by S S Bazinet
“No, please, Peggy, don’t go there!” Arel was instantly down on his knees in front of her. “I’m so sorry I burdened you with all this. I didn’t mean to . . . I never meant to—”
She pulled him to her, rocking him and herself, trying to keep them both from remembering. “Please, please don’t talk about it anymore.” Her voice was thin and ragged as she pleaded. “We already made our peace with that life. It’s not who we are now. We both have to let go of it.”
When Arel looked up at her, his face was pale and drawn. His voice was barely a whisper. “But what about William and Carol?”
“Carol?” When Peggy heard her friend’s name, it helped to snap her out of her crying spell. She swiped at her face. “What about her?” she asked as she helped Arel off his knees and back into his chair.
“She was a child too, a child who watched us burn. She was helpless to change anything. I think she often still feels like that about life.”
Peggy managed a weak smile. “At least that’s changing. You haven’t had a chance to speak with her, but I have. Being with William has done her a world of good.”
Arel blinked back. “Really? That’s great. I only wish I’d been able to do something more for her. Maybe she wouldn’t have lost the baby.”
“Stop thinking like that. You’re not responsible for Carol or any of us.”
“But I am. I know it. Deep down I know I started this string of miserable lives. I did something that put things in motion, and now I don’t know how to stop it.”
“That’s ridiculous.” She grabbed a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her nose. “And I’m sorry to say this, but it’s a little demeaning for the rest of us. You’re always acting like we’re a bunch of kids you have to look after.”
“I apologize. I never meant to put you down in any way.” He frowned as he stood up straighter and stared out the back window. Its clear panes gave access to the back yard. The sky was layered in heavy, gray clouds. Rain was in the forecast.
Peggy stared out too. “I know you mean well.”
He let out a laugh. “William says I’m an arrogant bastard.”
“Please, stop with the ‘bastard’ talk. I love you like a brother still. I can’t stand it when you start using words like that.”
Arel’s eyes went hard again. “But what if he’s right? What if none of you know the real me, and I am a fiend?”
“A fiend? Did William call you that too?”
“He’s sick. He can’t help what comes out of his mouth.”
“He’s much better.”
“I’m sure he hasn’t changed his thoughts about me.” He leaned forward on the table again. When he glanced at her, his eyes were anxious and bloodshot. They were also questioning, plying her for answers as if she might have a key that could unlock some burden he carried. “Do you have any suggestions about how to handle this mess I’ve made?”
“Maybe things will work out on their own.”
Arel shook his head. “You don’t know how stubborn William is.”
Peggy’s smile broadened into a grin. “Oh, I think I can imagine. You two have quite a bit in common.”
“What? We’re total opposites.”
“So you say.”
Fifty-One
WILLIAM TOOK IN a panicky breath. Carol and Kevin were visiting him, but they weren’t alone. They had brought along their little boy, Ariel. The child was both vocal and energized the moment he set eyes on William. His intensity had a strange effect. William felt compelled to distance himself and immediately took sanctuary in the middle of his king-sized bed. The little boy was unaffected by William's need for boundaries. He continued to reach out in William's direction. He squirmed so vigorously in his father's arms that Kevin did the obvious thing and placed little Ariel on William's bed.
“You don’t mind, do you?” Kevin asked as he let the baby slip out of his arms and unto the mattress.
William's heart sped up anxiously. The rosy-cheeked cherub was fair like his parents, but his body build reminded William of a tiny, sumo wrestler. He braced himself when little Ariel targeted him with eager, blue eyes and a sloppy, drooling grin.
The child seemed delighted to be set free and was in motion at once. On hands and knees, he quickly traversed the soft, bed covers. When he got to William's side, he latched on to William's shirt and pulled himself up into a standing position. He weaved unsteadily on chubby feet as they stared at each other, eye to eye.
William’s alarm escalated when little Ariel let out a squeal of triumph and delivered a body slam to William’s shoulder. The squeal was followed by Ariel cuddling up to William, putting all his weight against the man’s body. William tried to maintain his position, but it was a hopeless task. He was just getting some strength back. He was in no shape to be pitted against the solid, enlivened bulk of a feisty, muscular child. He ended up listing to one side as he glanced at Kevin. “Quite a little handful, isn’t he?”
“I’ve never seen him take to anybody like he has to you,” Kevin said. “Of course, there is one exception. He’s crazy about his godfather, Arel.”
William nodded, hoping that Kevin would see the desperation in his eyes. No such luck.
Kevin sat down in Arel's favorite, antique chair and scowled. The tight fitting seat wasn’t sized for a bruiser like him. After a few failed attempts to get settled, Kevin gave William a thoughtful look. “Do you want children?”
William winced. “Children? No.”
What a ridiculous question to be asked when he was barely surviving baby Ariel’s attack. He tried to readjust his body, to fight his way back to a more upright position. The little boy responded by leaning in more forcefully. He sucked his thumb contentedly and secured his place by holding on to a patch of William's pajamas with his free hand. William sighed out a breath of resignation. “You must be a proud father.”
Kevin straightened up with a broad smile and shifted his weight, making his chair’s mahogany timbers creak out a protest. “He’s not even a year old, and he already weighs over twenty two pounds. But it’s not baby fat, he’s solid.”
“And Arel is his godfather?”
“Yes, indeed.”
William had to stifle a gasp of disgust. It passed quickly as he realized the price that Arel paid for such an honor. With his slender, fine-boned English body type, his mettle would certainly be tested when he tried to wrestle the hefty child in and out of car seats and prams.
Better him than me.
Carol came into the room carrying a large mug of coffee and handed it to Kevin. “Here you go.”
Kevin flashed back an expression of gratitude. “Caffeine will be great for this headache.”
Carol leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Love you,” she whispered.
It was obvious that Carol was feeling better too. When William first met her, Carol was protective but very edgy. Now, it was nice to see her with her husband, looking more relaxed. William hadn’t forgotten that she was the woman in his dream and also the little girl in his vision. It was strange, but like Annabel, Carol brought out his chivalrous side.
Carol’s eyes sparked. “I heard you two talking about Arel. We call him the ‘baby whisperer’ because he has such a way with infants.”
William felt a bout of weariness coming on. “Unfortunately, his talents aren’t always extended to his old friends.”
Carol’s smile waned. “I’m sorry, I forgot about your feelings concerning Arel. But I know he’s sorry about anything he did to hurt you.”
William’s eyes became slits of remembered outrage as all the pain of Arel’s many faults flooded back in. He had to take a couple of deep breaths to return to the moment. “Of course, that’s how Arel is, always the contrite sinner after his crime.”
Kevin’s eyes widened in surprise. “Did you say crime? Arel told us that he saved your life when you wanted to die.”
Carol gave him a censuring look. “Kevin! That’s not our business.”
Kevin twisted
in the chair. “Sorry. I should keep my mouth shut. It’s just that Arel was a good friend when I really needed one.” He reached out for Carol’s hand. “I think he saved our marriage. We might not have little Ariel if he hadn’t been there for us.”
Carol dropped her gaze and nodded. “It’s true.”
William attempted to right himself again and failed. “I envy you. You’re a lucky man.”
Kevin stared at him with the eyes of a curious school boy who can’t help himself. “I have to ask if it’s true. Are you still among the living because of Arel?”
To admit that he was happy to be alive, especially when he thought about Annabel, made William’s weariness deepen. “Arel is responsible for my being here, but in no way does that excuse him from overriding my wishes.”
“You’re right, of course,” Carol said, “but I’m glad you’re here with us.”
Kevin nodded. “Carol told me all about how helpful you’ve been.” He paused and studied the carpet. “Recently, we’ve faced some really tough times. Carol said you’ve been there for her.”
“I don’t think I did anything,” William protested.
“Oh, but you did!” Carol said. “You made me feel that I could make a difference. I was so depressed after—”
Kevin put his arm round her waist and pulled her closer. “Honey, be very proud of yourself. You’ve been a huge help to William.”
“Kevin is right, Carol,” William chimed in. “You’ve been a true friend.” He wasn’t one to be overly demonstrative, but Carol had been there for him in a very dark hour, now he had to return the favor. “I’m grateful for all you’ve done.”
Carol blinked back with questioning eyes. “Really?”
“Yes, I mean it.” William tried to move his arm, but the baby clenched his fist tighter, holding fast to William’s night shirt. “However, I’m very tired.”
This time Kevin took the cue. “Right, we should get going,” He quickly drained the coffee from his mug and set it on the nightstand. He started to stand up, but he had to use the arms of his chair to disengage his body from the tight fitting seat.
“Are you sure I can’t do anything more?” Carol asked.
William shook his head. “No, I’m much better. Hopefully I’ll be able to return to London soon.”
Carol bit her lip. “You’ll be missed.”
“Come along, my boy,” Kevin said as he began to gather up the baby. The little boy went from placid to frowning to letting out a cry of protest.
William tried to assist Kevin, but Baby Ariel wasn’t letting go of his shirt. “He’s got quite a grip.”
Kevin smiled as he pried Ariel’s fingers from the clothing. “He’ll make a great running back some day.”
Carol hurried over to a chair in the corner where she kept her supplies. She retrieved a bottle of juice from the diaper bag.
“Here you go, my little pudding,” she crooned as she handed it to the baby. The bottle caught Ariel’s attention and soon silenced his cries. Settling down in his father’s arms, he sucked it as greedily as he’d sucked his thumb earlier.
Carol smiled as she was leaving. “Little Ariel is going to miss you too. We have two baby whisperers in the family now.”
William’s eyes narrowed as he watched her leave. Had he heard her right? Did she say the word, family?
* * * * *
Arel sat at his desk in his upstairs bedroom, listening to Carol and Kevin as they went to the front door and said good-bye to Carey. Whenever the young man was around, he took care of the coming and going of guests. Afterwards, he frequently stopped by for a short report. Today was no exception. He appeared at the door, looking his usual cheery self.
“I sent everyone on their way. They all looked happy, including the baby,” Carey said as he came over and sat on the bed. “My gosh, he sure loves that bottle.”
When Arel first met Carey, the young man was thin as a rail and from the look of his clothes, very down on his luck. He didn’t seem to have any close family to count on. “How do you do it, Carey? I’m sure life hasn’t always been easy for you, but you have a great attitude in spite of it. What’s your secret?”
Carey beamed back a smile. “I met you of course. Now I’m living in this great house, with tons of great food. I have my bike, and I can do what I want. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”
“I guess that’s all very nice, but most people seem to need more.”
“Like what?”
“Don’t you ever think about your past, the way people might have let you down?”
“Why would I? I like what I’m doing now.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Yeah, I guess it is for me.”
Arel tossed his pen on the desk and stood up, grabbed his chest and sat down again. The pain he’d had in London was back. He was sure that he didn’t have a heart problem, but the vessel was definitely acting out his angst.
“Hey, are you okay?” Carey jumped up and came over. “What’s going on?”
“Unlike you, I can’t seem to let go of what worries me.”
“If you’re worried about William, he’s doing much better. I have a feeling that he’s going to be just fine.”
“Yes, Peggy thinks so too.”
“Will you miss him when he goes back home?”
Arel’s heart grabbed again, making him square his jaw against the vessel’s pain and his abysmal failure to convince William of his good intentions. “My opinion doesn’t count.”
Carey stared at him with concern. “Arel, what’s going on? You two have barely seen each other in days.”
“I know. William thought he’d be better off if I stayed away.”
But Arel knew that not all the lifetimes he’d had with William were like that. Visions of when they’d been twins were becoming his daily fare. Scenes slipped in at the oddest moments. While he was showering that morning, he’d found himself at a dual wedding celebration. Two brothers stood shoulder to shoulder, toasting their good fortune as they gazed at their new brides. It was a simple, joyous event that made him smile until he tapped into William’s current thoughts. William didn’t shield them from him. It was quite the opposite. He aired the fact that he wanted to sever all their ties, permanently.
Carey picked up the pen that had been tossed aside. He clicked and unclicked the instrument several times as if it needed testing. When he seemed satisfied that it was working, he frowned. “Arel, spill your guts? You look kind of miserable.”
“Ignore me. Instead of enjoying life like you, I’m being a fool.”
“I don’t believe that. You’re one of those people who feels everything deeply. And I think you’re going to miss your old buddy.”
“Would that old buddy be me?” William asked. He was leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed. “Carey, can you give us a minute?”
“Sure,” Carey said as he put the pen back on the desk. Before he moved away, he leaned in closer and whispered some parting words. “Listen, Arel, go easy on yourself. You’re a great guy.”
Arel smiled weakly as he watched Carey walk out of the room and down the hall. In the meantime, William took a seat in a white, slipper chair. When he looked at Arel, his face was calm and serene.
“Did you want something?” Arel asked as he went back to studying a bill.
“I wanted to let you know that I’m leaving tomorrow. I think I’ll be well enough to travel.”
Arel sat back in the desk chair, forcing himself to offer up a relaxed smile. If William could look tranquil, why couldn’t he, at least on the surface? “Sounds good. I’m sure Annabel will be thrilled to see you.”
“Really? Do you think she likes me?”
“Of course she likes you.” His clipped tone helped him maintain his pretense of ease while he envisioned William’s plane taking off.
I’ll never see my brother again.
He fought the furrows that were trying to spoil his smooth brow and pressed on bravely. “Annabel is very
nice.”
William’s eyes flared for an instant. “She’s extraordinary. I never thought I’d meet someone like her.”
“Yes, she is quite perfect.” Arel felt himself drifting as he imagined the London bound plane. In his mind’s eye, it was gaining altitude and soon disappeared from view. All that was left was a door to the past, and it was swiftly closing on whatever bond he’d ever had with William. The two of them weren’t twin boys anymore. They weren’t even real brothers this time around. And William had always been fine on his own.
I’m the needy one, the real bloodsucker. It’s always been me.
It was a fact. Just a short time before, he had pressured William into traveling. The man was still very ill, but Arel pressed on anyway. By the time William got to Chicago, he was in real trouble. Carol and Peggy feared William wouldn’t make it.
They had to throw me out before I sucked him dry.
The thought took the last bit of air from Arel’s lungs. He had to sit up and take a deep breath.
William snapped his fingers. “Arel, have I lost you?”
He swiveled his head in William’s direction. “No, I was thinking about how happy I am for you.”
“Thanks.” William inhaled deeply too. “I can’t say that I forgive you for all the hell I’ve been through since this nightmare started in New York, but I want to put it behind me.”
“Good idea.” Arel ran his hand over the slightly ridged desk surface. Wood had a very pleasing quality, one that gave him strength when he felt things flying apart. But when he lowered his gaze, he noticed that the patina on the desktop was dull. He’d been negligent about closing the curtains again. Now the sun had dried out the wood. He felt an immediate need to rectify the situation. Where had he put the furniture oil?
William continued on. “When we part company, we’ll go back to the way it was before we met, with you in your world and me in mine. Only now, you have people here that care about you, and I have—” He smiled. “I might have room in my life for another person.”
Arel managed a nod. “Annabel.”