by Sarah Suk
He nodded. “Specifically Instagram. I set up an account for my business, but, um, I have no idea how to keep it going. I’ve read articles and I’ve attempted, but I think I need some one-on-one coaching.”
“A good way to start is by taking photos of your products. After all, Instagram is all about the photos.” I considered the things I thought about when I was taking photos for V&C’s Instagram account. “Natural lighting is always nice. Where do you have the most natural light in the house?”
“I get pretty good light in my room,” Wes said. Then, as if realizing what he might be suggesting by this, he quickly said, “But, I mean, there’s light in the whole house. We don’t have to go to my room.”
“No, it’s okay. We can go,” I said, my cheeks warming. What did he think I was thinking when he said that? To be honest, though, I was genuinely curious about what Wes’s room looked like. I grabbed the bag of tropical Hi-Chews to snack on later, and I followed him out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
His room was nothing like the rest of the house. It felt actually lived in. There were black-and-white posters of famous saxophone players lining the walls and a vinyl-record player in the corner of the room. His saxophone case lay open on the floor, sheets of music spread out on the bed like he had been playing right before I got here. A row of succulents lined the windowsill.
“Sorry for the mess,” he said, gathering the sheet music.
“It’s way cleaner than my room,” I said. I pointed to the saxophone in the case. “So. Is this your passion?”
He nodded. “Is it obvious?”
I gestured to the posters on the wall and grinned. “Kind of.”
He smiled. “I’ve played since I was a kid. My uncle Hojin in Korea taught me everything I know. I’ve been in love with it ever since.”
My stomach fluttered weirdly when he said the words “in love.” I kept my face casual. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. It’s been the one thing in my life that’s never changed. I know there’s a lot of uncertainty in pursuing music, but to me, it feels more uncertain to have anything besides music at the center of my life. I feel like I would just float away if I didn’t have my saxophone to ground me.” He paused like he was trying to decide whether to share more or not. “Actually, the reason I even have this K-pop beauty business is to raise money for music school. My parents aren’t so supportive of the idea, so if I want to go, I need to figure out a way to get myself there.”
I found myself nodding along. I could understand that. That feeling of something you love being the only thing to tether you when you’re on the verge of floating away. I wondered what Wes’s parents were like. “What would they want you to do instead?” I asked.
“Be a doctor.”
I laughed. “How very stereotypically Asian.” I sat cross-legged on the floor. Something in my mind nudged me to get started on the social-media stuff, to leave the personal conversations behind. It wasn’t like I’d come here to chat. But curiosity won over logic, and I heard myself saying, “Are you very good? If you’re very good, your parents have to at least acknowledge that.”
“I think I’m not bad,” he said.
I snorted. “That means you’re very good.”
“No, no,” he laughed. He bit his lip, glancing at me. “I can show you a video if you want? It’s a song I’ve been practicing for my music school auditions. Uncle Hojin recommended it to me.”
The way he asked, part shyness and part excitement to show me what he’d been working on, did strange things to my heart. It made me feel drawn to him in ways I hadn’t expected. He wanted to invite me in, to show me his world. A part of me suspected that he would have offered to play his song for me live on the spot but was too self-conscious to ask.
Move the conversation along, Valerie, I told myself. This is not why you’re here.
“Okay, yeah,” I said instead. “I’d like to see the video.”
He scrolled through his phone and hit play on a video before passing it to me. He sat down on the floor across from me as the music filled the room. It wasn’t a song I recognized, but I was immediately captivated. The song went from upbeat and intricate to slow and moving, showcasing his whole range, every note clear and resounding. I couldn’t take my eyes off his face. It was undeniable that he was in his element, that this was his passion. God. He was so hot.
The sudden thought made my cheeks warm again. What am I thinking? We’re still in competition, and I’m sitting here getting all soft for my enemy because of a measly video? Thank God he wasn’t playing for me in person. I would have really hated myself then.
The clip ended, and I looked up from his phone to see he had been watching me the whole time, gauging my reaction.
I cleared my throat, passing the phone back. “See, I was right. You are very good.”
Oh, the way his face lit up. “Really?”
“Really. I think your parents will definitely come around one day. And if they don’t, it shouldn’t stop you. You’ve got something that not everyone gets in their lifetime. Why give that up for someone else?”
He stared at me with a deep, intense gaze. Damn those eyes of his. They really are beautiful. “Like what you said in the car about fighting to prove that you’re worth what you think you are,” he said quietly.
“Yeah. Exactly.” Hearing my own words spoken back to me in that way made me feel suddenly vulnerable, like I had exposed a part of myself that I hadn’t meant to reveal. But now that it was out there, I felt oddly comforted by the fact that he could relate.
“Anyway,” I said, clapping my hands, reminding myself that having a heart-to-heart with Wes was not the reason I was here today. “Social media, right? Let’s get started.”
For the next hour, we set up his products in nice photogenic spots around his room. I taught him how to shoot from different angles, how to use props in his photos, how to highlight the product so it looked its very best. In the back of my mind, I was tempted to store away all the information on what I was seeing here and use it to strategize my own sales later.
But a twinge of guilt stopped me. Wes was undeniably kind, and I was here because I owed him a favor. I could have the decency to not spy on him when I was paying a debt. For today, I would focus solely on helping him.
“You need to follow some people so they know you’re out there and they can follow you back,” I said as he pulled up his Instagram account. “In the case of our school, there’s only one person you really need to follow.” I did a search for @k.lo.gram. “Kristy Lo. Once you follow her, she’ll follow back and bring the rest of our grade with her.”
“Wow,” Wes said. “That’s power.”
“That’s Kristy.”
He cleared his throat. “Can I follow your Instagram?”
“I mean, you could,” I said. “It’s VCKBEAUTY. But we are still competitors, you know.”
“No, I mean, um, a personal account. Not business-related.”
My stomach did a strange flip at this new knowledge that Wes wanted to follow my personal account. “Oh. Sure,” I said. “It’s vkwonishere.”
“Okay cool. I’m wesplaysmusic. I’ll follow you?”
“Okay,” I said. “Sure. But, um, just warning you. It’s just a bunch of pictures of my grandma. And food.”
He laughed. “That’s okay.” He looked curiously at me, his knees almost touching mine from where we were sitting cross-legged on the floor, the winter light from the window slanting across our hands. “Sounds like you and your grandma are pretty close?”
“Yeah.” I smiled, feeling more comfortable talking about Halmeoni. “She’s the best. Do you have any grandparents here?”
He shook his head. “My grandparents on my dad’s side both passed away before I was born. And my grandparents on my mom’s side are still in Korea. They used to watch me when we lived there, but I haven’t seen them since we moved the second time.”
“Same with my dad’s parents,” I said. “And my grandpa on my mo
m’s side died a year before Halmeoni immigrated with my mom and my aunt. They were all supposed to come together… but I guess things don’t always go the way you hope. I wish I got to meet him. Halmeoni says I remind her of him a lot.”
My face flushed when I realized how much I was sharing again. Seriously, what was up with me today? But Wes didn’t seem to mind. If anything, he seemed pleased to be having a more personal conversation. And to be really honest, I was enjoying it too. I found myself carefully storing away everything he said like they were all things I wanted to remember for a long time.
“Your grandma seems really cool,” he said with a smile. “I could tell, even from our short encounter at the grocery store.”
I got a little teary thinking about Halmeoni, so all I could do was nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. What would it have been like if she lived far away in Korea and we could never see each other? I thought of her alone at night, her face aglow with the light from the television screen. And then I thought of the opposite: me and her together, free in Paris. The dream. Why did I keep losing sight of it when I was sitting here with Wes? Come on, Valerie. Get your head on straight.
“Are you hungry?” Wes asked suddenly. “Do you want to try the Hi-Chews?”
How did he know I needed a distraction? If there was one thing I could say with certainty, it was that Wes was good at reading people. I nodded gratefully.
He ripped open the bag and took out two kiwis. We both tried them at the same time. His face lit up while I grimaced.
“Yuck,” I said. “I am not feeling that one.”
“Oh, really?” His face froze as if he wasn’t sure how to respond to that.
I laughed. “It’s okay if you like it. You’re allowed to speak your mind, remember?”
“Okay.” He smiled. “I can’t lie. I like kiwi a lot. But I like pineapple more, so I think this one will be even better.”
He passed me a pineapple. I popped it in my mouth. The tropical flavor burst with brightness on my tongue. “Oh my God. This might be my new favorite one. I’ll have to put it on the roster.”
“Roster?” Wes said.
Now it was my turn to freeze. Oh shit. I’d never told anyone about my Hi-Chew moods, other than Halmeoni and Charlie. It was so ridiculous. But Wes was looking at me with such curiosity, I wasn’t sure how to backtrack out of this one.
“It’s just this thing—I eat different flavors for different moods. So I eat grape to focus on a task, green apple to think or brainstorm, strawberry to calm down. Stuff like that.”
It sounded so awkward saying it out loud, but he nodded seriously, like this made 100 percent sense. “What will pineapple be?”
I grinned, appreciating that he asked me in a way that felt genuine instead of making fun of me. “Hmm. It has kind of the same vibe as mango, which is what I eat to celebrate good things. But it’s also a little sweeter, and definitely more of a bright flavor.”
“Maybe it can be what you eat when you’re feeling like everything is just right with the world.” He smiled and it was truly the purest thing I’d ever seen. “Hopeful and right. Like when everything is as it should be.”
My heart thrummed inside my chest. “I like that.”
We sat there, knees touching, pineapple Hi-Chews on our tongues. There were so many disarming things about Wes. He was kind. Somewhat awkward and surprisingly perceptive. And he took me seriously. He looked at me like I was someone he could learn something from. He made me feel like I was seen. Suddenly, Charlie’s words from sophomore year came back to me: It’s not about the aquarium, Val. It’s about the way she really sees me. For the first time in my life, I finally understood what he meant.
My phone pinged, making us both jump. I glanced at my screen. “Charlie’s on his way. I should get ready to go.”
“Oh, okay,” Wes said. Was it just me or did he look a bit disappointed? “I’ll walk you to the door.”
As we stepped outside, I felt something cold land on my nose. I looked up at the sky, pulling my red blanket scarf around my shoulders. “Oh wow,” I said. “It’s snowing.”
“It’s not just any snow,” Wes said, his cheeks pink despite the coldness. “It’s the first snow of the winter.” He glanced at me. “Do you know what that means?”
I blinked. “That it’s going to be a cold winter?”
He rubbed his elbows, pressing his lips together and looking up at the sky. “Um. Yeah, that’s it.”
I raised my eyebrows, amused. “You’re a terrible liar.”
A smile cracked across his lips, his eyes still on the falling snow. “So I’ve heard.”
A car honked as Charlie rolled into the driveway. He waved at me from the car.
“Thanks again for all the snacks. And the tea,” I said. “I guess I’ll see you at school?”
“Yeah.” He hesitated like he wanted to say something more, but he settled on “Thanks for all your help today.”
I nodded and headed for the car, feeling a little wistful.
“Hey, Valerie,” Wes called out.
I turned around.
“You’re really good at this stuff. The whole business thing. I really mean it when I say thanks.”
My stomach flipped.
“I was just paying you back for the ride,” I said, keeping a cool face. The snow was falling fast now, clinging to Wes’s hair, making him look like a figurine in a snow globe. I wanted to watch the snow settle on his shoulders, building like the mountains that reminded me of home.
I snapped out of my trance and got into the car, buckling my seat belt. The heater was going strong, and Charlie was down to one sweater.
“How warm is it in this car? Toasty, eh?” he said as he pulled out of the driveway.
“Hey,” I said. “Do you know what’s so interesting about the first snow?”
“First snow? That’s the Korean myth, right? That if you’re outside with someone you like when it first starts snowing, you’ll fall in love.” He laughed. “Koreans, so romantic. Anyway, how’d it go today? It looks like you survived?”
I looked into the rearview mirror, where Wes was watching the car drive away, his hands in his pockets, cheeks still pink with cold.
“Yeah,” I said. I settled into the warmth of the car, smiling. “I guess I did.”
CHAPTER TWELVE WES
Friday / December 27
Did you get home safe?
I stared at the unsent text on my phone. To send or not to send? Was it too eager? Kind of creepy? I didn’t want Valerie to think I was some kind of stalker or something who needed to know her every move. But it was starting to snow pretty hard. It was totally reasonable to ask if she’d gotten home safe in this weather. Decision made. I hit send.
Before I had time to regret anything, the front door opened with the sound of stamping feet. I looked up from my spot on the couch to see Dad walk in, shivering under his coat.
“Ah, Wes, you’re home?” he said. “Good, good. It’s snowing a lot out there.”
The snow was piling higher on the windowsills. I guess Valerie didn’t know about the first-snow myth. She would probably think it was ridiculous anyway. Does she even believe in myths? I realized with a lurch in my stomach that there were so many things I didn’t know about her. So many things I wanted to know.
“What were you up to today, son?” Dad asked, shaking the snow from his coat. “Final application deadlines for our college picks close in a few days. Let me know if you want me to read over anything before you send them in.”
Oh. I opened my mouth trying to think of something to say. Maybe this was the moment to confess: Actually Dad, I’m not going to apply to the schools you suggested. I’ve already applied to a school. A music school. Instead I said, “Um, sure. Thanks. Maybe later?”
What? Was that really the best I could come up with? I mentally slapped myself in the forehead. Come on, Wes.
Dad nodded. “Later sounds good. How about after dinner?”
By “later” I m
eant more like way later. Like the never kind of later. But I found myself nodding, not wanting to let him down. “Yeah, that could work.”
What is wrong with me? I kept my smile up until Dad walked out of the living room, and then I slumped deeper into the couch with a sigh.
My phone pinged with an incoming text message, and I immediately sat back up, grabbing my phone.
Valerie responded with one thing: a thumbs-up emoji.
Straight to the point. So like Valerie. I laughed and sent a thumbs-up emoji back and held my phone against my chest.
The smile slipped off my face as I remembered my conversation with Dad. What would Valerie have done in that situation? I didn’t have to ask to know that she would have said something better than “Sure, maybe later.” She probably would have spoken up for herself and said what she was really thinking.
“Wes, what do you feel like eating tonight?” Dad asked, walking back into the living room with a bunch of takeout menus in his hand. “Sushi? Pizza?”
I was about to say, Anything is good, but I stopped myself before the words came out. “How about pizza?” I said. “Um… can we get Hawaiian?”
“Sure,” Dad said without even looking up from the menu. “I’ll order one large Hawaiian and one large pepperoni, then.”
He walked out of the room again and I let myself exhale slowly. Choosing what to eat for dinner might not have been much, but it was a start to saying what I really wanted. Maybe eventually I could move up from speaking up about pizza toppings to bigger things like my future.
I glanced back down at my phone and smiled.
Friday / January 17
By the time winter break ended, I was more than ready to go back to school. There were three reasons for this that I realized within the first two weeks back.