After taking her glasses off, she laid them on the folder in front of her. “I’ve been so buried with updating my case files, I feel like I’ve been neglecting you. So tell me about your day.”
Melody gripped her mug. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m—”
Rebecca interrupted her. “Hush. You are important to me, and I want to hear what you have to say.”
The urge to fall silent overwhelmed her and Melody struggled to unglue her tongue. She had become comfortable talking with Rebecca, but every once in a while, she’d have a moment like this one. Fortunately, Rebecca never pressured her about speaking and would wait until the moment passed.
“Not much to say. Another day of school. Another day of Roger asking me to try talking to someone.” Melody plucked at her napkin. “I feel like I’m disappointing him. He says he’s proud of how much I’ve accomplished in a short time, but I know he really wants me to talk.”
Rebecca patted her hand. “When you’re ready, you’ll say something.” She smiled. “Then you’ll turn back into Quatie’s whippoorwill, or at least I hope so.”
“I still miss Quatie so much.”
“So do I, sweetie.” Rebecca took another sip from her mug. “The other day I was trying to remember the special name she used to call you.”
“Atsila?” Melody couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice. She hadn’t known Rebecca knew Quatie had called her a special name.
“That’s it.” She propped her cheek on her fist. “What does it mean?”
Melody’s lips twitched. “Mustard.”
Rebecca’s brows rose. “Mustard? Knowing Quatie, there is definitely significance behind the name, but what?”
“Do you want the long or the short version?”
Rebecca laughed. “Definitely the long version, but not tonight. I want to have more than two brain cells to hear this one.”
“Okay, the short version is you can plant mustard almost anywhere and it will take root and grow. And she thought the mustard fields were beautiful.” She’d have to save the story about singing the weasel calm for another day.
Rebecca studied her for a moment. “You do have a certain resiliency. And you’ve been through the wringer and have still managed to find good things to hang on to. And you are beautiful—inside and out.”
Melody’s cheeks grew warm. “I don’t know ’bout that.” She sipped her tea to hide her embarrassment.
Rebecca arched an eyebrow. “I do. All I have to do is look at you to know you’re beautiful on the outside. And as for inside, I’ve never known you to deliberately hurt a person or creature.”
Melody snorted. “Some of the kids I go to school with might disagree with you. Have you forgotten I’m being prosecuted for stabbing Troy?”
Rebecca tilted her head. “No. I happen to believe when you are finally able to talk about what happened, we’ll hear a different story than the one he’s telling. I have faith you acted out of necessity.” She grabbed Melody’s hand. “Have the kids at school made things difficult for you over Troy?”
She shook her head. “Some started to, but Kelly came to my rescue and shut them up.”
“Kelly has been a good friend.”
If she spoke to anyone at school, it would be Kelly. He had been there for her from the first day. “But I don’t understand why. I don’t ever say anything to him. Even I wouldn’t want me for a friend. Who wants to hang out with someone who never says or does anything?”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re smart and beautiful. And maybe he knows one day you will speak, and it will be something worth hearing.”
“I think he became my friend because he hates Troy Alexander.”
Rebecca narrowed her eyes. “Is Kelly the first friend you’ve had since—”
Melody cut her off because she didn’t want to talk about Hatchet or Sadie. Or even Evelyn. “Vince.” But somehow, mentioning Vince hurt. He probably never wanted to see her again.
Rebecca leaned back in her chair. “You just shut completely down. It was like watching the gates of a kingdom clanging shut. What happened between you and Vince?”
Playing for time, Melody took a sip of tea. When she put down her cup, she had to say something, but what? “Have you ever done something you’d give anything in the world to take back?”
“We’ve all done things we regret.”
“But what if you did it to the one person in the world you never wanted to hurt? How can you ever go back to the way things were?”
Rebecca frowned. “I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you have to make whatever amends you can and move on.”
Moving on was one thing ... forgiving herself was completely another.
“I can’t imagine you’ve done anything to hurt someone so much you wouldn’t be able to repair the relationship.”
“I can’t talk about it.” Her hands shook at the thought.
“If you ever need to talk, I listen well.”
Chapter Forty-Two
April 8, 2013 – Melody, age 14
When the bell signaling the end of school finally rang, I sighed and waited for my classmates to leave the room. They were all excited to be done with Monday and to hurry home or hang out with their friends. I had to wait for another placement, so a group home of strangers awaited, and after the weekend I no longer had any friends.
James and I had avoided each other all day. When I saw Vince across the quad, he froze, then went the other direction. I’d hoped ... but I had to stop hoping. Hoping never brought any good in my life. Hoping only set me up to fall. So I had to stop or I’d fall again.
Five minutes later, I slid the books off the desktop and stood. What had I done so wrong to have nothing to look forward to in life? I shuffled through the double doors to exit the building and headed toward the parking lot. Most of the students had already left the campus, but there were still a few stragglers like me.
A boy behind me shouted to his friends to wait up and ran past so close he almost knocked me over. I kinda felt like that all the time. Like life rushed by knocking me over in the process. I fished my music player and headphones out of my pocket.
Getting away from Hatchet was a good thing, but I worried about how Evelyn would take it. Sadie hadn’t been at school so I couldn’t ask her. Not that she would tell me anyway.
I put the buds in my ears and turned the player on. Music always helped me cope. No matter what happened, there was a song to tell my story. Something I took great comfort in. I couldn’t be the only one going through tough times. Misery loves company. Or was it something deeper of shared experiences?
Someone grabbed my hair and yanked it as I passed the narrow alleyway behind the apartment complex closest to the school. I staggered backward to release the pressure and they kept pulling. I tugged the buds out of my ears and accidentally dropped the headphones. Once I had been pulled into the alley about ten feet, a hand grabbed my shoulder and roughly spun me around.
I faced an angry Sadie. Her dark eyes the merest slit; her dark lips curved in a grimace.
“You couldn’t leave us alone, could you?” She spat the words at me.
I clutched my books to my chest. I had seen her angry before, but never to this degree.
“What?” She shoved me with both hands. “Don’t have anything to say now?”
Stumbling backward, I ran up against the wall.
Sadie poked my chest. “You had no trouble telling everyone about Hatchet, so don’t go quiet now.”
I tried to say something, but my voice wouldn’t come out.
She knocked my books to the ground. “Do you know what the past twenty-four hours have been like?” She shoved me against the wall. “Do you?”
I shook my head, afraid to break eye contact with her.
“They took him away in cuffs. And Evelyn collapsed.” The harsh words puffed against my lips.
“She’s in the hospital. She was never supposed to know.” The
hatred in her eyes scorched mine. “Never!”
Sadie had known? I searched her eyes. Then a monstrous idea hit. “Did Hatchet ...? You—”
Sadie punched me in the stomach and I doubled over.
“You had no right.” She delivered another slug to the gut.
I coughed and gagged. Swallowing the bile rising in my throat, I straightened and tried to breathe. It hurt. “Sadie ...” What could I possibly say?
“No.” Tears welled in her eyes. “You don’t get to talk.”
She turned away and hammered her fist against the opposite wall. Her head hung and she clung to the surface, shoulders shaking.
I leaned over to pick up my books. Papers had scattered when the books hit the ground. One of the books had landed next to an overflowing trash can. The stench of soured milk assaulted my nose.
While I stretched to grab a stray paper, Sadie rushed toward me. Before I could right myself, she reared back on one leg and kicked my thigh. I crashed to the ground and rolled against the trash can.
“Don’t even think about going anywhere.”
Her black boots filled my vision. Pulling my feet under me, I tried to tackle her at the knees.
She skipped backward and I landed on the ground with a thud. She kicked me in the midsection.
Vomit spewed from my mouth. On shaking arms, I pushed up.
Sadie paced in front of me, muttering. Tears streamed down her face; black tears—hatred leaking from her eyes.
“Evelyn was never supposed to know. Hatchet made me promise.” She spoke to herself as if she had forgotten me. “He trusted me. I never said a word.”
I crawled to my feet, using the wall for support. “Hatchet had no right to so much as touch you, let alone—”
“Shut up!” Sadie whipped around, her fist driving straight toward my face.
I couldn’t duck fast enough. Her fist plowed into my jaw. As my head slammed into the wall, white-hot stars flared against black. I slid down the wall, knees buckling.
Halfway down, I pushed against the wall to stop my slide. The blackness faded. Tears streamed down my cheeks from the pain.
My heart pounded. I couldn’t feel the tears on one side of my face. I raised a hand to my cheek ... and couldn’t feel the brush of my fingers.
Sadie shook her hand and flecks of blood flew from the scrapes on her knuckles. Hands on hips, she raised her eyes to the sky. Her lips moved in silent prayer.
I straightened, using the wall for support. My breath caught when I accidentally breathed too deep. It felt like someone had run me through with a sword and twisted it. Sweat beaded my forehead.
She finished her prayer, made the sign of the cross, and raised her crucifix necklace to her lips. Her head drooped.
For a moment I thought the anger had left her. Then her spine stiffened and she turned, her face made demonic by the black streaks. Shivers sliced through me.
She had prayed to God, but the devil took her soul.
Her fist slammed into my ribcage before I had a chance to send out a prayer. I raised my arms to ward off her blows, but it didn’t matter. Punch after punch assaulted my body as I crumpled. When I doubled over, she shoved me back and my head hit the wall.
The fiery stars and blackness returned. Then I saw her.
Mama reaching toward me, as beautiful as ever. I gripped my treble and bass clef charm and felt her warmth.
“No one hurts Evelyn and walks away. Hatchet family credo.” Sadie delivered a final kick to my midsection.
Mama faded.
White.
White so bright it hurt. My eyes barely opened to slits. Everything hurt. A turn of my head sent a shockwave of pain throughout my body. A scream formed in my throat, but I couldn’t release it.
Footsteps mingled with beeps coming from somewhere behind me. Several moments after a click, blackness swallowed the white.
This time I recognized the white. Overhead fluorescent lights. This wasn’t my room. Why did I have something attached to my hand? My whole body still hurt, but the ache was more controlled.
I didn’t like the thing on my hand. I reached across to pull the tubes.
“Melody. No.”
Vince? What was he doing here? I turned my head toward his voice. Eddies of pain made me feel less woozy.
Flashes from the day sped across my mind. Sadie and the alley. Her anger over Evelyn knowing what Hatchet had done.
Vince held my hand. “I’ve been so worried about you.” His thumb stroked my skin. “When I saw you in the alley, I thought my heart was going to stop.”
A big drop splashed on the back of my hand. I opened my eyes to mere slits. Vince had tears flowing down his cheeks. My best friend.
“I called 9-1-1 when I couldn’t get you to respond and I couldn’t stop praying.”
The memory of Mama reaching for me flashed. Had Vince kept her from taking me with her? I didn’t want this life anymore. Every move made things worse. I could have joined Mama and Daddy.
Someone passed in the hall and Vince nearly jumped out of the chair.
“I’m not supposed to be here. The police were asking me questions like I did this to you.” He sniffed. “Like I could ever hurt you.”
A moment from the day filled my mind. Vince making eye contact with me across the quad and turning away. He would never hurt me? That moment had crushed me, and I couldn’t let it show. I had to act as if everything was normal.
I had needed his friendship more than ever, and he abandoned me. Speaking out had cost me my best friend. He’d never look at me the same again. How could he?
No matter how hard I tried to do things the right way, people either hurt me or I hurt them and they left me. I had no one left. The words I spoke cost me every time.
I slipped my hand from his and turned on my side ... away from him. My music player lay on the table next to the bed. I ignored the pain as I reached for it. Music was the only thing I could trust. It didn’t hurt and it wouldn’t leave me.
I slipped the earbuds in. No more friends. They hurt worse than the haters did.
Chapter Forty-Three
Spring 2015 – Melody, age 16
Kelly picked her up outside her last class before lunch. He shoved his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched forward, guitar strapped on his back. He strode toward the athletic field, staring at the ground with a frown.
Melody nudged his elbow and raised her eyebrows when he glanced at her.
“Sorry, not feeling talkative today.”
When they arrived at the bleachers, he climbed a couple of steps, then opened his guitar case. He ran through some notes in a minor progression and tuned the guitar while the breeze ruffled his bangs.
She’d never seen him upset over anything before. He took everything in stride and turned it into a joke. She climbed the bleachers and sat next to him and gave him a one-armed hug because he looked like he could use one.
He slapped the side of the guitar. “My dad and I had a blowout this morning. He’s pushing for me to go into the Marines and use the GI bill to go to college to be an engineer. He said the Marines will make a man outta me. Can you imagine me at boot camp? I’ll die.” He gripped her hand. “And can you think of anything less like a musician than an engineer? But he says, once I graduate, I’m outta the house, so I’d better figure out what I’m doin’.” He buried his face in his hands. “What am I gonna do?”
He was her friend and had been there for her. She didn’t want to have regrets this time. Melody hesitated then took a deep breath. “Follow your dream.”
His head popped up and he raised one eyebrow. “Did Melody Fisher speak?” He pulled back and put a hand over his mouth. “I don’t believe it. Alert the press.”
Before she had a chance to be embarrassed, Kelly pulled her into a big bear hug.
He whispered in her ear. “You don’t know how much it means that you spoke to me. Those words especially.” His voice shook.
They clung together like two lost sou
ls. He wept and she trembled. She had spoken at school. The very thing Roger had been waiting for. Her life was about to change, and Melody would have to face the past to have a shot at the future.
What had she done?
After a few minutes, Kelly’s sobs subsided, and he released her.
“I’m sorry, Mel. I didn’t mean to have a meltdown on you. But you’re the first person who believes in my dream. And if you were brave enough to talk, then I can stand firm against my dad.” He wiped the tears off his face. “I’m so touched you chose to speak to me, I can’t even say.”
“I—I couldn’t watch you hurting.”
He gave her another quick squeeze. “Thank you.” He put his guitar back in the case. “Lunch is gonna be over, so we’d best get to class.”
Melody stopped and stared at the parking lot. Rebecca waited for her in the usual spot. She wasn’t ready for what would happen next. She shuffled to the car, opened the door, and dropped her book bag in the back. Her head drooped forward as dread crawled up her spine.
“What’s the matter?”
She closed her eyes as if somehow things would be easier if she couldn’t see. According to Hatchet, nothing that happened in the dark counted in the light. He was so wrong. “I spoke to Kelly Garland today.”
“Oh.”
Melody had expected Rebecca to be excited, but she knew what it meant as well. The demons of the past would be unleashed.
Rebecca took Melody’s hand in hers. “Everything is going to be okay. You’re going to do fine.”
She couldn’t know for sure. Things could go wrong, and she could spend years behind bars. But Rebecca believed in her, though she had never told her what had happened. She never wanted to face it again, but she’d have to.
Rebecca pulled into a parking space and shut off the engine. “Do you want me to wait inside for you?”
Melody looked her straight in the eyes. “I want you to come in with me. Please.”
She nodded. “If Dr. Kane says okay, then I won’t leave you.”
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