by Fallon Hart
“That’s so true,” I agreed.
To my relief we enjoyed a pleasant, easy discussion with Griff’s ex’s parents and I started to see them more as Griff’s friends than his ex’s parents. It soon became clear to me that Grace had been a good friend of Griff’s mother and that’s why he enjoyed a close relationship with James. The older couple seemed so close and in love that I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the idea of James keeping a mistress and Grace being okay with it. In the back of my mind lingered an uneasiness. It was unnerving how convincingly people could deceive you.
When they left us to chat with other guests, I walked through the party with my husband. The canapés were delicious and I reached for another as a waiter passed. I felt Griff’s eyes on me as I went to pop the vol-au-vent in my mouth. “I can’t eat when you’re looking at me.”
He bent down to murmur in my ear, “We both know that’s a bloody lie.”
The heat of arousal burned my cheeks. I cut him a look. “We’re not talking about sucking, we’re talking about eating.”
“Dirty girl,” he muttered.
“You love it.”
“I do,” he agreed, taking a drink. He finished the glass and popped it on a waiter’s empty tray. “I need to use the restroom. Will you be alright on your own?”
“I intend to follow the vol-au-vents.” I nodded.
He flashed me a grin and sauntered out of the tent toward the house. My eyes lingered after him for a moment, enjoying the dashing figure he made as he cut through the crowds. So tall and well-built and confident and—
“If ever there was a woman more smitten with her new husband I have yet to see her.”
I whirled around at the familiar voice. “Lady Windemere.”
She grinned at me and nodded to my vol-au-vent. “Let’s find some more of those. They’re delicious.”
We grabbed a waiter and together coerced him out of more than our fair share. Huddled together near a fire pit we munched on canapés and sniggered like school girls.
“This is far better than making boring conversation with the same people,” Lady Windemere observed.
“It is. I’m happy to have found a friendly face here.”
“People giving you jip?”
Understanding she was asking if people were being rude to me, I shook my head. “Not really. I just… I grow tired of being a curiosity.”
“I’m afraid that may last a while yet, Scarlett. Wherever there is money you find people who have forsaken love for wealth, power and security. There are happy marriages among our set. Your friend Amelia is a prime example and I was very fortunate to share a love match with my own late husband. But there are also a lot of unhappy people in this particular corner of the world and love makes them curious and envious. They believed Griffin Mandeville to be like them. A man who could never love a woman as much as he loved power. He’s proven them wrong, and not only that, he can’t bloody well seem to keep his hands off you.”
I laughed and my heart began to pound faster.
Everyone was so fooled by Griff. Even smart, perceptive people like Lady Windemere. And the things he’d said to me today…
Was it possible that maybe, despite himself, Griff was really falling for me?
Or was he better at the deception than any of them?
I realized he still hadn’t returned from the restroom and Lady Windemere and I had been huddled together for nearly twenty minutes.
“On that note, I should find my husband.”
“Yes, yes, go, follow young love.” She rolled her eyes but I could tell she was actually secretly delighted by the idea of our love match.
I smiled hello to people I’d met at previous events but did so in a way that didn’t invite conversation as I made my way through the tent, searching through the crowds for my husband. When I didn’t see him I stopped one of the catering staff and asked them if they knew where the restrooms were inside the house. Having received directions I made my way across the lawn to the Van De Beer’s home.
Moving inside the house, down the quiet hallway that led to the right, I was stopped on my journey to the restrooms at the familiar rumble of Griff’s voice. Frowning, I followed it.
It led me to a slightly opened door and I peered inside to find a study.
To find Griff in that study with a beautiful woman pressed up against him.
A beautiful woman I recognized from Googling her.
Kiersten Van De Beer.
“I’ve missed you,” she said, pleading. “And I know you’ve missed me.” She smoothed her hands over his chest and Griff reached up to take hold of them. Gently. Not pushing them away. “Look, I get your fascination with her. I watched her out there and she’s free of artifice. There’s an innocence about her, despite that body, that I’m sure appeals to your very dark soul. But we both know she doesn’t belong here or with you. In the end our world will eat your girl-next-door up and she’ll leave you. You never appreciated that I understand what it takes to be the wife of a man of power. When she’s gone… I’ll still be here. I’m what you need.”
I stepped back, not wanting to see or here anymore. My heart pounded so hard all I could hear was the rushing of blood in my ears. An ugly burning sensation filled my chest, choking me, and flooding tears into my throat. I stumbled down the hall, back toward the restroom and slipped inside, locking it.
Trying to catch my breath I glared at my reflection in the mirror. “She doesn’t know anything,” I hissed at myself.
Yet… why hadn’t Griff pushed her away?
The suspicions I’d felt over why Griff never wanted to talk about Kiersten churned in my gut. Along with the fact that he’d been snuggled in a goddamn study with her when he knew I didn’t like to be left alone with these people at these things! Plus… she was so beautiful. The most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in real life. And poised and feminine and well-bred. Moreover, what she said about me, about Griff, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. Maybe Griff needed someone a little harder than me, someone who knew how to play the games. Who would understand when he put work before them in a way I probably never would.
Ugh.
Pressing cold water to my wrists in an effort to cool down, I stormed out of the restroom on shaky legs. When I stepped out of the house, the first person I saw was Bryce McKellan. He smiled across the lawn from where he’d been talking with James near the entrance to the tent and excused himself.
“Fancy seeing you here.” He grinned as he came to a stop beside me.
Still reeling from what I had or had not witnessed, I gave him a weak smile. “It’s nice to see you, Bryce.”
He frowned and touched my elbow. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Why is it every time I see you with my wife, you’re touching her.” Griff rounded us, glaring at Bryce.
Anger suffused me.
The hypocritical bastard.
Bryce sighed. “Mandeville, it’s not what you think. Look, I think you and I need to talk.”
“No, you don’t.” I placed a reassuring hand on Bryce’s arm and then turned to my husband. “And you’re one to talk.”
Griff’s eyes flashed dangerously. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m uh… I’m just gonna go.” Bryce stumbled back and then practically fled us.
I did not blame him in the least.
Griff immediately got in my face. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” I said with more casualness than I felt. “You tell me.”
“Don’t play games. And look at me.”
I cut him a look. A wounded one.
He flinched. “You saw me with Kiersten.”
Ugly suspicion nettled me. “What if I did?” What had I missed when I walked away?
“She cornered me when I got out of the restroom. She wanted to talk. I thought it best to get it over with.”
“I’m sure you did.”
“Don’t.” He glared at me. “Not here. In fact not eve
r because I’ve just remembered I don’t fucking owe you an explanation. I hired you. Remember.”
His words cut me so deeply I felt the blood drain from my face. “Griffin.”
I saw his instant regret, his remorse, but the words were out there now. “Scarlett—”
“I’d like to leave. Please.” I kept my composure but inside I felt brittle and cold.
Griff studied me a moment and then he nodded. “Let me just make our excuses to James and Grace.”
“I’ll see you at the car.” I turned and walked away before he could speak.
And the further I walked away from him the harder it became not to cry.
Those tears threatened when I saw the mass of town cars parked in the Van De Beer driveway. I didn’t know which one was ours. Thankfully, our driver must have seen me because he got out of the car and called over to me. “Are you ready to leave, Mrs. Mandeville?”
“Yes.” I hurried over to him, glad he hadn’t been hemmed in. “My— Mr. Mandeville is just coming.” It didn’t seem right to call him my husband after what he’d said to me.
Inside the town car, I slid along the leather bench to the farthest side, hiding myself in the dark corner. It took everything within me but I didn’t give into the tears.
He didn’t deserve them.
When the door opened, I tensed, feeling him, smelling his cologne, as he slid into the car. We were silent as the driver pulled away.
And then he offered, “I’m sorry. I should never have said that.”
I didn’t know how to accept his apology.
He sighed in exasperation. “For God’s sake, Scarlett. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. You have since the moment you heard about Kiersten.”
I glared at him. “Like you haven’t with Bryce? And don’t even get me started on Eric.”
“Eric?” he coldly expelled the name like it tasted bitter on his tongue.
“Yes. My husband who tragically died.” I wanted him to respect Eric’s memory but every time my first love was mentioned Griff clammed up. “The man whose name causes you to turn into the ice man.”
“What the hell do you want me to say? This is a man whom you lost your virginity to. You loved him. You get your knickers in a twist over Kiersten and I can barely remember a single night I spent with her.”
Was that it? Did it bother him to know I’d loved another man? Why? He didn’t love me, right? He’d just proven that with his callous words at the party.
“As for Bryce, I’m finding it increasingly irritating that you can’t seem to stay away from the man.”
I huffed, “He apologized for coming onto me. Pete, you know Pete, your apparent trusty little manager, told him that things weren’t great between you and I and practically gave the guy an in! Bryce realized Pete was mistaken and he apologized. He just happened to catch me coming out of the house looking like I’d been slapped and he was concerned.”
“Are you being willfully naïve?” he hissed, deliberately avoiding mention of me stepping into that scene with Kiersten and the fact that his factotum was a slime! “He wants in your knickers and he couldn’t make it clearer.”
“Well I let who I want into my knickers, okay! Not Bryce, not you, and not the ghost of my dead husband!”
Heavy silence reigned between us.
Jealousy.
It was such an ugly thing.
Suddenly exhausted, I turned and looked out at the passing scenery. This jealousy wouldn’t exist between us if we were honest with each other. If we’d just admit how we felt. And I was tired of not knowing if I was falling down this rabbit hole on my own.
“I loved Eric.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Griff was beyond curt.
“You’re supposed to be my friend,” I whispered. “A good friend listens.”
At his silence I continued, “I loved Eric. He was my first love. But I know now that we were just kids, Griff. We loved like two kids. And it was sweet and pure and I’ll never forget or regret him ever.” I looked at him, wishing he’d look back at me. “But it never felt like this.”
His head jerked around, his eyes filled with questions.
And what my longing heart wanted to believe was hope.
But just as quickly as I’d seen that spark of light, it dimmed and his expression grew shuttered.
He didn’t say anything.
Not a word.
And this time when I looked back out the window I let the tears fall.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The elevator was heavy with our silence as we made our way up to the penthouse to change out of our party clothes. Griff’s lack of response cut me deeply.
And that pain turned to anger and suspicion. He had never explained what happened between him and Kiersten in that room once I’d left.
“You weren’t gone long enough to give her a good fucking so I can assume you didn’t,” I said, my voice hard as we stepped out into the foyer.
At his silence I turned to find him staring ominously at me.
“Oh right, I forgot I’m not owed an explanation. Well sorry to dispel you of that notion, but while you’re fucking me without a condom you kind of do.”
“Don’t.” He shook his head. “Don’t be ugly. It’s not you.”
I hid my wince. “I’m waiting.”
Anger flared across his features and he seethed as he bent his head to mine. “I didn’t give you a fucking explanation because you should trust me!”
“Like you trust me! The hired wife!”
“I said I should haven’t said that! I’ve already apologized!”
“There aren’t enough apologies in the world, Griffin!”
“I’m not doing this!” His chest heaved and shuddered and his voice lowered when he said, “I’m not going to throw barbs back and forth, and argue until we’re blue in the bloody face. You either trust me or you don’t.” And with that he turned on his heel and got back on the elevator to leave me.
***
The rest of the day was dismal.
I was miserable.
Partly because I didn’t think Griff was wrong about me trusting him. However I was still wounded by his avoidance of what had surmounted to an almost confession of love for him in the car.
Everything about our relationship was so volatile and passionate.
Most times it felt amazing.
Then times like these it hurt like hell.
What was that song called? Only Love Can Hurt Like This.
No truer words.
Not wanting to be near him, not even sure I’d be welcome, I attempted to sleep in my own bed that night. Unfortunately, the hurt kept sleep away. My bed was filled with memories that only confused me, chafing against my skin. At 4am I could take no more. I rolled out of bed, threw on my dressing gown, and made my way downstairs to the spa. The spa always seemed so tranquil. And I needed some of that. The pool sparkled under the light of the moon and I followed that light to the window. Sitting on the window ledge, I stared down at the quiet street.
Life was so surreal. How had I gotten here?
How?
Part of me wanted to go back to my quiet life in South Boston. To my quiet book-filled days and simple nights at Mrs. Donovan’s.
Yet the other part of me… God, the other part of me couldn’t imagine trading those nights in Griff’s arms for anything. Even if the memory of them was excruciating now too.
I heard the outer door open and tensed. Glancing over my shoulder I saw the familiar silhouette of my husband as he entered the pool area. He halted for a second, spotting me, and then he slowly made his way over. The moon finally cast him in light so I could see his expression.
Griff looked weary.
Pensive.
And—tugging at my heart—remorseful.
He stuff his hands in his suit pockets, staring down at me solemnly. “When you weren’t in bed I thought you’d gone to yours instead.”
“I did.”
Something dar
k flashed in his gaze. “But you couldn’t sleep.”
“No.”
He shook his head, seeming exasperated. “Did anything I said sink in this week? I already told you that I want no one else. Why can’t you hear me when I say that?”
Feeling a prick of guilt, I shrugged. “I focused in on her. On Kiersten. But she wasn’t who I was worried about. What I was worried about. I know that. I’m sorry for not trusting you. But when you’re angry... you lash out at me. It hurts.”
He closed his eyes for a second, seemingly anguished. “You’re the last person I ever want to cause pain. I’m sorry.”
“What are we doing?”
Griff sighed. “I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t like that you loved Eric. I know that makes me a bastard considering what he went through but this is me. This is who I am, Scarlett. I’m a selfish bastard.”
“Griff…”
“And I didn’t like coming to bed to find you not there.” His voice turned rough. “I don’t want anyone else. I don’t see anyone else. All I see… is you. I don’t know what it means. I don’t have—”
“Ssh.” I jumped to my feet and pressed my fingers to his lips. This was enough, I thought. For now. This was enough. It was progress and with Griff, with how difficult it was for him to love, we needed to take it slow. “All I see is you too.”
Without another word, Griff bent and lifted me into his arms. I wasn’t exactly light as a feather but he carried me out of the spa and into the elevator as if I weighed nothing. I slid out of his arms and took his hand in mine. I led him to his bedroom. Yet when I got there I didn’t know what move to make. This didn’t feel like all the times before when it was a rush to experience passion and satisfaction.
There was more thickening the air between us, making our movements slow and languid, like we were walking through water.
I came to a halt at Griff’s bed and felt his intense energy at my back. Even after all the times he’d touched me this felt new again as the heat of him pressed against my back, as his fingertips coasted lightly over my bare arm and his breath whispered across the back of my neck. It seemed more than it ever had before… everything was heightened to a level of sensation we hadn’t experienced together.