No Where to Run

by Raven K. Asher

  "Hey, guys." I choke out, with tears rapidly building in my eyes.

  God this was hard.

  I blink hard a few times, getting angry that I had let my emotions get the best of me.

  Mel stands and abruptly grabs me into a big hug, and then steps back after a few minutes only to pull me to the table to sit next to her.

  I loosen up as everyone starts talking about classes, and the crazy things I had missed while I was gone.

  We end up laughing so hard at Lucy’s dramatic story of her dinner date “mishap” at Kales parents’ house, that I have tears running down my face.

  They were joyful tears, and at that moment I became conscious of how much I had really missed my friends.

  “I really missed you guys.” I bow my head in shame. “I’m sorry for shutting you all out. Forgive me?”

  Kane stands and comes over to me. Putting his hand on my shoulder, he leans in to look me in the eyes.

  “Of course we forgive you, Lexi. We’re still your friends, and we all understand why you pushed us away. We all kept our distance waiting for you to come back to us. We didn’t want to force anything on you that you weren’t ready for.”

  I look around at my friends and they all nod in agreement.

  It feels as if a huge weight has suddenly been lifted off my shoulders.

  “Thanks guys, you are all the best. I couldn’t ask for better friends.”I let out a small sigh, and then groan when the bell rings.

  We all walk in together, Mel stays by my side as much as our class schedules allow.

  We end up having most of our classes together and whatever classes I didn't have with Mel I had with Lucy, Katie, Kane or Kale.

  ****

  When the last bell of the day rings I walk out of the classroom with Kane.

  We meet the others by my locker.

  I smile to myself thinking of how it had turned out to be a good day. It was almost as if I had never left.

  No one whispered and no one treated me any differently, but I knew I wasn’t that same naive girl I was before. I had changed drastically in the last six months.

  "Hey guys, are we all going to “The Diner”?" Lucy asks as she approaches. The Diner, as it was actually called, was a place we had all hung out daily before the accident. They had great food and the owner had been good friends with my father.

  "Yes." Katie says as Kale, Mel and Kane nod silently.

  They all turn and look to me, and I take a moment to think.

  I couldn't go to The Diner, yet.

  If I went I would have to see him, and I didn't think I could handle that today.

  “I can't guys. I would love to go with you guys, but you know why I can't. I don't even think I can face him." They all nod knowing who I’m referring to.

  Turning back to my locker, I will him from my mind.

  He had been my boyfriend before the accident, and he had stood by my side until I pushed him away.

  My excuse was that he had reminded me too much of my old life. It was a lame excuse, and I now felt guilty that I had pushed him away.

  I didn’t even know how to even begin to make things right with him.

  He had been my first love, my first kiss, my first everything.

  He was a year older than me and had graduated the year before.

  Before the accident we had made plans of being together forever and I had always dreamt of us getting married and having kids, being the perfect couple and family.

  After the accident all those dreams just didn’t seem so significant to me anymore. I still loved him deep down, but I also know I broke his heart.

  I was worried now that he would hate me, and that we could never even be friends again.

  "Lucca probably isn't even working today. I think it would be safe to go. Please monkey. Please come with us?" Kale pleads with a sad puppy dog face. It’s so ridiculous that I had to force back my smile.

  "I can't take that chance yet, Kale. I don’t even know what I’d say if I saw him, I’m just not ready for that step yet. Soon, I promise I'll come with you guys.... just give me time, Ok?" I reply quietly, looking down at my feet.

  I didn't want to see the disappointment in their eyes for me.

  I felt plenty enough for us all.

  "That’s fine, chicka. When you’re ready you'll be ready. We won't push you into anything. We all love you, you know that." Mel replies softly.

  I look at each of them in turn as they nod in agreement.

  To know and see how much they all cared about me, warmed my heart. I felt so much love and strength from them at that moment.

  My vision blurs with tears, and lucky for me Duncan chooses that moment to wrap his arm around me, pulling me into a side hug.

  “Hey, guys.” He greets the others.

  They all give him quick greetings back.

  "Are you ready to leave, sis?"

  "Yep, I’m ready." I whisper and nod.

  I wave goodbye to my friends as my brother and I walk out to his truck.

  I hop up into the passenger seat and instantly burst into tears.

  I couldn't hold them back anymore.

  It was a relief that the day was over, and I was happy that things weren't utterly awkward with my friends, but I was overwhelmed with emotion when I thought about Lucca.

  I missed him dearly, but I knew life couldn’t go completely back to the way things were.

  Duncan wordlessly pulls me across the seat and into his lap, where he holds me tightly until my tears stop.

  I’m grateful he never asks why or what happened to cause my break down, he just keeps holding me till I feel in control.

  He always knew just what I needed, and when I needed it.

  Crawling back over to the passenger seat while wiping my eyes, I peek out the window. I see my friends watching me with concern and sadness written clearly on their faces.

  I look away in shame while Duncan starts the truck and pulls away.

  I’m entirely embarrassed that they saw me falling apart.

  I never wanted them to see that.

  ****

  As we arrived home I all but leap out of the truck.

  I run past the house to the barn that houses our two horses.

  I hadn’t seen them since before the accident.

  My pace slows as I walk closer.

  Duncan strolls up behind me and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, then walks past me, up to my horse, Tornado.

  "See boy, I told you she would come back to us." My brother croons to the large black horse, while rubbing the horses face.

  Tornado had been a gift from my dad for my sixteenth birthday. I had raised him from a young colt to the full grown beauty he was now.

  I stand and watch as my brother leads Tornado from his stall.

  My heart hurts.

  I had neglected him for far too long.

  Running up to him I wrap my arms around his neck.

  "I'm so sorry, baby boy. I'm so sorry I left you." I cry into his neck. He bends his head to nuzzle into my back, almost in a hug.

  If horses could hug I'm guessing that’s what it would be like.

  Glancing back to my brother I smile a teary eyed smile.

  He smiles back and nods.

  He knew I was silently thanking him for taking care of Tornado in my absence.

  "Want me to saddle him up for you, sis?" Duncan asks with a knowing smirk.

  He knew exactly what my answer would be.

  He knew how free I felt when going for a ride, because he felt the same sense of freedom.

  "Hell, yes!"I reply with a huge grin on my face.

  To go out for a long ride was exactly what I need to clear my mind.

  Duncan saddles Tornado, then hurries to saddle his own horse, Cutter.

  Dad had gotten Cutter around the same time I had gotten Tornado. My brother had complained for days that I had always gotten the coolest pets. So, our dad went out and bought him his own horse.

  Dad always
spoiled us with whatever we wanted.

  Even when Duncan went through his as I called it “wild man days”. He did everything we asked, from camping to fishing to even hunting. He was always trying teaching us "useful skills" as he called it, to us it was just fun.

  “Hey Dunc, do you remember when dad tried to teach us how to fish?” I smile and think back to that day.

  “Yeah, I remember. How could I forget? I still have that scar from that dang hook you put in my lip.” I giggle and he laughs out. My laughter dies down.

  “I really miss him, Duncan.”

  “I do too, sis.” Duncan states sadly, before mounting up in his saddle and snapping the reins for Cutter to take off running.

  Leading Tornado out of the barn, I quickly follow suit, mounting up and taking off at a full run.

  I catch up to Duncan and he lets out a loud yell.

  I laugh and do the same as I raise my hands above my head, feeling the wind blow through my hair.

  Closing my eyes I take in the sounds around me, the thundering of the horse’s hooves hitting the ground, the dry grass brushing against their legs.

  I lift my face to feel the warmth of the sun and smile, I finally feel whole and free.

  “I’ll race you, sister bear.” Duncan laughs out in challenge, and I open my eyes.

  “You’re on, brother bear.” I grin as I kick Tornado into a full run.

  Duncan lets me have a head start, before quickly catching up to me and passing me.

  I pat Tornados neck and urge him on to go faster.

  As we race through the fields and I soak in the freedom, wishing that I didn’t have to return to reality.

  Chapter 2

  Tuesday, August 27th

  Early the next morning, I awoke even before my alarm went off.

  I hadn't slept so well since before the accident.

  It always haunted my dreams, and I was pleased that I didn't have any haunting dreams for once.

  Sitting up in bed with a genuine smile I think about how well school had gone the day before, and I was looking forward to going again today.

  The trail ride with my brother was freeing, too.

  We rode for what felt like hours, pushing our horses to their limits.

  We were all exhausted by the time we returned home, but we were laughing and smiling, even the horse’s spirits seemed to be lifted.

  I immediately decide to jump into the shower early, before Duncan can use up the hot water.

  Standing under the hot water I feel completely relaxed.

  I still refused to look at myself as I washed, I had scars from the wreck, and I didn't want to bring those memories flooding back, at least not for today.

  I hear a loud pounding on the bathroom door but choose to ignore it, knowing its only Duncan and I wanted just a few more minutes under the hot water.

  "Hey! Come on don't use up the hot water, Lex! There are others in this house who would like to shower, too!" Duncan whines as he continues to pound on the bathroom door.

  Finishing up with a groan, I turn off the water, and then wrap a soft towel tightly around myself, since I didn’t think to grab my clothes.

  Again, my brother pounds on the door impatiently. "Hurry up, Lex."

  "Geez, I'm done. No need for the rush.” I head to the door and I laugh out as Duncan pushes the door open and rushes past.

  “Whoa, slow down stinky." Oh my god, did he smell bad.

  I pinch my nose and scrunch my face.

  "What the hell Dunc? Did you swim in the horse poop?" I squeak out, waving my other hand around trying to clear the air of the horrible smell.

  "Ha! No, I didn't swim in it. Your horse decided to be a jokester and threw me in the compost pile." He was trying to be angry, but the smile gave him away.

  He had been outsmarted by the beast.

  "He got you good, then. He always did like to make you stink." I laugh out again, before shutting the door and walking to my room.

  The smell lingers clear down the hall.

  Mom was really going to hate that. That is, if she was even around.

  Judging by how quiet it was, my best guess was that either she wasn't home or she was passed out, either in her room or on the living room couch.

  I groan as I reach my room and begin to get ready for the day.

  Glancing out my bedroom window, the sun shines brightly through. It looked as if it was going to be another hot day, so I opt to dress in my favorite pair of skinny jeans and a lacey pale pink halter top, with ballet flats.

  I loved the summer, but I couldn't wait for fall to arrive.

  Fall was one of my favorite seasons, warm sweat shirts, hot chocolate and campfires, along with cuddling on the couch with a cute guy.

  My mind immediately moves to Lucca, and back to all the things we did together last fall, we had been together for two years.

  I shake my head.

  I really needed to keep him out of my mind, I miss him too much, and thinking of him only made me miss him that much more.

  ****

  A little while later, Duncan knocks on my door. “You have five minutes, sis, or I’m leaving without ya.”

  “I’m coming.” I yell as I put on some eyeliner, and add a touch of lip gloss to my lips.

  Then quickly brushing my damp hair out before heading downstairs, and silently pass the couch, where mom is passed out.

  I roll my eyes and meet Duncan by the front door.

  Looking back at our mom, I let out a slight sigh. I wish there was something that could be done to help her, but she didn’t want help.

  I still loved her and it hurt to see her like that.

  I step out the door shutting and locking it, and then move toward the truck.

  “You look really nice, sis..... And you look happy. Happy is good." He mumbles the last part to himself while smiling.

  I smile back knowing he didn't mean for me to hear it, but it feels good knowing he is pleased that I am feeling better.

  He clears his throat before turning to jump into the driver’s side of the truck, and I follow suit into the passenger side.

  The drive to school is quiet, but thankfully quick, and as soon as we are in the parking lot I nearly jump out of the truck and run over to the tables where my friends sit each morning.

  Duncan comes running up behind me."Damn, Lex your fast, I almost couldn’t keep up. I thought for a minute your pants were on fire." He jokes while panting to catch his breath.

  I hadn't even realized that I was panting just as hard from the run. I was just excited and couldn't wait to see everyone.

  Looking around at my friends, I notice that they are all present, except for Lucy. I glance around the parking lot for her before turning my attention back to the others.

  Thinking that maybe she was just late getting here?

  "Where's Lucy?"

  "She's out sick today. I called her this morning and she sounded terrible. She was up all night coughing and throwing up.”Kale answers, and then gestures absently around at the other students. “Everyone has been getting sick lately."

  "Yeah, I heard what’s going around is really bad. The news said that it's some sort of crazy flu. I even heard some people have even died from it." Mel exclaims.

  "My mom has had it for the past week. She hasn't even let me around her to help her through it. She's too afraid I’ll get it, too." Katie says quietly.

  "The news this morning said they were trying to come up with some sort of vaccine to help prevent it from spreading, maybe even cure it." Duncan chimes in beside me.

  "Maybe we should go visit her after school and see how she's doing. I know her mom works crazy hours at the hospital, so she's probably lonely. I bet if we brought her some soup it would cheer her up a bit." I declare.

  "I'll go with you. I'm really worried about her." Kale states quietly.

  "I'll go too, sis." Duncan responds, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  Kane stands abruptly looking angry.

 
“You guys are crazy to go over to her house. She could easily make you all sick. You've got to think about this. That so called flu has killed people, as in dead, guys. It's too dangerous." Kane roars out at us with his angry gaze glued to his brother.

  Kale bows his head and shakes his head. "I don't care. I'm going with or without you guys. She's my girl, and I have to make sure she’s ok." Kale whispers.

  He looks up at me with unshed tears in his eyes.

  I nod letting him know I’ll still go with him.

  "You’re all f-ing crazy!" Kane shouts as he throws his hands into the air, before walking away cursing.

  "I'm sorry guys, but Katie and I are with Kane. We’re not going to go with you guys.” She gestures between herself and Katie. Katie nods along with Mel as she talks.

  “This flu is dangerous, but if you do choose to go, please be careful. Think it through, and be smart." Mel expresses.

  They both gave brief smiles, before turning and walking away, following after Kane.

  "Well, looks like it’s just us three crazy stooges that are going into the lion’s den." I glance to both Duncan and Kale, I heave a sigh as I wrap my arms around both of their necks and they bob their heads in agreement.

  We walk to the school and part ways at the door I look back as Duncan pats Kales shoulder and walks away.

  Kale bows his head and walks in another direction, and I walk to my class with a heavy heart.

  It was going to be a long day.

  ****

  Finally, the last period bell rings, but before I can rush out into the hall, Kane stops me. “Please talk some sense into my brother, Lex.”

  “Kane, I’m not going to be able to stop him, you know that. That’s why I’m going with him, to make certain that he is careful. Maybe Lucy isn’t all that bad. It could be a different kind of cold that she has.” I put my hand to his shoulder.

  “I’ll make sure he stays a safe distance away. He’s just worried about her, and seeing her for a few minutes will fix that.”

  He nods, but still looks distressed. “Just make sure he doesn’t get too close, I really don’t want to deal with him getting sick, too.” I nod in agreement, and then rush out of the classroom, into the hall.