by Donna Alward
“Sure.”
“Do you ever regret that you left your opportunities behind? You were at the top in Toronto, you know? And I know they made this VP position for you, but...you gave up a lot to move here. Your dreams and plans.” All Drew could think about was the look on his dad’s face whenever he’d turned down a new opportunity. Drew loved his mom, but he had never understood her refusal to let her husband follow his dreams.
“I didn’t give up anything,” Dan replied. “Not compared to what I’d gained. What makes you ask?”
“I heard Dad and Mom arguing once. He’d been offered a job that would have been a great opportunity, but Mom didn’t want to leave the neighbourhood or put us in a different school. Dad was stuck in that same job his whole life, you know? Locked in because he was tied down...with us.”
Dan’s face softened. “Drew. You don’t blame yourself for that, do you? Because couples...they talk about these things. And they make compromises.”
“Yeah, but what if there wasn’t a compromise? Because people make ultimatums, too, Dan. I love Mom. She’s an amazing woman. But it’s always bugged me that she might have held him back from something really great.”
“And you don’t want that to happen to you.”
He let out a relieved breath. “Yes. You get it.”
But Dan shook his head. “Sorry, but I don’t. It means you’re holding your heart back either out of fear or selfishness, and that’s not right. Hey, if you’re happy being alone, fine. But if you’re not, then stop sabotaging good relationships.”
Was that what he was doing? Maybe. He certainly wasn’t happy. He had been, until...
Until Harper came along and changed everything. Not because he was rich. And his charm didn’t work on her, either. She saw past all that and she...
She loved him anyway. She’d loved him even when she had always known he would walk out.
Damn.
“I don’t know if I can do it,” he murmured, cradling his cup. He looked up at Dan. “I don’t know if I have what it takes. I’m not brave like her. Hell, like you.” A sideways smile touched his mouth.
Dan laughed. “I’m not brave. Know what it is? It’s realizing that life with someone is far less scary than facing life without them. You guys changed each other, and that’s pretty amazing. Don’t throw it away because of an argument you heard twenty years ago.”
When Dan put it like that...
“Better yet,” Dan continued, “call Dad and ask him about it. Dad gives good advice.”
Drew pulled in a long breath, pursed his lips and let it out slowly, fighting against the wash of emotion. “Yeah,” he whispered, suddenly homesick. “He does.”
Drew left a little while longer, and once in his hotel room, called his dad. It was late in Ontario, but as always, his parents were ready to chat whenever one of their kids needed them.
“Hey, Dad. I won’t keep you long. I just want to ask you a question.”
“Sure. Let me go downstairs so I don’t keep up your mother.”
It took a few moments, then he heard his dad sigh as he sat down in his chair. “What’s up?”
“Do you remember, when I was seven or eight, that you had a job opportunity up north?”
“Goodness. Yeah, but that was a long time ago. What about it?”
“Why didn’t you take it?”
“Your mother and I didn’t want to have to sell the house and move you kids so far. This is a nice neighbourhood. Your friends were here. You were doing well.”
Drew stared at the ceiling of his hotel room. “You and Mom decided? Or just Mom?”
He could almost see the wrinkles in his dad’s forehead as he answered. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I heard you arguing about it. I know it was a big opportunity for you and she was the one who didn’t want to go. And I remember hearing you making comments now and again about being stuck. I guess... I’m wondering if you still resent that. If you wish it had gone differently.”
There was a deep sigh. “Drew, sometimes a man weighs what he wants against the needs of his family, and when you love your family, it’s no contest. Family comes first.”
“Even to sacrifice your own happiness?”
“Is this a choice you’re thinking of making, son?”
Drew covered his eyes with his hand. “I don’t know. I love her, Dad. But she wants things...things that I think would make me unhappy. How is that good for a marriage?”
“It’s not. But there are compromises, Drew. And when it becomes a choice between keeping or losing the person you love...”
“That’s what Dan said.”
A warm chuckle came across the line.
“I’ll be honest, Drew. Marriage is hard sometimes. It takes work. Sometimes we say things we shouldn’t. Sometimes we—and by this I mean I—make passive-aggressive comments about things like lost opportunities. But truthfully, the best opportunity in my life was marrying your mother and raising you kids. I would have been a fool to walk away from it.”
“But what if...what if I’m not a good...” He struggled over the word, then forced himself to say it. “A good husband. Or father. Am I too selfish for that? I’m so afraid of messing it up.”
“We’re all afraid of messing it up. It’s an important decision. If you weren’t afraid, then I’d be worried.”
A lump formed in Drew’s throat. “Thanks, Dad.”
“You’re welcome. Settling down isn’t a sentence, Drew. It’s an adventure. Believe me.”
Drew laughed, and after a few minutes more they hung up. He stared at the ceiling again, wondering what he was going to do.
And wondering if anything he said would change Harper’s mind.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
DREW WENT TO Harper’s house the next night, feeling slightly sick to his stomach from nerves, but knowing he had to see her and try to make things right.
When she opened the door, he caught his breath. There were no sweatpants in sight tonight. Perhaps she’d just got home from work, because she wore a black-and-white dress and heels, while her hair was up in a tidy topknot.
“Drew,” she said softly, but she didn’t smile. He missed her smile. Wanted to see it on her lips again.
“You look amazing.”
“I had a client meeting at six.” She stepped aside. “I’m assuming you want to come in.”
He nodded. “Yeah. There were things I left unsaid the other night. Things I didn’t realize I wanted to say, you know?”
She kept her chin up, but he saw the flash of vulnerability in her eyes and it both tugged at his heart and gave him a sliver of hope.
“Do you want something to drink?” she asked politely.
“No, thank you.” When she would have passed by him, he reached out and grabbed her hand, stopping her progress. “Harper. You said the other night that nothing felt right anymore. That you’re dissatisfied and want more. And I’m here to say me, too. It’s all been wrong since I left, and I’m here to ask if you will give us another chance.”
Wide eyes met his. “What changed? Because the other night you were the same Drew as I remember. Scared to death of settling down and leading a dull life.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Oh, Harper. Life with you is never boring. I’ve been an idiot. Blind, stubborn, scared...but the truth is, I love you. I fell in love with you last summer and it scared the hell out of me. But leaving didn’t make the feeling go away. It just made me miserable and took all the pleasure out of the life I used to have. I need you, sweetheart. And I’m still scared but I’m done with running.”
He let go of her hand and opened his arms. “And I hope if you do any running, it’s to right here. Because I’m not sure I can go on living this way.”
Without saying a word, she walked into his embrace, and the moment his arms closed around h
er, she started to cry. He never moved; he let her cry it out, her hands clinging to his shoulders, his fingers stroking along her hair as he sent up a prayer of gratitude.
Harper breathed deeply and inhaled the scent that was just Drew. He didn’t try to shush her, or tell her it was going to be okay. He simply let her be...just as he had last summer when they’d been together. It was one of the things she’d loved about him most. He’d never asked her to be someone she wasn’t, and even though he’d walked away, he’d never once expected her to change.
And so she cried, for the heart that had been broken and the emptiness she’d felt in his absence. And when she started to run out of tears, he squeezed her close and kissed the top of her head. “Better?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have bawled all over you.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad.” He stood back and held her upper arms. “I was so afraid you’d turn me away. That I’d messed it up for good.”
She shook her head. “I tried to think like you. That maybe no ties, no commitments was the way to go to avoid being hurt. But it didn’t work. I couldn’t seem to find any joy anymore.”
His dark eyes deepened and he took a shaky breath. “It’s no guarantee against being hurt. I should know.” And his bottom lip wobbled a little bit.
“How do you know?”
He pulled out a kitchen chair and nudged her into it, and then pulled out another and sat knee to knee with her. He took her fingers in his, an anchor in a swirl of emotional chaos. “I know, Harper, because nothing has been the same since I left here. The business is flourishing and I find I don’t have the same excitement or passion anymore. It’s like there’s a puzzle piece missing, and that piece is you. That day at the wedding, I did freak out. I could see this settled and boring life ahead of me if I gave in to my feelings for you. I knew you wanted to put down roots and I couldn’t breathe. I was afraid, so I ran, telling both of us it was for the best.”
“So you said,” she replied.
“Here’s the thing. When I was about eight, I overheard my mom and dad having a fight. Dad was always the stable one, you know? Provider for the family. We grew up in the same house our entire lives. And I thought it was great, until I heard that fight. Until I realized how much my father had given up over the years. Opportunities, promotions that would have involved moving...but Mom never wanted to. She didn’t want to make us move schools. Didn’t want to leave our neighbourhood. And my dad had another opportunity come up and she didn’t want to go and he told her he felt stuck in his life. That she and the kids had held him back from reaching his potential.”
“Oh, Drew. That must have made you feel horrible.”
“I was eight. I felt at least part of my dad’s unhappiness was my fault. And I knew, too, that I didn’t want to ever be like that. Caught in a rut and unable to get out, resentful of how my life had turned out. I wanted to set my own terms and travel and not be tied down with a wife and kids who I thought would drain me of my energy and passion.”
Harper reached out and took his hand. “We really are two sides of the same coin. My mom and dad loved to move around. It was all about the next adventure. But me... I wanted to stay in one place. Make friends for longer than a year or two at a time. Sleep in the same bedroom and live somewhere long enough that I might actually get tired of the paint and want to redecorate it.”
His fingers played with hers as her throat tightened painfully. “The truth is...” She met his gaze evenly, and her lip trembled again. “I think I had all these plans to get back to my regular life after Belle was born, and now I am, and I’m not happy anymore. I’m so scared, Drew. If this is all there is, what’s to become of me? I wanted roots. My own house. A business. Friends. It was enough. But it’s not anymore.”
“And you feel empty.”
“Yes!” She was so relieved he seemed to understand.
“Me, too,” he said. “I called my dad to ask him about that fight. He remembered it, you know. The company had wanted him to transfer up north. It would have meant a big raise. I asked him if he still resented it and if it had always affected their marriage. And you know what he said?”
She shook her head.
“They made that decision together.” He let out a breath and shook his head, as if disbelieving. “Oh, there were still times of stress. Dad wasn’t always happy at work and it bled over into his home life. But he told me he had no regrets. Now all this time I let that colour who I was and what I wanted. I wasted so much time on something that wasn’t even real. I love my life, I do. But since July... I want something more. I need it. Because nothing’s been the same for me either, Harper, and I think that’s because I fell in love with you, too.” He lifted his hand and placed it on the side of her face. “I don’t know how we’re going to make it work—or if you even want to. But I really, really want to try.”
Something that had been missing for months suddenly flickered to life, right in the center of her chest. It was hope...hope at happiness, hope at love, hope at a future she’d given up on.
She was so overwhelmed. But she clasped his hands and bit down on her lip before saying, “I’d like that. A lot.”
“Good.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “It’s gonna be okay now, all right? We’re going to figure it out. Together.”
She nodded, and then surprised them both by asking, “Can we get something to eat? For the first time in almost a month, I’m actually starving.”
His grin lit up the room. “Yes. Whatever you want. We can hit the town and buy lobster and champagne. We can make a grilled cheese sandwich. As long as I’m with you, I don’t care what we eat.”
“Pizza. I’d kill for one.”
Before she could get up and reach for the take-out menus, though, he touched her knee. “I have one more question to ask, Harper. Will you go to the store opening with me on Thursday?”
A little fizz of excitement ran through her veins. “I’d love to. I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place.”
“That sounds perfect,” he answered, and he leaned forward and finally kissed her. Tears burned in her eyes at the sweetness of it, a depth of emotion that was unexpected. It was a hello. It was a confession. And it was a promise to face things together.
* * *
Drew didn’t think he’d ever been prouder of a store opening. The shelves and racks were stocked, the new manager was circulating and staff was assisting the invited guests and VIPs who’d come in since the doors opened. A bar was set up in a corner and a caterer had hot finger foods that filled the air with rich, savory scents. It looked magnificent, all polished logs and shiny new fixtures and beautiful displays. Harper was beside him in a long skirt and tall brown boots, her hair done in long curls for the occasion, and a bracelet Drew had given her as a gift at her wrist. Dan and Adele were behind them, with little Isabelle in her mother’s arms. His family and the woman he loved...his heart was full. Almost.
There was something that he wanted Harper to see, and he’d had his assistant pull a few strings to make it all come together.
He took Harper by the hand and led her to the huge stone fireplace. Display racks and shelving were designed around it, holding an assortment of upscale backpacking supplies. And above the mantel...
He knew when she noticed because she stopped moving and gasped.
“It was you!” she exclaimed, and he turned around. Her eyes shone at him. “The mama bear and cubs. But Juny said it was a guy from Calgary. And beside it...oh, Drew. I love this shot.”
The one she’d taken of the grizzly at Lake Minnewanka hung beside the mama and cubs. Beneath was a gold plaque with her name and studio on it.
“You are so talented, Harper.” He tugged her close and put his arm around her. “I got one of the management team to buy the print so you wouldn’t know it was me. I thought you hated my guts. And last nig
ht Juny opened up and sold my assistant the other. I had someone here to hang it at seven this morning. Happy?”
“Thrilled!”
“I know we haven’t made any firm plans, but I don’t want you to stop doing this. We can make it happen together. Maybe use Banff and your house here as a home base. We can travel and you can take all the pictures you want, on every continent. Juny can manage things here when you’re away.”
Adele piped up. “You already said she took over in the last few months you were pregnant, Harper. Gosh, it sounds so exciting.”
“Here’s the thing,” he said, and he captured her gaze. “I understand your need for home and stability, and I’ll do what I can to give that to you. You tell me what you need.” He took a breath. “Because none of this works without you.” Now he understood what his father had meant. It was a matter of priorities. And Harper came first. Nothing worked anymore without her.
She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. “What I wanted most was a home and a place to belong. I thought that was a house and a town and the same people all the time. But that’s not what home is, is it?”
“It’s not?”
She shook her head. “That stupid old saying is true. Home really is where the heart is. And my heart’s with you, Drew. That’s what’s been missing. No matter where we are.”
Thank God, he thought.
Adele was sniffing behind them and Dan was grinning from ear to ear. “About time,” he said gruffly.
And then Harper reached out and took Isabelle from Adele’s arms.
“Oh, my,” she said softly, and cuddled the baby close to her neck. She closed her eyes. “What am I going to do if I can’t see you every day, huh?”
Drew was damned near crying himself at this point. The scene was so utterly perfect. Why had it taken him so long to figure it out? Now wasn’t the time, but when it was right, he’d make sure she had babies of her own to love. Their babies. His sons and daughters.
She opened her eyes and looked up at Drew. “I love you. I never stopped. You’re really here to stay?”