Madison's Mess

by Robyn Peterman

  “Were you serious?” Madison asked as she stared out of the window in the swanky hotel suite the studio had provided for us during the shoot.

  Sadly the suite had two bedrooms—mine and hers.

  “About what?” I asked, scanning the maps and checkpoints on my laptop. Poseidon had supplied some intel about a certain bar the Gnomes liked.

  “Being human blenders.”

  “Come again?” I said, trying to pinpoint the target. The bastards seemed to frequent human bars in town—not in their Gnome form but in their human form, which was just as disgustingly unattractive. Apparently, the Gnome Palace was somewhere in the area too.

  “Would if I could,” she muttered under her breath thinking I wouldn’t hear her.

  But I did hear her and it made my pants tighten to the point I was sure my dick was choking to death.

  “Sorry. I missed that,” I said with a wide grin, pinning the hotter than Hades Mermaid with a loaded stare.

  Madison glanced over in surprise. The Mermaid was wearing something she called a sarong and a bikini top. When we were away from the human population she wore what she liked to call her comfy clothes. I called them boner clothes. Clearly, she was unaware of Werewolf hearing abilities. I could hear a pin drop a mile away.

  “Umm… nothing, dorko,” she said with a blush that matched her gorgeous pink locks. “I was referring to the sky diving catastrophe you pulled out of your ass after the show this evening.”

  “You think it’s a bad idea?” I asked, perplexed. Earlier in the afternoon, she’d split apples balanced on my head with daggers and we’d set fire to the pies with explosives. How could she think sky diving was bad?

  “Nope,” she said with a giggle. “It’s horrifyingly fantastic, but there won’t be a live audience. Hence no chance to nab the Gnome King.”

  “This is true,” I replied, sitting on my hands so I didn’t grab her and sprint off to my bedroom in the suite. It was all I could do to keep my eyes on her face instead of her fabulous knockers. “However, since Stew hasn’t bothered to show his ugly mug, we can case the area from the plane and suss out the location of the Palace. If the fucker doesn’t come to us, we shall pay a visit to him.”

  “Dude, my face is up here,” she informed me with an eye roll.

  Shit, I’d failed. She was correct. My eyes were glued to her outstanding knockers. “My bad. It’s just that your, umm… chest is a work of art.”

  She bit down on her full kissable lips to hide her smile. Yesssss. Point for me. I was proud that I’d said chest instead of hooters or gazoongas.

  “Rick, Rick, Rick,” Madison said in a serious voice that I hadn’t heard yet.

  Her tone didn’t bode well for me getting to see her boobies. Damn it, maybe my complimenting her girls wasn’t my smoothest move. Normally, I didn’t have to think twice, the ladies threw themselves at me. However, the Mermaid knocked me off my game.

  “Yes?” I asked, wondering if she still had a few knives on her. I never knew where I stood with the Mermaid which was sexier than her knockers.

  Madison sighed and sat down on the edge of the desk where I was working. Her delectable scent made me a little dizzy.

  “Here’s the deal. If I bang you, I have to keep you. I made a promise to myself to stop having meaningless sex with losers. You’re not a keeper, dude,” she said with a sad smile.

  “Why is that?”

  “Well, for one thing, you’ve come close to death a half dozen times this week,” she said.

  “While this is true, I’d like to point out that you were the cause of nearly all my near-death experiences,” I said carefully, watching her hands to make sure she didn’t go for a weapon. Her knife skills were a huge turn on for me.

  Madison scrunched her nose and considered my statement. “Excellent point. And you almost beheaded me three times.”

  “Does that upset you?” I asked.

  She grinned and shrugged. “Not really. Does it upset you that I almost took your eye out with a throwing star?”

  “Not at all. The only time I was a little iffy was when your dagger grazed my Johnson.”

  “That was a total accident. I got distracted by the excitement in your…” she faded off, smacked herself in the head and blushed again.

  “In my pants?” I offered with a laugh.

  “Yessssss,” she said with a giggle and an eye roll. “The excitement in your pants. It was… impressive.”

  Closing the laptop, I grabbed her hand and led her to the couch. Keeping a safe distance between us so I didn’t accidentally put my hands on her girls and end up getting stabbed, I settled myself on the far end of the sofa. I wanted the Mermaid more than I wanted to go wingsuit flying, but I needed her to be onboard.

  “Here’s how I see it. You’re completely fucking certifiable and I’m one hundred percent insane,” I began.

  “Umm… is that how you get the girls? It’s kind of a jackhole way to start,” she said, squinting her sparkling rose-colored eyes at me.

  “It is?” I asked, confused. I thought the truth was supposed to fucking set you free…

  “Yep, but keep going. I’m curious how far you can shove your foot up your ass before it comes out of your mouth.”

  “Not a problem,” I said with confidence. “I don’t really date… or I do, but it’s always over before it begins,” I admitted, realizing my statement sounded as pathetic as my life had become living with bunnies, deer and raccoons.

  Shit.

  “Mmmkay,” Madison said tilting her head to the side and pursing her lips. “You’re hot. Your ass is to die for. You are kind of a nard, but you seem to have a party going on in your pants. What’s wrong with you?”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, grinning from ear to ear.

  “You’re happy I called you a nard?”

  “Absolutely. It doesn’t bug you that I like zorbing?”

  “What in the gods’ name is zorbing? Is it dangerous?” she asked as her eyes lit up and my Johnson almost burst out of my jeans.

  “Imagine climbing inside a fucking enormous plastic ball—hamster style, except human-sized,” I explained, beginning to bounce on the couch a little. “You go to the highest dang hill you can find and let that sucker roll.”

  “Holy hell and seashells,” Madison said as she too began to bounce.

  It was time to really impress her.

  “Some losers like to be strapped in, but not me,” I bragged. “I free willy that ball.”

  “That is so freakin’ hot,” Madison said, scooting closer.

  “That’s nothing,” I replied, inching my way toward the goddess of my dreams. “I could take you to the hike of death in Huayna Picchu, Peru.”

  “Duuuuude, have you ever been blowhole diving in Oahu, Hawaii?” Madison shouted with glee.

  All the blood in my brain was now in my pecker. She was perfect. Why wasn’t I a keeper? I sure as hell wanted to keep her. I didn’t know if the two of us together would live to see tomorrow, but it would be a hell of a great death.

  Not sure I could make a coherent sentence, I gripped the edge of the couch like my life depended on it and thought about the horrific time I saw my grandmother naked when I was twelve. My Willy deflated and I was back in control. As long as the Mermaid didn’t touch me, I was pretty sure I could speak.

  “Blowhole diving in Hawaii is one of my favorite things to do,” I said, wincing as the image of my granny’s hooters was still stuck in my frontal lobe.

  “Shit,” Madison said with a long sigh.

  “What?” I asked, mentally damning my granny’s still present tits to hell.

  “Okay,” Madison said, jumping up off the couch and pacing the suite. “I really want to boink you, but if I do, I have to keep you.” She pulled on her wild pink locks and continued to pace. “Your lack of a fear gene is appealing—almost as appealing as your ass.”

  My desire to throw Madison over my shoulder and boink her blind was making me sweat.

  �
��However, I’ve never been in a relationship that worked.”

  “Neither have I,” I volunteered in my outdoor voice. “I suck at relationships. SHIT,” I bellowed. That probably was not the right thing to say when I wanted her to keep me. “I meant I’ve very good at sucking… umm… stuff.”

  Letting my head fall to my chest, I again pictured my granny’s sagging bosom to punish myself. Clearly, I’d been living with bunnies for too long. My verbal skills were appalling in her presence.

  Madison laughed and paused her pacing. “It’s cool. I suck at relationships too… and I’m also very good at sucking things.”

  I was pretty sure my eyeballs rolled into the back of my head and I forgot how to breathe.

  “Soooo, this entire conversation might be moot because there’s a fine chance that we’ll either kill each other in the next few days or the Gnomes will do it for us, but…,” she said, looking wildly unsure.

  “But?” I choked out, still trying to make my lungs work after her admission of her excellent sucking skills.

  “But the one thing I think I’ve neglected in the past was getting to really know someone before I banged them blind. I think the logical thing to do before I boink you sightless—if it comes to that… no pun intended—is to date.”

  “You mean like throwing shit at cars, TP-ing my Alpha’s house and making out in the back of my SUV?” I inquired. I had very little experience of actually dating as my reputation for being a daredevil with a death wish preceded me.

  “Umm… no,” Madison said with an impressive eye roll. “I mean date as in taking me to dinner first before we do that other shit.”

  “I’m down with that,” I shouted, pumping my fist in the air. “You wanna go get a salad?”

  “Are you implying I’m fat?” my Mermaid hissed and produced a wicked looking dagger out of thin air.

  “Holy shit, that’s hot.”

  “It won’t be as hot when it’s embedded in your forehead,” she pointed out correctly with her eyes narrowed to slits.

  “True,” I agreed readily and then wondered for the umpteenth time of the truth would set me free or result in a bloodbath. “I… umm… I’m a Vegan,” I whispered so softly that I almost couldn’t hear myself.

  “Didn’t catch that, butthole,” Madison said, still aiming the knife at my head.

  “Fine,” I grumbled. “I’m a Vegan. I don’t eat meat or any animal products.”

  Her jaw went slack. “But you’re a Werewolf.”

  “It’s a life choice,” I explained, ready to dive behind the couch if she felt the need to stab me for being a freak of nature.

  Madison paused and thought it over. “Your life choice?”

  “Not exactly,” I admitted. “I choose to save the lives of all the living and breathing furry creatures that don’t deserve to be eaten. Plus a plant-based diet will help you live longer.”

  “Umm… you’re immortal,” she reminded me.

  Shit. She had me there. I mean, we could die, but not by any kind of human standards.

  “Right,” I said with a lopsided grin. “I guess it is my life choice.”

  Madison’s smile grew wide. Her pink eyes sparkled and I was pretty dang sure I was staring at an angel.

  “I can live with that as long as I can have some French fries with my salad.”

  “Deal,” I shouted.

  Life was very good right now.

  I just hoped we would make it to tomorrow.

  5

  Madison

  Damn it if the nard wasn’t growing on me in a big bad way. He was funny and kind of sweet in an idiotic manner. Not to mention, he was hotter than Hades in July. And he wanted to take me zorbing. Maybe boinking my co-worker would be okay… once or twice or eleven times. I did enjoy breaking rules.

  “So tell me this,” I said, stuffing French fries into my mouth as we sat in his parked truck casing a bar that Gnomes were known to frequent. “You got kicked out of your pack?”

  “Kind of,” Rick replied, sheepishly grinning at me while he ingested his fourth salad in as many minutes. “I’m a liability.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I snapped, dipping my fry into the ranch dressing he refused to eat since there was buttermilk in it. “You’re just adventurous—like me. My sisters would never banish me for blowing up stuff. Actually, all four of us like to blow up stuff.”

  “You’re really lucky, Madison,” Rick said with a sad smile. “I would be so fucking happy if my pack liked to bungee jump and ride motorcycles blindfolded. Mostly they play cards and eat.”

  I was silent and willed myself not to blurt out an invite to the Mystical Isle. Rick would fit right in with the rest of my insane crew. However, I didn’t know him well enough to boink him yet. I certainly wasn’t going to invite him home to be terrorized by my family until I’d banged him. I wasn’t an idiot. I had to fall in love with him first and I had no clue what that felt like.

  “So you think Stew will be at the bar?” I asked, getting back to business.

  Rick shook his head. “Nope, the King rarely mixes with humans. But if we trail the jackasses that are there, we can possibly learn the location of the Gnome Palace.”

  Sweet Poseidon on a bender—the Werewolf was smart too. Crap.

  Humans milled in and out of the bar. It was only ten in the evening. The bar was open until midnight. Normally I would have been bored to tears but sitting in tight quarters with Rick was anything but dull.

  “You know, this kind of fun,” I said as I hunkered down his truck and waited impatiently for our mark to come out of the seedy bar in the scummiest part of town.

  Checking for the knives and explosives in my pockets, I finished off the rest of my fries. I was kind of sad that we weren’t going to TP his Alpha’s house, but the night was young. Rick’s pack was only an hour and a half away from where we were in the armpit of Tennessee.

  “Ridding the world of trash for a soused god who wears a diaper is definitely high on my list of a good date at the moment,” Rick said with a panty-melting grin that made me giggle.

  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that as far as dates went it was kind of weird, but he was kind of weird. And if I was being honest with myself, I was weird too. I’d racked up plenty of bland dates in my centuries on earth. The kind of girl who liked fancy restaurants and then an hour at a jazz bar drinking expensive wine wasn’t me. I’d rather walk on the ledge of a twenty- story building and then throw back a few piña coladas followed by a swim in the ocean with some sharks.

  Rick began to squirm in his seat. I was already aware that his movement meant he was about to say something—usually something wildly and fabulously inappropriate.

  “So, should we suck face or something to kill time?” he asked, plastering himself to the driver’s side door in case I decided to stab him.

  It was incredibly cute and hot… and cute.

  “You’re delivery leaves a lot to be desired,” I said, moving closer.

  “For real?” he asked, his eyes going wide with desire as I inched closer.

  “Yep,” I said as I got near enough to feel the heat coming off his sexy body. His scent was positively erotic. “Terrible choice of words, but really good idea.”

  “Yessssssss,” Rick hissed as he grabbed me and yanked me against him.

  Thank the gods his truck was huge. Never in my life had anything felt so good as his hard pressed against my soft.

  “Umm… do fangs freak you out?” he asked, slapping his hand over his mouth. “They like to pop out when I’m horny.”

  “Are you horny?”

  “Very,” he said with a chuckle from behind his hand. “I’ve had a boner since the moment I laid eyes on you.”

  He was every kind of uncouth and I loved it. “Lemme see,” I said as I gently removed his hand. His fangs were sexy and then some. “Me likey. Just don’t bite me. Cool?”

  “Right. No bite,” he stammered, so excited I almost laughed.

  He was like a high s
chool boy—all nervous and adorable.

  And then suddenly he wasn’t. Oh my gods. He wasn’t a high school boy by a long shot. The Werewolf had moves.

  “Gorgeous,” he muttered against my lips as my girlie parts revved up with a vengeance.

  I’d expected to be devoured. I was so very wrong. His lips were full and firm. His tongue darted out and traced my bottom lip with reverence.

  “Holy seashells,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his neck and nipped at his lips. “You taste so good.”

  “Better than French fries?” he inquired with a chuckle as his mouth began to explore my neck and collarbone.

  “Much better,” I gasped out as his razor-sharp fangs grazed my shoulder sending happy chills all through my body. “What happens if you bite me?”

  Rick pulled back and grinned. “You’re mine then. You’d have to keep me. Forever.”

  “Okaaay,” I said, warming to the crazy idea. “While I find it intriguing, I’m not ready for that. You feel me?”

  “I feel you and you feel good,” he said as his bright blue eyes hooded with undisguised lust and his hands found my perky girls.

  Gods, I was tempted to yank my shirt over my head, pull my pants off and straddle the Werewolf. My skin was on fire and the thought of seeing him naked was intoxicating. I would have stripped in a hot second if we weren’t parked in a public area. I was clearly not to be trusted with my own judgment—at all. A hot Werewolf and a horny Mermaid who liked blowhole diving were a combustible combination.

  “Gods, I want you so bad,” he said against my neck. “But I’ll wait until you decide if I’m a keeper.”

  “Dude,” I choked out, trying to hold my shit together as I arched into his expert hands. “You have to decide if I’m a keeper too. This is for both of us.”

  “Already decided,” he said as his mouth found my nipple. “I’m gonna do the sucky thing. Cool?”

  “Yesssss,” I said, wriggling my body in delight. “I’d be very cool with that.”

  “Okey dokey,” he said with a sexy smirk and took a quick look back at the bar. “What the fuck?” Rick snarled, glaring out the front windshield.