And with that, he stalked out of the room, leaving the girl with the long, black hair behind him, crying.
* * * * *
“He doesn’t know me! He can’t remember me at all.”
Brynn looked at her new friends with wide, tearful eyes. She had come to Sophia’s suite on the Mother Ship because she had to talk—had to get some of the pain she was feeling off her chest. They were all sitting on the big couch in Sophia’s living area and Brynn was pouring out her heart.
“I thought you said the bond between us would hold us together and help him remember me,” she whispered. “But it’s been a week and I’m still a stranger to him.”
“I’m so sorry, hon.” Sophia looked truly distressed. “I thought it would.”
“I thought so too,” said Olivia, who had been over visiting her sister when Brynn knocked at Sophia’s door. “How long were the two of you bonded before the surgery?”
“Well…all my life.” Brynn ran a hand through her long, black hair distractedly. “My father gave Varin a drop of my blood when I was just an infant—only a few days old. We’ve been bonded ever since.”
She saw Sophia and Olivia exchange a glance and Olivia said, “Uh-oh,” in a low voice.
“What?” Brynn looked at them wildly. “What’s wrong?”
“Brynn, honey…” Sophia laid a hand on her knee. “When Liv and I asked if you were bonded to Varin, we didn’t mean by a little drop of blood—although I understand that’s how the Vision Kindred form their preliminary bonds. At least that’s what Sylvan says—he’s been doing some research.”
“What…what did you mean, then? If the blood-bond doesn’t count, what—”
“What we were asking was if you and Varin had bonded,” Olivia said. “You know—if the two of you had had bonding sex?”
“Bonding sex?” Brynn looked back and forth between them, completely mystified. “What is that?”
“Well…” Sophia blew out a breath, obviously trying to think how to explain. “It’s different for every kind of Kindred. For instance with Sylvan, because he’s a Blood Kindred, he had to bite me while he was, you know, making love to me.”
“And my husband Baird—the one who first guided you to the Mother Ship—is a Beast Kindred,” Olivia put in. “Beast Kindred have this thing called a, uh, mating fist at the base of their shafts. Baird had to get his, um, all the way inside me when we first made love.” She blushed a little and cleared her throat. “Anyway, it’s different with different Kindred.”
“I guess what we’re asking is if you’ve made love in that special way that binds the two of you together?” Sophia said.
Brynn felt her heart sink. “No,” she whispered. “No, we haven’t actually made love. I…I was deflowered in a very painful way to suit the needs of Sovereign X'izith when he bought me from my parents. After that I never…” She took a deep breath. “Never wanted anything inside me there ever again. And Varin…he understood that.”
“Oh dear…” Sophia looked concerned. “So…you’re still a virgin?”
“I have no maiden barrier,” Brynn said dully. “But no male’s shaft has completely breached my channel either.”
She thought of the nightmares, which had started up again in the past few nights. Thought of the hissing voice of X'izith bidding her to come and be filled with his barb…of the burning, empty ache which was worse than ever inside her.
She desperately longed for the sweet relief of Varin’s seed inside her. But now that Varin didn’t even know her, how could she ask him to help her ease the awful need?
They lived in the same suite—it was true. He had even warmed to her, at least a little, and had apologized in a gruff and stilted way for the way he’d acted when he first woke from his surgery. But he didn’t know her and with every day that went by, Brynn’s hope that he might regain his memories of her and the love they had shared grew less and less.
“So you were never really bonded in the first place,” Olivia said, breaking her train of thought.
“Yes, we were!” Brynn insisted. “He dreamed of me and I dreamed of him. He even had visions of me—even when he wasn’t dreaming!”
Sophia nodded. “Yes, Sylvan said that’s why they’re called the Vision Kindred—because they start dream sharing so early after they and their intended mate each get a drop of the other’s blood. And they have visions of each other right up until they complete their bond.”
“Well maybe that’s it then—maybe you need to complete the bond,” Olivia said. “Can you get him to make love to you?”
“But Liv…she said she had a, uh, ‘painful deflowering,’” Sophia said in a low voice. “That sounds…kind of traumatic. Don’t you think?”
“Oh, that’s right.” Olivia bit her lip. “I’m so sorry, Brynn. That was insensitive of me.”
“It’s all right,” Brynn said. “I appreciate any insights you have—no matter what they are. Do…do you think making love would help? Having what you called ‘bonding sex?’”
“Well, bonding sex is a big deal,” Sophia said cautiously. “And it does tend to bring estranged couples back together sometimes.”
“Only we don’t know what the Vision Kindred’s version of bonding sex is,” Olivia pointed out. “Or did Sylvan find that out too while he was doing research?”
Sophia shook her head. “I don’t think so. There wasn’t much to go on. The Vision Kindred—at least the ones on this side of the Blind—have been extinct for hundreds of years. They, uh…” She coughed and looked at Brynn apologetically. “They died out because slavers and merchants kept kidnapping their children—their sons—to bond them to females of wealth and noble birth to act as bodyguards.”
“Which is exactly what happened to Varin,” Brynn said dully. “The slavers killed his parents and sold him to my father so he could spend his whole life guarding me.” She gave a little sob. “Before this happened, when we finally admitted our love, I told him I was afraid he only loved me because he’d been forced to love me. But he said…he said…” Scalding tears pressed at her eyelids and she could barely hold them back. “He said he fell in love with me on his own—because I was different from all the other ladies at Court. He said…he said nothing could ever make him stop loving me.”
And then she couldn’t hold back the sobs any longer. Burying her face in her hands, she lost herself in misery.
Sophia and Olivia made sympathetic murmurs and put their arms around her, hugging her gently as she cried. Brynn was very grateful for the support and caring of her new friends but nothing could assuage the loss inside her. Nothing could erase the bitter taste of the love she’d had so briefly—the love that had been snatched from her before she could even begin to understand or appreciate what she had.
At last she felt she had cried herself out. Wiping her eyes with a soft cloth Sophia had given her, she straightened up and gave a tremulous sigh.
“Thank you,” she whispered to both her friends. “I’m sorry I cried all over you. I just…I just miss Varin so much.”
“Of course you do, sweetie,” Olivia said gently. “And I know what you’re going through—well, a little bit, anyway.”
Brynn looked at her with interest. “You do?”
Olivia nodded. “Yes, it’s a long story but when I was first getting together with Baird, he sacrificed himself for me to a very bad guy. He…” Olivia cleared her throat and swiped at her eyes. “He gave himself in my stead, even knowing he was going to be tortured. And when he came back, well—he was nearly catatonic. I though he would never be himself again.”
“How did you bring him back?” Brynn asked eagerly.
“Well…by bonding sex.” Olivia shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry, especially since you said you don’t want to do that but—”
“No, it’s all right.” Brynn lifted her chin. “I…I need to consider every option.”
“Just think about it for now,” Sophia said. “Don’t jump into anything too quickly.”
“You never k
now—Varin’s memory might come back,” Olivia said hopefully. “Yipper said it happens sometimes.”
“Yes, but he also said sometimes the memory never comes back.” Brynn sighed. “But whether he remembers me or not, I still love Varin. Maybe…maybe we could start again.”
“That’s the spirit,” Sophia said encouragingly. “You could start from scratch—fall in love all over again. Why not?”
Why not indeed? Brynn considered it. It hurt her heart deeply to think of losing so many years of dreams and visions—so many tiny things that had linked them together ever since she was a baby. But if the only way to have Varin in her life was to start from the beginning, well, she told herself, she was willing.
“That’s what I’ll do,” she said, lifting her chin. “I’ll just…get him to fall in love with me all over again.”
“You can do it,” Olivia said, smiling. “You’re gorgeous and so delicate. It’s easy to see you were a princess in your former life.”
“Oh, I look nothing like the other ladies at the Court,” Brynn protested. “But thank you so much for your kind words.” She sighed and stood up. “Well…I need to go see if Varin—I mean Bereth—is home yet.”
“Is he still practicing with Baird?” Sophia asked. “Working on his piloting? I know they were training more warriors than ever before—preparing in case any more of those awful Hive things come through the Blind. Which they haven’t yet, thank goodness.”
“Yes, he’s piloting.” Brynn made a wry face. “He can’t remember me but somehow he can remember how to fly a ship.”
“Well that’s a good thing though—that he remembers his old skills,” Olivia pointed out. “Maybe more memories will follow.”
“From your lips to the Goddess’s ear,” Brynn murmured. “I’d better go now.”
“Take care, Brynn.” Olivia and Sophia both hugged her again. “And come back if you need to talk some more.”
“Thank you,” Brynn said gratefully. But inside, she knew she was done talking—it was time to do something. She needed to make Varin—Bereth—see that they belonged together and if that meant “starting from scratch” as her new friends had called it, well, that was what she would do.
And she had to do it soon—before her nightmares became completely unbearable. She wished for the thousandth time that she could ask Varin for some help—some relief—to ease the empty ache inside her.
But though she had told him much about their past together, she had been too shy to explain the actual effects of the strange nightmares on her…or how he had helped her combat them.
After all, she couldn’t just go up to him and say, “These horrible nightmares are driving me insane with lust and I need your cream inside me.” Varin was like a stranger now and that was definitely not something one said to a stranger.
But maybe I can broach the subject tonight at dinner, in a round about way, she thought. That’s it—I get the ingredients to make a meal like the kind we used to eat on Galen. That will put him in a good mood and he’ll see that I’m the female for him. And once we’re talking and connecting like we used to, I bring up the nightmares and hint that he used to help me with them. Then he’ll ask me how and one thing will lead to another and…
And what? She wasn’t quite sure, to be honest. The idea of being penetrated—fully penetrated—still scared her. But maybe it was something to consider.
For now, though, she had a lot to do to get ready before he came home from a long day of piloting. She hurried off down the hallway, already planning her menu…and what she would say as they ate.
* * * * *
Sophia sighed as she shut the door on Brynn’s small, determined form. She turned to her sister and saw that Olivia had the same expression that Sophie felt on her own face.
“Poor girl!” they said at the same time.
It usually made Sophia laugh when she and her twin said the same thing at the same time or completed each other’s sentences but this time it just made her sad. She sighed.
Liv put a hand on her hip.
“Tell the truth, womb mate—does Brynn have a shot of getting her guy back?”
“Well, anything is possible, but…”
“But what?” Liv demanded. “I know you said Sylvan was doing some research into the Vision Kindred but I have an idea you’ve been doing a fair amount of research yourself.”
“I did read over his shoulder a lot,” Sophia admitted. “I’m just really worried about Brynn. I feel so bad for her.”
“Why do you feel bad? What did you find out?” Olivia asked, sitting back on the couch.
Sophie sighed and came back to sit by her sister.
“It’s just…the blood-bond thing the Vision Kindred do when they’re kids is really, really important for them in order to be able to connect with their mate,” she said. “Sylvan says he’s never seen any other kind of Kindred where blood is so vital. Well, other than Blood Kindred of course.”
“It’s that important?” Liv asked.
Sophie nodded. “The Vision Kindred are even supposed to be able to heal their mates by giving them their blood—and you know only Blood Kindred do that.”
“So now that the blood-bond Varin had to Brynn has been erased there’s no hope for them?” Liv asked. “I can’t believe that!”
“I don’t want to believe it either,” Sophie said unhappily. “But…well…” She picked up the tea cup she’d been drinking from when Brynn had come over and took a sip—it was cold.
“But what? Stop stalling, Sophie.” Liv frowned.
“Well, it appears—at least according to the literature Sylvan found—that if a blood-bond isn’t completed in childhood, the chances of forming an actual bond later are almost zero,” Sophie looked down at her cold tea. “And you know how Brynn told us that Varin got a drop of her blood but she never got of drop of his?”
Olivia gave a long, low whistle.
“That’s bad.”
“Really bad,” Sophia agreed. “Sylvan says he doesn’t even know how Brynn was able to dream share with Varin when she never got a drop of his blood in the first place.”
“She told me that her parents didn’t even know she was dream sharing with him,” Liv said thoughtfully. “That they thought the bond was strictly one-way. He was supposed to live his whole life pining for her and protecting her while she was barely supposed to know he existed.”
“But they fell in love anyway,” Sophie pointed out. “And they dream-shared anyway. See—that’s why I didn’t want to tell her everything Sylvan found about the whole blood-bonding thing. Because they found their way together once—even though it was supposed to be completely impossible. I mean—the high-born Princess falling for her loyal but lowly slave bodyguard? How romantic and forbidden is that?”
“Very,” Liv agreed. “So you’re thinking—hoping—they’ll find a way to be together again?”
“I believe the Goddess puts people together for a reason,” Sophie said firmly. “And there’s no way I’m going to discourage Brynn from trying to get her man back.”
“I understand.” Liv sighed. “I just hope we haven’t given her false hope.”
“Did you have false hope?” Sophia asked her bluntly. “When you brought Baird back—out of that catatonic state he was in after the AllFather did those horrible things to him?”
“No.” Olivia lifted her chin. “No, you’re right. We should just be there for Brynn and support her, no matter what. Whether she gets Varin to love her again or…”
“Or not,” Sophia ended in a low voice. She thought of their new friend and sent a silent prayer to the Goddess. But she couldn’t stop thinking of what Sylvan had said when she discussed the matter with him.
“It’s not just a ritual—this early blood-bonding the Vision Kindred do, Talana,” he’d told her. “It’s a biological need. And without it, they cannot form a deep or lasting connection to a female. It’s as simple as that.”
But surely there was a way around the half-f
ormed blood-bond. Wasn’t there?
For Brynn’s sake, Sophie hoped so.
Chapter Thirty-four
“Um…this is delicious. Thank you for making it.” Bereth pushed the food around on his plate and tried to smile at the hopeful face across the table.
“I’m glad you like it. Of course, they don’t have any Galen Prime cuisine here but I thought this was pretty close.” Brynn nodded at her own plate, where the stew she’d labored over for hours had barely been touched.
“Um…well it’s good. Really good.”
Bereth was trying to be nice but he couldn’t help feeling that the stilted Last Meal conversation they were having was making Brynn more unhappy by the minute.
What was he supposed to do though, damn it? He’d apologized for being an ass when he first woke up from surgery and he was living with her in one of the Mother Ship’s guest suites while they tried to figure out what to do next. True, they slept in separate rooms but he was still eating First Meal and Last Meal with her and spending his free time here with her instead of living at the Single Male’s quarter, which was where he probably belonged.
But no matter how hard he tried, he felt like something was missing. Some vital connection—some spark that just wasn’t there somehow—was needed to ignite the air between them. But no spark was forthcoming and honestly, Bereth was beginning to doubt it ever would.
He tried dutifully, though. He listened to Brynn describe the life she said they’d had together—a life he couldn’t remember. She told him about grand galas at the Galen Prime Court which neither one of them liked. She explained how he had stood guard outside her room and they had talked—sometimes long into the night. How he had gone into the Hive alone to save her…had protected her and counseled her and taught her and loved her…
Why can’t I feel love for her now? What’s wrong with me? he asked himself. She was so beautiful—hell, fucking gorgeous to be honest. And she was clearly crazy about him. But again…there was something missing. Something that had been lost he couldn’t seem to get back.
“Varin? I mean, Bereth,” she hastily corrected herself.
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