“Ugggh!” he groaned, tumbling backward and dropping the ball.
Everyone gasped.
“Are you okay, Dad?” Karla asked, seeming very concerned.
“Daddy, you missed the ball,” Lorelai mentioned.
“Oh, look! We’re on the jumbo screen! Dance girls!” Shay instructed, and the three of them began wiggling their bodies as I helped Greyson sit up straight.
“I’m sure it looks better than it feels,” he whined.
“Which is scary, because it looks awful. We should get you home.”
We all headed to the car, and the ride was pretty quiet. I couldn’t stop from glancing over toward Greyson’s reddened face. It looked like it really hurt.
During the quietest moment in the car, Karla started snickering to herself. “Hey, you guys…remember when Dad caught the baseball with his face?”
Everyone started giggling, even Greyson.
“Who needs a glove when you have a nose?” he joked.
I swore, that was the first time I’d ever heard Karla laugh.
Another small step.
When we got back to their house, Lorelai requested that Shay put her to bed—after she finished showing off all her artwork on the walls, of course.
Karla yawned as we walked into the house. “Night, everyone.”
“Good night,” Greyson and I told her.
When everyone was out of the living room, Greyson gave me a sheepish grin. “She said good night to me, can you believe it? And she made a joke in the car, and she asked me if I was okay when the ball slammed into my face. Small steps.”
“It’s a big deal. This is really good. But you know what’s not good? Your face. Sit down on the couch. I’ll get some ice.”
When I came back with the cloth, I had instant flashbacks of younger Greyson as I sat down in front of him. “You know, maybe it’s best if you stay away from baseballs,” I mentioned, placing the cloth against his skin.
His arm brushed against mine, and chills raced down my spine.
“It’s going to be a bit bruised, but I think you’ll live to see another day.”
“Thanks, Ellie.”
I pulled the cloth back a little and gentle touched his skin as he took a deep breath.
“I remember it all,” he said. “Everything that happened between us when we were kids. Your favorite coffee, the stuffed panda I won you, the way you nervously rubbed your arm up and down.”
My eyes locked with his and I swore somehow, we were closer. Somehow, his hand was on my thigh. Somehow, my hand was on his chest.
“Do you remember anything about me, Ellie?” he whispered.
I felt his heart racing as my hand laid against him. “Only everything.”
He bit his bottom lip and looked down for a split second before putting those gray eyes back on me. I’d wished he’d stop looking at me.
I couldn’t think straight whenever those eyes found mine.
“You ever think about kissing me, Ellie?” he asked, brushing his finger gently against my neck.
My body was betraying my mind as it reacted to every touch he delivered my way. I shut my eyes. “Only always.”
“Ellie…” he breathed out, and I knew he was closer. I felt his breaths dancing against my skin, but I couldn’t open my eyes.
If he was going to lean in, though, I’d let him. If he’d moved in closer, I’d allow it. If our lips fell against one another…
“All right, I think she’s down for bed,” Shay said coming into the room. The minute we heard her voice, we both jumped back. I grew flustered as I leaped to my feet. Shay looked my way with a look of confusion mixed with pleasure.
“Okay, good, we should get going,” I muttered. “Uh, Greyson, I’ll see you, um, yeah, okay, bye.”
I hurried out of the house with Shay following closely behind.
When we got into the car, Shay turned my way. “What was that about?” she asked, curious as ever.
“Nothing. Just a little bit of nostalgia,” I mumbled, closing my eyes and hoping my wild heart would slow down at some point.
“He was about to kiss you, Ellie,” she said, as if I hadn’t known what was about to happen.
“Yes, I know.”
She whistled low. “I swear…this reality show is getting better and better each night.”
I ignored her comment, because currently my mind was too jumbled to tell her to shut her mouth.
Greyson almost kissed me.
And without much thought, I almost kissed him back.
44
Greyson
“What do you think about Eleanor?” Claire asked me for our weekly lunch date. I had to admit, the question threw me for a bit of a loop. Did she know what almost happened between Eleanor and me? Could she tell somehow that we almost kissed?
Was I overthinking everything ever since Eleanor’s lips moved in toward mine?
Yes, I’m just overthinking. Shake it off, Grey.
“I think she’s great with the girls. Lorelai is in love with her. Even Karla is getting used to her, which is insane to me. She’s really good for them.”
“Yes, I agree. I think she’s wonderful for the girls, but that’s not what I meant.”
“Oh?”
She leaned in closer and gave me a smirk. “I meant what do you think of her?”
I sat back a little, confused. Then the more I looked at her, the more I realized what she was getting at. The slyness in her smile. The wonderment in her eyes.
Oh, for fuck’s sake, Claire. Knock it off.
I glanced at my watch. Our hour lunch date was up. Thank God. “Oh, will you look at the time? It seems our lunch date is coming to a close.” I scrambled to my feet and tossed some money on the table—probably more than we needed to pay. “I have to get back to the office. Great seeing you again, Claire.”
She snickered, almost pleased by my discomfort. “You, too, Greyson. I’ll see you next week for lunch. And next week, you’re going to actually let me buy you a meal.”
Never.
“And think about an answer for that question!” she hollered, but I ignored her. I definitely wouldn’t be thinking about an answer for that question at all.
And Claire needed to cut back on those corny romance novels she was so obsessed with reading.
One Friday night after the girls went off to their grandparents’ house, I noticed Eleanor sitting in her car, trying to start the engine, and it just wouldn’t turn. We hadn’t really spoken since the almost kiss we shared.
I almost felt like she was going out of her way to avoid me.
“No, no, no,” she moaned as I walked out toward her.
“Ugh! I cannot believe this!” she hollered as she hopped out of the car and started kicking the air before pounding her hand against the hood of the vehicle.
“I don’t think that’s going to fix it,” I commented, making her stand up straight. “Need help?” I asked, making her turn around to face me. When she did, she looked seemingly flustered, almost embarrassed by me catching her in the middle of her breakdown.
“Oh, Greyson, hey. Sorry. My car just isn’t starting and I had plans to go to Laurie Lake tonight since it’s my mom’s birthday. Plus, I’ve been trying to call my father all day to check in on him, but he’s avoiding my calls again. I haven’t heard from him in weeks, actually, and I’m starting to worry. Especially on days like today, because I know how hard they are for him…” She released a heavy sigh. “And obviously that’s too much information for you, but seeing how I’m having emotional breakdown and all...”
“Take one of my cars,” I offered. “Any one you want.”
Her eyes widened and filled with tears. “Really? That’s okay?”
“Of course.”
She rubbed her hands over her eyes and took deep breaths. “Really, really?”
“Yes, of course, as long as it gets you to Laurie Lake.”
Then, she leaped forward and hugged me.
Her arms wrapped a
round me, and she held on as tight as she could. At first, I stood still, taken aback by the embrace that seemed to come out of nowhere. Then, seconds later, I relaxed into it and held her back. I’d forgotten how good she was at doing that, how good she was at hugging me.
As a kid, her hugs had been one of my favorite things.
When she dropped her hold on me, she stepped back and combed her hair behind her ears. “Sorry. Like I said, I’m emotional today.”
“That’s understandable. I’m pretty sure I’ve had my fair share of emotional days.”
She smiled, yet I saw the sadness that sat behind her grin.
“Would you like me to join you?” I asked. “That way, you wouldn’t have to go alone.”
45
Eleanor
Would you like me to join you?
Greyson’s words kept dancing around my head as I stared his way.
He wasn’t wearing a business suit, which seemed odd. He was dressed in a simple T-shirt and jeans.
Kind of like old Grey.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I lied, giving him a tight smile.
“Fake grin,” he told me. “I’ll go with you,” he offered once more, giving me those gray eyes that always gave me chills.
“What? Oh gosh, no. I can’t ask you to do that. I’m fine, really.”
“You’re not asking me to do it. I’m offering to join you,” he said, never taking his stare from me.
My heartbeats were untamed, and my gosh, I missed him. I missed Greyson so much. I hadn’t known I missed him to this extreme until I started to see the pieces of him that made up our youth. The parts that showed up for me when I needed him the most.
“All you have to do is say okay,” he told me. “Say okay, and I’ll come.”
I knew I should’ve said no because of what my heart was doing. I knew I should’ve walked away because my stomach was filled with butterflies for a man who wasn’t mine. Yet as my lips parted and I released a sigh, I whispered, “Okay.”
He came with me, just as a friend. As a companion giving me moral support on one of the hard days.
Nothing more, nothing less.
We drove silently to Laurie Lake, because I couldn’t really think of anything to say. Well, other than, “Remember when we almost kissed? What was that about?” Or, “Hey, what would’ve happened if Shay hadn’t walk into the living room exactly at that moment?” Or, “Well, if at first you don’t succeed…try, try again…”
So, yeah. I kept my mouth shut.
Greyson’s left hand kept tapping against his thighs as he drove. If it were anyone else, I would’ve overlooked it, but I knew Greyson and his habits.
You’re nervous, too.
We parked the car, walked through the forested area, and flashes of our teenage years came rushing back to me. Greyson and I had so many moments beside that hidden pond. Moments that saved me. Moments that defined me. Moments that would lead me through the rest of my life.
We laughed there.
We cried there.
We shared our first kiss…
“It’s crazy being back here after all this time,” he mentioned, shaking me from my thoughts. I was thankful for that, too, seeing as how my thoughts were being disloyal to my brain.
In my head, I knew developing feelings for a widower was a terrible idea. But that heart of mine? It didn’t give a damn about what my brain thought. It simply kept beating in the direction of Greyson.
We sat on the log where we always sat, and that amazed me. The log was still there, steady and grounded, as it had been all the years before.
“It’s still as beautiful,” he stated. “Maybe even more so than before.”
“I think that every time I come,” I agreed. “It’s as if I notice something new every single time.”
He tilted his head toward me. “Are you okay, Ellie?” he asked. “I know how hard days like today can be…”
I smiled and placed my hands on the log. “Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, for a long time this day was hard for me. But as the years go by, it stops hurting as much. You start replacing sadness with gratitude. You just kind of become grateful for the memories. It becomes easier to breathe when grief is replaced with thankfulness.”
“I can’t wait for that day to come,” he said, placing his hands on the log, too. Our pinkies kind of brushed, and I felt the touch deep within my soul.
“No need to rush it,” I promised. “Just feel what you need to feel, and over time your feelings will shift into something else. Something beautiful. The best thing about death is that it can’t take away your memories. Those live on forever.”
He lowered his head and took a deep breath. “You always know what to say when I need it the most. Even when I don’t want to hear it, it’s as if you know the words I need.”
I snickered. “That pretty much describes what you were for me when we were younger. You were my safety net that kept me from drowning.”
Greyson grew somber for a moment, looking up at the darkening sky. “I still don’t understand all of this…”
“Understand what?”
“Us. You and me. You showing up when you did. I don’t get it.”
“It does seem a bit wild, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t know if I believe in an afterlife,” he confessed. “I watch Lorelai talking to her mother, and I pray that it’s real, for her own sake. But I don’t know if there is a God, or angels, or anything of the likes. Yet when I was at my lowest... When I was so overwhelmed and broken, I went to her. I went to Nicole, and I sat in front of her gravestone, and I fell apart. I begged her for help, for guidance, for anything at all… I was searching for a reason to smile…” He swallowed hard, clasping his hands together, and looked at me. His eyes were so gentle, and calm. Those gray eyes… He sniffled a bit, shrugged his right shoulder, and softly spoke, “And then came you.”
Oh, Greyson…
“Sorry,” he breathed out, growing a little red in the face.
He was nervous. I was nervous, too. To be honest I wasn’t certain if it was his nerves I was feeling, or my own.
“I’m glad I could be here for you,” I told him. “Besides, I owed you.”
“For what?”
“Keeping me from drowning.”
He smiled and stared out at the pond. “I think now we can call it even.”
We sat there for a while longer, not really saying anything at all, not needing words.
We were just there in the wilderness, calming our souls. And every now and then, a dragonfly buzzed by.
“You know how you always worry about Karla?” I asked him.
“Yeah.”
“That’s how I worry about my father. All the time. I just have this bad feeling that he’s falling deeper into his depression, and even if he needed me, he wouldn’t reach out. It terrifies me every single day.”
“And you’ve tried to help him?”
“So much, and every year he pushes me away more. He’s drowning in loneliness, and he won’t take my hand.”
“It’s hard,” Greyson confessed. “It’s hard to take people’s help. And the more days that pass, the easier it becomes to push people away. Most people just fall off, too. They realize that it’s a hopeless cause—helping the broken souls. I know that’s what I did. I pushed everyone away, and only the ones who meant the most to me stayed around. You want my advice?”
“Please.”
“Keep calling. One day he’ll decide to pick up, and if he doesn’t, then go and kick down his door. If that doesn’t work, then know that you at least tried everything. You didn’t give up.”
I nodded. “Thank you, Greyson.”
“Always.”
When it came time to leave, we both stood from the log.
I took in a deep breath and paused. “Do you think I can take a minute alone?” I asked him. “Just to talk to my mom?”
“Of course.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’ll meet you at the car.” He wandered away leaving
me there alone with Mom.
I knew she was there, I could feel her energy surrounding me.
There were so many moments in my life when I felt lost, moments when I didn’t know if I should go left or right. I doubted myself and the choices I made, felt like I was drowning, and on those days, I’d hold conversations with Mom and tell her my story.
As I stood in front of the water that gently shifted back and forth, I asked her for her help, for her guidance, for her to look over Dad in a way that I couldn’t.
Then I closed my eyes, felt the light breeze against my skin, and was thankful because somehow, my mother was magic. Somehow, she had been able to cheat death. Even though her physical form was gone, I felt her spirit sweep across me every single day.
Whenever I asked for her help, she never hesitated to show me the way. Some people called it signs, others called it blessings, but I simply called it my mother’s kisses.
She guided me through the darkness while promising there’d be light at the end.
So no matter what happened, I knew everything would be okay.
Because a mother’s love is enough to surpass time and space.
A mother’s love never vanishes.
A mother’s love can always heal her daughter’s heart with simple kisses in the wind.
“Happy birthday, Mom,” I whispered, wiping the tears that found a way to fall from my eyes.
I didn’t know if they were happy tears or sad, but it didn’t matter. As long as I was still feeling emotions, I knew I’d be all right.
46
Greyson
Weeks passed, and Eleanor’s and my friendship only grew more and more. Just like when we were younger. She listened to me whenever I needed to talk. She sat through the dark days with me, not asking me for anything, but just staying by my side. Eleanor was also a great wingwoman. I’d been around Karla more these past few weeks than I had the year before. Lately Karla didn’t even fight against us all hanging out, and sometimes I swore she even smiled just like her mother.
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