by L. E. Bross
“No, I mean who is she, X?”
“A lesbian,” bursts from between my lips. “I mean, her girlfriend is the manager here and after class, she asked if I wanted to grab a coffee because she had some thoughts about the theories in my last paper and I’ve never been able to discuss it with anyone, not someone who gets it anyway, and I said sure and then you were here and...Ry is trying to get in touch. He’s mad you didn’t tell us you got a job.”
She pulls back and fire flashes in her eyes.
Okay, I wanted something other than hurt but shit, she just pulled a one-eighty so fast that I’m spinning. There is so much anger burning from her that I can practically feel the heat.
“When the fuck was I supposed to mention it, X?” She throws up her hands. “Over dinner? Oh wait, none of you are there for dinner. Ever. At night? The only one in my bed is Ry and half the time he’s too exhausted for much of anything, much less talking. I see you once every few days and Baz even less. God, X, please...tell me when?”
Her bottom lip quivers even though her eyes are narrow slits.
I don’t know what to do. Baz is the one who always knows what to say—I’m just the goofball, the fun one. Something is wrong, beyond my fuckup, but I’m not sure how to fix it.
“Sweetheart…” I try to pull her into my arms but she spins away, then plants her fists on her hips.
“Then you show up, laughing with some other woman who you have a hell of a lot more in common with than me, and I just…”
She deflates before my eyes, sinks down onto a chair, and drops her face into her hands. Dread sinks into my gut. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen her without her strong demeanor before and I have no idea what’s happening. I go to her, kneel at her feet and gently pull her hands away from her face.
A shaky exhale pushes from between her lips.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” My pulse is pounding so heavily in my ears I can barely hear anything else.
“I’m not this person. I hate this,” she whispers brokenly. “This was supposed to be the good part after all the shit.”
The hair on the back of my neck prickles.
What the fuck is she saying?
“It is the good part, sweetheart. We get to live our lives now,” I assure her, pressing my lips against her chilled fingers.
She laughs but there is nothing funny about the sound.
“You all get to live your lives, and you all do.”
“But…?” I coax.
Her bottom lip wobbles and I want to kiss it, kiss her until my girl comes back. When she lifts her chin, the sadness in her eyes makes me want to burn down the entire world.
I cup her face and thank fuck, she tilts her head and presses into my touch.
“Please tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it, I swear to god.”
She covers my hand with hers and then turns until her lips are pressed against my palm. She kisses me, the softest touch that I feel all the way to my toes.
I want to yank her against my chest and hold her there until she tells me, but I feel her withdraw before I can.
“I’ll figure it out. It’s nothing you need to worry about.” After one more shaky exhale, she lets my hand go and stands. “I should get back to work. Wouldn’t want to get fired on my first day.”
There is more color in her cheeks, but the way her gaze keeps landing then skirting away from mine has me on edge.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Ever.”
Finally, she lifts her gaze to look at me fully.
A forced smile graces her lips. “I’m sorry. You caught me at a bad time. I botched my third espresso and was feeling hopeless when you walked in with that woman. Probably just PMS. I’ll be fine. You can go back out there and hang out with your friend.”
Instead of leaving, I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck and tug her closer until we are nose to nose.
“You are the only girl I see. The only one I want and the only one I will ever want. You are it for me, sweetheart. And I know I speak for Ry and Baz too. Never doubt how we feel. Okay?”
I nudge her face up and slowly press my lips to hers.
I love feeling her melt under me, the way her tongue tangles with mine. When she wraps her hands around my neck, I groan in relief. The kiss ends too soon, but she is at work and if I keep going, I might bend her over the table and that would not make a very good first day impression.
Instead, I lean into her, forehead to forehead. The hot bursts of her breath over my damp lips are driving me crazy, but she’s still avoiding my eyes. I want to push it but I don’t. Not yet.
“I’ll see you tonight, okay?” I make sure she’s really looking at me. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”
Her gaze searches mine and she nods, then steps back. Away from me. A smile graces her lips but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I’m not sure why she’s pretending to be okay.
“I should get back to work. I’m not sure how long breaks are yet.” She huffs out a breath and shakes her head. “I’m not even sure if I get breaks.”
As she skirts by, I reach out and grab her hand. We agreed that we’d deal with shit together, but right now she’s obviously not ready to talk and I need her to know I’m here for her.
I don’t say anything, just hold her hand until she gives it a squeeze. A promise. Then she’s out the door and gone.
I stare at where she stood, eyebrows drawn down, then reach for my phone.
Ry answers on the third ring.
“Why the fuck is she…”
“Shut the fuck up and listen to me. We have a huge problem. Something’s up with Ever. We all need to be home tonight, no excuses, no exceptions, you got me?”
“I’ve got an important meeting…”
“Cancel the fucking meeting, Ry. Ever needs us.”
Maybe between the three of us, we can get it out of her. I hate feeling disconnected from my girl. And I hate that look in her eyes even more.
“Got it,” Ry says on a heavy exhale. “I’ll be home by eight. Baz?”
“Calling him next.”
“X, what the hell happened today?” Ry asks. “Why the fuck did she get a job and not tell us?”
“No fucking idea, but we need to figure it out because I’ve never seen her act like this. She scared me today, man.”
I close my eyes and all I can see is the broken empty look in her eyes. It’s way more than just seeing me with Sara, because even after I explained, I could see it lingering in her eyes even as she lied and said everything was fine.
“Fuck. Okay yeah, we’ll be there. All of us,” Ry says. “And we will find out what’s hurting our girl.”
That we will.
I disconnect and stare down at my phone.
An uneasy feeling twists inside my gut.
I’m almost sure that we’re the ones hurting Ever, and I don’t have a fucking clue how or why.
Chapter Three
Ever
“Are you okay?” Kaylee asks.
I scrub down the table for the third time before pausing. It wasn’t dirty to start with, but every time I finished, my mind would wander and I’d spray it down again.
X left right after I went back to work with only a quick goodbye to Sara.
“Sara told me what happened. I promise you have nothing to worry about, she’s one hundred percent into girls, well, me in particular.” Kaylee grins as I scrub at an invisible stain. “I had no idea that Xavier was your boyfriend. Sara’s been talking about him since he wrote his first paper. Your guy is brilliant. He’s going places.”
The knot in my stomach grows heavier. I know she’s trying to make me feel better, but it has the opposite effect.
Ry wants to race. Baz will run Panchard and X will be overseas running some billion-dollar company. Where the hell am I in all this? Did I really think that we’d all be able to live as one big happy couple?
The guys most likely will end up in totally different places once they get to where the
y’re going. The life that seemed so easy only a few months ago feels impossible now.
I was kidding myself, thinking it would all work out.
I’m a girl who came from nothing, and they are the future of the world. I won’t hold them back because they’re walking at the back of the line with me.
“Will you tell her I’m sorry? I have no idea what came over me, I’m not that person.”
Kaylee takes the cleaning rag from my hand.
“Sweetie, we’re all that kind of person when it comes to the people we love.”
Love. I pause and glance over at her.
None of us have said those words yet. We live together, have been through hell and back, but I’m not even sure I know what love is.
I love Belle, I’d do anything to keep her safe, but that’s sibling love. I’ve never been in love with anyone before. I’ve never been in a real relationship before either.
Nate was only ever a means to stay safe.
I never felt more than the occasional bouts of gratitude that he took me in when I had nowhere to go, but love? Not even close. I was relieved to walk away and put that chapter of my life behind me.
Do I love the guys?
Do they love me?
“When you get home tonight, apologize with sex. All will be forgiven and everything will be back to normal. Trust me, sex can fix anything.”
I smile because it’s what she expects, but I’m not sure that sex alone can fix what’s wrong. Because I’m not sure what I feel is something that can be changed. I have to talk to them.
I once made them promise to include me in their decisions, and I owe it to them to do the same. Tonight I’ll tell them what’s wrong and we will figure it out together. I owe them that.
I have to trust that we can get over these bumps somehow.
I have to believe there is more to me than what I have been.
I feel better with a plan in place—lighter now. Kaylee leaves me to my cleaning And I don’t stop until every single table is wiped down and sparkling. By then, the afternoon classes have let out and students start to filter in.
Since I haven’t had any real training yet, I help Sav plate the baked goods while she makes coffee. The café fills with the sounds of talk and laughter. The mood is light and it helps to lift the dark cloud over my head.
Maybe this is all I needed, to get out of the house and be around people. To remember that there is life to live. The guys and I have been through hell; we can get through this next step.
“I’m going to run into the back and grab some more milk, you okay up here for a few minutes?” Sav asks.
“As long as no one wants some fancy coffee with a million syllables,” I tell her with a laugh.
“Stall ‘em if they do. When I get back you can clock out. Officially survived your first day, Newb.”
With a wink, she hurries out from behind the counter and down the hall. There isn’t anyone at the counter at the moment so I turn and wipe down around the coffee maker and dump the grounds in the garbage.
When movement catches my eye, I look over my shoulder with a smile.
“I’ll be right with…”
The blood freezes in my veins and I drop the towel I was holding. Everything around me stops and my hands start to tremble as I stare wide-eyed at my past.
I blink, but he doesn't go away.
“Nate?”
“Hiya babe. Miss me?”
“What are you doing here?” I manage to force out between my numb lips.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence that he’s here. Maybe he moved and I didn’t know it. The last time I saw him was the night I snuck out to break into Panchard. I never called to tell him where I went or why because I was glad to have that part of my past behind me.
Except now it’s here, staring me right in the eyes.
Nate puts his elbows on the counter and leans forward.
“Aren’t you happy to see me?”
I shake my head before I know what I’m doing, but it only makes him laugh. The cruel glint I remember shines in his eyes and I’m glad there’s a hunk of wood between us right now.
“You disappeared, babe. One of the boys thought he saw you at the police station then... poof. Gone. And I said to myself, Nate, your girl wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye. Not after you took her in, gave her a place to sleep, food to eat. Fucking safety when she had nowhere to go. No, my girl would know better than to run away from me.”
He growls the last words under his breath, and to anyone watching, all they’d see is the smile on his lips, but I hear the threat in the tone. The way he says my girl, almost like I still am, makes my skin feel too tight.
My knuckles are white when Sav comes back around the corner carrying a jug of milk. Her gaze moves from me to Nate.
“Let me guess, caramel macchiato?”
She sends him a flirty grin and he transforms before my eyes. His smile goes lazy and he leans one hip against the counter. It’s the same charm I fell for before I knew about the monster under his skin.
“Black coffee and a blueberry scone, gorgeous.”
Pink tints Sav’s cheek and I move to intercept her before she can get to the bakery case. I have no idea how he found me or why he’s here, but I do know one thing for sure, it can’t be good.
Nate means trouble no matter where he goes.
Though I barely know her, I have to protect my new co-worker.
“Sav, I’ll take care of it.”
When she lifts her eyebrow, Nate chuckles. He knows what I’m doing. He could always read me and it seems like that hasn’t changed. He cups his chin and drags his thumb over his bottom lip.
It’s his way of warning me to be good.
“Ever and I are old friends, aren't we, babe. I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop in and catch up.”
I grit my teeth, wishing I was anywhere but right here.
Sav doesn't pick up on the tension growing between us though, because she smiles and shoos me away.
“Well you have perfect timing, then. Ever just got finished with her shift, and she’s not due back in until Monday. You two grab a table and I’ll bring your order to you.”
“I really should get going…” I start but Nate reaches across the counter and lays his hand over mine. Something dangerous glimmers in his eyes. Ice crawls through my veins at the unspoken threat.
“I think you should stay.”
A demand, not a suggestion.
I don’t want to cause a scene on my first day, so I nod and force a smile. The place is packed, so it’s not like he can hurt me in front of all these witnesses. It’s better than leaving and getting cornered alone. Once I find out what he wants, I can go home.
“Sure,” I finally say.
“Good choice.” His dark gaze never leaves mine, even as he lets go of my hand and takes a step back.
Sav hands me a small plate with Nate’s scone and slides his cup of coffee across the counter to him.
“On the house, since you’re a friend of Ever’s and it’s her first day.”
“Beautiful and generous. I like you, Sav.” He winks at her and I follow him to the table furthest from the counter, glaring at his back the entire way.
Once we’re seated, Nate sits back and crosses his arms over his chest, ignoring the food on the table, all pretense of civility gone.
“You’ve been a busy girl, Ever. Breaking and entering, getting arrested, blackmail…”
I sit up and plant my hands on the table. “How the hell do you know that?”
The corner of his mouth lifts. That look always drove me crazy and he knows how much his smirk pisses me off.
“What are you doing here, Nate?” I snap.
“You know, I never took you for the gangbang type of girl, but you‘ve managed to surprise me.”
My chair scrapes loudly when I shove it back and jump to my feet.
“Fuck you,” I growl low enough that I hope no one can hear.
His eyes go glacial. “Sit the fuck down or those boys you’ve been spreading your legs for might get hurt. Yeah, I know all about them and if you care at all, you’ll listen to me, because I really don’t give a fuck about them. You’re the one I came to get.”
“What?”I sink back down into the chair just before my legs give out. “Why? I know you don't care about me enough to make this about me. Why are you really here, Nate? Why are you doing this?”
“You always were smarter than I gave you credit for.”
He sets his cup down and leans forward, then reaches out and sets the tip of one finger on my temple, on the topmost edge of the scar that’s now hidden under makeup I touched up earlier. But he knows it’s there. He gave it to me. So slowly that I feel every bit of his touch, he drags his finger down along the invisible line.
I don’t miss the envy in a few of the female glances thrown our way. Nate doesn’t look like a gangster and could pass as a college frat boy without trying. Sandy blond hair, charismatic smile, the body of an athlete. He has it all and he uses it when it suits him. I’m sure we look like any normal cozy couple.
My skin feels too tight, because behind the careless facade, he’s a monster. I want to scream. I want to reach across the table, grab the gun I know is hidden under his jacket and shoot him between the eyes for touching me like this.
I do nothing except sit, frozen under his intimidating stare.
“I marked you, but you’re right, you don't mean that much to me.” He reaches my chin and grips it between his thumb and finger, holding me pinned in place. “But the thing is, babe, there’s someone out there who paid a fuckton of money to make sure you disappeared for good. I’m just the lucky bastard who gets to make it happen.”
The sadistic gleam in his eyes makes my stomach twist and the bite of brownie I had earlier tries to crawl up my throat. I whimper before I can rein it in. I’ve seen what he can do. He takes pleasure in causing pain.
Even after he releases me, I can feel the burn of his touch. The slimy tendrils of darkness that I once mistook for excitement. Back when I was desperate for a connection. Now I know what a real one feels like and I can see what Nate is clearly now: A predator.
My gaze darts around the café as I try to figure out how I can get out of there. Nate takes my hand, holding it like an attentive date, and squeezes. I try to pull it away, but he tsks under his breath.