Had he heard me enter the room? Did he know I was there?
I just wanted to see those eyes.
I cleared my throat, feeling my body shake. “Well, this is crazy, right?” I choked out.
“Interviewing for a job?” he asked, his voice monotone.
“Yes—I mean, no. What I mean is…it’s crazy for us to cross paths again after all this time.” I took a step forward, feeling the knot in my stomach tightening. “It’s just crazy.”
“Do we know each other?” he questioned, still staring out the window, still sounding completely uninterested in my existence.
My gosh, Greyson. Just turn around.
“Grey, it’s me…Ellie.”
He straightened his shoulders just a bit, reacting to my words.
With a slow turn on the heels of his loafers, he looked my way. When we locked eyes, I took two steps back, a little thrown off. His were still the same gray, but unlike before, his stare was so cold, like ice. Those eyes I’d once adored were filled with a hardness I hadn’t known they could ever hold.
Those beautiful eyes.
The harshness they projected in that moment made me want to retreat from his space as soon as possible, but also, oddly enough, that same stare kind of made me want to hug him and tell him everything would be all right. This new Greyson stood there with a very Eeyore vibe to him. It was almost as if a raincloud was sitting above his head.
He didn’t have the carefree personality I remembered, that was for sure.
But, the longer I looked, the more I realized what I was seeing.
It wasn’t coldness from anger. It wasn’t harshness from annoyance.
His stare was sadness.
Sadness didn’t come with words; it ran across a person’s body. It swam in the eyes. It swept across the wrinkles in one’s forehead. It pushed down shoulders and sat uncomfortably at the corners of lips.
No human ever had to speak of their sadness for it to be seen. Others just had to take the time to truly notice someone to see it.
All we truly had to do was slow down and look.
Greyson’s sadness was clear as day, and that was heartbreaking.
He kept staring, saying nothing at all.
I shifted around in place and gave him a tight smile. “Like, Ellie Gable, from high school. We were…”
Friends…
We were friends, Grey.
We were so much more than friends.
How could he not remember? He was the one who’d gotten me through the hardest period of my life.
My words drifted because the harder he stared at me, the more uncomfortable it all became. Did he truly not remember me? Could that even be possible? Was it even the same Greyson I’d known?
Of course it was. Eyes never lie.
“I’m sorry, this is uncomfortable.” I chuckled because that was what I did when I was nervous—I laughed awkwardly. “I just thought…” I paused, giving him an opportunity to dive into the conversation.
Still nothing but silence from him.
Say something, Greyson.
“I just… It’s been years, Grey. You look great! Really nice. I see you grew into your height.” What, Eleanor? What did that even mean? The palms of my hands were a swamp and I was having a hard time thinking straight. “Claire mentioned you have two daughters, huh? That’s crazy. I mean, it’s not too crazy, seeing how you’re a grown-up and that’s what grown-ups do—they have families. I mean, except for me. Still single as a daisy,” I rambled, holding my ring finger up in the air like a freaking fool.
What did that even mean? Single as a daisy?
Pull yourself together, Ellie.
I cleared my throat. “Funny how life happens, right?”
Still. No. Words.
“Well, I mean, do you want to ask me anything about the nannying position? I know this is probably weird, but I really would love the job—like, really love it. Life has been pretty crazy lately, and I could really use this position. I don’t want to give you my sob story or anything, but—”
“Thank you, that’s all,” he said. His voice was low and deep with a newfound smokiness to it. He definitely wasn’t a boy anymore, that was for sure.
I raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I have everything I need.”
He was so dry with his words that I truly wished he had kept with saying nothing at all. He spoke in such a monotone way that it was almost as if he weren’t really even there.
I gave him my forced smile, and he responded with a grimace.
He turned away from me once more and went back to staring out the window.
Gosh, this was so awkward.
There were a million questions running through my mind, a million things I wanted to ask him. How had he become the CEO of his father’s company? How long had he been married? How was he dealing with the loss of his wife? Oh, my gosh, he lost his wife…
Oh, Greyson. I’m so, so sorry.
I stood there for a while, uncertain of what to do. It seemed as if he wasn’t going to say anything else to me any time soon, and the way he stared at me as if I had never meant anything to him kind of stung. So, I cleared my throat. “Well, okay. I’ll get going now. It was really nice to see you again, Grey. I hope everything…works out…” I dragged out my words and waited a few seconds to receive a reply, but nothing came, so I nodded. “Okay, well, goodbye.”
I turned toward the door, opened it, and felt my whole body relax. I hadn’t known how tense I’d been inside that library. I was certain I had completely forgotten how to breathe for a few seconds.
How was that even possible?
How did I run into Greyson East after sixteen years only to have him look at me as if there hadn’t been a time in our lives when we’d meant so much to each other? How had he not felt the things I’d felt in that intense moment?
And how could someone stand so tall while being weighed down by so much heaviness?
Claire looked at me, surprised. “That was quick. How did it go?”
“That was…an experience.” I gave her a sad grin. “Thanks for the opportunity, but I don’t think I’m what he’s looking for.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sorry to hear that. I was hopeful.”
“Yeah, me too.”
I thanked her one last time and walked out of the house, taking my nerves and disappointment with me. I pulled out my phone to let Shay know about the failed interview then I heard the sound of heels click-clacking against the ground.
“Eleanor! Eleanor! Wait!”
I turned to see Claire rushing my way.
“Yes?”
She was breathing heavy. “It’s yours.”
“What’s mine?”
“The job,” she said, standing up a bit straighter. “I just spoke to Greyson, and he told me to cancel the remaining interviews for the day because the position is yours. His assistant, Allison, will be in contact with you via email and will be the one to show you around Greyson’s home over the weekend. And—”
“I’m…wait, what?” I was completely baffled by her words, because there had been nothing whatsoever that’d just happened during my interaction with Greyson that pointed to me landing a new job. “I’m hired?”
“Yes, sweetheart.” She grinned. “You’re hired.”
23
Greyson
I stared through the windowpane of the library as Eleanor walked out of the house. Claire was still speaking to her, updating her on being hired for the position, and when they embraced, I turned away for a second. When I turned back, Eleanor was climbing into an old beat-up car. As she turned it on, the engine sounded like it had been a chain smoker in a past life, and she drove off in that death trap.
Eleanor Gable.
I hadn’t thought of her name in years, except in passing. Now, though…now she was cruising through my mind, flashbacks of the kids we had been when we’d first found one another infiltrating my thoughts.
She had stood in the lib
rary as if she knew me.
That was crazy to me. I didn’t know if she was still the girl she had been back then, but I was so far from the boy she’d once known.
Life has a way of changing us, some for the better, most for the worse.
I was the latter.
Claire came back into the library, a bit out of breath but smiling. She was always smiling, even on the hard days. I looked away from her and turned back to the windowsill. The hardest thing in the world was looking at Claire’s smile, because it matched her daughter’s so much.
“I have a great feeling about this, Greyson. I think Eleanor is going to be a really good match for the girls,” she commented. “Did you know she lost her mother at a young age? That could be helpful for the girls.”
I didn’t reply. There wasn’t much to say, and I wasn’t one to engage in conversations that didn’t matter. Eleanor was the nanny. It was a done deal. There was no need to rehash it over and over again.
“She seems wonderful,” Claire commented, because she never got the hint when I wanted to be left alone. Or, perhaps she did, but she worried too much about what I went through when I was left with only my thoughts.
“She mentioned you knew each other? When you were younger?”
My body tensed up, and I fiddled with the cuffs on my suit. “Long time ago.”
“Yes, but it’s always nice to be reintroduced to someone from your past.”
I had no comment about that either. I didn’t know what it meant that Eleanor Gable had been the woman to walk into my library that afternoon. I hadn’t even allowed myself to really think about the concept of her reentering my life. All I knew was that she had the best resume out of everyone I’d seen that day, and I had more important work to get to back at my actual office.
I cleared my throat. “I have to get to work. I’ll probably be late heading home, too. After you pick up the girls, can you call in the babysitter to come over and watch them?”
Claire frowned, and I hated it.
She had her daughter’s frown, too.
I hadn’t known it was possible to miss a person’s frown until hers had been ripped away from me.
“Grey…” Her breathy voice spoke my way.
I turned to my right, and Nicole’s forehead lay on the exploded airbag.
I blinked my eyes shut as Nicole came rushing back to me. It felt more and more like drowning every time it happened.
Grief was strange, how it snuck up on you, how it showed up even when you tried your hardest to avoid it. I’d kept busy because I didn’t want to mourn. I didn’t want to face a world where she no longer lived, but the grief appeared quietly, at random moments, even though I tried my best to drown it out. It came at me sharply with the realization of what had happened. My chest tightened as pain flooded every part of my soul.
“Greyson,” Claire said, her voice soft and filled with concern as she placed a hand on my forearm, shaking me away from my darkness.
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay, son?” she asked, knowing very well that I wasn’t.
But I lied.
I always lied.
“I’m fine. I’ll check in later, and make sure Allison emails Eleanor with all the details about the position. Thank you, Claire, for showing up today.”
“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll always show up,” she promised.
She didn’t lie.
She never lied.
I inhaled deeply and pushed away the emotions trying to slip out from within me.
I wouldn’t allow the tears.
I didn’t want to mourn.
I didn’t want to feel.
I didn’t want to face the fact that she was gone.
So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I went to work, and I drowned out the wildness of my mind that tried to swallow me whole every second of every day.
24
Eleanor
“You got the job?!” Shay exclaimed that afternoon as I stood in our apartment doorway fiddling with my fingers. “Oh, my gosh, we have to celebrate!”
“Um, yeah. I got the job.” I hadn’t really come to terms with it, actually. For the most part, I had walked around dazed and confused since I’d left Greyson’s house, wondering if what had happened had actually happened or if I was having some kind of psychotic break.
“I’m sorry, are you not happy about this?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Before the interview you were ecstatic at just the idea of it! What changed?”
“Oh, a lot,” I muttered as I walked into our place and shut the front door behind me. We’d been living together for the past two years now, and I couldn’t imagine living with anyone else. Shay was the yin to my yang.
I headed straight for the fridge and pulled out a cake. I could always count on my cousin stocking us up with the best sweets.
She did work at a bakery, after all. Even though it wasn’t her dream job, she loved it there. During the day, she was at the bakery, and at night, she was on her laptop writing screenplays. Shay was beyond gifted with the written word. She could spin words in a way that made one want to laugh out loud and sob all at once. She was just looking for her big break, and she truly deserved it more than anyone. Shay was talented beyond compare. I knew for certain someday she’d make it big in the film industry. One day, her name would be at the end credits of a blockbuster film.
I plopped down on the couch with a slice of cake and two forks. Shay sat down beside me, and eagerly accepted her utensil.
“A lot as in…?” she questioned.
“Well, I found out who my employer is,” I said.
“Oh, my gosh, is it Beyoncé?!” she squeaked. “I was just telling my mom how it has to be someone famous with the amount of money they offered up.”
“It’s not Beyoncé.” I laughed, thinking it was funny how my cousin and I had the same thought process. In many ways, it was almost as if we were twins. Our minds were always on the same page. “But it is someone we know…or, well, knew.”
“Shut up. What?! I’m freaking out now. Who do we know that has that kind of money?”
“Greyson.”
“Greyson who?”
“Greyson, Greyson. Greyson East.”
Her mouth dropped open, and she gasped. “No. Way!”
“Thank you! That was my reaction, too. I guess he’s the CEO of his father’s whiskey company.”
“That’s insane. That is beyond insane,” Shay remarked. “Holy crap. So, how was it? What did he say when he saw you?”
“Um, nothing, really. He hardly spoke. It was weird, Shay. He was so…different, the complete opposite of the boy we used to know.” The Greyson I knew was so open and willing to express himself in every way possible. He spoke with such hope in his voice, and dreamed of a bright future.
The Greyson I’d seen in the library of a mansion was different.
He was someone completely new, and I didn’t have a clue how to feel about it.
“That’s so crazy. You guys were so close for a while, up until you moved to Florida with your dad.”
“Yeah. Honestly, he had such a big impact on me, but today he acted as if he didn’t even know who I was.”
“But he hired you. That has to count for something, right?”
“Maybe… I just wish you could’ve seen him. He was so…cold.”
“Cold like mean? Or rude?”
“No, not exactly...”
Greyson hadn’t exactly been rude or mean toward me. He’d just…been. It was hard to explain his whole demeanor. Calling Greyson mean felt disrespectful, yet calling him kind felt absurd. He’d just felt quietly intriguing, as if there were a million thoughts shooting through his mind, but he never let anyone else in on them.
“He’s just not the person I knew, that’s all. I’ll just have to get used to it, I guess. Either way, it’s going to be weird working for him.”
“Oh, gosh, working for your first love—I couldn’t even imagine that.”
“I’m stil
l trying to picture it myself.”
Shay and I sat on the couch and settled in to watch some bad reality TV together. Once a week we cancelled all plans to binge terrible shows we DVRed. Our favorites were the dating competitions because they were so ridiculously over-the-top. Give us marathons of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, and we’d be happy for days. Yet, that afternoon it was a bit hard to let go of my thoughts. A big part of my mind couldn’t stop thinking about the new Greyson East. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like working for a man who’d defined such a big part of my life.
It had been over fifteen years since we said goodbye, a decade and a half of growth and change, ups and downs, and moving on. Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about the boy that cold man used to be. I couldn’t help but think back to our first hellos and final goodbyes.
I wondered if he was thinking about them, too.
After Shay and I finished our TV binge, I headed to my bedroom to call my father. I sat on the edge of the bed with my cell phone in my left hand and a glass of wine in my right.
“Hello?” the deep voice said before he coughed a bit and cleared his throat.
“Hey, Dad, it’s Ellie,” I said, shutting my eyes. “I was just calling to check in on you.”
“Oh yeah, Ellie. I was going to call you, but I figured you were busy. How’s everything been?”
I grabbed a pillow and hugged it close to me as I bit my bottom lip. “Well, yeah. I mean, everything is good. How are you feeling? Did the stomach bug pass?”
“Oh, yeah. It was weird, but I’m feeling a bit better. My head was in the toilet all day and night, but I’m good now.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Have you been taking your insulin each day? I know you forget sometimes.” He’d been living with type two diabetes for quite some time now, and he was the worst at dealing with it properly. I used to get into screaming matches with him to try to get him to eat healthier. It got so bad that I would find soda cans hidden under the bathroom sink. I tried everything to get him to eat better, to lose weight, but it was a useless effort.
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