by Donna Alward
“It’s cozy. Did you hear from the agent?”
“We’re countering. I’m expecting another call soon.”
She nodded but still didn’t move to sit up. Once she did, the moment would be truly gone. Right now his hand was rubbing absently on her ankle. She wasn’t even sure he knew he was doing it, but it felt incredible and she wasn’t in any hurry for him to stop.
“Do you find yourself sleepy a lot with the pregnancy?”
She was surprised at the question, and nodded a little. “Yeah. Not bone tired all the time, but there are definitely times when I think I could easily go for a nap. Like today. Why do you ask?”
His thumb rubbed behind her anklebone. Ahhhh.
“I might have googled a bit.”
She laughed. “Really?”
“Really. After you were sick the other day, I wondered. You women go through a lot to have kids.”
“That’s...kind of sweet of you.”
His thumb stopped circling, but his hand wrapped around her ankle reassuringly. “You’re carrying my niece or nephew, and putting your body through all of these changes for someone else. That’s pretty damned selfless. I guess I never really thought about the small things that would affect you. What’s been the hardest so far?”
She thought about it for a moment, wondering if she dare speak the truth. He was Dan’s brother. What if she spilled and he went back to Dan and told him what she said? Trust didn’t come easily to her, but she trusted Adele and that was where her loyalty lay.
But she hesitated too long, and he leaned over a little, examining her face. “What is it? Is there something wrong?”
“No, of course not,” she replied. “We had an appointment earlier in the week and everything is great. We got to hear the heartbeat.”
“I heard!” He smiled and straightened, then his face fell. “You don’t look thrilled. What’s going on?”
“If I tell you, I’m going to sound like the worst person alive.”
“I doubt it. But try me.”
She swallowed against a lump in her throat. “I shouldn’t be surprised that I feel...attached. I mean, I knew that would happen when I offered to do this. I also thought that I would remind myself that I’m just the incubator, that the baby is Dan and Adele’s. Intellectually I know that’s true. Emotionally I’m finding it harder than I expected. Hearing the heartbeat made it so real. There’s a little human inside of me, Drew, and I find that wonderful and surreal and overwhelming. It’s a little odd. I made all these assurances to Dan and Adele that they’d be involved every step of the way, but when we heard the heartbeat and they were celebrating, it was me who felt left out.”
She let out a huge breath. “And I’m totally aware how selfish that sounds. Why should I feel left out?”
“Because you’re human. I’m sorry, Harper.”
“Don’t be sorry. Like I said, intellectually, I know this is going to work out how it should—with Dan and Adele having a beautiful baby. But if I feel this attached now, how will I feel when he or she starts kicking? Or when they are born?” She thought about her own adoptive mother and sighed. “My mom always said motherhood was more about heart than biology. I’m finding it hard not to think of myself as a mother. Sometimes I think I need to protect myself from having these feelings somehow.”
He didn’t say anything, and when the silence drew out, she admitted, “And who knows if I’ll ever have my own?”
Drew sat up straighter and puckered his eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t you? You’re not even thirty yet. You have lots of time.”
“Maybe, but call me old-fashioned—I’d like to be settled with a partner before having kids, and that doesn’t seem to be on the horizon anytime soon. Hasn’t ever been, actually.”
“What are you talking about?”
She shrugged, pulled her legs off his lap and sat up. “I’ve always been something of a tomboy, you know? And I don’t make friends easily. I tend to fade into the woodwork. Which is fine.” She tried not to sound defensive; after all, she’d chosen to hold back to avoid getting hurt time and time again when she would inevitably have to move. “I’m just more comfortable behind a camera than in front of it.”
“Too tomboyish? A wallflower?” His face had blanked, as if he truly didn’t understand. But she knew it was the truth. She still felt all the times that girls had been asked to dances and on dates and she’d been overlooked. Or how her mom had taken her prom dress shopping and they’d bought a beautiful gown, only she hadn’t found a date. That marked the one and only time she’d lied to her mom. She’d got ready, let her mom take some pictures at the house, and then had said she was going to a friend’s place as several of them were going without dates.
Instead she’d gone to a nearby lake with a book and a stash of sodas in the car. And she’d gone home at nine thirty, telling her mom she’d had a great time, but that she felt a migraine coming on from the lights and music and she was going to bed.
Then Jared had come along, and she’d fallen hard. Only to have her heart spectacularly broken. Was it any wonder she was a bit jaded?
She wouldn’t say any of that to Drew, though. There was sharing and then there was oversharing. It was easier to stick to the plain Jane theory.
“I’m an outdoor girl,” she explained. “I don’t wear makeup much. I don’t know, I guess I don’t...stand out. I’m kind of invisible. Which is fine—I’m happy not being the center of attention.” It had served her well, all the times she’d moved to a new town and been the “new girl.”
“But it might be nice to be the center of someone’s attention?”
That he articulated it so well caused a pang in her chest. “Well, yeah, I guess.”
“Harper?”
“Hmm?”
He looked her fully in the face. “You’ve got my attention now.”
Oh my. She surely did. He wasn’t smiling, wasn’t cracking a joke or trying to be deliberately charming. He was being truthful and focusing all his attention on her.
“Do you want to know what I see?”
“I’m not sure if I do or not.”
A ghost of a smile flirted with his lips. “I’m going to tell you anyway. I see a woman who is caring and generous. I see someone who is beautiful and doesn’t realize it. Who doesn’t need makeup and who has the sweetest little blanket of freckles over her nose. I see a body strong from walking trails and climbing rocks and streams to get a perfect photo of a baby bear cub. I see that same strong body growing a new life for someone who can’t. Don’t ever say you’re plain or ordinary again.”
Tears burned in her eyes at his earnest words. They weren’t like his compliments at the wedding, engineered to woo and romance. They were heartfelt and sincere and she loved him for them, even if she wasn’t in love with him.
His phone buzzed but he didn’t look down at it. He held her gaze until she gave a sniff and a small nod. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“If that’s true, it’s a damned shame.” He smiled then. “People should be appreciated and told so.”
“How did you get so wise?” she asked, blinking away the last of the moisture from her eyes. She wasn’t going to weep over his sweet words, even if they’d touched her deeply.
“My father. We’re very quick to criticize when someone does something we don’t like. But we hold on to our compliments and praise, and it doesn’t make sense.” He scowled a little bit, and she wondered if she was thinking about anyone in particular. “It’s the biggest life lesson I’ve taken with me,” he continued, “and it’s probably the number one thing that’s helped me in business, too.”
Business. Right. The comparison took a little of the bloom off the rose of his compliment, but it also made her respect him even more. For all his charm, she was starting to realize his success came from a place of very hard work and
genuinely appreciating his people. It was an attractive quality for sure. One that spoke of integrity.
“Your phone buzzed, by the way,” she offered softly.
“I know. I’ll get to it. I want to make sure you’re okay first. You’re not invisible, Harper. I promise.”
Her gaze slipped away and she focused on a bumblebee that was sitting comfortably in the middle of a clump of blue lobelia in one of her planters. His words—you’re not invisible—left her with an odd feeling of discomfort. Did she want to be invisible? Maybe. And if she did, then how could she really complain about being alone? Deep down, she knew she’d made a habit of pushing people away. If she didn’t let herself care too much, then it wouldn’t hurt when they inevitably moved on.
“I’m okay. Really. I’ve just been holding that inside for a while.”
“Because you’d normally tell Adele, and this time you can’t.”
She nodded, an ache around her heart.
“Then I’m glad I was here.”
“Please don’t say anything to Dan or Adele. They’re so excited about the baby and they’re my best friends. I wouldn’t hurt them for the world.”
“Of course I won’t. But...” A smile curved his lips as he tapped a few buttons on his phone. “Guess what I have on here?”
She frowned a little, curious. “What?”
He tapped another button and leaned closer to her, smiling. A steady bah bum, bah bum sounded from his speakers. Her heart gave a little leap. “You have the heartbeat?”
“Dan sent it to me, dying to share it. And now you can hear it, too.”
The steady, quick sounds of the baby’s heartbeat filled the air. She knew the recording would end, but the moment it did, it merely looped again so it started over. She put her hand on her tummy, sucked in a shaky breath. “Oh,” she said quietly, feeling that same overwhelming awe that had struck her in the doctor’s office.
“Pretty incredible, huh?”
She nodded, unable to erase the smile from her face.
“How do you feel?”
Oh, that he would ask. No one else had really thought to. She was emotionally invested; how could she not be? She swallowed against the tightness in her throat and reached for his hand.
“Humbled,” she whispered, letting out a breath. “And powerful at the same time. That little heartbeat...that’s in here.” She withdrew her hand and pointed at her abdomen.
“Pretty crazy, huh?” He let it play again, and she took his hand and placed it on her belly, which had only the slightest little bump. Not even noticeable if you didn’t have previous shape to use as context.
His gaze locked with hers. “That’s my niece or nephew in there.”
She nodded.
“And still so tiny.”
“I know. I’m not even showing yet. But this...this made it all real to me. More than an idea, you know? Thank you, Drew. So much.”
“I can forward it to you if you want.”
“Would you?”
He nodded and handed over his phone, pulling his other palm away from her belly. “Go ahead and program your number.”
She did and handed it back, then let out a happy sigh. The afternoon was waning, and Drew checked his phone. “They’ve countered again. We’re making one more counteroffer and if he won’t come down, the deal’s off.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Just like that?”
Drew grinned and shrugged. “He’ll come down,” he said with confidence. “If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. I think this would be a great location for our first Canadian store, but there are other spots. I’m not going to overpay for real estate.”
“You love this, don’t you? The bargaining.”
“Kind of. What I really love is taking something from scratch and building it, and watching it all come together.”
And then moving on to the next challenge. She couldn’t forget that. She’d told him before that she wasn’t a challenge or a trophy. Now that she knew him better, she knew he didn’t see people that way. But it was how he viewed life. Challenges and adventures. In her eyes, a lot of adventures meant confusion and trying to carve a new spot for herself in a strange place with strange people.
Still, he’d listened to her, and he’d given her the moment she’d missed in the doctor’s office. He was a good man. A friend, and those were hard to come by.
“Would you like to stay for dinner?” she asked. “I know you’re waiting for another update, and I’m an okay cook...for a vegetarian.”
“I’d love to.”
“You would?” She looked over at him, surprised. She’d half expected him to decline, since they’d spent all afternoon together.
He laughed. “Don’t act so surprised. I’m staying in a hotel. I have to eat most of my meals out or suck up to Dan and Adele.” He leaned over a bit, enough that she could smell his shampoo, something outdoorsy and fresh. “Little secret. I’m a decent cook. I can even help.”
“Well, all right, then.” She grinned and pushed on her knees, getting up from the swing. “How do you feel about pad thai?”
“I have very warm feelings about it, actually.”
She grinned and led the way inside, taking her glass with her, and he followed, bringing his own nearly gone and now-warm lemonade. She got them new glasses and poured them each a glass of water, then stood across from him at the kitchen island. “So. Do you want to chop vegetables or tofu?”
* * *
Drew slid the knife through the carrots and stole a glance at Harper, who was dropping cubes of tofu into a pan with hot oil. It sizzled and spattered a little, and she slid the pan on the burner to stir the cubes. Water was boiling for the rice noodles, and he watched her move around the kitchen, gathering ingredients for the sauce.
He couldn’t believe she ever thought herself invisible. And absolutely couldn’t believe that some guy hadn’t snapped her up already. Maybe she wasn’t the flashiest woman around, and maybe she didn’t turn heads on the street. Not because she wasn’t beautiful but because...
He suddenly smiled. Because she was a chameleon. He didn’t know why, but she blended in with her environment no matter where she was.
“How are the carrots and onions?”
He gave a few more chops and finished up the carrot. “Good. Is this fine enough?” He angled the cutting board for her approval.
“Perfect.” She took the board from him and slid the vegetables into the pan with the now-crispy tofu, then went back to work whisking ingredients together for the sauce.
It was a domestic type of scene he was unused to. His “dates” usually consisted of restaurants and plus-one type of events. Definitely not comfy home-cooked meals and lemonade on a swing.
It had been different—once. A few years ago he’d fallen in love but she wanted the kind of life he didn’t, and the type of commitment he couldn’t give. In the end he’d hurt her, badly, even though breaking it off had been the right thing to do. These days he didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. Being with Harper sometimes made him forget that, and he had to keep his guard up when he started feeling too comfortable.
She had him crush peanuts courtesy of two pieces of parchment paper and a rolling pin. In no time at all she’d fixed two bowls, sprinkled his crushed peanuts on top and led the way to the dining table, which was little more than a café table with two chairs in the somewhat small kitchen.
He carried their water glasses, and before long they were seated across from each other and sharing the meal.
She told him about working with Juny and her plans to have her take over more jobs; he shared his ideas for the store and then they both threw around ideas for renovation. He ate the spicy noodles and marveled at the way her eyes shone when she grew animated, or waved her fork around—empty, of course—when she talked with her hands. He refilled water glasses and laughed when
she cracked a joke about pregnant womens’ bladder capacity. They finished and he helped her load the dishwasher and then wash up the few pots and pans. When he was drying the last dish, her phone buzzed, vibrating loudly against the countertop.
“I’ll finish this,” Drew said, wiping his hands on the dish towel. “Go ahead and answer it.”
She picked up the phone. “Oh, hi, Adele. No, I’m not busy.” She looked over at Drew and rolled her eyes, and he laughed.
But then the humor faded from her face. “Oh. Oh, I see. Okay. Well, if you’re ready, of course.” She took a deep breath and met Drew’s gaze. “Hey, we knew you were going to start telling people eventually. You must be so excited.”
There was a long pause where Adele had to be speaking, and Harper smiled a little, and then said, “Don’t worry about me. And don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, either, okay? Remember how quickly Drew was on board. And you can message me later. Good luck.”
She hung up the phone. “Dan and Adele are telling your family tonight and wanted to give me the heads-up.”
“Oh. Are you okay with that?”
She shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, it was their decision and their baby and it’s Dan’s family.”
“Except you think they’ll be skeptical, as I was?”
She laughed a little and leaned back against the counter. “That lasted all of about five minutes. If your family is like you, it’ll be fine.”
“You’re right.”
“Do you want some tea?”
It appeared as if she was letting it go, but he could tell she was still a little anxious. He seriously didn’t know what to say.
They were halfway through their tea when his phone buzzed. And in the space of two breaths, it went off twice more.
Harper looked over at him. “You should probably check it. You’re still waiting for news, remember?”
Funny how he’d nearly forgotten about the real estate offer. His jaw tightened as he reached for his phone. Instead of the agent, it was messages from his two sisters. At least they seemed excited, with a side order of “OMG can you believe they did this?”