“But I didn’t say anything because Hatchet told me he’d cut my tongue out, so I couldn’t speak.”
Rebecca’s head drooped forward. “If you had a reason to trust I would be there for you and would take care of the problem for you, you’d have told me. You didn’t believe I had the power to protect you from him.” She raised her head and gazed directly into Melody’s eyes. “I want you to know you can tell me anything and can come to me with any problem and we’ll get through it together. I don’t care what it is. I will be there for you.”
Tired of crying, Melody bit the inside of her lip to keep it from trembling. “What if I feel guilty over someone other than Hatchet?”
“Whatever it is, I am here for you. I’ll listen to whatever you want to share with me, without judgment.”
Her last two words helped calm Melody’s churning nervousness. “I don’t know where to start.” She stirred her cocoa.
“I’m not going anywhere, so take your time.”
“I guess I could call it A Tale of Two Boys after Charles Dickens. His opening line fits, except the politics.” She dredged the quote from her memory to share the pertinent part. “‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair ...’”
Her voice trailed off. Despair cut too close and reminded her of too much.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
April 5, 2013 – Melody, age 14
Vince crossed the small stream using a log. Halfway across, he pretended to lose his balance. His feet flew back and forth while he waved his arms and leaned first one way and then the next. He stopped and held his hand toward me. “Join me?”
I shook my head. “Not if you’re going to make me fall.”
He stretched his arm closer. “Come, on. You know I’m kidding around.”
When I placed my hand in his, he pulled me up on the log with him in one smooth motion. I hadn’t realized he was quite so strong.
“This stream is so tiny we could jump across anyway. It’s just more fun to balance on a log.”
True to his word, Vince led me straight across, hopped off the end, spun and grabbed me, then lifted me down. With his arm around my waist, he pulled me forward. We were almost to the top of the falls.
When we reached the top, I walked toward the edge. The rushing water and beautiful valley filled me with a sense of peace. It felt so good to be back in the mountains. I’d forgotten how much I missed it. I filled my lungs with the crisp air and felt happiness bubbling through me.
Spring break was coming to an end. We had the weekend left before going back to school. The week had been filled with days spent with Vince and doing things with James at night. Hatchet didn’t like letting me out of the house, but Evelyn had told him I had brought my grades up and deserved to have a fun break. She wanted me to be happier. And I still couldn’t find the words to tell her the real problem.
Since we’d had the chat about my grades a few months ago, Evelyn had made an effort to talk with me on a regular basis. I understood why Hatchet and Sadie treated her with such adoration—Evelyn had such a pure and good heart. Hatchet approved because Evelyn was feeling better and not confined to bed so much. I had felt the same tug to do anything in my power to make things easier for Evelyn. Nothing was ever too much.
Our heart-to-heart talks felt so good, but I always had to hold back, and doing so filled me with guilt.
Overlooking my beloved mountains, I remembered traipsing through the trails with Daddy, walking beside the creek with Mama, and the pleasures of nature with Quatie. I couldn’t face life at the Hatchets’ anymore. Seeing how much I had lost brought the memories flooding back. I turned my face toward the heavens and closed my eyes.
God, how much more do I have to endure? I’m not strong enough. Please Grandfathers, save me.
Something inside snapped. I wanted to fly from the top of the falls like the red-tailed hawk. Then I’d soar over the mountains and glide through the valley, finally free. Arms spread like wings, my hair blew back with the wind and it buffeted my body. I leaned forward.
“Melody!”
Vince’s panicked voice cut through my reverie a moment before he grasped me around the waist and pulled me back from the edge. He didn’t stop pulling me backward until we reached the benches past the trail opening and he set me down.
“What the heck were you doing?” His frightened eyes probed mine.
Tears filled my eyes. How could I explain I was imagining the freedom of the hawk?
He brushed a tear off my cheek. “Don’t shut me out. Tell me what’s wrong.” He flopped on the bench next to me and buried his head in his hands. “Please tell me you weren’t going to jump.”
“No.” The despair I had felt surged again. “Maybe.” I sniffed. “I don’t know.”
He took my hand. “Do you know how much your friendship means to me? I don’t want to lose you.” His thumb stroked the back of my hand. “What won’t you tell me? I know there’s something, so don’t try to tell me you’re fine.”
“I wish I could, Vince. If I told anyone, I’d tell you.” Two tears slowly made tracks down my cheek. “I was thinking about how good it felt to be back in the mountains and all the things I’ve lost overwhelmed me.” I squeezed his hand. “I don’t think I would have jumped. Daddy and I used to go for hikes over on Grandfather Mountain, and I’d watch the red-tailed hawk soar overhead and wonder how free it felt gliding through the air.” The woodsy scent from the trail filled me. “I just wanted to feel like the hawk and for a moment imagined how it would feel to soar over the falls.”
Vince whipped his hair out of his eyes. “You had me so scared. I thought you were going to fall.”
As I’d leaned, I hadn’t cared whether I fell, but it had been for a brief, fleeting moment. What had happened to my carefree day?
He stroked my cheek. “Don’t do anything like that again, okay?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry I scared you. Give me a moment?”
He put his arm across my shoulders and the tension drained from him.
The sound of rushing water brought the thoughts of home back to me. Evelyn sensed there was something wrong, but she never pressured me to tell. She had arranged for me to see the school counselor weekly. She was concerned because I still only spoke when asked a question, both at home and school. Except when I spent time with Vince. I relaxed my head against his shoulder.
James Davenport made my life a little more exciting, but I was tongue-tied most of the time around him, as well. Spending time with James helped me forget those dark moments with Hatchet for a few minutes at a time. Kissing was a lot more fun with James and didn’t make me gag. Except for the afternoon when we went to the movies.
March 2, 2013 – Melody, age 14
I swerved around a baby stroller and had to pull up short as a grandpa pushing a cart blocked the aisle. While grandpa and his wife debated the merits of the different brands of fiber supplements, I backed up and slipped around the center aisle display. Mama with a toddler on a leash straight ahead. Mama didn’t notice her son gleefully pulling the boxes off the shelf and dropping them on the floor.
I dodged down the cosmetics aisle to get away from the people blocking the way. Mistake. Too many people trying to decide on mascara brand and facial cream. Apparently, half the town had come down to the superstore to get out of the house on a slushy, snowy day. Everyone wore heavy coats, which made the narrow aisles more clogged than normal. All I wanted was to get to the other side of the store so I could leave through the garden center.
Finally. I pushed through to the back aisle and it was free and clear except in the pet area, where I had to navigate around the dog food which had fallen off the end cap and was strewn across the floor. A light sheen of perspiration covered my forehead by the time I opened the
garden center doors. I checked the clock on the wall. I had to hurry, but I’d make it in time.
The freezing temperature felt good since my trek through the store caused me to overheat. I still had to hike across the street. Quickening my steps, I picked my way through the snow-crusted back parking lot.
Shoving my hands deeper into my coat pockets, I checked to make sure there was no traffic and crossed the street. A smile grew. I couldn’t believe I would get to spend a few afternoon hours with James. Just the two of us. Well, and all the rest of the people in the movie theater, but we never got to hang out after school because he always had conditioning or training or practice.
I couldn’t stop the thrill that ran through me when I saw James waiting for me in front of the box office, facing the other direction. He hadn’t seen me yet. A beanie covered his short, blond locks. I still wanted to pinch myself because he was interested in me and wanted to spend time together.
He turned and his face broke into a grin when he saw me. I waved and hurried faster. He pushed past a group of kids waiting in the ticket line and trotted toward me.
“I already bought the tickets.” He grabbed my arm. “Let’s get inside. It’s freezin’ ass cold out here.”
He opened the door and I sped inside. The warmth mingled with the smell of popcorn and covered us like an aromatic blanket. James placed his hand at the small of my back and ushered me toward the ticket collector. We passed through the stanchions and went down a hallway lined with pictures of different movie moments over the years. We turned the corner and James grinned and pulled me into an alcove.
He wrapped his arms around me. “I’ve wanted to do this all day.” He leaned in and kissed me.
The scent of musk cologne hit my nose and my stomach lurched and twisted. He put his hand up to cup my face and I stiffened. He wore the same cologne as Hatchet.
“What’s wrong?” He touched the end of my nose and smiled. “Just relax and enjoy.”
When his lips touched mine again, I felt the thump of Hatchet’s medallion against my chest.
I pulled my head back. “I’m sorry.”
I broke from his embrace and ran toward the ladies’ room. Tears blurred my eyes. Once inside, I collapsed against the wall and couldn’t stop shaking. James didn’t know, and I couldn’t tell him, but when his face came toward me, it was Hatchet’s I saw. Moments from his visits kept playing through my head. My stomach gave another twist and I rushed into a stall and heaved.
“Melody? Are you okay?”
Arms and legs still shaking, I gulped air.
“Are you alone in there?”
After a huge shuddering breath, I regained a little control. “I’m fine. Don’t come in.”
I staggered to the sinks and filled my hands and splashed water on my face.
“Melody, we’re gonna miss the movie. C’mon, babe. I’m worried about you.”
I patted my face dry with a rough paper towel. The horrible moment had passed.
When I opened the door, James leaned against the frame, his forehead resting on his arm.
“Thank goodness you’re okay. I was gonna go get some girl to go in and check on you.”
He reached out to hug me, and I took a step back. Even from this distance, the cologne turned my stomach. A hurt expression crossed his face.
“I’m sorry, James.” What could I tell him? I couldn’t tell him the truth. “Uh ...” There was no way I could spend the afternoon with him. “... I’m so sorry. But I think I’m allergic to your cologne.”
My stomach lurched again and I covered my mouth to hold it back.
He looked horrified. “Should I go wash it off?”
Unless he showered, it wouldn’t be enough to dampen the smell. “I think I’d better go home. I’m really sorry.”
An irritated gleam crept into his eyes. “If you have to go home, I’ll drive you.” He took a step back so I could leave the restroom. “We’ll have to see the movie another time.”
The thought of being cooped up in a car with his scent brought the shakes back. “No, James. I’ll find my way home. Thanks, but I can’t ... I’m too sick.”
I bolted without waiting for him to answer. Running back through the parking lot, I didn’t stop until I was back in the superstore. I called Vince. He told me he’d be there in five minutes, to stay inside until he arrived.
When he pulled up in front, I rushed out and hopped in the passenger side of his truck, slammed the door, and stared at my feet.
Vince pulled forward, but parked at the edge of the lot and turned off the car. He put his arm across my shoulders and cupped my face with his other hand and turned me to him. “What did he do to you?”
I shook my head.
“Melody, you weren’t coherent when you called me, you were so upset. What did he do?”
I swallowed hard. “You don’t understand.”
He hugged me. “So tell me.”
As much as I needed the hug, I pulled back. “I can’t.”
Vince gave me his woeful puppy expression. The one I couldn’t deny.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, but I don’t know what to say. James didn’t do anything. I had a reaction to his cologne and couldn’t let him drive me home because it made me too sick.” At least I’d told him the truth. Just not all of it.
Vince ran a hand through his thick brown hair. “I don’t know what to do with you. Do you realize how lame your story sounds?”
I turned my head to look out the window. “James will probably never want to talk to me again the way I ran out of the theater.” I buried my head in my hands.
“If that’s all you’re going to tell me, then I’d better get you home.” He turned the key in the ignition.
“It’s true.”
Vince brushed the bangs out of my eyes. “Do you really think it’s the cologne? If you’re feeling sick, maybe it’s the flu or something.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. But I think it’s the cologne. I was fine before I saw him.” If he ever spoke to me again, James could never wear that scent again. “Thanks so much for coming to get me, Vince. I didn’t know who else to call.”
He gave me a shy smile. “Of course. I can’t leave my girl in a lurch.”
April 5, 2013 – Melody, age 14
I couldn’t ask for a better best friend than Vince. I jumped from the bench, grabbed his hands, and pulled him up. “Let’s not waste the day sitting here. We have a trail to hike and some falls to walk behind.”
He grinned. “Let’s go.”
I pointed out some of the plants to Vince and told him what they were.
“How do you know so much?”
A bittersweet pang hit my heart. “Because my daddy taught me. Spending time together on the mountain was one of our favorite things to do together.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you remember again.”
I brushed the toe of my boot across the path. “I’m okay. Don’t worry.”
We reached the bottom of the falls and followed the path leading behind them. The water was like a curtain enclosing us in the rock alcove.
Vince kicked his heel against the rock behind him. “So, what do you and James have planned for tonight?”
Uh-oh. I knew the tone in his voice too well. Vince didn’t like me dating James. Even though they were friends, Vince said James wasn’t exactly the nicest guy in the world.
I shrugged. “I think we’re gonna try and see a movie. Maybe go somewhere and look at the stars.”
Vince’s shoulders slumped. “You know what he’s after, don’t you?”
I sighed. “Give it a rest.”
His lips pressed into a thin line. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
I took his hands in mine. “You mean more to me than anyone else I can think of, but you need to stop worrying about me. James and I have fun together. And I don’t want to lose my best friend because he can’t drop it.”
He pulled his hands back and shoved them in his pockets.
“Damn it, Melody. You don’t know James like I do.” He kicked a rock. It careened against the mountain and ricocheted across the path. “He’s not a good guy when it comes to girls. He doesn’t know the meaning of treating them well. He wants one thing and once he gets it, he moves on.” He inhaled, held it a moment, then exhaled. “And don’t tell me he’s different with you. I’ve heard that from too many girls.”
Vince didn’t understand. I didn’t care. If James only wanted one thing, maybe it was time to give it to him. I had a few memories to bury as deep as I could. “I don’t want us to fight. Not today. Can’t we agree to disagree?”
He threw his head back and growled. “Do you know how maddening it is to stand by and watch my best friend make the biggest mistake of her life?”
When he lowered his head, he faced me with tears in his eyes. “I don’t know that I can watch. He’ll break your heart and I’m helpless.”
Vince was the one breaking my heart. And nothing I could say would change his mind or his feelings. “What are you saying? You don’t want to be friends anymore?”
He stared at the ground. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Tears sprang into my eyes and I choked back anger. “Some friend you turned out to be. I’d never give up on you.” I couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from turning down. “Never!”
His head jerked back like I had slapped him, and his mouth dropped open.
I held up my hand to stop him from speaking. “You’d really let our friendship go because you don’t like my boyfriend? You’re the one who introduced us.”
“No. I don’t want to.” Vince pulled his hands out of his pockets and ran them through his hair. “Don’t blame me for this. Do you know how much it hurts to see you with him every day?”
As a tear rolled down his cheek, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. How could this be happening? I had to stop him from saying anything more. I couldn’t handle it. Not now. Why hadn’t he said anything? I hadn’t thought he wanted to be anything more than friends.
“I never meant to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you.” My voice caught on the words.
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