by Seven Steps
He laughed shortly.
“And who is the brilliant doctor who has stolen you away?” he asked.
My mouth went dry, but I wouldn’t allow it to stop me.
“Devinta Holly.”
“Hm. She doesn’t sound familiar. Where does she practice?”
My heart was racing. It was beating so hard I could barely hear myself talk.
“She doesn’t practice. She’s a painter.”
He frowned at me in confusion. “A painter? I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry. When I told you I wanted to be a doctor, I wasn’t being truthful.”
Andrew looked at me in horror, but I couldn’t let that stop me. I had to be honest. For once in my life I couldn’t be afraid.
“I don’t want to become a doctor. I want to be a painter.”
The room went still. No one responded for a long while.
“Do your parents know?” Mr. Johnson asked. The look of disappointment on his face made me want to crawl under a chair.
But I didn’t, because this was my truth and I was going to stand tall in it.
“I haven’t told them yet,” I said. “But I will.”
He shook his head and looked at his plate. Then his gaze slid to his son.
“Andrew, may I speak to you for a moment, please?”
He stood without waiting for his son to reply, then walked to the door.
Andrew looked at me and I looked back at him. His brows were pressed down and his mouth was tight with anger.
I didn’t know if it meant he would fight for us or if he would be calling me a cab. But everything was out now. All I could do was wait.
When Andrew left, I picked up my fork, speared a piece of fried mushroom, and shoved it into my mouth.
It tasted like oil and feet. My stomach turned and my mouth watered. Whatever this was, it was quite possibly the vilest thing I’d ever eaten in my life.
I spat it back out into my plate, then downed my entire glass of water.
That was when I remembered.
I wasn’t alone.
Mrs. Johnson gaped at me in abject disgust. Her mouth was open and her eyes were as big as dinner plates.
Crap!
She’d gone all out for a French vegetarian dinner and I’d just insulted her by spitting it out.
My entire face turned red. I wanted to climb under my chair and disappear.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I didn’t… I mean…” I needed to get out of here before I screwed anything else up. “Where’s your bathroom?”
She pointed one shocked finger to her left. Then, I dabbed my mouth with my napkin, stood up from the table, and bolted.
I spent nearly an hour hiding in the front hall of Andrew’s house.
I felt overwhelmed. Telling the truth was hard. Insulting the host of a dinner in your honor was harder. Not knowing if the boy of your dreams was about to choose you over his parents was even harder than that.
But the hardest part of all of this was realizing I wanted Andrew’s parents to win this war.
Andrew was a great guy, but something about us felt off. Perhaps if we had gotten together last year, or even last month, things would have been different. I wouldn’t be at such a crossroads in my life. But the truth was Andrew was a part of the old me. The Jasmine who cared about keeping up appearances. The Jasmine who was afraid to stand up for her truth.
But this new Jasmine, the girl who hardly wore makeup and who hung out in alleyways and who tagged highway signs and who actually spoke up for herself, she didn’t belong here with Andrew.
I was holding onto the past when really I should have been letting go and focusing on the future.
It just sucked that I had to fly all the way to Long Island to realize that.
I stood, put on my coat, called a cab, opened the door and walked out.
It would be a long way back to the city, but that was fine. I needed the time to think.
“Jasmine!”
Andrew came jogging out of the house behind me.
“Wait up.”
I stopped and turned to him. His face was red from the jog and he was breathing hard. He still looked gorgeous, though.
“You were just going to leave?” he asked, looking a little hurt.
I felt bad that I’d hurt him. I wish I could have told him the truth from the beginning. I wish I could have seen the truth for myself.
“Sorry. I figured I wouldn’t make this harder than it had to be.” I stuffed my gloves in my pocket. “You’re an awesome guy, Andrew, and I really like you. But I think we should break up.”
He didn’t look as devastated as I thought he would. In fact, his face was kind of relieved.
“Really? Good. I mean, not good. I like you and all, but…” He let out a breath. “My dad doesn’t think we’re compatible. He thinks I should find a girl with a better head on her shoulders.” He grimaced. “Sorry, his words.”
Now I was the one who was hurt. Just because I didn’t want to go into the business world didn’t mean I didn’t have a good head on my shoulders. It just meant I had different goals.
“I hope we can stay friends,” I said.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’ll be kind of weird.”
I took in his words with a quick intake of breath.
“Okay. Well then. Goodbye, Andrew.”
He stepped closer and reached out his hand.
Always the gentleman.
I placed my hand in his, which oddly enough, seemed to confuse him.
“Actually, I was hoping for the tennis bracelet back.”
My brows shot up.
So much for being a gentleman.
I unclasped the bracelet from my wrist and handed it to him.
He slipped it into his pocket.
“Thanks. You have a ride back?”
“Yeah. My cab will be here in a minute.”
“Do you want me to wait with you?”
“No. I’m good.”
He inclined his head. “Take care of yourself, Jasmine.”
“You too, Andrew.”
Then, we turned and walked away from each other.
It was strange how one girl could walk into this house and another girl could walk out.
But I guess that’s how growth happens.
In spurts.
When you least expect it.
39
We parked the van about a mile away from the hideout, next to a gas station. From there, we walked down a brick lined alleyway, lit by an overhead streetlight. A dumpster and a wire gate separated this alley from the one behind it. Beyond that lay a street.
The moon lit the places the light did not.
“Well, Princess, it’s your first official group tag,” Jean said. “What would Mr. Mann think if he saw his prized student participating in such illegal activities?”
“He’d probably crap his pants,” Jeff said.
I snorted, then accepted the spray can Jean handed to me.
“Do the honors,” she said.
I nodded and faced the wall.
“Do I just paint anything?” I asked.
“It’s a group effort,” Ollie said. “You start off with a basic image and we’ll all build on it.”
“Anything I want?”
“Anything you want, Princess.”
I nodded.
Ollie and I were still on shaky ground, but he hadn’t mentioned Andrew and neither had I. Just a tense hello when I got into the van. Honestly, it was more than I expected.
I stepped forward with my gold spray paint and made a basic image. A circle with a line down the middle. Within the circle, I drew a face, deliberately making the eyes look wild. The group filled in, each taking a space between the lines, drawing images that fed into mine.
It was a moment that filled me with such peace. A sense of community. Friendship. And calm. It was like we were a tribe. A clan, whose sole purpose was to create something beautiful. The powerful feeling filled my soul. I
now knew what the glue that held the RATZ together was. It wasn’t just the art. It was the sense of being a family. And now, I was part of that family too.
I raised my mask to my nose, blocking out the pungent odors of the spray paint, when suddenly someone yelled,
“Hey, want are you doing down here?”
“We’ve been made!” Jean cried. “Run!”
My fellow RATZ blew past me as they fled.
I should have run too, but my eyes were glued to the man who was walking toward me with a flashlight.
He’d seen me. And now I was frozen.
What if he called the police? What if they called my parents? Everything would be ruined!
“Let’s go, Princess.”
Ollie grabbed my hand and yanked me out of my frozen state, pulling me forward and leading me to the gate.
“Climb!”
The man with the flashlight was closer now. I could hear him talking to someone on a phone. Probably the police.
I clasped my fingers to the wire gate and pulled myself up. Then, I jammed my feet into the small holes, pushing my entire body weight up the fence. When I reached the top, I threw one leg, over, then the other.
“Jump!” Ollie called.
I peeked down. It seemed like such a far fall.
“Trust me, Princess. Jump!”
I let out a breath, said a prayer, and let myself fly through the air. A moment later, two strong arms caught me and gently placed me on the ground before grabbing my hand and sending us flying down the next alleyway.
“Stop! Stop!” the man on the phone called.
But we didn’t listen. We kept running until we reached the end of the alleyway and spilled onto the street.
Suddenly, red and blue lights flashed and whirled around us. A police siren blared in my ears.
“This way!” Ollie cried, pulling me toward the right.
Our feet ate up the sidewalk.
Behind me, I could hear the sound of a pursuit. The police were chasing us.
Oh my God, the police were chasing us!
Fear propelled me forward. Adrenaline made blood pound in my ears. We ran onto a street full of dilapidated, brick apartment buildings. Small groups of people stood in the darkness, coats turned up against the biting cold. Someone had started a fire in a garbage can. I could smell the smoke and feel the heat as we flew past it.
Still, the sound of feet didn’t leave us.
“Here!”
Ollie turned us into a narrow opening between two buildings. It was wide enough so that my hands could touch each side. Small windows peeked up from where the building met the concrete. He kicked one in, but it didn’t shatter. It flopped open.
“Follow me.”
He dropped to his butt and slid inside.
I followed, unsure of what I would find there.
Once I was in, he locked the window behind me, but we didn’t stop running.
We ran through what appeared to be a basement filled with old furniture and tools. It was dark, and I stumbled along with Ollie, not sure of where my feet were falling or where I was going.
We didn’t ascend any stairs. We ran through the basement and stopped at a wall. Ollie pulled something aside, a sheet maybe, and climbed in.
I followed him into the deep darkness.
My legs were tired.
My heart was pounding.
Still, we kept moving. The tunnel inclined, and then we were above ground in what looked like an apartment. It was empty and unfurnished. We walked through it, then out the door, down the stairs, and out the front door.
The cold air was like a fist to the face after all the running and being inside.
We paused on the steps of the building.
“Act like you like it,” Ollie said.
Then, I found myself pushed up against the front door, with Ollie’s lips kissing and nipping at my neck.
My body registered what was happening before my mind did and, it arched into his touch. My head rolled back against the doorframe, and my eyes shut.
What was happening? Why was Ollie kissing me? And why did I like it so much?
His kisses morphed from gentle to something else entirely. He kissed his way up my neck, to right below my ear. Each time his lips touched me, my body heated up a little more. Degree by degree. He nibbled his way along my jaw bone, leaving little trails of fire in his wake. Then his lips touched my chin.
My lungs seized. My heart raced.
One hand went behind my head, which was still rolled back, and he guided my head downward, until we were eye to eye.
His gaze dropped to my lips.
He slowly kissed his way up my chin, then paused there. Hesitant.
My hands wrapped around his back, then rose up, to the back of his head.
I didn’t want Ollie to hesitate.
I wanted him to kiss me.
He kept his head there, his lips not drifting up past my chin, no matter how much I let out little gasps of protest.
Then, I was blinded by a light. It was a flashlight beam.
“What are you two doing?” a harsh voice asked.
Ollie’s head turned, but his hands never left me. One stayed on the back of my head, while the other gripped my hip.
“Just a little good night kiss, Officer.”
My gut clenched. If the officer asked me anything, I wouldn’t be able to respond. Between Ollie and my own fear, I was paralyzed.
“You see anyone run past here in the last few minutes?” the officer asked.
Ollie’s head turned back to me. “All I’ve been seeing is my girl, Officer.”
The officer hmphed. “You two get inside. It’s late.”
“Yes, Officer.”
He gave me another peck on the chin.
“Good night, Princess.”
Was he leaving? He couldn’t go. What if these officers asked me a question? What if they asked me my name? Would they run me through the system? Would they call my dad?
His eyes rose to mine. “Unless you want me to come in.”
I nodded urgently. My breath was gone, but I didn’t want him to leave me. He had to stay with me. I wouldn’t know what to do without him.
Ollie turned around just long enough to say. “Good night, Officers.”
Then, he reached behind me, opened the door we’d just come out of, and led me inside. We didn’t stop until Ollie produced a key and unlocked the door to the apartment next to the one we’d exited from previously.
I practically fell into this new apartment and collapsed into a nearby chair.
I was sweating and my chest was heaving. I could barely breathe. Barely think. I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown.
Ollie pushed off his hood and opened his coat.
“It’s okay. You’re safe. Just breathe.”
But I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. My adrenaline was at an all-time high, and raw fear was still riding me hard.
It felt like I was having a panic attack.
I clawed at my chest, trying to pull off my coat and get some air to my overheated body, but my eyes were watering and my hands were shaking.
I couldn’t breathe in this coat.
I needed it off, but I couldn’t wrap my fingers around the zipper.
The room started to spin, and I looked at the only person near enough to help me.
Ollie.
He seemed to get the message quickly because with lightning speed he unzipped my coat, pushed it off my shoulders, and threw it somewhere out of my line of sight. My hat and scarf followed.
With the bulky clothes gone, my body cooled, but my heart didn’t slow.
Ollie put his hands up to my face, cupping my cheeks.
“You’re okay,” he said. “You’re fine. Just breathe. In and out.”
He demonstrated, taking a big breath in and blowing a slow breath out.
Then another big breath in, and a slow breath out.
My body synced with his, imitating his
breathing, as if trying it for the first time.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
“That’s it, Princess. Breathe with me.”
I did.
Soon, my heart slowed, and I could breathe normally again.
My body cooled, and my adrenaline dropped back to normal levels.
I felt in control again. Still, Ollie’s hands never left my cheeks. The heat from his hands traveled down my shoulders and arms, pooling somewhere in my belly. I gazed upon him, unable to stop myself from drowning in the inky depths of his eyes. Our breathing was still synced. I swore our heartbeats were synced too.
His eyes drew me to him. My body leaned forward until our foreheads were almost touching.
His gaze dropped to my lips, and a shiver went through me.
I remembered his words from before. Act like you like it. But I didn’t have to act. Because I liked it. And it wanted it again. I wanted more.
His lips drifted closer to mine until we were only a breath apart. My imagination went wild, but I needed more than imagination. In that moment, I needed to feel his lips pressed to mine.
He kept completely still, not moving away, nor nearer.
“If I kiss you, there’s no going back.”
“Going back to what?” I whispered.
“To him.”
His words were like a sledgehammer to my gut, pulling me from the Ollie induced fog.
The him, in this case, was Andrew. The boy I’d just broken up with. I hadn’t even had time to feel sad about the breakup yet.
I blinked.
I couldn’t kiss Ollie now.
Maybe not ever.
This night had been such a whirlwind that I’d lost my senses. But they were quickly coming back, reminding me this was Oliver Santiago. The same Oliver Santiago who’d been arguing with me the last two days and who’d yelled at me in chemistry class. I was still upset with him about that.
My resolve strengthened, and I took a step back, forcing him to release my face.
I stubbornly raised my chin in the air. “I can’t do this,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“You can’t do this? Or you can’t do this with me?”
His words made my stomach tight. Not because he said them, but because I didn’t know the answer.
Ollie’s eyes burned into mine, his expression dark and unreadable. His jaw clenched and unclenched, but he didn’t say anything more. He simply moved away from me, gathered my coat and hat, and placed them in my hands.