“You stand for a period of time in my life when things were easier, when things were better, and that’s hard. It’s hard to look back on a time so good when things are so broken now.”
“Can I ask why you hired me, then?”
He tilted his head my way and looked at me, and I mean truly stared. Before that point, it had almost been like he was always looking past me, looking through me. This time, though, I felt our connection. I felt him lock in. “Because I think the small part of me that isn’t destroyed needed something good to hold on to.”
“I’m a good thing?”
“You’ve always been a good thing, Eleanor, since the first day I met you.”
My heart skipped a few beats, but I tried my best to ignore it. “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much,” I told him.
“How long is it going to hurt?” he asked, his voice so low.
I gave him the same answer he’d given me all those years ago. “As long as it has to.”
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, turning away from me, seemingly embarrassed. “I’m drunk.”
“You don’t have to apologize for feeling, Greyson. I would be just as lost and confused as you are, if not more so.”
He nodded once and stared at the fireplace. The fire sparked repeatedly against the logs, and the flames danced around as if they were going to burn forever.
“Why did you come back?” he asked.
“Hmm?”
“After I fired you…why would you come back here to check on me?”
“Because I owed you.”
“For what?”
“Saving me when I was younger and about to drown.”
“Thank you, Ellie.”
I smiled. “Of course. Here, let me go get us some water to sober up.” I started to stand from the couch with my glass in my hand then paused when he spoke.
“It’s Lorelai’s birthday today,” he told me. He was opening up more and more as the whiskey settled within him. Please stay open, Grey. His finger thumbed the rim of his glass and his eyebrows lowered as he studied it. “She’s six today.”
I lowered myself back down to my seat and turned toward him. “Yeah, Claire told me. I had no clue. We could’ve celebrated. I could’ve made a cake or something.”
He grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t know how to face today.”
“I don’t under…” I started, but my words trailed away as the pieces clicked into place. Of course, he didn’t celebrate Lorelai’s birthday. “Because Lorelai’s birthday is the same day Nicole died.”
He nodded. “One year ago today, everything changed, and I never recovered from that. It’s bullshit, right? This person I’ve become, the person I am. I’m a monster.”
“Greyson—”
“Don’t, Eleanor. Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Feel sorry for me. I know it comes easy for you to feel sorry for me, but I’m not the hero of this story. I’m the villain.”
He bit his bottom lip and wouldn’t look my way.
“You’re not a villain, Greyson.”
“Tell that to the girl who isn’t celebrating her birthday with her father—you know, the one who has more conversations with a ghost than with me, or the one whose body is battered and scarred because of my actions.”
I frowned, because I saw his struggle, but I also knew it from the other side. I was both of his girls. I was Lorelai, the girl wanting nothing more than her father’s attention and I was Karla—the girl who acted out just so he’d notice.
The only difference was that I’d never seen the guilt from my father that Greyson was displaying. I never saw the quiet moments where the truths of my father were revealed.
“Sorry,” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Again…I’m drunk,” he told me once more.
“That’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
“I don’t know how to get it back,” he said, throwing me a curveball.
“Get what back?”
“My family.”
“Do you miss your girls?”
“Every day.”
“And you want to be in their lives?”
He sighed and his nose wrinkled up as he placed his glass down then put his hands on the back of his neck. “When I look at them, I don’t only see their mother. I see what I took away from them. I took away the glue of this family, and I don’t know how to get it back. So much time has passed now that I don’t even know if I’m allowed to have them back.”
“Yes, you are.”
“You saying it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true.”
“No, you’re right, but it is true. They’ll take you back—without question, without hesitation.” I tilted my head. “Well, Karla might have a little hesitation, but that’s just because she’s Karla, and I think she’s stubborn.”
“I don’t know where she gets that.”
I smirked and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, no clue whatsoever.”
“I don’t even know where to start, really, how to even approach bringing myself back into their lives.”
“First you, then them. You need to help yourself first, Greyson. You have to get your mind right before you can be what your daughters need you to be. Plus, I can be your wingwoman.”
“My wingwoman?”
“Yeah, I’ll come up with excuses and events that we can all attend together. We’ll do an activity once a week. Then it will give you a chance to really connect with the girls.”
“You’d do that for me?” he asked, seemingly shocked by my offer.
“Greyson…you went out of your way to sit with me once every week when my mom was sick. You helped me breathe. It’s only right that I return the favor. So, what do you say? Will you let me be your wingwoman?”
He kind of smirked, and I kind of loved it.
Whatever.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
I held out my pinky toward him. “Pinky promise?”
He linked his pinky with mine. I tried to ignore the butterflies that began to stir in my stomach, because those butterflies had no right to even exist.
When it came time for me to leave, I stood up and walked to the front door. The night sky was deep blue and drunk with stars. Greyson walked me out to the porch with his hands in his pockets.
“Thank you for staying,” he said.
“Of course. I hope you’ll be okay.”
He nodded once. “I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Does that mean I still have a job?” I asked, somewhat joking based on my new wingwoman position.
“If you’re still willing to work for me, that is.”
I smiled. “I’ll see you on Monday, Greyson.”
“Ellie…” He brushed his finger against his chin and shrugged a bit. “You can call me Grey.”
40
Greyson
“Oh, my gosh, is that a pony?!” a voice that sounded shockingly like Lorelai’s hollered as I sat in my office Saturday afternoon, though I was certain I was mishearing things because the girls were still at their grandparents’ house until Sunday.
“OH MY GOSH IT’S A PONY!”
I sat up straight in my chair. That was definitely Lorelai’s voice.
I walked out of my office and headed straight toward the noise that seemed to be coming from my back yard. The closer I got, the louder the racket was becoming. It wasn’t just Lorelai’s voice that was heard—it was everyone’s.
And by everyone, I meant everyone.
The yard was completely decked out. Pink and gold helium balloons were tied to trees. Two barbecue grills were fired up and I saw Landon and Jack were there flipping burgers.
Friends I hadn’t seen in months were in the backyard with their children, playing games, laughing, and having a great time.
“What in the world…” I opened the door, and everyone probably saw the shock on my face as they noticed me.
“Daddy! Daddy! Look! A ponyyyyy!” Lorelai shouted as she ro
de on its.
There was an actual pony in my backyard.
My mind was spinning faster than ever. When I looked to my left, I saw Eleanor, who was smiling ear to ear. She came skipping over to me with a birthday hat in her hand and she placed it on top of my head. “Great party, Grey,” she told me. “It’s the best kid’s party I’ve ever been to.”
My heart caught in my chest as I took a deep breath. “You did this? For Lorelai?”
She shook her head. “Not just for her. I did it for you. We did it for you,” she said, gesturing to every person I’d ever cared for.
They were all there. Even though I had ignored them for months. Even though their calls always went to voicemail. Even though I’d pushed them away. They had still shown up for me.
They didn’t have a clue how much that meant.
Eleanor didn’t have a clue what she’d done.
“Thank you,” I choked out.
“You’re welcome,” she replied. “Now go! Go say hi to everyone! It is a party, after all, so go party.” She blew her birthday kazoo in my face and kept that big smile on her face.
I started to walk away but stopped in my tracks. I turned back toward her, and without any thought, I wrapped my arms around her. I wrapped her so tight against me that I was almost certain I’d squeeze her to death, but I couldn’t let go. Luckily, she didn’t ask me to. When I pulled back, I felt a bit embarrassed. Ambushing her with a hug was completely out of character for me, but it had felt right. I’d needed the embrace. It had felt like the only way I could truly show her my gratitude.
She didn’t even look taken aback by my approach. She just kept smiling that gentle smile and she nodded her head toward my friends. “Go have fun, Grey,” she told me.
Fun.
I wasn’t sure I still knew what that was, but I’d try my best to do as she said. I walked over to Landon and patted his shoulder.
He looked at me and gave me a big cheesy grin. “Dude! Great party. You’ll have to point out who the single women are,” he joked.
“What are you even doing here?” I asked, a bit stunned to see my best friend back in Illinois.
He shrugged. “I was just in the neighborhood.”
“You left me a voicemail yesterday from L.A. You weren’t just in the neighborhood, Landon. You were across the country.”
He smiled a genuine smile and patted me on my shoulder. “For you, Greyson, I’m always in the neighborhood.”
That meant more than he’d ever know. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Listen, I know I’ve been a bit off for a while…”
“If you apologize to me one more time, I’m going to kick you in the balls, Greyson,” Landon warned.
I tossed my hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright.”
“So, Eleanor really grew up, huh? Like, holy hell, she’s fucking beautiful.”
She’d been beautiful since day one. Most people overlooked it, though.
He scratched at the beard he was growing out for his upcoming role in an action movie. “So…is she single?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t start, Landon. You aren’t going to sleep with my nanny. Besides, you already slept with her cousin Shay all those years ago.”
“Shay…Shay…” He went deep into his mind trying to connect the dots of a woman he’d slept with named Shay. When it clicked, he slapped me. “Holy shit, Shay Gable. My first love!”
I laughed. “If that’s what you’re calling love, we should be worried. Come on, let me get you a drink.”
“I won’t say no to that,” Landon agreed. “Make it anything but EastHouse—that shit tastes like piss,” he joked, making me chuckle as I flipped him off. It might’ve been the first time I laughed in months.
Everyone interacted with me as if I hadn’t been a recluse over the past year. They welcomed me back in with laughter and smiles and hugs. I got so many hugs that day.
On a weekend that was supposed to be hard, they all made it that much easier.
Seeing Lorelai having the time of her life warmed me up inside. I swore she was riding the pony for the hundredth time, but Karla opted to stay in her bedroom the whole time.
After the party died down I headed to Karla’s bedroom with a slice of the unicorn cake. My stomach was in knots as I knocked on her door.
She looked up from her computer and raised the headphones she wore. “What?” she muttered, staring at me as if I was the biggest nuisance in the world.
“I, uh, I brought you some cake,” I told her, walking into her room.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Why?”
“I just thought you’d want some.” I set it down beside her, and her intense stare didn’t ease. “It would’ve been nice if you were at the party today. Everyone was asking about you.”
“Yeah, well,” she mumbled, going back to her computer screen.
“Karla, I was thinking—”
“Look, can we not do this?” she barked, taking off her headphones. “I don’t know what got into you or if the guilt of being a bad father for the past year has finally caught up with you, but I really don’t have time for it. I mean, yesterday was Lorelai’s birthday and you sent us away. Yesterday was the anniversary of Mom’s death, and you didn’t even spend it with your daughters. So, I’m sure everyone is happy-go-lucky to see you out and about and acting semi-human again, but please excuse me if I’m not interested in whatever it is that’s going on with you at the moment.”
My mouth gaped open, but no words left me. It was as if she’d slammed her fists into my gut and left me breathless. What was even worse about what she’d said was how true it was. I hadn’t been there for her or her sister for the past year.
“Mom would’ve never abandoned us,” she whispered, her voice shaky, and for the first time in a long time, she showed something other than anger—she showed her pain.
“Karla…” I started, reaching out to her, but she yanked her arm away.
“Just go, Dad,” she hissed, putting her headphones back on. “And take the stupid cake with you.”
I took a deep breath and picked up the plate. I wanted to say something else. I wanted to express myself in a way that would maybe make her understand what I’d been going through, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to even begin fixing the damage I’d caused her, the damage I’d caused my family.
I walked away and closed her bedroom door behind me. As I walked down the hallway, I heard voices and looked into the bathroom to see Lorelai washing her hands with Eleanor’s assistance. She was covered in chocolate and frosting, and the two of them were giggling like they were the best of friends.
“I think we got it all,” Eleanor commented, tapping Lorelai’s nose.
“Okay, good. I’m going to go get some more cake!” Lorelai hurried out of the room. She paused in front of me when she saw me standing there, and her eyes lit up. “Hey, Daddy!”
“Hey, you,” I said, giving her a small smile.
She rushed over, wrapped her arms around my legs, and pulled me into a hug. “Thanks for the best birthday party ever and the ponies and the cake and the burgers and…and…you’re the best dad ever.” She squeezed me tighter, and then when she let me go, she grabbed the plate in my hand and shouted, “And thanks for the cake!”
Eleanor was about to stop her from running off, but I shook my head. “It’s fine. We’ll deal with the sugar low when it comes.”
She nodded and leaned against the bathroom door frame, looking toward me. “Are you okay? You look upset.” She stood up a bit. “Are you upset about the party? I just thought…”
“No, not at all. This was amazing, Eleanor. You’ve been nothing but amazing to my family, to me, and words cannot express how thankful I am for that.”
“Then what is it? What’s wrong?”
“I, um…Karla’s never going to forgive me, and honestly, she shouldn’t,” I confessed. “I abandoned her and her sister when they needed me the most, and nothing I can do can remedy that fact. I walked
away and left her drowning.”
“She’s just hurting, Greyson, with good reason, but she loves you.”
“I don’t even know if she does anymore.”
“She does,” she disagreed.
“How can you even be sure of that?”
“That many years of love don’t disappear because of one tragic year. You just have to give her time to come around again, and for now, you have to do one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Keep showing up, no matter what. She’s going to push, she’s going to scream, and she’s going to make you want to go, but you can’t walk away again, Grey. You have to keep showing up for her, even on the hard days,” she said. “Especially on the hard days. Which is why I got us tickets to go to a baseball game in two weeks. I already talked to Allison and she’s going to clear your schedule for the evening game. I also invited my cousin, Shay—I hope that’s okay. Plus, I talked Karla into going saying it was for Lorelai’s birthday. It just takes a few steps at a time to walk toward change.”
“Thank you, Eleanor,” I said.
“For what?”
I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “Being my reason to smile today.”
41
Eleanor
After the partied ended, I stayed a bit longer to help clean up the mess. When everything was put away, and the dishwasher was running, I collected my things to head home.
As I walked to the front door, I paused as Landon spoke my way.
“Hey, Eleanor? Can I just have a word really fast?” he asked.
I turned toward him and smiled. Landon looked so grown up compared to the boy he was all those years ago. Shay would’ve hated how handsome he had become.
“Yeah, sure. What’s going on?”
He slid his hands into his pockets. “I just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve been doing for these girls, and for Greyson. I don’t know how you’re doing it, but thank you. Today was the first day I felt like my best friend was really here. He’s been a ghost for the past year, and it has been the hardest thing to watch. So, yeah, just keep it up, okay? Whatever it is you’re doing, just keep doing that.”
Eleanor & Grey Page 21