“We could never expect that dear Jane, till I have your disposition and temper I could never be as happy as you. Were you to give me forty such men as your dear Bingley I could not be so happy.”
“Now, I want to be serious, you deserve to be as happy as I am.”
Elizabeth squeezed Jane’s hands, “Jane, dear Jane, I am truly happy. I have never been happier than I am right now. All I now wish is to have many nieces and nephews who I can spoil.”
Jane blushed brightly, “Oh, Lizzy.”
Elizabeth laughed at Jane’s embarrassment, “It was so very pretty the way you held hands, I know you caught me watching you the one time.”
Jane’s blush deepened, and Elizabeth drew her arm around Jane to pull her sister close, “You know I so loved to see you happy.” The two sisters spent half the night and happy conversation during which Elizabeth teased Jane and praised Bingley in equal measure.
Chapter 10
The day after Bingley proposed to Jane Darcy called on Longbourn with him. While very happy to see his friend’s pleasure in the settled relationship Darcy could not avoid envy. He liked Elizabeth very much. Why should Bingley be permitted to marry as he wished, and not himself?
Then he received a letter of business the next morning from his steward which indicated he needed to leave for Pemberley within a few days. The thought that he would leave her gave Darcy a sick empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. He did not wish to. He really did not wish to. And a growing part of his mind thought he would be a fool if he did. But… he also did not wish to be publicly and intimately associated with a man in business who lived within view of his own warehouses in London.
Shortly after they arrived at Longbourn Bingley proposed a walk, desiring more privacy to speak with Jane. Elizabeth and Darcy quickly agreed to walk with them, and the other girls also followed them to Meryton. Soon only Elizabeth and Darcy strolled slowly behind them. They carefully maintained a twenty or thirty yards distance so Bingley and Jane could say what they wished without fear of being overheard.
The day was cold, but not unpleasantly so. After a few minutes of light conversation, with a heavy heart Darcy said, “I received a letter from my steward this morning which says I will need to travel soon to Pemberley on matters of business.”
Elizabeth’s face fell, and her feet dragged, “Oh.” She spoke tonelessly, “Of course you would need to leave eventually; your estate must be cared for.”
Darcy’s throat tightened in response to the sadness in Elizabeth’s manner.
After she took a deep breath Elizabeth turned her face fully to Darcy, “I shall miss you a very great deal. A very great deal. Our conversations have been —” her voice caught, and Elizabeth looked away. Her eyes were wet when they returned to his, “I have never known such a good friend as you. Hertfordshire will be empty once you are gone.”
Darcy felt very melancholy as he fervently replied, “I shall miss you very much as well.” He looked to the side, “I can think of no time I have been as happy as these past months. I shall think often on you and Hertfordshire.”
“You will at least return for the wedding? Oh, please say you shall. I must be able to count on seeing you then.”
“Yes, I definitely shall — I’d not miss Bingley’s wedding for the world. And, and — I hope we will always be good friends. I shall look forward to seeing you is much as I will Bingley.”
They both were silent for the next minutes and watched the couple ahead of them happily converse. Sadness cast a pall over both of them. Elizabeth suddenly spoke, “Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? — Promise we shall never forget to keep the other in mind. Life, and friendship require partings. But if we keep our friends always dear to heart, it is no true parting.”
His voice thick with emotion Darcy replied, “And surely ye’ll be in your pint-stoup! And surely I’ll be mine! And we’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne. Never shall I forget you. I swear. Never.”
Elizabeth’s head bobbed in reply, “And this is no final parting: we shall meet again — many times. Then, let us not waste what little time we have in this occasion of togetherness in sadness.”
Darcy nodded, and the two proceeded to talk more lightly, but there was a desperation in both their hearts which lent an unusual meaning to the conversation. Fifteen minutes later as Elizabeth paused to think up a reply to Darcy’s most recent statement, he saw Bingley dart in for a kiss on Jane’s cheek. He sighed jealously. He wished instead of being forced to leave her, he could take the same liberties with the woman by his side.
Elizabeth misinterpreted his sigh and asked, “Are you so very unhappy about Bingley’s choice?”
“I cannot be unhappy, he will marry where there is strong affection and similarity of mind. Still he is my closest friend, I cannot rejoice in the inferiority of his new connections.” Almost immediately Darcy thought better of his words, and apologized, “they are your relations as well, I really should not speak ill of them to you.”
Elizabeth begged off his apology with a wry smile, “I certainly understand how the world works, you need not apologize to me for openly stating it. Though — it might be wise of you to choose to be cautious in how you describe such things. Not everyone has seen the truly excellent gentleman you are despite your tendency to insult everything beneath you.”
The tease had more bite than usual — which was deserved. As they ambled down the rural lane Elizabeth added, “You apologize to me because we are friends, and are sensible of the wrongness of treating a friend in such a manner, but I have watched you, when you are with those not your friends you make no effort.”
Elizabeth pulled him to a stop and made Darcy look at her, “We have little time together now, and I know you will not wish to hear what I say, but you are my friend. Because I care very much for your well-being I must try to speak. I fear you do not realize how you often appear. When you give offense through your assumption of superiority, you do not correct that offense. It can give the impression that you are a disagreeable and arrogant man.”
Darcy felt hurt. He cared for Elizabeth’s good opinion greatly; to hear her claim his manners were lacking was unpleasant, “I do not wish to perform to strangers, you know that my grandfather was an Earl, and the Darcy line, though untitled has been prominent for many generations. If I wish to maintain distance from my social inferiors it is my right.”
“I know it is your right, but — “ Elizabeth pursed her lips in frustration, then smiled mischievously, “Why Mr. Darcy, I do believe you are vain about your family name.”
Darcy reddened under her teasing gaze, and straightened in preparation to respond, but Elizabeth continued first, “Don’t look like that, there is positively nothing wrong with your vanity; were I the possessor of ten thousand a year and very possibly more, and the —” her voice took on a snobbish cadence, “grandson of an Earl, why I’m sure I would go quite mad with how deeply impressed with myself I would be.”
“I do not think myself to be vain,” Darcy replied stiffly. “I am proud, but I have good reason to be, and where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will always be under good regulation.”
Elizabeth gave him a delightfully arch smile, “Oh, I am certain your pride is under good regulation.” Darcy could not resist her teasing him, and almost against his own will smiled back.
Once she saw his mood had improved Elizabeth said with a smile in her voice, “Even though you are a very superior gentleman, your manners might appear better if you let others know of their inferiority less often — and really, I cannot understand why you wish to maintain distance. You are perfectly aware that inferior condition does not imply an inferior character. I cannot help but suspect your attitude is some weird and unconsidered vanity which you use to excuse your innate desire to avoid keeping company with those you do not know well.” Elizabeth caught his eye, “just why really do you wish to avoid those of inferior social status?”
Eliza
beth’s question returned Darcy to the matter foremost in his mind: her and her connections. He looked down and grimaced. Why really did the idea of having a tradesman for an uncle bother him so? An image of himself in his club in London popped into Darcy’s mind, several young gentleman pointing at him, they would say, “Did you hear? Darcy married a woman whose uncle is in trade. He even dines with them.” They would laugh, and one would add, “And he always seemed so superior, it seems Fitzwilliam Darcy is as much a fool as the rest of us.”
He saw himself breaking the news to his uncle, his uncle’s face would be stiff, his eyes disappointed, and he would say, “I expected better of you.”
Was that really it? Surely he must have a better reason for disdaining Elizabeth’s connections than a fear of being thought poorly of. If he did it eluded him. He asked himself, but could find no serious reason. Why, he did not even like most of the people he imagined laughing at him for marrying poorly. ‘I do not perform for strangers. I have no vanity.’ Darcy felt stupid. He’d always been thought very well of by his peers, and flinched away from doing something which would make him appear silly to them.
Elizabeth jostled his arm to gain his attention and said “I apologize if I offended you. I really do only wish the best for you.”
“No, not at all. It is just — I fear I am deeply vain. I look in my mind for an answer to your question, and can find no stronger reason than this: if I were on intimate terms with a tradesman, persons who have always thought highly of me would think less of me. It is an uncomfortable sensation to realize something so foolish has driven my behavior.”
Darcy felt Elizabeth squeeze his arm, and she said “social approbation is no minor thing.”
“Perhaps it is not, but I bragged that I do not perform for strangers; I thought I cared only for principle and not the approval of the world. I believed I did not have any such vanity.” Darcy trailed off, and Elizabeth squeezed his arm again. Her sympathetic smile took some of the sting out of his frustration with himself.
The two walked slowly behind Bingley and Jane in silence. Darcy’s thoughts were a jumble, he was glad to have Elizabeth’s comforting presence next to him. Then she giggled, Darcy turned to look at her with a question in his eyes.
Elizabeth smiled, “I was looking at Bingley and Jane and I imagined the manner you would show, if you fell in love with some girl with poor connections.” Darcy startled at her words, and Elizabeth laughed, “Don’t claim it would be impossible: we all know love can make the wisest men foolish. I have a clear image in my mind of how you would propose: you would treat her coldly for weeks, to ensure she could not have any expectations. Then you would — completely confident in your reception — go to declare your love.”
The smile widened, as Elizabeth said “Now, it would be important for her to know the depth of your affection. So you would explain at length how you had fought against your inclination, because of the poorness of her connections, and —” Elizabeth giggled, “you would say that your offer of marriage was contrary to your reason, and even your character. Of course this should not offend her, after all she could not expect you to, ah — rejoice in the inferiority of her connections.”
Darcy did laugh with Elizabeth, but it was a small uncomfortable thing. The picture was too accurate.
Elizabeth continued, “If you had fallen in love with a girl like Jane, you’d be safe. She is too nice. She always believes the best about everyone; she’d not realize you had insulted her. But if someone approached me in that manner, well I’d insult them myself before sending them off.”
At the moment Elizabeth refused his imaginary proposal, Darcy knew. Elizabeth stood with her sweet, impish, teasing smile. For a moment that hung forever Darcy only saw her: the fine expressive features of her face, the curls of black hair peeking out around the lace trim of her bonnet, her dark hair against the white skin of her forehead, the blue ribbon she tied her bonnet with pulled across the tanned skin of her neck, a small red spot on her skin almost covered by that ribbon. Darcy’s heart caught in his throat, it felt like the air had been knocked out of him.
Darcy knew he would always remember this instant. Darcy knew he loved her.
As Darcy stared Elizabeth blushed and smiled, “Is something amiss with my appearance?”
“No! Nothing is amiss! You are perfect.” Darcy took Elizabeth’s arm again, suddenly far more aware of the feel of it through their clothes, and thrilling at the contact, “You are right. I can be a silly foolish man who is too impressed with his own consequence.” For a moment Darcy thought to speak of his feelings, but the moment was not right, the emotion was too fresh; he wanted to consider and find the right words first.
Instead he roundly insulted himself, “I have been vain of my family name. I can see that clearly. It is vanity, and it is not under good regulation. I have been a fool in how I treat those beneath me, it was the barest accident I did not insult you the night we met. I was given good principles, but I have been spoiled, and brought up to always expect the best for myself and to think meanly of those who are beneath me. Family, wealth, and lineage do matter: but I have always known they do not create good breeding, good manners, or true worth. It I have acted as though they do. I have been a fool. In the future I shall strive to be better.”
Elizabeth smiled at his manner, as he insulted himself thoroughly with a happy tone, “I must admit myself pleased to hear my reproaches taken so well, but I also must admit I am surprised. I thought it would take at least half a day of contemplation before you could admit a fault in yourself.”
“Were the reproach to come from any other mouth, no doubt that would be true, but from you — from you it merely took half a minute.”
Elizabeth laughed — it was silly and trite, and Darcy knew it, but for him, for him her laugh was the most beautiful sound in the world. Darcy continued, “Really Elizabeth, my behavior has been abhorrent, I expected to be displeased by Hertfordshire society, and found what I expected. I know I did not trouble myself to hide that disdain — I am surprised I am not hated by the neighborhood.”
This drew another of those beautiful laughs, “Really you were, for at least a good half the night at the assembly you were, until you danced with me.” Elizabeth gave a good impression of her mother’s voice and manner, “Lord! He may have ten thousand a year, but I have never seen someone so ill favored. Why he stood next to Mrs. Long for twenty minutes without saying a word.” Darcy felt his face heat as he returned Elizabeth’s pleased smile, “once you were friends with me though, it turned out you are merely eccentric not rude — after all anyone who would dance with one of the local ladies cannot be all bad, and odd behavior from the very rich is to be expected.”
Darcy laughed at this, loving how she freely teased him, “I will need you to instruct me further on how to behave in a ballroom so as not to give offense in the future.”
“Oh! I certainly will instruct you. You must smile. And laugh more — as you are now, it turns your face quite handsome: no one could dislike a gentleman with a face such as yours right now. And when in a ballroom you must always dance at least half the dances — and you must not avoid a girl because you mislike her appearance — though they might not have an Earl for a grandfather, most girls still are quite wild for others to recognize their consequence. Mainly though,” and now Elizabeth’s eyes brightened, and her mouth turned up into one of her arch smiles, “you should always remember to tease everyone in that wry manner you have. If they see your joke and become offended, it means you are to be friends for life.”
Elizabeth had caught Darcy’s high spirits, and the following hour of happy conversation as they trailed Bingley and Jane at a great distance was the happiest of Darcy’s life.
* * * * *
“Eliza please, listen to me — Mr. Darcy watches you a great deal, and I think he might take his friend’s example and propose to you.”
The two women sat together on the familiar white sofa in the Lucas’s sitting room, and Charl
otte’s tone and manner were quite serious, but Elizabeth did not wish to think on the subject, “Nonsense, a Mrs. Darcy with connections to trade who live near Cheapside — he may be willing to speak to such a person, but marry her? Never.”
“I know you have no wish to think on this. I understand. But you do like him a great deal — and you are far too clever to never marry again because you expect all men to be like your first husband. If he should ask you —”
“That will not happen — in fact he once hinted as much to me quite directly, though at the time I missed his meaning.”
Elizabeth’s laugh and assurance that Darcy himself had said he would not marry her did not create the desired reaction. “Oh, that is serious. I had not realized he had said as much, when was this?”
“I daresay it’s been several weeks — oh, yes. It was when Jane was sick at Netherfield. Indeed for a moment I thought he meant to hint Bingley would never offer for Jane, I quite embarrassed myself then.”
“What exactly did he say?” The intensity in Charlotte’s gaze showed that it was not idle curiosity which led her to ask.
Elizabeth did not wish to be serious. “Oh! It was the usual statement of a wealthy gentleman —” Elizabeth lowered the pitch of her voice to imitate Darcy’s, “Your relations in trade. I am certain they are excellent people, but surely you must realize they will prevent you from marrying men of great consequence in the world.”
Elizabeth laughed. Charlotte did not.
“Yes, I see. And he mentioned no other objection besides your connections?”
Elizabeth felt a stab of anxiety as she nodded.
Charlotte bit her lip, “You must see that a man needs to feel something before he would tell a woman that her connections are too low for them to marry. He almost declared he would like to marry you but could not. There’s not much distance between the desire to marry, and a decision to ignore all objections to a marriage. Mr. Darcy is not the sort of man who would let the disdain of the world stop him if he decided marriage to you would constitute his happiness.”
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