of Dana Rich. The boy whom she’d previously been making out with, Dustin, tried to go in for another kiss but she pushed him off her, crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me instead.
I glared back. Maybe with a little goading, she could be pursuaded to reconcile with Jake sooner. Well, not too soon. My new relationship might’ve been fraudulent but I still deserved the promised benefits of it. It was only right.
Jake’s lips dropped to my ear, giving me shivers that I didn’t need or want.
“Hey, babe. Wanna watch me shoot some pool?”
Twenty minutes ago, I would have watched him sort recyclables. My opinion of him had gone down dramatically since then. I bit back a cutting remark and pasted a sweet smile on my face.
“Sure,” I answered my voice tight. “Let me just go to the bathroom and, uh, freshen up.”
Ariel approached me on my left and I grabbed her hand before Jake could object. Relief washed over me as she pulled me toward the back of The Center where the bathrooms were.
There was so much to tell her. So much for us to work out. I needed Ariel to help me pick up the pieces of my life that were currently scattered around me like a forgotten jigsaw puzzle. She would know what to do. How to act. How to dress. Her and Jasmine would be my advisors while I bided my time in Jake’s royal court.
It wasn’t until we stopped in front of the bathroom and I looked in to Ariel’s eyes that I realized a terrible, terrible truth.
I could not tell her or Jasmine what was going on. If they knew about my secret arrangement with Jake, they’d tell me to run as far away from him as possible. And worse, if Ariel knew that Jake was nudging Eric in her direction, she’d think that everything Eric said was just one big lie.
I couldn’t let that happen. Ariel and Eric deserved a chance. Not just as some weird characters in an even weirder video game, but a real life, honest to god chance. She had done so much for me since I moved to New York. I had to do this for her. I had to let her see if what she had with Eric was real or not. And who was to say that Eric wouldn’t like Ariel once he got to know her offline?
This was my chance to give something back to her. To be a real friend.
For the first time in my life, I’d have to keep a secret from Ariel and Jasmine.
I’d never felt so alone.
“Do you mind telling me what that was about?” She hissed as we stood in front of the girls bathroom door.
She looked like she was deciding whether to be angry or happy about the whole me and Jake thing.
“What was what about?” I asked, smoothing my features into a mask of innocence.
“Are you kidding me? Jake Winsted just kissed you in front of everyone!”
My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.
“Well, uh, he said he, uh-”
“Hey!”
Sudd
enly, Regina Winsted, Jake’s sister, stepped into my line of vision. She did not look happy.
“So,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. She wore a purple dress that barely reached mid-thigh, and a sweater, belt and low heels all the color of maple wood. Her long, black hair was perfectly layered. I was sure that her hair stylist bill was more than what Dad paid for rent. “You are Jake’s new girlfriend.”
By the way she said you, I could tell that she did not approve. She popped her gum while her eyes scanned me.
I nodded my head slowly. “Yes.”
Ariel’s eyes nearly popped out of her head in shock. She took a step back so that she was fully facing me and mouthed:
“Girlfriend?”
I ignored her, instead focusing on keeping my breathing even and my face relaxed.
“And how long has this been going on?” Regina demanded. She said it as if Jake was doing something wrong by dating me. As if I were tainted. Blemished. Not enough. I tried not to think about how much that hurt me. Maybe slightly less than Jake not even knowing my name.
Jake hadn’t gone in to specifics about our dating history and I didn’t think to ask. How long were he and Dana broken up for? A few days? A week?
“Just today,” I finally said, hoping my anxiety didn’t show.
Ariel’s eyebrows rose. She was thinking. Seeing my lies in the air and trying to decide why they were there in the first place.
“Interesting,” Regina said. She took a step closer, leaving only a foot between us. My nerves grew taunt and my breathing turned shallow. “I am only going to say this once.” She held up one manicured finger. Her nails were blood red. “Stay away from Jake. He is not for you.”
“And if she doesn’t?” Ariel asked, taking a step forward.
I groaned. I appreciated my friend’s effort, but this was seriously not the time.
“Then she will regret it. You, too.”
“We’ll take our chances,” Ariel replied, narrowing her eyes at Regina.
Regina looked amused and stepped toward my friend.
I stepped between them. I could not have my best friend leave a fist print on my fake boyfriend’s sister’s face.