“Definitely. I told Susan and Molly I’d go over to their place at nine o’ clock to go over things and see where the plans are at. The party is in three days. I’ll need your kitchen the day before that.”
“No problem, angel.” He came back over the bed and leaned down to give me one last lingering kiss. “Best night of my life.”
Joy suffused me and I felt weirdly, stupidly shy all of a sudden. “Me, too.”
“Christ, you’re adorable.” Another kiss. “Right, I gotta go or I just won’t.” He pushed away from me and stepped back, his eyes dipping down my body. Gray let out a regretful sigh before he returned his gaze to mine. “I’ll come find you at Susan’s condo when I’m done.”
“Can’t wait.”
When he did leave, the sound of my suite door closing with a click echoing around the large space, I felt a pang in my chest.
I missed him already.
How weird was that?
Knowing if I lazed around in bed, I’d just miss him more, I forced myself to get up and out of it and stumbled into the shower. It was while I was in the shower that I realized I hadn’t looked at my phone since yesterday afternoon. Shit. What if Killian had called? It didn’t go off last night in the suite so maybe he hadn’t. As soon as I got out of the shower I searched for the damn phone and found it buried under my dress on the chair. It was off, having run out of charge.
Damn.
Worry flooded me. How long had it been dead and had Killian been trying to reach me?
I plugged it into the charger and waited impatiently for it to come on. After a few minutes, my stomach sank as I watched message after message and missed call after missed call come up on the screen.
Some were from Killian, others from Skylar, and there was a missed call and text from Catie.
I quickly shot a text to Catie to tell her I was fine and I’d see her at breakfast to explain. Then I called Killian.
“Hey, big brother,” I greeted him cheerfully when he answered, in the hopes that my good mood would soften him.
There was a moment of silence and then what sounded like whispering and then, “Hey, Autumn, you’ve got Skylar.”
Although happy to hear Skylar’s voice, I frowned. “Hey, Sky, what’s up?”
Her voice lowered. “Your brother just handed me the phone and wandered off, brooding.”
Concern pierced me. “My phone died. Is he mad at me?”
“A little, I think. He tried calling you last night and when you didn’t answer he got worried, so he called Catie and she told him you were out on a date?”
Since she asked it like a question I answered as such, “Yes, I was on a date.”
Nervous butterflies fluttered to life in my belly.
“Killian’s just a little worried.”
“That I’m dating?”
“Um… yes.”
Irritation flooded me. I was the happiest I’d ever been and I didn’t really feel like explaining myself to my brother. “Well, tell him he has no reason to be.”
Skylar was quiet a moment. “So… who’s the guy?”
My smile was automatic and I sank down onto the edge of the bed. “Skylar… oh man, Skylar, I can’t even describe him.”
She sounded amused, “You sound… dreamy?”
I giggled. “I do, don’t I?”
“Are you drunk?” she laughed.
“On love,” I admitted.
It surprised me for a second that I’d said it out loud but only a second. I’d always been an open book but there were some things even I kept to myself. Not with Skylar. I couldn’t explain why but from the moment we met I’d been able to tell her anything. She didn’t judge people. Skylar was thoughtful, empathetic, and understanding.
And so I found myself telling her all about Gray and our instant connection. About how I couldn’t explain it but it was real… “I’m in love with him.”
She was silent so long, tears began to burn in my throat. Tears of regret. I shouldn’t have told her. How could anyone but Gray and me understand?
“You think I’m being an idiot,” I whispered.
“God, no,” Skylar replied immediately. “Autumn, I know you’ve had bad luck with guys in the past but that was not your fault. You’re sweet and kind and you treat everyone like your best friend, but you are also smart and capable. You’re not a dreamer with your head up your ass… so if you say you think you’re in love with this guy then I believe you.”
Relief flooded me. “Really?”
“Yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m not concerned. I don’t like that it’s happened so quickly and that it’s with someone neither I nor Killian has even met. But you can’t blame me for feeling that way.”
“No, I get it.” And I did. If Killian had fallen in love with Skylar without me having met her I’d have worried, not liking the idea of him investing emotionally in someone I didn’t know or like. “How do you think Killian will react?”
She sighed. “I think you know how he’ll react. He’s not just your big brother. He’s parent and big brother. He’s not going to like this.”
And that put a big fat dampener on it.
“Have you thought about how this relationship is going to work with you here and your guy in Montana?”
There was the other big fat dampener.
“No,” I answered honestly. “I haven’t.”
“Autumn, please be careful. I’m not saying what you’re feeling isn’t real but this is a complicated situation. Maybe take some time to work all that stuff out before you get in any deeper with this guy.”
“Gray doesn’t want to talk about it just yet. He said he wants our hooks so deep in each other we’ll do anything to figure it out.”
Skylar let out a huff of laughter. “I bet he did.”
“How’s that?” I frowned.
“Babe, you’ve seen you, right? You’re drop dead gorgeous, confident without vanity, and just the sweetest, nicest person you could meet. I bet your guy took one look at you and decided he’d do and say just about anything to make you his and to make you stay. That’s what he means by doing anything to figure it out. I bet he wants you to move there.”
Unease settled over me. “You think?”
“He owns a successful construction company there. He has a big loving family. He wants to take you hiking in the summer.” Wow, she’d really listened to everything I told her. “This is not a guy who wants to leave Montana.”
“But I don’t want to leave Glasgow.” And I didn’t. “I’ve never been away from Killian for more than a few weeks.” He was my family.
“Then you really need to talk to your guy before you fall any harder.”
Emotion clogged my throat. I sounded hoarse when I retorted, “I don’t think I can fall any harder. I’m already there.” I sucked in a shaky, teary breath. “What am I going to do?”
“You need to talk to him. And then you need to call me to let me know you’re okay. Do you want me to tell Killian?”
I knew it was cowardly to ask her to, but I just couldn’t handle my brother’s feelings on top of my own right then. “Would you? It’ll just make it easier for me when I do finally talk to him about it.”
“Of course.”
Needing to shake myself out of my dark thoughts, I changed the subject. “I’ve commandeered this whole conversation. How are you doing?”
Skylar released a heavy sigh. “I don’t feel so jetlagged anymore and I’m nervous because the press has backed off entirely just in time for us dropping the album. So I know they’ll be back, even though I refuse to promote it.”
“The album is amazing. It’s going to soar.”
“You know I don’t care about that. And without marketing it’s doubtful. But it’s my best work ever and I just wanted to put it out there.”
“I think you’re going to be surprised,” I said, genuinely believing that this album would rock the charts and get millions of streams.
“We’ll see.”
We talked some mor
e about her plans for the album drop and I told her about Susan and Molly.
“Only you, Autumn,” she said, the fondness in her voice unmistakable. “You go on vacation and then end up helping people out.”
“It’s not entirely altruistic. It’s Gray’s plan to help me work out what I want to do with my life.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”
“Hmm… he’s proving something of a distraction, but I’m leaning toward event management.” And I was. I think I was even before the list.
“Good. Look, I better go. I can hear your brother playing something moody and melancholic on the guitar and I need to put him in a better mood before I drop your news on him.”
I wrinkled my nose. “TMI.”
“I didn’t say how I was going to put him in a better mood.”
“You didn’t have to. Anyway, you go do something I’m going to pretend you and my brother don’t do, and I’m going to get dressed and head down to breakfast. I’m starved.” And I was. A long night of sex would do that to a girl.
“Okay. Love you, babe.”
“Love you, too, Sky. And tell my brother I love him.”
“You got it.”
We hung up and I got dressed for the day, trying to ignore the churn of worry in my gut. That feeling wasn’t just about how Killian would react to the news of Gray, but also about my future with Gray. Skylar was right. Gray would in no way want to leave Cunningham Falls. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? I couldn’t move to Montana.
Could I?
The thought of being so far away from Killian and Skylar caused a painful ache in my chest I just couldn’t ignore. Killian had been my only family for so long and I, more than anyone, knew how important family was and how fragile life could be. I didn’t want to miss out on the important moments in Killian’s life and I didn’t want him to miss out on mine. I wanted to be there after he proposed to Skylar, to be a bridesmaid at their wedding, to cradle my niece or nephew at Skylar’s bedside, and babysit for them when they needed alone time.
And I wanted Killian and Skylar to be there for me when I went through all of those moments with Gray. Because, as crazy as it was, I couldn’t imagine sharing those moments with anyone else but Gray.
Heartbreakingly, I couldn’t imagine not sharing those moments with my brother and the woman he loved. It would put me in the middle of an ocean being emotionally pulled in opposite directions. I’d have to either swim in one direction, leaving someone behind, or I’d drown.
* * * *
“Oh, Autumn.” Catie reached over the table to squeeze my free hand while I wiped the corner of my eyes with the napkin in my other.
I blinked back tears, mortified I was getting upset at breakfast in public.
Catie and Kyle had taken one look at my face when I approached their table that morning and had known something was really wrong.
“I’m being silly and melodramatic,” I huffed, throwing Kyle a look of apology.
“You’re not,” Catie assured me. “But I think Skylar is right. You need to talk to Gray before this goes any further.”
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes again. “Has my mascara—” My words fell away at the sight of Gray marching across the breakfast room, scowling.
“Why are you crying?” he said without preamble.
Shocked that he was there and had witnessed said crying, I could only stare at him. Then I blurted, “I thought you were skiing.”
His frown deepened. “I have an hour between my first two lessons, thought I’d see if I could catch you and have breakfast, and gotta say, angel, not liking I’m finding you here in tears after last night.” He flicked a look at Catie and Kyle then returned his gaze to mine. “Can we talk?”
I threw my friends a reassuring but wobbly smile and got up from the table. Gray immediately clasped my hand tight in his and led me out of the dining room. He turned left toward the restrooms where there was a mobile coat rack in the hallway. He gently nudged me behind it and pressed me up against the wall, not only securing some privacy for us, but overwhelming me in a possessive, macho man way that felt a little too much at the moment. He braced an arm on the wall beside my head and rested his other hand on my waist.
“Gray.” I pressed against his chest but he only eased back a little.
“Crying, needing space. Yeah, not liking this at all. I left you smiling and happy in bed this morning. What the fuck happened after I left?”
I bit my lip. “I… I started to think about the future.”
“Yeah, so?” He squeezed my waist. “What’s the problem?”
“You want to stay in Montana. I want to stay in Scotland.”
There. It was out there.
Gray studied my face for a moment and I couldn’t miss the concern that flickered in his eyes. Finally he asked, “Would you consider staying here… at all?”
“I can’t leave my brother, Gray. He’s the only family I’ve ever had and I don’t want to miss out on all the important moments in his life or vice versa. If something were to happen to him and I’d missed out on all of that… I’d have to live with so much regret. And it’s not just that. I mean, Killian hasn’t even met you. What if you don’t get along or he’s upset that this is happening so fast?”
For some reason that caused Gray’s expression to darken and he stepped back from me entirely. Moments ago I’d felt overwhelmed by him and now that he was giving me space, I didn’t like it. And I really didn’t like it when he practically growled, “If you plan to make decisions about our future based on what your brother thinks about us, we’ve got even bigger problems than a location issue, babe.”
Okay, so I was definitely ‘angel’ when he liked me and ‘babe’ when I’d pissed him off. Noted.
Also, I hated pissing him off.
But I was also a little pissed off he was being insensitive. “You’re coming at this from your perspective, Gray. Big, boisterous loving family—parents, brother, cousins, aunts, and uncles. I only have Killian.”
“Yeah, I get that. But I’m close to my brother, too. However, what you don’t see is me waiting to see if Noah approves of you before I decide to make you a part of my future. You are my future. Period. The fact that I’m not that to you until I have your brother’s approval fucking pisses me off.”
Now I was really angry. My face flushed and his eyes narrowed at whatever he saw in my gaze. “Don’t you understand why I’m so upset? I have decided you’re my future. All those important moments I was talking about? I can’t picture them now with anyone else but you and the reason I’m upset is because I want to share those moments, our moments, with my family who happens to be my brother and I’m scared shitless because whatever happens here”—I gestured frantically between us—“I’m going to lose someone that I love!”
The word rang out around us for just a fraction of a second and then Gray was kissing me.
He was kissing me like the only way to get oxygen was to kiss it out of me.
I wrapped myself around him, completely forgetting where we were.
When he finally pulled back, he said, sounding breathless, “You love me?”
I shrugged, helplessly. “Heart on sleeve girl here.”
“You love me?”
“I love you.”
He crushed me against him, holding me so tight. “I love you, too. Fuck, I love you, too.”
I shook my head against his chest, feeling a spectacularly confusing rush of bliss and fear. “What are we doing, Gray?”
After a moment of just holding me, Gray tipped my head back with his thumb against my chin, and butterflies rushed to life in my belly at the way he looked at me. All barriers were down.
He loved me.
It blazed out of his eyes.
Gray loved me.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whispered fearfully.
Shaking his head, he hushed me. “Let’s just sit on it for a few days, okay? We’ll each take time to think, to really t
hink, all the while enjoying the fuck out of loving each other. And when your vacation is coming to an end, we’ll sit down and we’ll hash this out. But whatever happens, Autumn, you won’t lose someone you love. So I’m asking you to just hold on a few more days. Can you do that? Can you hold on?”
I nodded, knowing there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for this man. “I can hold on.”
Chapter Eight
As promised, I only considered our dilemma when we weren’t enjoying the heck out of each other. And we did. Oh, we did that thoroughly.
I’d never considered myself particularly sexually adventurous before Gray, but when I was with him all my inhibitions disappeared. No man had ever made me feel more wanted and that gave me a kind of sexual confidence and power that made me revel in our lovemaking.
When we weren’t sequestered in my suite, I was with Susan and Molly putting together the finishing touches for Molly’s party. Most of our invites had been responded to within twenty-four hours and I’d organized a large bus to collect Molly’s friends and family and bring them up Whitetail Mountain. Thanks to Gray, those who wanted to receive ski rental equipment and free lessons could—something he’d worked out with the owner, Jacob, so it wouldn’t eat into my budget.
Molly and Susan were surrounded by supportive friends and family who seemed relieved to see the two enjoying themselves. I’d decorated the condo with fairy lights, pink and white paper floral arrangements in amongst the real ones, and strands of rose gold bunting.
The day before, Gray had let me loose in his kitchen in the condo but the problem was, for some reason, my baking turned him on. He kept distracting and interrupting me with his hands and mouth.
While my cupcakes were cooling, he’d unzipped both our jeans and fucked me on the kitchen counter. There was no other word for it.
And it was glorious!
Gray appeared at the party to be there when I gave Molly her gift from me and him—a necklace I’d seen her admiring in Dress It Up. She was delighted and after receiving a hug from Gray that made her get this soft, dreamy look on her face, Gray left us to it. Not without first telling me he’d see me later, with a sensual promise in his beautiful eyes.
Hold On: A Play On/Big Sky Novella (Kristen Proby Crossover Collection Book 7) Page 8