by Alden Bell
Yes, sir.
Never let anyone tell you you don’t belong where you’re at. You’re my girl, and you’re gonna climb high and stand over all of them.
Yes, sir.
Now go on out of here. That’s my girl. I’m gonna remember you. That’s a dead man’s promise. Wherever my mind goes, it’s gonna have you in it.
EVERYBODY’S GOT a time to die, Temple says. That was his. I guess God’s got it all written down somewhere—but it wouldn’t do no good to read it anyway.
He passes the bottle to her and she drinks. There’s a warm blush spreading through her chest and into her cheeks, and she fingers the smooth taffeta of her dress. The warm night air tickles the back of her neck and gives her shivers.
How long were you with him?
Two, three years, she shrugs. I ain’t so good about time.
And you’ve been traveling ever since?
More or less.
What about the boy? Malcolm. What happened to him?
Her lips close themselves tight, and she looks straight ahead into the purple-black horizon.
It was the giant outside of Tulsa. That’s where it happened. Under the giant. An iron man in a hardhat, standing proud, eight stories tall, with one elbow akimbo, one fist on his waist and the other resting on top of an oil derrick. A severe and mighty thing, looking like a soldier of God who could shake the earth with his footsteps. The locals had told her about it, said it was an artifact of the past, a towering homage to the petroleum industry during its heyday decades before.
Malcolm had to see it.
So they took a detour and stopped and gazed up at it and felt puny.
Who built it? Malcolm asked.
I don’t know. The city, I guess.
Why?
She shrugged.
I don’t know, she said. It makes people feel good to build somethin big. Makes people feel like they’re makin progress, I reckon.
Progress toward what?
It don’t matter. Up higher or down deeper or out farther. As long as you’re movin, it don’t matter much where you’re goin or what’s chasin you. That’s why they call it progress. It keeps goin of its own accord.
Do they still build things like this?
Not much, I don’t guess.
Is that cause there ain’t no progress anymore?
What you talkin about? There’s still progress. It just ain’t in iron man statues anymore.
Where is it then?
Lots of places. Like inside you.
In me?
Sure. In the history of the planet, there ain’t never been a kid like you before. A kid who’s seen the things you seen. A kid who fought the same fights you fought. You’re a new thing altogether. A brand-new thing.
He scratched an itch on his nose and thought about that. Then he looked up again at the iron man.
Anyway, he said, I like it. It ain’t never gonna die.
He was right. He made her take the detour, and he made her stop and look up at it, and then everything after happened the way it happened, and there’s nothing she can do to go back and change it—but he was right about the iron man. It was a powerful sight and spoke of ingenuity and human pride and the deathless specter of evolution—a thing of mightiness that cast its shadow far out past the road, and beyond that to the fertile plains of America. A country of foolishness and wonderment and capital and perversity. Feeling like God at supper in the sky, horizons pink and blue, a frontier blasted through with breath and industry, like God himself could suffocate on the beauty of the place, could curl up and die at beholdin his own creation, all the razor reds of the West and the broke-down South always on a lean, elegantlike, the coyote howl and the cannibal kudzu and the dusty windows that ain’t seen a rag of cleaning since—
Hey, James Grierson says. Where’d you go?
She realizes she hasn’t said anything for a long time. There are some things she doesn’t like to think about because thinking about them takes up every part of her mind and body.
Huh? she says.
I asked you about the boy. What happened to him?
He ain’t with me anymore.
Did—what happened?
James Grierson and his pale skin and his dark eyes. He is different now than he was before. He could swim in circles in the air.
To shut him up, she leans over and kisses him hard on the lips. The bottle between them falls to the ground, and she can taste his breath and it tastes like her own breath, and he takes her head in his hands and kisses her like he would consume her if he could.
She kisses him hard for a while, and it’s like the two of them are wolves nipping at each other.
She lifts her body and swings it over to straddle him on the bench. Then she reaches down and unzips his pants.
Hey, he says, pulling away from her kisses. Wait. We can’t—you’re—
It’s okay, she says, feeling the wetness from his lips on her neck. I can’t have babies.
She reaches down and takes it in her hand—it’s hot like it’s been cooked all through—and she presses herself down hard on his leg.
But, wait, he says again. It’s not right. I’m twenty-five and you’re—
Hush up, she says. Just do it. I’m done thinkin. Just come on and do it.
She covers his mouth with her own and reaches under the taffeta dress and pulls aside her underwear and lifts up and sets herself down on top of him, and her knees begin to ache on the wooden slats of the bench, but the thing inside her is a living thing and she likes the way her body holds on to it—and she likes to think about what it feels like to him, that part of her that makes her a girl. And the word stutters through her head, girl girl girl girl—and she believes it, she knows it to be true—dang if she doesn’t believe it right in her stomach and her toes and her very teeth.
THE NEXT day she wakes while the sun is still low in the sky. She goes to the window and looks out over the smooth driveway and the canyon, that long cut in the earth, and the flat painted sky beyond.
She opens the connecting door into the next room and sees the bulky shape tangled in the sheets and blankets of the bed. Both pillows are on the floor, and one hand is resting on the nightstand where it has knocked over the alarm clock.
You’re a paragon of helplessness, ain’t you, dummy?
She rights the alarm clock and tries to pull the sheets up over the sleeping figure. But when she does, the blankets come untucked and expose his feet. So she goes to the other side of the bed and tries to cover his feet back up, but she can only find a triangle end of the blanket, and it doesn’t seem long enough to do anything with. Finally she drops the blanket altogether and stands looking down at him with her hands on her hips.
It’s a good thing we found you this place, dummy. One thing’s for sure, a mama I am not.
Coming down the stairs she can hear music in the parlor. Mrs. Grierson is sitting in a chair with a high fan-shaped back, listening to records and knitting something long and baby blue.
You’re up bright and early, Mrs. Grierson says.
I don’t sleep much.
You’re a busybody like me.
Guess I am.
She sits with Mrs. Grierson and changes the records for her when they get to the end. She has never seen a record player before, except in movies, and she likes how delicate the mechanism is. The music is joyful and quick and has a lot of different horns, and it sounds like something that a room full of people wearing skirts and sweaters would be dancing to.
There is a formal breakfast later in the morning, with biscuits and jam and coffee, and all the Griersons sitting around the table, Richard and his mother trying to make pleasant conversation, James looking at Temple only when she is not looking at him. She can see it out of the corner of her eye.
After breakfast, she takes some biscuits on a plate up to the room adjoining hers, and Maisie helps her with the slow bear of a man—getting him up and feeding him and dressing him. Maisie is good with him and talks to
him like he’s a 220-pound baby, and he seems to respond to her voice.
Then she finds she has nothing to do. Mrs. Grierson is playing solitaire in the parlor, and Richard is practicing the same song on the piano over and over with no variation that her ear can tell, and James is nowhere to be seen. She wonders how people can live this kind of life—trapped inside a house with windows everywhere showing you where else you could be.
So she goes outside and walks around the house and down the driveway and back and up into the woods overlooking the house, and she finds the electric fence and follows it around the perimeter of the property trying not to get her feet too muddy. It’s a good-sized property, and it takes her half an hour to walk the circumference of it. On the side of the house is a grape arbor with a trellis, and a wooden swing hanging from the branch of a tree. She sits on the swing and kicks herself forward and back a few times.
What are you doing?
James Grierson appears behind her and leans against the tree.
Nothin, she says. Just tryin out this swing. It’s creaky, but it works.
That’s not all you’re doing. You’ve been around this property twice already this morning. You doing reconnaissance?
Nah. I’m just put on a wonder about how the world can all of a sudden get so small you can walk around it twice in one morning.
He nods.
What you doin following me anyway? she says.
Listen, he says. Last night . . . I shouldn’t have—I didn’t mean to . . . I think it was a mistake.
What do you mean? You mean you ain’t in love with me? You mean you don’t wanna put me in a puffy white dress and marry me?
She laughs.
All right, he says, looking down at his feet. I was just trying to clarify. I was just being—
You mean I sullied my blossomin girlhood on a man who ain’t got noble projections in mind for our future?
She laughs again. He looks miserable.
When you gonna make me curtsy to your father for approval?
That’s enough, he says, and there’s a fierce anger in his eyes.
Okay, okay. I’m just joshin with you. You Griersons are a touchy bunch. One minute it’s biscuits and model ships and the next minute it’s outrage and horror. Your family is livin at the poles when everyone else has gotta make do in the wide middle of things.
I apologize. You talked about meeting my father.
He’s sick, right? How long’s he been sick?
About a year now.
That’s some sick. What’s the matter with him?
The matter with him is that he was born a Grierson. This family is a sickness.
Oh, come on now. They ain’t so bad. Maybe a little kooky, but they got heart.
Heart! He scoffs. You want to see heart? Let me show you heart. Let’s go—I want to introduce you to my father.
Hey now, she says. I was just jokin about that. I ain’t got to meet any more Griersons. I’m about up to my ears in them as it is.
Oh, you’ll like him. He’s different. He’s more relatable.
He takes her by the wrist and leads her back up to the house—except once they’re inside they don’t go up the main staircase but through a door in the kitchen that descends into the basement. It’s musty, and there’s a smell she recognizes, and when he flips a switch the lights go on and she sees a cage made out of bare wood and chicken wire, the concrete floor covered with hooked rugs.
At first it seems like there’s nothing at all in the cage. Then she sees him huddled in the corner.
Meet Randolph Grierson, James announces. The patriarch of the Grierson family, Mrs. Edna Grierson’s prized son, a monument to American aristocracy—and my father.
The head moves slowly, raising itself to expose the desiccated lips and sunken eyes, the gray skin, patches of which are fallen away and blackened at the edges. The gaze itself is muddy, as of a blind man whose eyes follow sound rather than light.
James, how long’s your daddy been dead?
I told you, about a year. See, the Griersons have a hard time letting go of things. Maybe that’s what you were referring to when you were talking about the family having heart.
Randolph Grierson has a look she’s never seen in a meatskin before. He paws at his head with torn fingertips and his skin is coming away in flakes, but his eyes are red and wet—liquid with vitality and pursuit. He looks inquiringly at the two figures studying him through the chicken wire—as though to ask the questions that are both big and simple: What is the shape of the earth and where are we on it?
He drags himself across the floor and puts his fingers through the chicken wire to reach for her. She looks down into those eyes again, weighing that puzzled gaze.
He ain’t ever seen another meatskin, she says.
No, he hasn’t, James confirms.
He doesn’t know what he is, she says.
I guess he doesn’t. Jesus.
He shakes his head.
She reaches out her hand and touches her fingers to those of Randolph Grierson.
He knows somethin’s crooked, she says, but he don’t know what. Like he’s done somethin wrong he don’t know how to pay for.
Hey, be careful. He’ll bite you if you give him a chance. Alive, he was the very picture of honor and noblesse. Dead, he’s just like every other slug.
I guess, she says and crosses her arms. He’s weak. What you been feedin him?
That’s the problem. My brother thinks he can trick him into eating pig meat or cow meat or horse meat. But Big Daddy Randolph Grierson is having none of it.
I seen it happen, them eating animals, but not much. They gotta be desperate and one of em’s gotta be a little crazy and show the others what to do.
He studies her.
You know a lot about them, he says.
I traveled around. They’re a tough job to avoid when you’re on the road.
Well, did you ever see one kept as a pet?
No, I ain’t ever seen that.
So the Griersons still have the power to surprise. In any case, I’m half amazed my grandmother hasn’t tried to feed you to him.
Sure. She loves her son.
That’s not her son.
I guess.
IT’S A grand house, and she learns to call it by its name, Belle Isle, and she likes to explore all its corners because there are things everywhere to discover. Pastel green dollhouses with white gables and miniature lead woodstoves complete with full sets of pans and shelves of old picture books that she can take down and spread open on the rug and peruse to her heart’s content. The hallways upstairs are crowded with doorways and rooms, and no one tells her not to go into them.
Once she opens a door and finds a room like a workshop. Under the far window is a table cluttered with tiny instruments, metal clips, miniature vices, dowels of light wood, splinters and flakes of brass. In the center of the table there’s a model ship held upside down on a stand, its hull half covered with toothpick strips of copper. There’s a thin layer of sawdust over everything, and she draws a smiley face on the tabletop then blows it clear. The walls are covered with world maps, and there are places marked on them with red Xs, and dotted lines, traveling routes, drawn across the wide blue oceans. She uses the tip of her finger to trace one of the dotted lines from X to X across the demarcated seas of the world.
Who told you you could be in here? says a voice behind her.
She turns and finds Richard Grierson standing in the doorway, his fists clenched at his sides. He is five years her senior, but he’s one of those young men who still hasn’t got fully shut of his boy self.
I was just takin stock, she says. It’s quite a captain’s cabin you got here.
He shakes himself out of his previous anger and straightens the lapels of his jacket.
I apologize, he says with a formality that makes him seem almost feminine. We’re not used to visitors. You are of course welcome in this room anytime.
So you’re the one responsible for
all the ships I see around here, she says.
I am.
You got a good touch, she says. It takes a fine hand to play music and build itty-bitty boats. My hands, they’re made for a larger scale.
She holds up her hands, with the one clipped pinky, to show him, and he winces slightly.
Yes, he says. Well . . .
You do the maps too?
No, he says. I just found them in books. James brings some to me when he finds them.
I know you didn’t cartograph em or anything, but the routes, you drew them?
Yes.
What are they of?
His face brightens, and he comes to stand beside her and pulls some books off a low shelf.
These are the places I’m going to go when everything is back to normal. I’m going to sail around the world.
Really? You can do that?
People have. Look, have you ever heard of New Zealand?
I didn’t even know there was an old Zealand.
Look here, he says and opens the books onto bright photos of rolling hills, tall mountains, curving beaches, foreign markets populated with street stalls and colorfully dressed people—picture postcards from all the world around—a collector’s set of beautiful places. And here’s Australia, and this is Tahiti. And Madagascar. Even Greenland, which isn’t green at all but frozen in ice all year long.
Gosh, she says. You know how to get to these places?
He closes one book and looks down at the binding of it.
I would try, he says.
Then why ain’t you goin now? she says. Greenland ain’t comin to you. What you waiting for?
He looks at her uncomprehendingly.
With things the way they are? he says. It would be impossible. But one day, when the world gets back to the way it’s supposed to be.
What do you know about the way it’s supposed to be? You ain’t that much older than me. You were born into the same world I was.
But I’ve read about it, he says, sweeping his hand across all the worn spines of the books on the shelf. All these books. Hundreds of them. I know what it was like—what it’s going to be like again. Grandmother says it’s only a matter of time.