by S S Bazinet
“You didn’t have to take the day off,” Carol said as she sat up and smoothed out the covers.
Kevin put the mug and saltines on the nightstand. “I wanted to. I wanted to take care of my two favorite people in the world.”
“I’ll be fine. It’s just a little stomach bug again.”
He sat down on the bed and pushed back a stray lock of blond hair that was hanging over Carol’s eyes. Her face was anxious and drawn. “I’m worried about you. You look so tired.”
“It’s this bug. I thought I was over it, but—”
“Honey, maybe it’s not a bug.”
“What?”
“You know . . . when we were in Paris . . . that one time—”
“No, I don’t think I’m pregnant. My periods are always a little off. That’s all.”
He reached out and took her hand in his and kissed it. “If you are pregnant, I’d be thrilled. Little Ariel would have a sister or brother. Wouldn’t that be great?”
“I guess so.” Carol avoided his eyes as she took back her hand. She smoothed out the covers again.
“You don’t want another child?”
“That’s not the point. I love the idea of a bigger family. It’s just that the doctor I saw the other day has already wanted to put me on meds. I think that means I’m a mess, not fit to be a mother to Ariel, much less to another child.”
“That’s not true. I bet this guy puts everybody on meds. Pills are standard issue nowadays. What were they prescribed for?”
“I guess they’re for stress and depression. That’s what I told him I was experiencing.”
“Have you started taking them?”
Carol shook her head. “Just in case, I didn’t want to take a chance.”
Kevin scowled. “I know I haven’t been there like I should have been, but I’m here now. And I’ll take off the next month if I have to. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you know that I love you. Just tell me that you won’t give up on us or our family.”
“I’m trying. I really am,” she said as she stared down at the flowered quilt. A tear made its way down her cheek and dropped on the bedding.
Kevin fingered the moist spot, trying to find something to say that would help. “I have faith in us. You have to try to have some faith too. What do you say to that?”
“Oh no, I think I’m going to be sick!” Carol gestured him back as she started to get out of bed.
Kevin moved aside quickly, giving her a clear path as she sprinted to the bathroom. For a moment, he stood in place, not knowing what to do next. Then he ran for the bathroom too. He had to keep his promise to be there for Carol, no matter what. His only concern was that he wouldn’t be able to keep his breakfast down if she started throwing up.
A few minutes later, as he helped Carol back to bed, he was proud of himself. He’d done a good job of taking care of Carol’s physical needs. But after he tucked her into bed and stood back, he noted how forlorn and lost she looked. Obviously, the symptoms she’d given the doctor were correct. She looked depressed.
“If only Arel were around, like he was the first time. He’d make you feel better.”
She smiled. “You’re doing great, but you’re right about having Arel around. We both felt like he was a blessing those first months when I was pregnant with Ariel.”
It was great to see Carol smile again, and talking about Arel seemed like the ticket to get her mind off of her nausea. “Maybe we could get a banner made up for when he comes back. It could read, ‘Welcome home, St. Arel, patron saint of those in need.’”
Carol giggled. “You know, I bet he’d like that. He tries to be modest, but I’m sure he’d appreciate a tangible sign of recognition.”
Kevin handed her a saltine and watched her nibble on an edge. “You’re great with graphics. You could design something.”
“Really?”
“Why not? Arel’s our friend. Let’s do something nice for him.”
Carol shrugged. “I guess I could. If you take care of Ariel when he wakes up, I’d have the time.”
“I know this printing company that could make whatever you come up with.”
Carol grabbed a tissue and dried her eyes. “Could you bring me my laptop?”
Kevin stood up and started for the door. “I hope Arel’s friend, this William fellow, knows how lucky he is.”
“I probably shouldn’t talk about it, but Arel confided in Peggy and me. He said that William hates him.”
Kevin nodded. “Remember when we talked in Paris, and I told you that Arel said something similar to Tim and me? He didn’t name names, but Tim and I figured Arel was discussing his dealings with his friend, William.”
“That’s right, I do remember. But we both know Arel. He’s sweet and kind. He must have really cared about his friend to do whatever he did. Yet, he’s so hard on himself.”
“That’s why we’ll have that sign waiting for him when he gets back.”
Carol’s eyes got a little brighter. “I’ll do my best to make it very special.”
Thirty-Four
IN THE LATE afternoon’s waning light, Annabel stood next to the bed, watching William sleep. Her fellow angel, Raphael, stood next to her, but not in physical form. “Thank goodness, he’s able to sleep. In fact, this is his second nap of the day. You’ve been a big help.”
Raphael’s smile was particularly brilliant when he was in his ethereal body. “Thank you, but we both know that Arel is responsible for channeling most of the healing that’s taking place. I’m just acting as a backup, when he goes off duty.”
Annabel glanced up at him with probing eyes. Raphael was much more experienced when it came to knowing all about humanity. She wasn’t nearly as well-informed. Her previous duties had never entailed such a close up look at how humans interacted. “Arel and William puzzle me. They seem to always find a way to fight each other. Yet, when the need arises, they can change their rapport and cooperate for a little while.”
“Their relationship hasn’t always been that way, but through many lifetimes, they’ve become adversaries.”
“If I was a human, I’d simply want to love the other person. There would never be a reason to hurt another.”
Raphael chuckled. “You’re saying that because you’re looking at being human from our perspective, but from what I’ve observed, angels who give up their wings don’t always feel that way after the change.”
“What do you mean?”
“We reside in a type of consciousness that prevents us from forgetting who we are. Humans, on the other hand, usually don’t remember their connection to the Divine. They often feel alone and cut off from the love that we know as part of our birthright. When they’re hurt by another human, it can leave a scar and make them very wary of each other.”
Annabel reached out for William’s hand. It was warm, but not as feverish as before. For a long moment, she held his hand in hers. “He never lets me touch him like this. Now that he’s injured, I’m allowed to attend to his wound, but that’s all. Maybe that’s what you’re talking about. He doesn’t feel safe to bond with someone outside of himself.”
William started to stir, and Annabel quickly replaced his hand on the covers and stepped back. “So why would one of us ever decide to become a human?”
Raphael paused and glanced at Annabel and then at William. “Some might choose to have a deeper, more personal experience. You see, humans often feel disconnected, but when they give themselves over to their true essence and open their hearts, the experience of love in a physical body can be unique and quite extraordinary. It becomes what they call passionate.”
“I don’t understand what you mean. Does the feeling go beyond what we feel?”
“It’s a different expression. That’s the best way to explain it.”
Annabel frowned. “I think I saw a passionate quality in William’s eyes just before he stabbed himself. His desire to protect me, no matter what the cost to him, was so powerful. His energy hit me with a
force I’ve never felt before. For a moment, I almost forgot myself, and I did something very strange. I kissed him.”
“Remember, he has a version of Michael’s potent blood flowing through his veins. Perhaps that’s why he was able to affect you.”
“Yes, that must be it.”
“How do you feel now?”
Annabel shrugged. “Sometimes, when he looks at me in that same way, I get confused. I wonder about the feelings I had when I kissed him.”
“Kissed who?” William’s lids eased open, and he stared up at her. “Who are you talking to?”
Raphael immediately faded away.
Annabel put her hand to her mouth, not knowing how to answer. She found herself wanting to touch William again. “Sometimes I do that, talk out loud, that is.”
“You mentioned a kiss. Who did you kiss?”
She couldn’t lie. She didn’t know how. “I kissed you.”
“Oh that,” he moaned.
“Are you in pain? Should I get Arel?”
William’s brow was deeply etched as he tried to find a more comfortable position. “No, don’t get him, not yet.”
Annabel couldn’t help herself. She took his hand and squeezed it gently, wanting to help him feel better. “What can I do?”
A totally new expression of kindness replaced William’s grimace. When he looked at her this time, his eyes were the softest, pale blue she’d ever seen in a human.
“Leave, Annabel, while you can.”
“What do you mean?”
“You never asked about why I stabbed myself—”
“That’s true, but somehow, all I care about is that you get better and that I want to help you.”
“Not a good idea.” William pulled his hand away from hers. “You don’t want to get even more mixed up in the craziness that goes on here. I was wrong to get you involved in the first place.”
“Is that an order? Are you firing me?”
William laughed and grimaced again. “I just want what’s best for you.”
“I know what’s best for me, and if it’s alright, I’m staying.”
* * * * *
Arel woke up in the lower level quarters of William’s house. There was a sofa in the living area that served as his makeshift bed since Michael was using the guest bedroom. Annabel was in the third bedroom. Arel preferred staying in the lower level. When he needed to recuperate after his healing work, he could escape William’s groans and cries. William was getting better, but it was a slow process. The downstairs apartment was a quiet island of refuge where he could get some sleep himself.
“Arel?”
He came fully awake and sat up in an instant. “Annabel? What is it? Is William worse?”
“No, his fever is down a little.” Her voice was matter-of-fact, even lacking in any inflection.
“Good, I’m glad to hear that.” He blinked away the last vestiges of sleep and stretched out the stiffness in his body. His dreams were intense, leaving his muscles tighter than when he went to bed. “Do you need something?”
Instead of answering, Annabel walked over to a table in the corner. It was empty except for two flats of marigolds sitting there, side by side. She turned on the overhead grow lights, picked up a watering can from the floor and began to tend to each plant with great care. “I don’t want to give them too much,” she explained as she felt the soil and applied a small amount of water to each section.
“Why does William have marigolds down here?”
“He . . . he was trying to—” Annabel paused and set the watering can down on the table. She stood immobile, not moving or saying anything more.
“What’s the matter? You seem—” He didn’t know how to proceed. Annabel was acting very strangely for an angel.
She suddenly turned and stared at him. “Do you like being a human being? Would you rather be one of us?”
He scratched his head and gave her a questioning look. “I don’t know how to answer that, the second part, that is.”
“Do you still wish that William hadn’t saved you, that he let you commit suicide?”
“No, not most of the time, only when I’ve really messed up things. Then I guess I use it as an excuse, something to throw back in William’s face. It’s wrong. I know that, but my emotions get the best of me. I say things I shouldn’t.”
“Do you like hurting him?”
“No, not really.”
Annabel’s eyes grew wider until she gave him a full on display of her powerful, angelic gaze. “Are you sure?”
“I don’t want to hurt William. Let me make that clear, but you don’t understand what I’m dealing with—”
“I want to understand. Explain what you feel, please.”
Arel stood up, put on his robe and walked over to her. “What’s this all about?”
“I need to know more about humans and how they feel if I’m going to help William.”
“Talk to Michael. He’s one of you. I can’t say I always agree, but he thinks he’s an expert on our behavior.”
“No, please, I want to hear what you have to say.”
“I’m one person. I don’t represent everyone.”
“Yes, I know that, but I want your viewpoint anyway.”
“You’re kind of putting me on the spot. I just woke up. I’m still a little fuzzy—”
“Would you kiss me?”
Arel backed up. “What?”
“It’s a simple request. I asked if you would kiss me or maybe just let me kiss you.”
Arel moved a little further away. He was sure that Annabel was definitely breaking all the rules of angel etiquette. “I think we need Michael.”
“That’s fine,” Annabel said as she gazed absently into space.
“What is going on with you?”
“I just asked Michael to join us. He’ll be here shortly.”
“Good idea.” Arel reached in his robe pocket for a clean handkerchief and patted down his forehead. “It’s a little warm, don’t you think?”
Before she could answer, Michael came down the stairs in his usual relaxed manner. He traversed the steps in an easy, fluid way as he called out in their direction. “Annabel says you need to speak to me?”
“Thank goodness,” Arel said as he quickly walked over to where Michael was standing. He pulled Michael aside. “Looney alert,” he whispered. “You have a hurting angel over there. I don’t know what William did to her, but she’s gone around the bend.”
Michael looked back calmly. “What bend?”
Arel swallowed hard. “Michael, this is serious. Not to be a snitch or anything, but Annabel wanted to kiss me.”
Michael looked over at Annabel. “Is that true? Did you—”
“Shh!” Arel slapped a hand over Michael’s mouth before he could complete his sentence. “What are you doing? Keep it down.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to embarrass Annabel,” Arel said through clenched teeth.
“I’m not embarrassed,” Annabel said. Walking over to join them, she paused next to Arel. “But maybe you are. Does kissing me embarrass you?”
Arel retreated a couple of steps. “Please, you’re crowding me,” he objected as he swabbed his brow again. He couldn’t quite get enough oxygen. “Where’s the thermostat? It’s really hot and stuffy.”
Michael laughed. “The temperature is fine, but Annabel is right. You’re embarrassed.”
Arel glared back. “No, I’m mortified. People and angels don’t kiss. It’s a sacrilegious thought.”
Annabel frowned. “You’re saying that I’ve done something wrong when I kissed William?”
Arel gave her a deer-in-the-headlights look of disbelief. “You kissed William? When?”
“When he kissed me.”
“That fiend! I can’t believe he’d violate an angel.”
Annabel looked unfazed. “William doesn’t know that I’m an angel.”
“Still, you’re a complete innocent. He had to know that.”
<
br /> “I think he’s in love with me.”
“Yes, I gathered as much by the way he looks at you.” Arel paused. “Wait a second, I don’t understand. Why did you kiss him back?”
“I don’t know. That’s the reason I wanted to kiss you. I thought I might understand the whole exchange a little better.”
Arel scowled and cinched the belt on his robe with a jerk. “Bad idea.”
“Maybe I should kiss William again.”
“No!” Arel shouted. “That’s a worse idea. You’d be leading him on.” He looked at Michael. “What kind of training do you give your kind? This poor thing seems clueless.”
As Arel waited for an answer, Annabel lunged forward, grabbed his face, and pulled him towards her. He was shocked, but also surprised at how strong she was. He couldn’t escape her grasp in time to keep her from kissing him. With her mouth on his, time stopped and so did his brain except for the thought that he’d reached that state referred to as bliss. Then she let him go. He was rendered mute for several moments as he struggled for words to express what he’d felt. “Heaven help us!” he finally cried out with a gasp.
Annabel gasped too. “Uh oh!”
Arel’s first thought was the unthinkable. He’d corrupted an angel. “I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have done that. Justina told me I’m amazing when it comes to kissing.”
Annabel shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I didn’t feel a thing. It was like kissing an inanimate object.”
Arel swallowed back his pride. “Thanks . . . I guess.” He tried to sound sincere, but a sinking ship feeling overpowered his voice. Maybe Justina had to say he was great. People who love you say things like that to make you feel good. He glared at Michael again. “What a blessing it is that angels are always so brutally honest.”
Annabel smiled wistfully. “We always try our best not to mislead anyone.”
“So why did you say, ‘Uh, oh’?”
“I was comparing kissing you with my experience with William. It was so different. With William . . . it was so meaningful.” She walked towards the stairs. “I better look in on him. I’m sure he’ll be awaking up soon.”
“You’re going to break his heart,” Arel said with a sigh.
Annabel paused, giving him a curious, yet virtuous glance. “I would never hurt William. So why would you say that?”