He winced at the thought. It wasn’t the commitment to a single person that scared him; he would love to have one person to spend his life with. Hawthorne had grown up watching his parents love each other deeply and serve each other without reservation, but to be a husband meant being responsible for a family and taking care of someone else. Once upon a time, he’d been trusted by a whole team of people, and he let every single one of them down.
The thought of Avery looking at him with trust and expectation was alluring but knowing later it would only change to a look of embarrassment and disappointment made him grit his teeth. No, he was better off on his own, puttering around the farm with no real stake in anything.
Hawthorne called Josh later that day to give him an update. “Do you remember Avery Chase?”
Josh thought about it for a moment. “Blonde hair, glasses, kind of awkward? Around my sister’s age?”
“That’s the one. No glasses anymore. And definitely not awkward.” Somewhere in the last thirteen years, Avery had uncovered a whole lot of composure — enough to confront a group of strangers in a bar and stand toe-to-toe with him on the front porch without withering under the scrutiny.
“Okay… Now that we’ve established the identity of Avery Chase, are you going to tell me why it matters?”
“She’s the girl from the bar,” Hawthorne explained.
Josh boomed a laugh through the phone, “Oh man, seriously? That’s hilarious.”
Hawthorne sighed, “No, it’s not. She was at family brunch this morning.”
“Whoa, seriously? I’ve never even been invited to family brunch. And I used to basically live at your house.” Josh gave an exaggerated scoff, “Tell your mom I’m offended.”
“Yeah, right. I’ll be sure to tell her,” he said with sarcasm. “Apparently Mom has decided Avery is part of the family since hers is so far away. And she’s back to being all buddy-buddy with Daisy and Poppy.” He shifted gears. “She was in my house, dude.”
Josh laughed. “Oh man. You totally like her.”
Crap, Josh was right. Hawthorne rubbed a hand over his now clean-shaved face. “Yeah, I think I do.” Oh, he was in big trouble. “But it doesn’t matter, because I’m not going to pursue anything. Plus, she thinks I’m a giant tool.”
“Or maybe she thinks you are charming and handsome and smart.”
“You think so?” Hawthorne asked hopefully.
“No, I don’t,” Josh quipped, “but she might.”
They wrapped up the conversation and Hawthorne thought about Josh’s advice. Was what happened in the bar really insurmountable? Oh, it had definitely been bad, but it was mostly his friends, with Hawthorne as an innocent bystander. He grimaced at the memory and revised his train of thought. Okay, maybe not so innocent. It didn’t help that he hadn’t recognized her, which was not a great first impression. Is it still a first impression if you technically knew the person thirteen years ago?
And the ultimate question—why did he care what Avery thought of him if nothing could happen?
6
On Thursday night, Avery headed back out to the farm. Poppy and Daisy had roped her into a girls’ night complete with romantic comedies, junk food, and nail polish. Avery ran her thumb over the tips of her fingers, testing the length of her non-existent fingernails. Nail-biting was a nasty habit, but at least it meant she never had to worry about filing them.
Since the old house was mostly chaos, the girls met at the main house. The walk-out basement had functioned as the central hangout space when they were teenagers—perfect for movies, game nights or birthday parties. As soon as she opened the door, Daisy handed Avery the hot pink and teal caboodle tote covered with stickers and hearts drawn in nail polish. With a quick wave to Laura and Keith sitting in front of the fire, each with their own book, the girls went downstairs with arms full of chips, cookies, and a bottle of Poppy’s homemade wine.
Mandy Elliot was downstairs with Poppy and rolled her eyes at Daisy’s throwback accessory case. “Honestly, Daisy. Aren’t we too old for a caboodle?”
“Speak for yourself. Plus, I saw some for sale the other day at Walmart, believe it or not. The nineties are back, baby!” Daisy replied. Avery smiled at the exchange and went over to give Mandy a hug. Avery worked for Mandy’s dad, but hadn’t seen her childhood friend since moving back.
Poppy flipped through movies and they chose one. Embracing the nineties theme, they chose a romantic comedy and settled in.
Avery could tell Daisy was just biding her time to ask about the exchange with Hawthorne. After a few too many side glances directed her way, Avery turned to her friend, “Do you have a question?”
Daisy’s eyes grew wide, fake innocence painting her face. “Who, me?”
With a roll of her eyes, Avery responded. “Yes, you. You are practically vibrating over there.”
Daisy dropped the act and quickly pressed pause on the movie. Poppy looked up with surprise. “Hey!”
“I’ll turn it back on in a second. There are more pressing matters. Like exactly what Avery and Hawthorne needed to discuss privately after brunch on Saturday.”
“Ooooh, I want to know, too,” Mandy chimed in.
Avery held up a hand. “Okay, okay. It wasn’t like that,” she said, referring to Daisy’s suggestive tone. “It was no big deal.”
“Come on. We all know you had a huge crush on him back in the day.”
Avery’s mouth dropped open. “You knew?”
Poppy interjected this time. “Of course we knew! Half of our friends had a crush on Hawthorne.”
“It’s true. I totally did,” Mandy admitted. “And if any of you tell Garrett that, I’ll vehemently deny it. I bet I can get Lily to back me up.” Avery caught the smile Mandy gave to her engagement ring.
“And at brunch? You guys didn’t say one word to each other.”
Poppy nodded. “I don’t even think you looked at each other.”
Avery shook her head. “It’s no big deal. We ran into each other the other night in Terre Haute.”
“Uh-oh.” Daisy’s tone was serious.
“Uh-oh?” Poppy asked.
Daisy sighed. “Hawthorne lives with me, Poppy. I have a pretty good idea what he’s up to. Let’s just say he doesn’t always make it home until morning, and his clothes smell like smoke and beer a little too often.” Daisy turned back to Avery, “What happened when you saw him?”
Avery shrugged. “I didn’t actually know it was him at first. There were these guys hitting on the waitress and being all skeevy. I called them out on it and then Hawthorne turned around.” Avery closed her eyes. “I may have scolded him a bit. Or a lot, actually,” she admitted.
Daisy’s laugh rang out merrily and she clapped her hands. “That’s amazing. I wish I could have seen the look on his face.”
Avery groaned. “That’s the worst part. He didn’t even recognize me.” She covered her face with her hands.
“Seriously?” Mandy asked.
“What a dope,” Poppy added.
Avery straightened and looked at her friends. “Anyway, I scolded him and called him by name. And then I walked out.”
“Boom, mic drop!” Daisy held out a hand and mimed dropping a handheld microphone.
“It wasn’t that great. It was kind of humiliating.”
Poppy encouraged her, “Yeah, for him! Come on, you did the right thing, Ave.”
Daisy nodded. “For sure.” Then, with a tilt of her head, she added, “When did you say this happened?”
“Friday before last.” It had been almost two weeks, but Avery would never forget how it had shaken her when Hawthorne turned around and laid his brown eyes on her.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s gone out with those friends again since that night.”
Avery frowned. It didn’t mean anything, maybe he was just busy. Daisy said herself this hadn’t been an unusual occurrence. Hawthorne made a habit of frequenting bars with the goons she’d seen him with. Staying out
all night? Who was he staying with? She cringed and pushed the thought away.
“Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Can we just watch the movie? And pass me the cookies, would you?”
Daisy pushed play and Mandy tossed the Oreos to Avery.
A second later, Daisy leaned over and whispered, “He’s a good man, Avery.”
Instead of responding, Avery grabbed an Oreo and slowly separated the halves, staring at the chocolate and cream in her hand. The movie chattered away in the background, but Avery couldn’t bring herself to pay attention. She was too busy thinking about Hawthorne.
He got her so flustered and she didn’t like it. On the porch, when he’d turned on the charm? She’d had a hard time walking back to her car. But she couldn’t be with Hawthorne. No matter what Daisy said.
* * *
Hawthorne parked the four-wheeler in front of the main house. His truck was still down at the barn, but after helping Rose load up a hog who’d wandered out to the apple orchard, he wanted nothing more than a long, hot shower. Something the dingy blue bathroom in the old house still couldn’t provide with its tiny hot water tank. He’d have to remind Daisy about the tankless water heater they’d talked about.
Instead, he trudged up the front step and into his parent’s house where he’d lived after the bankruptcy until he moved in with Daisy. Most days, the extra freedom was worth roughing it a little. At least Daisy never gave him a hard time when he pulled up in his truck at 6:00 AM.
His parents were sitting in the living room in front of the fire. Hawthorne should have eaten dinner hours ago, but while his stomach was protesting loudly, his to-do list hadn’t gotten the memo. Especially after Rose’s call. She was adamant about not calling their Dad. As the youngest, Rose was constantly trying to prove she was ready to take over the animals. Hawthorne wasn’t sure she was ready, but more power to her, because he definitely didn’t want that job. No matter how badly his dad wanted to give it to him.
“Hey sweetie. How was your day?” His mom’s soothing voice greeted him.
“It was fine. Just a little sore and hoping I can take advantage of your hot water supply.”
His mom chuckled. “Sure, honey. You can use Poppy and Rose’s bathroom up here. Or Lily and Lavender’s downstairs.” He started to head downstairs as his mom continued, “Daisy and Poppy are downstairs with Avery and Mandy, though!”
Hawthorne stopped short and retraced the two steps he had taken. Upstairs bathroom it was. No need to tempt fate and run into Avery. In fact, he found it hard to concentrate even knowing she was downstairs. Nudging the temperature on the dial hotter, he let steam billow through the small bathroom. He resigned himself to using Poppy’s organic body wash, which left him smelling like flowers and lemon. What exactly was organic body wash and why was it necessary? Sometimes his sisters made no sense to him—most of the time, if he was being honest.
Since he didn’t have clean clothes, he slipped on his wrinkled jeans and his undershirt. Not ideal, but the alternative was Rose’s pink terrycloth bathrobe, and he was pretty sure it wouldn’t cover much. Rubbing the towel over his hair, he tossed it in the hamper before flipping on the bathroom fan and opening the door. As it opened, he registered Avery’s surprised face in front of him.
“Oh!” She flushed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in here.”
Hawthorne stared at her and was struck by how beautiful Avery was. Unlike the guarded, irritated look he had received from her, Avery’s face was relaxed and joyful. Then she grinned, and he caught the slight purple stains on her teeth from the wine they must be drinking downstairs.
The silence stretched on and words escaped him. Finally, he swallowed and greeted her, “Hey.”
She giggled and he couldn’t fight the smile. Avery was edging toward tipsy and it was adorable. “Hey, yourself.”
He shifted to one side, “Did you need in?”
“What? Oh, yeah. Daisy was using the one downstairs, so Poppy said I could…” Avery looked up at him and her words trailed off. Then, without warning, Avery leaned in close—her nose at chest level and brushing against his white T-shirt. Then, in a move that was as shocking as it was stirring, she inhaled deeply and made a soft, contented noise Hawthorne would trade his truck to hear her make again.
Hawthorne’s mind went completely blank. Thankfully, some self-preservation instinct must have kicked in, because he found himself moving away unconsciously.
Avery must have realized what she’d done because her eyes grew wide and she started to stammer. Her cheeks flushed scarlet and she looked down at the floor. “I-I’m so… It was the lemon,” she explained.
So, this was a flustered Avery. This woman was likely to bring him to his knees, if this short interaction was any sign. With a gentle finger, he lifted her chin to meet her gaze. “No problem at all, Avery.” Then, he stepped in close again and increased the angle of her chin. He lowered his head, and her eyes fell closed. Just a few seconds more and—
“Oh, Avery. I forgot Hawthorne was using—” his mom’s voice came around the corner and stopped abruptly. Avery jumped away from him and he hung his head, cheeks burning in shame and disappointment. Irritation flashed at the interruption before being replaced with guilt at his behavior.
“Yep, he just finished up.” Avery’s tone was forcefully bright and she ducked into the bathroom and closed the door, leaving him in the hallway to face his mother.
7
Avery sat on the edge of the bathtub and buried her face in her hands. What had she been thinking? She’d only had half a glass of wine, but clearly Poppy’s homemade vintage packed a punch. Or else, there was another something that had her all muddled.
Or another someone.
Hawthorne had her all tied up in knots. The heat climbed up her neck again at the memory of her actions in the hallway. She’d behaved like a cat who wanted to curl up on his lap. Another groan escaped as she rubbed her eyes, then she took a deep breath. It had been close, but nothing had happened. Thank God Mrs. Bloom had come around the corner; the absolute last thing she needed was to kiss Hawthorne Bloom.
After Avery was done and had wallowed in her embarrassment long enough, she opened the door and peeked out, half expecting Hawthorne to ambush her. Or worse—his mother. The coast was clear. She walked as quietly as she could across the living room, past Mr. Bloom dozing in the recliner with an open book laid across his chest. A light snore escaped and she smiled. Miss Laura was notably absent, as was Hawthorne.
Avery sighed with relief at the bottom of the stairs. Her friends were sitting on the floor now, pulling out nail polish from the make-up case, none the wiser about what had nearly transpired between her and their brother just moments before.
She let Mandy paint her nubby fingernails and tried her best not to reveal how jittery she was. Avery felt her phone vibrate in the pocket of her jeans, but her wet fingernails meant waiting to look at it.
It buzzed again two minutes later, and Daisy lifted her head. “Want me to grab that for you?”
Avery tried to play it cool. “Nah, I’m sure it’s just my sister or something.” Liar, her conscience chimed.
“Oh, how is Brie these days?”
“She’s good. Still living in Colorado. She works at the mountain resort outside of town.” Avery shrugged. “She seems to like it.”
Finally- an excruciatingly long five minutes later- Avery pulled the phone out of her pocket. A text from an unfamiliar number showed on the screen.
We need to talk.
Avery, please don’t ignore me.
Her heart accelerated as Avery realized Hawthorne had texted her and tapped out a reply. How had he gotten her number? Miss Laura had it, but surely, he hadn’t asked his mother!
Nothing to talk about.
Maybe he would give up. Wasn’t that what she wanted? Unable to resist, she kept glancing at her phone every few minutes for the next half hour. Avery tried to convince herself it was good that he hadn’t replied, because they had
no business texting or talking. Or kissing in the hallway.
Still, she glanced at her phone again.
It vibrated and she grabbed it from between her legs with superhuman speed.
Tomorrow night? Shooters at 7?
Quickly, she tapped a reply saying she had a date. Who was he to assume she was free on a Friday night? But her conscience twinged at the lie and she deleted it.
Fine. But you are buying me mozzarella sticks.
His response was immediate this time.
Deal.
Drive safely tonight.
Her heart warmed at his thoughtfulness, and she realized she was in big trouble. With a surreptitious glance at Daisy and Poppy, she tucked her phone away again. Avery wasn’t ready to talk about it with them; after all, tomorrow night could end any number of ways. Mostly, she was afraid it would end with her kicking Hawthorne in the shin for flirting with the waitress. She’d been there, done that with her boyfriend from college. Much younger and less confident, Avery had let it slide and it had turned into a pattern of cheating and disrespect she never wanted to repeat. She wasn’t a pushover. She deserved someone committed and serious.
Could Hawthorne be that person? Avery was starting to think maybe he could. But she was reserving the right to change her mind.
* * *
Hawthorne tapped the table with the edge of the cardboard coaster. Waiting on a woman wasn’t something he was very familiar with, unless you counted his sisters. Daisy especially was almost always running late. Then, Avery opened the door and unwound the scarf from around her neck. He held up an arm to get her attention and when she spotted him and a smile filled her face, he felt his own smile broaden.
Avery slid into the chair across from him. “Hey, sorry I’m late. I got caught by an undergrad who wanted to review every single topic from my lecture before the test next week.”
Hoping for Hawthorne Page 4