“What’s the last thing you remember?” Siren asked gently. Too gently. The kind of care a person used when something unspeakable had happened and they wanted to soften the blow.
Valkyrie’s head snapped up, every muscle in her body stiffening. Her heart slammed against her chest, adrenaline roaring through her. “Random?”
“He’s fine,” Siren said quickly. “He’s not hurt.”
Valkyrie’s legs gave out and she dropped onto the bed as relief tore through her. Random was fine.
Why had she thought he wouldn’t be? The last thing she remembered was making love to him, watching him fall asleep before—before she’d left. It came back, then. All of it. Stealing the adnexus. Fighting Elijah. Understanding who Elijah was. Understanding she was going to die.
Then Random holding her, his power inundating her, strong and steady, letting her hold out long enough to finish what she needed to finish. He’d held her, he’d given her everything, and now he wasn’t here. Her heart squeezed inside her chest. “Where is he?”
“He’s barely left this room since we brought you here. Jace had to go to his house and pack his clothes for him, and I’ve had to force him to eat,” Siren said, not answering the question. She hesitated, then pressed on. “You should have woken up two days ago. You were ready to wake up two days ago.”
“And?” Valkyrie asked.
“And I finally had to lie to Random and tell him I was absolutely certain you wouldn’t wake up in the next hour and force him to go to the store with Jace. Supposedly for the sake of his health. You woke up the second he got far enough away for his Aspect to disentangle from yours.”
“You think I was avoiding him? In my sleep?”
“It is a very you thing to do,” Meredith offered. “I’m all right too, by the way. Thanks for asking.”
Valkyrie dragged her mind off the ridiculous assertion that she’d been subconsciously avoiding Random by sleeping, and scrounged up a modicum of human decency. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”
Meredith’s hand went to her heart and her eyes fluttered wide open. “Is this genuine care? For me? I’m touched.”
Valkyrie rolled her eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.” She looked around the room again, looked at Siren and Meredith again, and frowned. None of this was right. “How are you here?” she asked Siren. “Shouldn’t you still be in Ireland? And why am I not in a holding cell?”
“You’re not in a holding cell,” Meredith answered, “because I was totally right. You banging a lawyer was an excellent plan for not going to jail. Random pointed out that the Council had broken their own laws and used the Aspect Charter to suspend them from office pending a very public trial that starts tomorrow.”
Valkyrie frowned. “And that worked?”
“Well, Aunt Ella did throw her lot in with him and convinced Council security to arrest them all. As for you not immediately going to jail, there was a sizable power gap after the Council’s arrest. Apparently they’re so arrogant there’s nothing in the Aspect Charter about who power shifts to should the entire Council be out of commission.
“That gave Random enough time to brand your theft of the adnexus as a public service to Aspect Society, and to irrevocably prove that Elijah was Danvers. Trust me, honey, no one was putting you in jail after that shit came to light.”
“And I’m here,” Siren began, folding her arms across her chest, “because Jace and I are not idiots. When Random called us—”
“He did what? He specifically promised not to.”
“According to him, he specifically promised not to call Jace. He did not agree not to talk to him. So he called me instead.” Siren gave her a pointed look and added, “That’s what you get for banging a lawyer. Especially that lawyer. So, anyway, he wouldn’t really tell us anything, but he was being just weird enough we decided we should cut the honeymoon short. Then Charles called and suggested we might want to cut it as short as possible, so we moved up the flight.”
Charles. Bloody Oracles.
“Good thing, too, or you would have been dead and there wouldn’t have been a damn thing I could do about it.” There was enough pain and censure in Siren’s voice that it drove guilt right through Valkyrie.
“I’m sorry.” She’d gone her entire life without apologizing and now it seemed to be all she was doing.
Siren let out an angry breath. “When I agreed not to tell Jace about the adnexus, you said you would wait for me. That once you had all the councilors’ blood we would work out a plan together—preferably a legal one—and that we would tell Jace before we did anything.”
“Did it cause problems between you?” Valkyrie felt like an idiot even asking. Of course it would have caused problems. If she’d ruined her friend’s and her brother’s relationship…
“He wasn’t exactly thrilled with me. Fortunately, he is a reasonable man. Between the logic of me pointing out that stumbling onto your dirty secrets doesn’t automatically give me the right to divulge them, and the fact that I too was pissed off at you, he magnanimously forgave me. The enthusiastic make-up sex helped.”
“TMI,” Valkyrie and Meredith said in unison. Siren seemed to remember that, of the other two women in the room, one was her husband’s sister and the other was his ex-girlfriend, and that she had indeed given too much information.
“Sorry,” Siren muttered. “Anyway, why didn’t you wait for me to help with the adnexus?”
Valkyrie suddenly found the sheet bunched in her hands fascinating. “I needed to take care of it. I couldn’t risk waiting.”
“Because of Jace and Random?” Siren asked softly.
Valkyrie’s gaze jerked accusingly to Meredith.
“What? It was all going to come out anyway.”
“And you’re an idiot if you think anything Elijah did would make us look at you differently,” Siren said.
“But he wasn’t just Elijah,” Valkyrie said softly.
“Listen to me,” Siren snapped, “because I’m only going to say this once. I don’t care about your father or Jace’s. I don’t give a fuck whose DNA made either of you. You’re my family.”
Siren was just cracked enough in the head to believe that, too. To believe that lineage didn’t matter. That Valkyrie hadn’t been irreparably stained by the plague that had been Elijah Winters. But Valkyrie knew better. She was broken. Broken in places so deep inside herself she didn’t know if she would ever heal. Knew that even if she did heal, she would never be normal.
She could keep it together well enough on the outside. She always had. She could be Jace’s sister, and she could be Siren’s and Meredith’s friend. Because they didn’t have to see all of her. She could hide the darker parts. They would never need to know how often she woke in the middle of the night screaming, a knife in her hand. They would never need to know that some days she was nothing more than an empty shell, habit and necessity carting her body from place to place on autopilot, no one really home.
But a lover would know. A partner would know. Who could see all of that—live with all of that—and still love her? Love someone that broken? And if Random could, would it even be fair to ask it of him?
Siren’s head lifted, tilting to the side. “Jace and Random just passed through the perimeter wards.”
But Valkyrie hadn’t needed Siren to tell her that. Random’s Aspect had reached for her the moment he came onto the property. She wanted to pull him into her, to feel his power alongside her own and believe that she would never be alone again.
But she understood what she was, understood that though the nightmare might be over, the fairytale was too. The reckoning simply hadn’t come yet. Right now, Random was too concerned to see straight. But soon he would understand that she wasn’t going to die and it would all catch up to him.
He had told her that what he needed—the one thing he needed—was for her to be honest with him. To not cut him out. To let him help her. And she had immediately done the opposite.
Maybe, if she tol
d him why she’d done it—that she’d loved him too much to risk him—maybe he would forgive her. Take her back. Tell her they could work through it.
The problem was, she didn’t deserve to be forgiven. And Random—he deserved better than her. All she’d done was take from him—his love, his support, his body. What had she ever given him in return?
You’re nothing, Valkyrie. Nothing without me, Elijah—Danvers—whispered in the back of her mind. In that moment, she knew she would never be rid of that voice.
Nothing. That’s what she had given Random. That’s all she had to give him.
So although Random’s Aspect reached for her, she didn’t let him in. Because the only thing she could give him that would make his life better was a life without her in it.
Random couldn’t think. He could barely breathe. Awake. She was awake. His Aspect had reached for her when Jace pulled into the drive, and instead of feeling the sleepy, quiet fog that had been his steady companion the last week, he’d felt her. Awake and vibrant and crackling with energy.
He barely managed words, barely waited for Jace’s truck to roll to a halt before he jumped out of the cab and tore into the house. He was just to the foot of the stairs when glacial walls descended around Valkyrie’s Aspect and blocked him out.
He stumbled and caught himself on the balustrade. It felt like she’d severed one of his limbs. The rejection was so cold, so thorough, that for a moment he couldn’t believe it had come from her. Not after everything they’d been through.
Dread replaced anticipation.
Siren had sent him off with every assurance that Kyrie wouldn’t wake up while he was gone, had practically forced him out the door. He’d finally agreed to go because she wouldn’t stop hounding him, and because she was never this wrong about something.
Bitterness coated his tongue. Siren had known that if he left, Kyrie would wake up. Apparently, the only thing the love of his life needed to get better was his absence.
He stopped trying to reach her with his Aspect and cleared the stairs to her room. Meredith took one look at his face, one look at Valkyrie’s, and said, “Right. We’ll just go.” She grabbed Siren’s hand and dragged her out, shutting the door behind them.
“You’re awake,” were the two brilliant words he managed to form.
“Yes,” was Valkyrie’s equally loquacious reply. The silence stretched out between them. She didn’t fidget. She didn’t give any indication that she was uncomfortable. She just stared at him, through him, as if he wasn’t even there.
“That’s it?”
“What do you want me to say?” she snapped, and there was a trace of her in the flash of anger in her eyes. He would take the anger over the emptiness.
“Something. Anything.” She didn’t answer. “Tell me you’re sorry. Tell me you want to work this out, tell me—”
“I’m not sorry.” She cut him off. “And there’s nothing to work out.”
For a moment he just stared at her, dumbfounded. He’d thought a lot in the last week about what would happen when she woke up. He’d figured that after he finished reassuring himself that she was okay, they’d have a raging argument. She’d done precisely what he’d begged her not to—cut him out, left him behind—and she’d almost died because of it. He’d almost lost her.
So yeah, he’d figured they’d argue. She’d insist she’d done nothing wrong, that it was all to protect him, he’d tell her she didn’t get to make those decisions for him, and they’d rail at each other until they met in the middle for some kind of understanding. So they could move forward. Together.
But the woman he could have that argument with wasn’t here. Kyrie wasn’t here. Valkyrie Winters sat in her place, as silent and unfeeling as stone. It was as if everything that had happened between them in the two days she’d spent in his house had vanished. Every smile he’d coaxed from her, every truth she’d given him, every hint of her was gone now, hidden carefully beneath a shell of ice.
“I thought we were on the same page,” he said finally. Why had she asked him about the house, asked him what he needed from her, if she hadn’t had any interest in giving it to him? “I thought you wanted to try, I thought you wanted us.”
She opened her mouth, shut it, shook her head. “I don’t.”
“Then what the hell were we doing together? What the hell were you doing?”
She shrugged. “I was off-balance. I needed a distraction and you were there. That’s what you’re good for, isn’t it?”
Her words cut straight to that vulnerable part of him, the one built from every snide comment she’d ever made about his sex life, the part of him that had always feared she’d never think he was worth anything. Valkyrie had always known where to hit the hardest with him. Because it was easier for her to strike at him than it was for her to admit that he might matter.
“Bullshit. You asked me to make love to you. That’s not what you say to someone when you want a fucking distraction. I get that this is new territory for you. I get that you’re scared, but—”
“You don’t know me, Random” she snapped. “You don’t know how I feel, you don’t know what I want.”
“Then tell me. How do you feel, Kyrie? What do you want?”
“I feel like I made a mistake. And I want you to get out. Whatever you thought this was, it’s done.”
She was lying. He heard it in her voice. But for once, it wasn’t him she was lying to. And he didn’t think he could fix that. “You’re wrong, you know,” he said softly. “I do know you. I think you’re the one who doesn’t know yourself. I’ve waited a long time for you to figure it out. And I can wait longer. You’ve been through a lot. If you need time to deal with this without me, I’d understand. I can wait,” he repeated, “if you ask me to. So ask me.”
She didn’t. Her hands went to her neck. She unclasped the necklace he’d given her and held it out to him. “You should take this back.”
Invisible, skeletal fingers dug into his chest and twisted. He’d taken every hit she’d ever thrown at him, both literal and metaphorical. He’d fought to be worth something to her. He’d let her yo-yo his emotions back and forth because he’d thought he was getting through to her.
He stared at the black blade, at the sunlight reflecting off its dark surface. “Keep it,” he said hoarsely. “Or throw it away. I don’t care.” He took a step toward the door and stopped, trying one last time. Because he’d been trying so long he didn’t know how to stop. “I love you, Kyrie. But if you let me walk out this door right now, I’m done. We are done.”
The last flicker of hope he held dwindled to an ember when she set her lips in a thin line. He turned and walked out, and when he crossed the threshold and she didn’t try to stop him, that ember died too, leaving nothing but ash in its wake.
Valkyrie held back until she heard the front door slam, until she heard Random’s bike start, and then the sob tore out of her. She hadn’t cried since her mother died. Tears were a weakness Elijah hadn’t allowed. But what Elijah allowed or didn’t allow no longer mattered. He was dead and he was never coming back.
But Random wasn’t coming back either, and there was a raw, bloody hole in her chest where he’d been and it hurt. So she wrapped her arms around her legs, buried her face in her knees, and let herself cry for the first time in seventeen years.
She didn’t know how long she was like that before Jace came into the room and sat next to her. She didn’t look up, but she didn’t need to in order to know it was him.
He was quiet for a few minutes before he said, “Want to tell me why you’re crying and Random walked out of here looking like you gutted him?”
“No.” She just wanted to go home. But she didn’t have a home anymore. She wasn’t sure she’d ever had one. She thought of Random’s house, of the way sunlight played through the windows onto the dark interior colors and made it all feel warm and inviting. She thought of lying in his bed, his arms and legs tangled with hers. His soft, sleepy smile when he’d said, I
love you, Kyrie.
Pain punched her right in the throat.
“Val…” Jace trailed off, taking a moment to collected his thoughts. He had always been like that. He could be quiet for days if that’s how long it took him to figure out what he wanted to say about something. “Maybe this is none of my business. But you’re my sister and he’s my best friend. I’m pretty sure I know the two of you better than anyone else does. I know he’s in love with you. And since I haven’t seen you cry since Mom died, I’m guessing you feel the same way about him. So what happened?”
Valkyrie buried her face deeper in her knees and didn’t answer. How could she? How could she tell him she’d intentionally broken Random’s heart because it was the best thing for him? Jace had never hurt anyone like that. He’d never had to. Because he wasn’t broken like her.
Jace sighed. “If you’re not going to tell me, I’ll just have to start guessing. Let’s see, Random told you his secret dream is to be a rockstar and you told him you can’t support that lifestyle?”
Oh no. Jace had decided to joke. He was almost as bad at it as she was.
“No? Okay, you want to sell off everything you own and donate it to charity, and Random was really hoping you’d be his sugar mama.”
Had her little brother really just said the words ‘sugar mama’? She groaned.
“He wants you to go vegetarian but you just can’t live without steak.”
She should not be on the verge of laughing right now, especially at Jace’s pathetic attempts at humor. It was wrong on so many levels.
“You’re pregnant and one of you doesn’t want to keep it.” She jerked her head up to glare at him. He grinned. “Thought that one might get your attention. Should I keep going or—”
“He’s better off without me.” There. She’d told him, and he could leave her alone to be miserable now.
Valkyrie's Call Page 26