Ryan grimaced as he watched Amanda make her way down the steps in his classroom. She was having difficulty using the crutches. Sadly, he didn’t dare lend a helping hand. After this morning, he felt there were eyes everywhere. Amanda would just have to think he was an unfeeling jerk. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, he indicated she was to sit at a desk and prop up her foot. He handed her a stack of papers and a laptop, then tersely commanded, “Record the grades from the papers into each student’s profile. Please don’t tell anyone the grades. They are confidential.” He hurried back to his own desk, leaving Amanda confused.
Yesterday, the professor had become human and asked Amanda to call him Ryan. He had even taken her to the ER, carrying her quite gently. Today, he was back in brutal professor mode. He had ignored her slow progress down the stairs and now spoke as if she was a piece of dirt on his shoes. What had happened overnight? She shrugged and went to work. Perhaps he was bi-polar.
Ryan had a hard time concentrating on the essays he was grading. The whiff of perfume he had caught when handing the papers to Amanda still tickled his nostrils. It had started an unwanted pull toward the beautiful coed. Being denied access to her had caused Ryan to look more closely at her. Her long black hair shimmered with health. Her green eyes were both enchanting and intelligent. Her long tan legs were stunning. Ryan recalled the zing of electricity he had felt upon touching their silkiness. He was definitely attracted to her. His imagination began to run wild. He could see himself running his hands up those lovely legs and kissing those rosy red lips. She would taste delicious. The sound of her chair scraping the floor brought him out of his reverie. He mentally slapped himself for allowing his mind to wander so inappropriately. The dean would skin him alive for such thoughts.
Amanda limped slowly to Ryan’s desk. She handed him the stack of papers and asked, “What do you need me to do next?”
Ryan’s brain imploded. He had several suggestions, each more raunchy than the next. He reined in his hormones and sent Amanda to sort through a stack of novels, making sure they were in good enough shape to hand out to his classes. His eyes followed her across the room. The denim shorts she wore cupped her round bottom perfectly and brought a groan out of his mouth. Amanda turned around at the sound and he quickly looked down at his desk, pretending to be engrossed in an essay.
Chapter 5
Two weeks passed in the same fashion. Ryan barely spoke to Amanda except to assign work. His surly attitude persisted, to Amanda’s frustration. Her ankle healed to the point that she no longer required crutches, just the ankle brace. She limped her way to class and work each day, hoping to find the caring and kind Ryan that had shone through on that one occasion.
Bryson was extremely busy these days. Between work and classes he had very little time for Amanda. When they were together, he was as loving and sexy as ever. But she felt lonely and neglected when he was away. Her mind sometimes wandered back to the attraction that had bounced from Ryan’s body to hers with just a touch. She longed to feel it again despite knowing it was a betrayal of Bryson.
Ryan was having a tough time holding back his growing attraction for Amanda. His hormones were surging and he longed to plant a kiss on her sweet lips. The dean seemed to have backed off from having him watched constantly. For the first entire week of using Amanda as an assistant, someone from the dean’s office had come by with a message. Ryan knew that they were actually checking for improprieties. The second week there had only been one visitor. He finally felt that he could breathe again, until Amanda entered the room. Her hair was in a ponytail and she wore a bright yellow sundress. Ryan’s gut twisted with the need to grab her and smother her adorable face with kisses. She had remained her cheerful, optimistic self no matter how badly he treated her. She was also really great as an assistant. He really admired her spunk and tenacity.
Amanda was surprised and thrilled to see Ryan smiling up at her when she walked into the classroom. But the closer she got to him, the smaller the smile became. It shut down completely as she reached for the unending stack of papers in his hands. Her own smile faltered as he quickly jerked his hand back so that their fingers wouldn’t touch.
Ryan was saddened to see the hurt in Amanda’s eyes at his sudden movement. He must have made her feel like she was too repulsive to touch. The truth was the exact opposite. He feared that if he touched her he would lose what little control he was hanging onto. The day passed in a unique agony for them both. Denying their attraction literally caused pain in their hearts.
Bryson had an open night and suggested going out to a club in the city. Amanda and her roommates thought it was a wonderful idea. Everyone needed to blow off some steam. With only a month left in their college life, things were getting tense. Would they pass the finals? Would their thesis prove good enough? How hard was it going to be to find a job in their major? Only Bryson could answer the last question. His future was already set.
With short skirts, midriff baring tops and lots of makeup on, the girls were ready to party. Bryson brought along some pals and the group headed out to the city and some fun. The club was crowded with young twenty- somethings. The lights were flashing and the music was loud. The perfect setting to release their anxieties in.
Bryson and Amanda ordered drinks and watched as the others disappeared into the crowd on the dance floor. They knocked back their shots and followed suit. Soon they were sweating and shouting along with the crowd.
Ryan was startled to see Amanda and her friends come into the club. He often met his dates here and had never seen their group. Tonight he was with his old college roommate. He wanted someone to drink and commiserate with. Ryan felt he could talk to his old friend more freely about his attraction to Amanda and maybe find a solution. His heart began to pound out of his chest when she danced unknowingly past his table. His friend noticed and swung around to see what had caused the gasp from Ryan, but Amanda had already been swallowed up by the dancers. Ryan’s face was as white as a sheet and he was forced to explain the situation to his friend or suffer being taken to a hospital. His buddy found the predicament quite funny. He told Ryan, “Go for it. Screw the rules. Who knows? She may end up being the love of your life. If you ignore the attraction and lose your chance, you might end up alone and forever pining away.” His buddy’s raucous laughter followed him all the way to the men’s room.
Amanda wet a paper towel and wiped her sweaty neck and chest. Dancing in a crowd was hot work. Her ankle was aching and she needed to sit for a while. She had told Bryson to continue dancing with her friends. Now she had to find a place to sit. She stepped from the ladies’ room and collided with a hard body. Arms went around her to keep her from falling. She looked up into familiar blue eyes and a tremor raced through her body. Ryan’s eyes darkened as he felt the tremor. His arms tightened their hold and his mouth lowered. His lips touched Amanda’s in a kiss that had her melting into his chest. Unbridled lust caused Ryan to deepen the kiss and plow his fingers into Amanda’s hair. The world around them became a blur as the kiss continued. It finally came to an abrupt halt when a man stepped past them saying, “Get a room!”
Ryan rubbed his hands over his face and quietly said, “That shouldn’t have happened. I know better.” He walked away, leaving Amanda staring after him with her fingers touching her swollen lips. He briskly passed the table where his friend was still sitting, waved goodbye and left the club.
Chapter 6
Amanda returned to the club’s main area. She must have had a shell-shocked look on her face because a man’s voice said, “You must be the reason Ryan fled. I assume you’re Amanda.” When she just stood there and stared, the man added, “Sit down. We need to talk.” Though she was always cautious off strange men, Amanda sat at the table. This man obviously knew Ryan and he also had called her by name. Some of her fear disappeared with this knowledge. Besides she had wanted a table to sit at and relieve her throbbing ankle. She sighed and pulled up an empty chair to rest her foot on.
; Amanda warily eyed the stranger and asked, “Should I be afraid? If so, give me a head start on fleeing. With this ankle I can’t run fast.”
The man laughed and replied, “I can see why Ryan likes you so much. You’re good to look at and have a sharp sense of humor, too. I guess you’re brave also, since you sat at a stranger’s table. No need to fear me though. I’m as harmless as they come. In fact, I’m a police officer. My name is Hank. Ryan has been my friend forever.”
Amanda sensed that Hank was telling the truth. She relaxed into her chair and asked, “What can you tell me about Ryan? He confuses me so much. There have been times when he is kind and understanding, but most of the time he’s gruff and standoffish. For a moment, I thought he was attracted to me, then he pushed me away at every turn. He stopped speaking to me except to give orders. Just now, he kissed me. It was the most sensual kiss I’ve ever felt. Then he blew it by saying he shouldn’t have done it and ran away.”
Hank liked a girl who came right to the point. He would do the same. He started with, “That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Ryan is in a tough spot. He’s running hot and cold because he doesn’t know how to handle the situation. To me, it’s kind of funny. But to him, it’s a very serious matter. The day he carried you to the hospital some professors tattled to the dean. They claimed he was fraternizing with a coed in an inappropriate way. The dean gave him hell for it and told him to keep his hands to himself.”
Amanda sat forward and almost shouted, “He was just helping an injured person! How could anyone be so stupid as to say he was being inappropriate!”
Hank replied, “He is the youngest professor that the college has ever hired. His every move is watched. Too many professors have used young women and then tossed them aside. Lawsuits have been filed for less than helping an injured student. Ryan is being careful. The problem is, he is very attracted to you. He stays aloof to protect himself and you. He’s afraid of losing control like he did when he kissed you. With him, it’s an either-or situation. He either shuns you or ravishes you. It’s confusing for him too.”
Amanda hung her head and said, “I’m in a dilemma as well. I have a boyfriend who I love. He’s a really great guy who stands behind me in everything. He’s always there when I need him and treats me like a princess. On the other hand, I’m more than attracted to Ryan. That kiss blew me away. I want more of that, yet I feel guilty for it. Now, I have to worry about causing problems for Ryan, too. Should I give up being his assistant?”
Hank stood to go and sighed, “I don’t know how you should handle all this. I just felt that you should be fully aware of all the facts. It’s not fair to keep you in the dark. The truth is hard enough to handle without being lost. The ball’s in your court now.” Hank patted her shoulder and started to leave.
Charlotte stopped by the table saying, “There you are! I’ve looked all over for you. We want to go to a diner and get something to eat. We’re starving.” She looked at Hank and her eyes widened. “Who are you, handsome?”
Hank was dazzled by Charlotte’s sparkling face. Sensing a connection, Amanda introduced them, “Charlotte this is Officer Hank. Sorry, I don’t know his last name. He’s a friend of Professor Bentley. Hank, how about coming to the diner with us? I’m sure my friends would all like to meet you.”
Hank’s eyes never left Charlotte as he answered, “I think I would enjoy that. Maybe I can get Charlotte’s phone number.”
Charlotte giggled, causing Amanda to stare. Her serious minded roommate never giggled. It appeared that love was in the air, or at least some serious lust. Good for Charlotte. She hadn’t dated in a long time. Hank seemed to be a good guy. Amanda was happy for her friend. She just had no clue what to do about Ryan or Bryson for that matter.
The gang was having a great time at the diner. Connie kept putting money in the old jukebox and playing classic rock. Everyone sang along to the music. The waitress just smiled and joined in. There was no one else present to complain. Hank and Charlotte had eyes only for each other. Amanda’s mind kept wandering back to her dilemma and the new knowledge that Ryan wanted her. She desperately wanted to get in touch with him. They needed to talk. She glanced at Bryson and once again felt guilty for thinking so much about Ryan. Ironically, the song currently playing on the jukebox was Torn Between Two Lovers’. Amanda could be sympathetic to that for sure. She put on a happy face and continued to sing along with the others.
Chapter 7
Ryan paced the floor of his small house. What a fool he was. He had kissed Amanda. Actually, it was more than that. He had almost mauled her in a club hallway. Anyone could have seen them and reported back to the dean. Even worse, Amanda now knew that he had feelings for her. Pushing her away had been the hardest thing Ryan had ever done. That kiss had tugged on his heart. He didn’t only want her, there was a growing need to make her his. What a mess he had created. On Monday, he would have to face her and tell her she could no longer work for him. He would give her the extra grade and assign a final paper, but he had to let her go. If he didn’t, his job would be history. Ryan knew he couldn’t control himself any longer.
Bryson was worried. Amanda was treating him differently these days. She seemed a little disconnected. He had thought it was due to his busy schedule, but when he made time to be with her, she still held herself aloof. They normally spent weekend nights in either her bed or his. This weekend she had sent him home alone stating the need for extra sleep. Something was wrong and Bryson intended to find out what it was.
On Monday, Amanda entered the classroom with fear. She wasn’t sure which of Ryan’s personalities she would find. Either one was a problem. She already knew that he would probably send her packing. If he didn’t she would have to quit. Both scenarios felt wrong. They should be figuring out what was happening between them, not running away from it.
Ryan was setting up the computer for a presentation when Amanda’s footsteps alerted him to her presence. He gave her a tired smile and motioned for her to come to his desk. It was time to be tough and push her out of his life. As she opened her mouth to speak, he held up a hand to silence her. He spoke quietly but firmly, “ I should never have overstepped the teacher/student boundary. The kiss was a huge mistake. I’ve put you in an indefensible position and I’m sorry. As of today, you are no longer my assistant. I’ve given you a bonus grade and now you only need to write a final paper on whatever subject you choose. You will pass this class with a very good average.”
Amanda felt anger overcome her fear. He truly expected her to walk away without acknowledging their attraction. No way was that happening. She got in his face and declared, “I’m not leaving until you admit there’s something special between us. That wasn’t any old kiss. We both know it was more important than that. I also feel a zing pass through me every time we touch. You feel it, too. That’s why you don’t allow our fingers to ever touch. Don’t deny it. Hank told me what happened with the dean. Thank goodness someone was willing to let me know what was going on in my own life.”
Ryan answered, “I was trying to stay out of trouble and keep you from getting hurt. I know I did a lousy job. Please, just walk away before I do something we’ll both regret.”
Amanda stepped up so that their chests were touching. She put her arms around Ryan’s neck and whispered, “I can guarantee that you won’t regret it.” She kissed his lips softly and set off a raging madman in Ryan. His kisses rained down over her face and neck in a show of desperation. Their mouths molded together as did their bodies.
They became so engrossed in each other they missed the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Only Bryson’s yell of, “What the hell!” brought them to their senses. They jumped apart and Amanda ran after Bryson. She was unable to keep up due to her bad ankle. She sat on the top step and began to cry. Ryan took her in his arms and let her cry until she ran out of tears.
Amanda lifted red and swollen eyes to look at Ryan and said, “I forgot about Bryson in all of this. I never wanted to hurt
him. Oddly enough, I still love him. I think I love you, too. How can that be? What do I do now? We’re all screwed and it’s my fault.”
Ryan was seeing things more clearly now and reassured Amanda, “It’s nobody’s fault. The heart wants what it wants and our heads can’t control it. On rare occasions it wants more than one person and other times it wants someone that rules say it can’t have. Sadly, in this case, both are true.”
Amanda tried to smile as she said, “It must be that once in a blue moon thing.”
Ryan smiled in return and said, “I don’t think I can let you go. What I feel for you is a once in a lifetime thing. That beats out once in a blue moon by a lot. I can’t ask you to let Bryson go either. That would be unfair to both of you. It’s going to take compromise from all of us to make this work and we will have to hide it all from the dean as well. At least until you finish my class. Three weeks sounds like forever right now. You better go find Bryson. He’s hurting. This was a complete surprise to him.” Ryan kissed her one last time and let her go.
Amanda searched all over for Bryson. He wasn’t at his apartment or the library where he liked to study. He didn’t answer his phone. When she called his job, they told her he had taken a sick day. She wearily went home. There was Bryson. He sat on her comfy couch beside Connie. His eyes were red and tear filled. Connie quietly stood and left them alone to talk.
Chapter 8
Amanda wasn’t sure where to begin. She touched Bryson’s sweet face gently and kissed the top of his head. She went to the kitchen, reached into a cabinet and brought out two cups. She used the Keurig to make Bryson’s favorite mocha coffee and her vanilla. She handed a hot cup to him and sat down at his side.
Bryson took of sip of the hot beverage and it seemed to loosen his tongue. He simply asked, “Why?”
Dedicated: MF Priest and Single Mother Page 17