“That’s a shitty idea.”
“It’s the best one I have right now. Maybe I should have done it long ago.”
“You know the doctor said you can’t drive yet.”
“I’m not planning on leaving tomorrow morning. There’s a lot of paperwork to finish and I have to see a few people.”
“Will you tell me one day what really happened?”
“Depends if I still remember.” Ellie smiled when Melissa clicked her tongue. “It’s not all that interesting.”
“Not all stories have to be exciting or interesting. Some stories need be told precisely because they’re so simple.”
Janus was with her mom when they arrived in Goodwood later that afternoon. The two of them were sitting on the back stoep. There was a bottle of wine on the table. When she saw Ellie, her mom looked like a dog caught misbehaving. She got up, sat back down, picked something up, put it down, touched her hair and blushed. Ellie was sure that, if she went into her mom’s bedroom this time, she’d find signs of Janus. But she didn’t have the energy to think about it.
Like the night she first met him, Janus acted like the man of the house, drawing up chairs and offering drinks.
“Not for me, thanks,” Ellie said when he asked if she would like a glass of wine.
“I’m so glad you’re better. Your mom told me about the horrible experience you had. What’s the country coming to if innocent people can’t even stop at a traffic light without being attacked?”
Ellie said nothing in reply. When Janus offered Melissa some wine, she accepted.
He got up to fetch a glass.
“How are you, Mom?”
Her mom tried to control her fluttering hands. “I’m well. How are you?”
“Much better. The doctors are satisfied. I’m a little weak, but it’ll pass.”
“You’re very pale.” Ellie didn’t know who got the biggest fright when her mom laid the palm of her hand on her cheek, pulling it back within a second or two.
“I just need a little sun.”
When Janus returned, Ellie felt a surge of annoyance. Was she so childish that she couldn’t grant her mom a little happiness? she wondered. She couldn’t recall a time when her mom had seemed happy, but at the moment she looked at least superficially content. Even a little excited. She couldn’t help feeling that her mom had surrendered her dad’s place to the first man who had come along. That was what upset her. Not the fact that her mom seemed content, even happy.
She still needed to imagine him somewhere. Even if it was just in those moments between waking and sleeping, when anything was possible.
“When do you go back to work?” her mom asked.
“I’m not sure. I’m thinking of taking a holiday. I’ll let you know what my plans are.”
“Do that.”
“We’re so glad Ellie has such a lovely friend to support her. Rika says the two of you have known each other since you were only this high.”
Ellie saw Melissa take a big mouthful of wine before answering Janus.
“That’s right. How long have you two known each other?” She looked from Janus to Rika McKenna and back at him again.
Janus gave a broad smile. “How long has it been, Ricks? Two months? Almost three, I think. How time flies!”
Her dad was barely three months in his grave. Ellie glanced at her mom. Had she known Janus before her dad died? But her mom was looking out over the back garden.
“Mom, I need to discuss a few things with you.” Ellie looked at Janus. “Will you excuse us for a minute?”
Her mom seemed about to protest, but thought better of it and reluctantly got to her feet. Ellie led the way to the sitting room. She would prefer not to see what was going on in her mom’s bedroom.
“I came to see you in hospital.” Her mom sat down in the nearest chair.
“They told me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come again, but you know I can’t stand hospitals, and it was terrible to see you like that.” Her mom’s voice faltered slightly.
Ellie sat down beside her and took her hand. “It’s fine, Mom. I understand. I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”
“There are so many jobs you could have done. Your teachers always said you were very bright.”
“It didn’t have anything to do with my job, Mom. It happens to a lot of people.” When the words were out, Ellie realised how easy it had become to distort the truth. In the past she would have kept quiet, but after the past month’s lies and half-truths, the boundaries were blurred.
“That may be, but some people attract that kind of thing.”
“Why don’t you rather tell me how you’ve been?”
“I’ve told you, I’m fine. What do you want me to say? That I miss him? That I long for him?”
“I’m happy to hear you’re doing well.” Ellie hesitated. “Maybe I just want to hear that you haven’t forgotten him already.”
Her mom’s shoulders sagged visibly. “Have you ever thought of the possibility that I want to forget him, because if I don’t, I won’t be able to get up and carry on living?”
Ellie didn’t know what to say.
“And you need to get used to Janus. He treats me well. God knows, I deserve to be treated well.”
“Dad treated you well too.”
“In his way he did, but it’s easier with Janus. There’s no competition. When he comes home from work at night, there’s no cloud hanging over him. We can go out, we can do things.”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Ellie would have liked to tell her she was glad for her sake, but the words stuck in her throat.
“I’m an adult. It won’t be the first time I get hurt.”
“I’m going away. I’ll come and say goodbye before I leave. I’ll call you. And if you need anything, I’ll come back. I just have to get away for a while, until I’m stronger.”
“I’ll be fine.”
Her mom didn’t ask where she was going. She didn’t ask anything at all, Ellie realised.
“I want to scatter Dad’s ashes before I go.”
“I don’t want to go with you.” Her mom held up her hands. “And before you get upset again … I can’t do it. If he were here, he would understand.” She lowered her hands. “I’ve had enough. I’m sick and tired of sadness and misery and bad news and dark clouds.”
Ellie bit back the words she so badly wanted to say. When she and Melissa left half an hour later, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. She repeated her mom’s words to Melissa. “Can you believe it!” she said, leaning back against the headrest and looking at the cars in the adjoining lane on the freeway.
“Would it be easier for you if she collapsed in a heap and surrendered to alcohol?”
“She’s still drinking. What if he doesn’t realise she has a problem? She and Janus seem to be drinking buddies.”
“At least she’s got someone.”
“You’re not going to convince me, so don’t try. If she wants a boyfriend, that’s her business, but she owes it to me to go with me to scatter his ashes. If she doesn’t want to do it for him, she should do it for me. You don’t do that kind of thing alone.”
“I’ll go with you.”
Ellie closed her eyes. At home, she went straight to her room and got into bed. Melissa came to lie next to her; they fell asleep that way.
CHAPTER 37
“I hear you resigned.” Ahmed looked over his spectacles at Ellie.
“That’s why I’m here, Brigadier. I didn’t realise the news would travel so fast.”
“You know this lot. Why don’t you just take unpaid leave and come back when you’re ready?”
“I don’t want to come back.”
“You dived into the operation arse about face, and now you’re doing it again.”
“It won’t be my first bad decision. You learn to live with it.”
“I can’t tell you how sorry I am about how this thing went down.”
“I know, and I�
��m sorry too. We were arrogant and sloppy.”
“And I should have listened to my gut and shortened Greyling’s leash.”
“Thanks for arranging for me to see him.”
“You realise you’re not allowed to talk about the case?”
She nodded.
“I don’t want to eavesdrop on your conversation, so I want your word that it’ll be no more than a personal conversation.”
“I promise.”
“Do you know where you’ll be going?”
“No.”
“Your mom?”
Ellie ran her hand over her face. “She has a friend.”
He leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t see that coming. How do you feel about it?”
“What do you think?”
Before he could answer, there was a knock on the door and Albert entered. Ellie was alarmed when she saw him. He was considerably thinner and a lot paler than the last time she’d seen him.
Ahmed got to his feet. “Half an hour.” He closed the door behind him.
Ellie swallowed. “By this time you must have heard that I resigned. I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m leaving.”
“Babes …”
Ellie shook her head. “It’s over, Albert. Maybe we both knew it was just a matter of time … I don’t know. All I know is that I’m not ready for a relationship right now. Not with you or anyone.”
He ran his fingers through his long hair and she saw his eyes darken.
“You know if I could do it all again I would do it differently. But you also know it wasn’t my fault. Malherbe and that woman …”
“I promised Ahmed we wouldn’t talk about the case. Actually, I don’t care any more who did what. You’re a good cop and I hope you solve the case. It would be a pity if it affected your career.”
He moved towards her, putting out his hand, but she stepped back.
“Fuck, Mac … cut me some slack! I did what I thought was the right thing.”
Ellie picked her handbag up from the floor and turned to leave. “If you’ve got any of my stuff, just drop it at my mom’s, or donate it to charity. Or throw it away.”
She opened the door and walked swiftly down the passage. Outside, she stopped for a moment to catch her breath. She felt an arm around her shoulders. When she looked up, she saw it was Ahmed.
“I want you to let me know where you are and how you’re doing.”
Ellie nodded and got into her car hastily.
She had two stops before she hit the road the next morning. All the paperwork had been finalised. She would get a considerable payout because she’d been injured on duty. But the gears turned slowly, and for now she would live off her savings.
Ellie was surprisingly calm when she stopped in front of the house, got out and rang the doorbell. Elroy opened the door. His eyes widened visibly.
“I’m here to see Mr Williams.”
He stood with his hand on the doorknob. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Ellie pushed the door open and walked past him. Nazeem Williams and three other men were in the living room. He was talking, leaning slightly forward in his chair, but when he saw her, he sat back. He raised his hand and the three men disappeared into the next room, along with Elroy.
“This is a surprise.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call, but I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.”
“I believe you’ve been in hospital.”
Ellie nodded. “But that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to apologise personally for not doing a better job of looking after Clara. I didn’t see it coming. But I want to assure you that Enzio Allegretti didn’t kidnap her. Arranging for us to be taken away was his way of protecting her.”
Williams opened his mouth, but she didn’t give him a chance to speak. “You told me that first day that you were looking for someone who understood the context so we didn’t have to talk about it. We all know who and what the Allegretti family is. But during the time I lived there, I found no evidence that Enzio posed any danger to Clara. On the contrary, he took very good care of her.”
“What are you trying to tell me? That I should allow her to go back to him? And who did he try to protect her from?”
“I won’t presume to tell you what to do. If you hold a grudge against Allegretti, it’s your business, of course. He might have broken the law and made a lot of mistakes, but he’s not guilty of kidnapping. I think it’s important for you to know that.”
“You haven’t told me yet who he wanted to protect her from.”
“I’m sure you can do the maths.”
“You were very brave to come here.”
She shrugged and handed him an envelope. “I wanted to give this to you personally.”
He opened it slowly and pulled out a document and a smaller envelope. He gave her a puzzled look.
“The document is to say our contract has been terminated and that, because we didn’t fulfil your expectations, you don’t owe the company anything. The envelope contains the five thousand rand you gave me. I definitely didn’t deserve it.”
He read through the short document, pushed it back into the larger envelope and put it on the coffee table next to him.
“That’s very generous.”
“It’s only fair.”
“What if I don’t want to terminate the contract?”
“You’re welcome to contact the company. I resigned, so I won’t be able to help you any further.”
“There are rumours about Malherbe.”
Ellie controlled the impulse to shift in her seat and stayed dead still. “There are rumours about me as well. At times like these, there are always stories. The fact is that he probably saved a lot of people’s lives that night by not returning fire when your people began to shoot at us. It could have been a bloodbath. His hands may not be clean, but I don’t think he’s guiltier than any of the other characters in this story. He’s just a man who thinks on a grand scale and likes money.”
He narrowed his eyes and gave a slight smile. “You’re a very good advocate. What are they paying you?”
“My dad taught me a lot of things, and one of them was a sense of justice. It doesn’t matter who’s involved. Every person is entitled to it. I have no personal interest in any of them. I just want to make sure that, if they’re accused of something, they’re actually guilty.”
Before Williams could reply, Clara entered. When she saw Ellie, she burst into tears. Ellie got up and put her arms around the girl. Albert wasn’t the only one who had lost weight. Clara had always been slim, but now she was positively skinny.
“Ellie, tell Uncle that Enzio didn’t kidnap me. Please! You were there. You know what really happened. I was never in danger, except when fucking Reggie and them started shooting.” She sobbed on Ellie’s shoulder.
“Clara, Miss McKenna and I are talking. Please mind your language in the presence of our guest.”
“But she was there! She’s the only one who can say what happened.”
“Clara, your family had a big scare. Give them a chance to make sure you’re okay and to review the situation. I’m sure they’ll come up with a solution that will be acceptable to all of you.” Ellie hugged her and turned to leave.
“Where are you going? Where will I find you when Uncle says I can go back?”
“I resigned. But I’m sure you’ll find someone else.”
When Ellie walked out, she heard the girl sobbing again.
When she reached the front door, Williams spoke behind her. “Who was responsible for your ending up in hospital? Was it one of my people?”
Ellie turned briefly, and put out her hand. “Goodbye, Mr Williams. Please give my regards to Mrs Williams. Thank her for spoiling me with all that lovely food.”
Ellie had driven barely a kilometre when she started to shake so violently that she had to pull off the road.
She opened the door, got out and threw up. She felt like she’d been ripped apart inside, and struggled to brea
the through the pain.
Brenda and Happy were waiting at the Eastern Food Bazaar. They both got to their feet when they saw her, started to move towards her, stopped and sat down again.
“Bloody hell, you look terrible. Are you sure the doctors discharged you?” Brenda shook her head.
“I’m fine. I just need some sun.” Ellie took a couple of deep breaths. “I can’t stay long, but I wanted to say goodbye and thanks. If it wasn’t for the two of you, I wouldn’t be here today.”
Both of them shrugged.
Ellie looked at Brenda. “What I don’t know is why you suspected there was trouble.”
“I suppose I could say I had a feeling, but it was nothing as fancy as that. You said you’d call me that evening and you didn’t. You were generally good at keeping those kinds of promises.”
Ellie looked at Happy. “What made you come to my house? And how did you know where I live?”
“When we were kids, we always used to lose our stuff, and my mother would beat the hell out of us because there was no money for new things. She always said if you lose something, the first place where you look for it is where it’s supposed to be.” He looked a bit embarrassed, as if he had opened a window on something that wasn’t meant for other eyes. “Your address isn’t exactly a state secret.”
Ellie looked at them. She was exhausted. Where would she start to unravel the threads of all the half-truths and lies? Was it worth it? Would she ever see him and Brenda again?
“I’m going away.”
They didn’t react at first. Then Brenda said: “I suppose the security industry didn’t meet your expectations?”
Ellie shook her head. “I think I need to get away from firearms and men with big egos for a while.”
“Always a good idea.”
Ellie took two envelopes from her handbag and put one in front of each of them. “I can’t pay you. It’s just something small.”
Brenda got up and took the envelope. “I have to run.” She touched Ellie’s shoulder briefly. “See you.”
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