by Goode, Ella
I want to spend every second soaking up all of the goodness that is in this man. Just by the sheer size of him, I’m going to need a long time to soak up all that good. Forever sounds like it might be the right amount of time. That thought is interrupted when I think of the possibility of my parents scaring him off. Unlike parenting, scaring people off is something they’re actually good at. I got away from them as fast as I legally could. What will Tank think about me not wanting to be around my parents? I almost feel guilty talking bad about them because at least I have them. It has me second guessing myself. I don’t want him to think I’m unappreciative when I talk about my parents negatively.
“I don’t care if the guys have been handled. The security around here is shit.” Tank opens my bathroom door, doing a sweep of the tiny room as if someone could really be hiding in here still.
“Let me deal with them and then I’ll come back to your place.” Tank stands after looking under my bed. Even I couldn't fit in the tiny space there, but he insists on looking under it anyway. If I wasn't a ball of anxiety right now I’d laugh. I hate that they can do this to me. I don’t really need anything from my mom or dad, but still I always try to please them and keep the peace between us.
He turns to look at me like I’ve lost my mind. I’m starting to feel like maybe I have, because as much as I want him out of here before they get here, I want to cling to him, too. Tank doesn't need my parents’ crap. Not to mention in the last year in the few short phone calls I’ve had with them, they’ve begun to talk about eligible people for me to marry. That came out of left field on me. I’m pretty sure they’re trying to set me up with an arranged marriage. They definitely want to pick men that they think are good enough for me. Their definition of “good enough” is not the same as mine. The qualities they deem important differ greatly from my own. Theirs would be based on monetary or materialistic things instead of my happiness. I would just listen quietly on the phone, knowing that I was never going to do what they were asking of me.
“You want me to leave.” His gaze searches my face. I can’t say the words, so I only nod because I don’t want him to leave. I hate facing them, but I don’t want their shit getting onto Tank. It’s hard to tell a man whose parents abandoned him that I don't much care for the ones who kept me. Still I know he’d be so pissed if he knew how they’ve treated me. Having all these thoughts jumbled around in my head isn't helping me. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, but I know I want my choice to be whatever shields Tank the most. He is what I care about more than anything right now.
I shrug. “Maybe they’ll see me and they’ll leave and be done?” I sigh, wringing my fingers together. Tank walks over toward me, pulling my hands out and making me untangle my fingers so he can lock his own with mine.
“You’re worked up because they're on their way here?” he asks. I nod. I was fine before they called. I thought maybe the school hadn’t reached them or something. I didn't even know if they were in the country, to be honest. I was content lying in bed talking to Liv while we both knew our men were out handling business. It’s crazy how in two weeks I went from feeling so alone to having this makeshift new family around me.
He leans in, kissing me deep and stealing the breath right from me. I get lost in him for a moment and forget about everything. When he pulls away I am breathless.
“I’ll be back.” He turns and leaves me standing there shocked. I did not think he was going to do that. I try to get my wits about me. I’m a little surprised that he actually left. I thought there was going to be a fight, but he kissed me and left. My fingers go to my lips, still feeling him there. That wasn't a goodbye kiss, was it? My heart starts to pound. Great, now I have something else to worry about.
I run to the door and pull it open. Now I want him here for this. Tank is my person. I know that, and when I face my parents and whatever shit they want to throw at us, I want him with me because I know he’ll always stand by me.
I freeze when I see Tank standing there. My heart jumps to my throat. It’s clear to me now he wasn't leaving.
No, he was making sure he was getting to my parents first. I tear up at the realization. This man really is my human shield. I know now that Tank will always be the first line of defense when it involves me. My heart has never been so full as it is in this moment.
17
Tank
I don’t know what I thought Erika’s parents would look like. I can’t say I was surprised to see two people marching down the hallway dressed up like the rich spectators who sit in the front row at matches, dripping in their diamonds and fur and looking at you like you’re the animal they hired to perform.
Her mom sizes me up with one look and discards me as unimportant. Her dad is glued to his phone. They have as much warmth as a polar ice cap and despite the narrow hall, there’s enough space between them to fit a small car.
Inwardly, I shudder at the kind of childhood Erika had with these two.
“Will you please move?” says the mother.
“You Erika’s parents?”
The dad’s head pops up at Treasure’s name. “Who are you?”
“Tank.” They don’t get my full name.
“Tank? What kind of name is that?” her father sneers.
“It’s what uncultured people name their children,” inserts Erika’s mom. “Child. Move out of the way. We are on our way to see our daughter. Besides, I’m certain this is a women’s only dorm, and unless you’re one of those people, you need to leave.”
“Dorm rules allow men to be here during the day,” a soft voice behind me says.
I crane my neck over my shoulder to see Erika creeping up behind me. Her small hand curls around a portion of my T-shirt as if it’s her lifeline.
“Erika? Come out from behind that Neanderthal. We need to talk,” her mom orders.
“Maybe we should go inside Erika’s room,” I suggest. The curious are poking their heads out of their own rooms and I can feel Erika shrinking against me. She hates attention, which is partly why she dances at night, by herself, where no one can watch.
“We will go inside Erika’s room, but you will stay out here,” the mom declares. She attempts to push me aside, but I’m big and she’s small like her daughter and so the shove doesn’t budge me. Flustered, the mom steps back. “Young man, if you don’t move, I will call the police.”
“We all go in or none of us go in.” I don’t want to have it out with her parents while half her dorm floor is watching, but I’m not letting Erika be alone with her parents. It’d be like taking my treasure to that frat house, shoving her inside and locking the door on my way out. I love her too much to subject her to that kind of abuse.
Mrs. Ainsworth grabs the phone from her husband’s hand and dials a number. The volume is loud enough for us all to hear “9-1-1. What is your emergency?”
“Mom!” Erika yelps. She flies forward and snatches the phone from her mom’s hand. “Wrong number. I’m sorry,” she cries into it.
“Erika Jordan Ainsworth, what do you think you’re doing?”
“What am I doing? The question is what are you doing?” Erika fires back. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes sparkle. The fear she wore earlier has been burned away by some righteous anger. “You seriously aren’t calling 9-1-1 because you can’t get into my dorm room, are you? Because that’s crazy.”
“Don’t talk to your mother like that,” scolds her dad.
“Give me your phone, Jed,” Erika’s mom demands. “I refuse to have a discussion about private things out in the open like this. It’s intolerable.”
“The police aren’t going to do anything because Tank’s not doing anything wrong.” She spins and grabs my hand. “Come on, Tank. Let’s go get something to eat. I’m really hungry.”
“Don’t you dare move one inch.” The mom steps up, stopping only inches from Erika’s nose. It’s an intimidation tactic—one that weaker boxers use in hopes that their out-of-the-ring bravado can spark fear in
their opponents. “You may be 21, but your bills are paid by us. The clothes that you’re wearing are ones we paid for. The food you put in your mouth is provided by your father and me. You wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for me. I made you. So you do not get to ignore me. You never get to ignore me.”
The words are low, almost whispered, but I hear them as if the mom shouted them in my ear.
Erika shudders, but my brave girl doesn’t back down. “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. And I’ve tried my very best to be the person you wanted me to be, but, no matter how hard I try, I’ll always disappoint you. I didn’t want to accept that truth before, but I know it now. If I keep striving to make you happy, I’ll never find my own joy.” She pauses and takes a deep, heaving breath. I squeeze her shoulder to let her know she is not alone. She reaches up to squeeze my hand. “I’m not ignoring you, Mom, but I am putting myself first. If that means you don’t pay for college, then I’ll get a job, but I’d rather be poor, eating noodles and wearing clothes from Goodwill than have to answer to you for the rest of my life.”
Erika releases my hand and goes over to her dad, who is shocked into silence. She kisses him softly on the cheek. “I love you,” she whispers. She tries to do the same to her mother, but the old bat backs up, out of the way.
Erika’s shoulders slump for a moment. I step forward and take her hand again. She gives me a grateful smile. “I’m ready.”
Gently, I push her mother to the side, making a path for Erika and me to leave. Tears are falling from my girl’s face, and any other time, I’d pick her up, but I get the sense she wants to walk out of here on her own two feet. Her mom’s been the bad boss Erika could never defeat and now that she has, she deserves to walk away from the battle on her own.
That said, if her parents ever come after her again, I’ll be the one wielding the sword. Erika won’t ever have to do it again.
18
Erika
I peek over at Tank, who is clearly still on edge as we walk toward his place. “Go ahead.” I nudge him with my elbow. He looks down at me. “Pick me up if—” My words are cut off as my feet leave the ground. I can’t help but laugh at how over the top and protective he is. I rest my head on his shoulder and wipe the remaining tears from my eyes with his shirt.
I’m a bag of mixed emotions—happy because I finally stood up to my parents, nervous because I’m not sure what the future holds for me, embarrassed that Tank has to witness what crappy people my parents could be, but most of all I’m grateful that Tank stood by my side through the entire debacle.
“Thanks,” I whisper into his shoulder. It comes out muffled, but I know he hears me, because he caresses my hair. Right now being this close to him is the only thing I need in my life. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know it will be with Tank. That much I’m sure of.
I rub my nose along his neck. The smell of him is calming, his big body is protective and I’ve never felt more loved than I do in this moment. I decide not to hide my emotions from him. I won’t be like my parents where everything is fake and surface. I want him to show me all of him, too.
“Tank.” I lift my head up to gaze into his eyes. “I love you.” He stops walking. His eyes, which looked pissed a few moments ago, soften around the edges. “We never said that to each other growing up.” I lick my suddenly dry lips. I feel more exposed to him than I ever have before. He’s now seen every part of me. Inside and out. Still here he stands, no judgment in his eyes. All he wants is to take care of me. He wants to make sure no one could ever hurt me. I should have known when he walked out of my door he wasn't leaving to go home. Tank was heading to fix whatever the problem was, and that problem had been my parents. He was ready to take them on for me.
I thought maybe I could make peace with my parents, convince them that everything was fine and get them to leave. I had hope that I could go back to residing in the happy world that I’d been in with Tank. I knew they wouldn’t approve of him, but I never imagined that they would be outwardly rude and dismissive of him. I should have known better. I think what made me so mad was that I did know better. When I saw the way my mom looked at Tank I knew that this could only have one ending. That ending, unfortunately, won’t include my parents. I won’t betray the man who has breathed new life into my world and I most certainly won’t hide him. No, I’d never hide Tank. I want everyone to know I’m as much his as he’s mine. I suddenly understand why Liv is always putting her name on the backs of her boyfriends’ shirts. I want Tank’s name all over me.
“Treasure.” His one word comes out thick and full of so much emotion. He doesn't have to say it. I know this man loves me. When I look back now it’s almost laughable that I didn’t see it from the very start. He said it in everything he did for me.
“You don’t have to keep trying to make me fall in love with you. I’m already there.” I reach up and touch his face. My finger traces the scar he has there. He leans in to my touch. Some might think this is fast, but I think when you know you know. From the very first moment I saw Tank he’s had all of my attention. Nothing and no one has ever done that to me. At least not in the way that he has.
“We won’t be like that, will we, Tank?” I ask, even though I already know the answer. I still want to hear him say it. Tank would do anything for me. He’s made that crystal clear. There’s nothing he won’t go up against for me. He made my parents, who I once thought were the scariest people, easy to take on because I knew he was by my side. It’s crazy how much easier life can feel when you know you have someone who will be by your side. It’s scary to think about someone knowing all of your imperfections, but it’s also like coming home when you find that person.
Although I think Tank would disagree that I’m not perfect. Still, I don’t want to be perfect for the first time in a very long time. He’s freed me in a way I’m not sure he’ll ever understand.
“I’ve been telling you I love you from the first day I laid eyes on you.” I shift in his arms. “Nothing anyone tells me about you could convince me otherwise. Let’s be clear, though, if they did, I would just have to pound them until they changed their minds.” He winks at me.
“Speaking of pounding things.” I try to wiggle my eyebrows at him. Tank lets out a deep roar of laughter like I’ve never heard before. I smack his chest.
“Are you laughing at me trying to be sexy?” I tease him.
“Let’s get one thing straight: you don’t need to try, Treasure. I have to control myself every second that I’m around you.” He leans down, still laughing, and kisses me. I melt into him like usual. I really can’t help myself.
“Feed me and take me home.” I press my chest into him.
He starts moving again. “Home?” he asks, smiling.
“Yeah. Home,” I say again. We both know what I mean by that.
19
Erika
I wake to a soft tap on my face. It’s light at first, like a feather is being brushed across it. I can feel the heat of Tank’s massive body behind me. I smile when I think about how tired he must be after last night…or should I say early this morning when sleep finally claimed us. He loved me until the sun came up, not only with his body but with his words, too. I’m not ready to open my eyes yet. I just want to live in this moment. I don’t have to, though. This is going to be our life together now.
Again, I feel a nudge to my cheek, causing me to crack one eye open. That’s when I see Tuesday sitting with her paw midair ready to strike again. Tank must have forgotten to close the bedroom door. I reach out and give her little head a rub and close my eyes again. Tuesday begins to purr while snuggling up beside me.
Tank places soft kisses behind my ear, making me aware that he’s awake. He pulls me back to press against his very naked body. I smile, turning my face to meet his mouth with mine. He pecks my lips softly before he pulls away to stare into my eyes. Both of us silently communicate our emotions through our stare. We’ll get to spend the rest of our lives waking
like this. Without breaking eye contact, I slowly drag my hand away from Tuesday so I can reach to touch Tank’s face. Tuesday lets out a meow of disapproval. Tank shakes his head as if he doesn't blame the cat.
“I stole your cat,” I say, giggling. I’m enjoying the attention of both.
“Treasure.” Tank grabs my hand and guides it to his chest, placing it where I can feel the beat of his heart. He leaves his hand over mine as if holding it there. “You’ve stolen more than that.”
My eyes fill at his sweetness. “No.” A look of panic crosses Tank’s face at the first sign of unshed tears.
“I’m not going to. They’re happy tears anyway,” I rush to add. I might have gotten a little teary eyed when we got back to his place last night also, but Tank quickly nipped that in the bud.
Our place, I mentally correct myself, which makes me smile. I dry up any tears that are trying to escape. Today is the first day of our new beginning. I couldn’t have asked for more. Okay, maybe I’m going to suggest that I want some breakfast, but that’s it.
“Let me feed you.” He reads my mind and pulls me from the bed. Tuesday jumps down, taking off ahead of us.
“Clothes.” I look around for something to wear. I’m not sure when or where my clothes were ripped from my body as we were all hands and mouths last night getting into the door. We couldn't get close enough.
Last night felt like a new start. I’m not closing the door on my parents, but I am starting a new chapter, one that doesn't require their approval. It’s a life where everything doesn't have to be perfect, even if right now it kind of feels like it is.
We had some hurried, passionate sex when we got home, then we made slow, sweet love. Exhausted after, we lay in bed talking about the life we dreamed of having together, one Tank said we would have as long as that’s what I want. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s my future. We both know life isn’t that easy, especially Tank. His opening up to me last night about his childhood meant so much to me. I would never understand how someone who came from so much pain and suffering managed to still be such a sweet man. He’s going to make a great father one day.