Alive Like Us

by Quinn Hallows

  Maybe he should just kidnap her. Tie her up and drag her to Iris, the warnings about her strange powers be damned. As tempting as the thought was, he knew he wouldn’t. He migh have made some bad choices, but kidnapping wasn’t one of them. Besides, for whatever stupid reason, he didn’t want to deceive her like that other guy. Nico.

  Last night, when they were alone beneath the star-washed sky, he’d almost believed he was falling for her. But that was over by morning, when it was clear how little time Sanna had for him.

  Which was fine. Erling would never except Esme, which meant there was no place for him either. It didn’t matter that the hours spent waiting for Sanna felt like an eternity. Or that he was actually excited to get his blood tested just because she’d be there.

  Just get her to Iris and be done with it. Kai leaned against the exterior wall of the building. There was no possible way they would ever end up together, so he might as well stop thinking about it. He needed to refocus. Think of her as a job. A trade-off. Forget how her chin dipped when she smiled, or how pretty she’d looked in the moonlight.

  Frankie’s ears pricked. He was stretched beside Kai, half-sleeping. The door opened, spilling noise and light onto the street. Kai tugged his hat down low and hunched deeper into his old coat. A couple tumbled out; their arms linked around each other. One of them was Raj, who glared at Kai as he passed.

  “You’re off duty, remember?” The woman clinging to him purred. “Let’s go.”

  Raj leaned into Kai’s space. The yeasty scent of booze rolled off him. “I’m watching you, Outsider.”

  Kai gave him a mock salute. The woman pulled him down the stairs and onto the main boulevard. Raj leaned over, whispering something into woman’s hair. She giggled, then laughed as she slipped on the snow. Raj caught her and they kissed.

  Kai looked away, a strange ache squeezing his chest. It wasn’t that he was jealous of the jerk. Just...alone. Always.

  Except for right now. The floor creaked, and Kai instincts screamed that someone was coming up behind him. He spun around, pinning the stranger to the wall. He drew the knife from his boot and held it to her neck.

  Sanna.

  His pulse quickened. He had her, pressed against the wall just like in the fevered dreams that had plagued him last night.

  Her lips quirked into a half-smile. “Interesting move. Though it leaves your vitals exposed.”

  He slipped the dagger into its sheath, anger seething within. He’d nearly killed her, all because she didn’t have the common sense to announce her presence.

  “You’re late.” He released her. “And you shouldn’t sneak up on people.”

  “Sorry,” she rubbed the spot where his knife had touched her skin.

  Had he hurt her? Kai studied the delicate column of her neck. There was no mark marring its surface.

  “We should get going.” Sanna tilted her head towards the stairs. “The clinic closes after dark.”

  He took a step to the side, creating space between them, as opposed to the tipsy, amorous couple he’d seen earlier. It did little to quell the strange tension her nearness set off inside him, as if every cell in his body was keening for her slightest touch.

  “So,” Sanna said as they stepped onto the main street. “Do you have any other family? Brothers or sisters?”

  “A sister. The rest are dead.”

  “Infected?” Her gaze dropped to his arms His scars felt tight underneath his sleeves.

  “No,” he wasn’t sure where these questions were coming from but decided to tell her as much of the truth as possible. “My father was accused of helping the Inferno. He was executed in New Hope. My mother and older brother died shortly after, while we were on the run. My sister and I have laid low since then. She’s staying with a friend.”

  “The unclean girl?”

  Kai nodded. He didn’t like telling anyone about Esme’s condition if he could help it. It was anyone’s business but theirs.

  “I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just...” Sanna shifted her attention to the path ahead. “Haven and my mom are really suspicious. Raj too, though he’s that way about everybody. They all think you’re a spy or something. It’s good that you’re getting this test done. One less thing for them to hold over you.”

  “Have they said anything else?”

  Sanna shook her head. “Nico had us all going for a while, though. I think that’s why everyone’s so on edge.”

  You don’t know the half of it. Kai recalled the men from last night and the threats they made. “That Nico has certainly made it hard, hasn’t he? Good thing his gone.”

  “Yeah,” Sanna forced a weak smile. “I guess.”

  Kai regretted his flippant words. He’d assumed someone like Sanna would’ve burned all emotional connection with Nico the moment he betrayed her. That clearly wasn’t the case though, given the awkward silence that fell over them as they walked to the end of the main street. If he had his dates right, Nico was infected about ten days ago. Maybe she just needed space.

  Kai shifted his attention to his surroundings, making a mental map in case things went sour fast. Kai made note of the stores they went by, all of which were closed for the night. Farrier. Dry Goods. A tiny, one-room school. It seemed like Erling was constructed in a half circle, with cliffs plunging into Lake Superior on one side and the metal wall curved through the forest on the other. Homes were scattered on the cliffs, while businesses and government buildings were crammed near the wall.

  At last they came to a sign that read “Clinic” with an arrow pointing to the left.

  Sanna was still quiet. A shadow had fallen over her, whether it was grief or something else, he didn’t know. The itch to do something proved too much.

  “You know what I miss most about New Hope?” Kai stated as they turned the corner.

  “No,” she blinked. “What?”

  “Books.”

  “Books?”

  “We had an apartment near an old, enormous library. Half it was burnt, and a lot of books were stolen or destroyed over the years. It was still pretty cool though. I’d go every chance I got. Hoped to read them all, I guess.”

  “You know I’ve read all the books in Erling?” Her tone was serious, but humor sparkled in her eyes. “All five of them, that is.”

  “Five?” Kai laughed. “What was your favorite?”

  “I don’t know. Probably I Am Legend or Pride and Prejudice. The rest were old textbooks.”

  “An interesting combination...sort of a doomed romantic?”

  “Doomed is a bit strong, I hope. For your sake.”

  Kai’s pulse quickened. He caught Sanna’s gaze and held it. “I’m not the one you’re looking for.”

  “Why?” Her brow furrowed. “It’s the girl, isn’t it? The unclean. You two are together.”

  “No. It’s just...if you thought Nico was bad—”

  “There you go again,” she sighed.

  “What?”

  “You’re talking down about yourself. At first, I was like, ‘I get it’ you’re being humble or whatever. But after a while, it gets kind of old. Especially considering everything you’ve done. I mean...you rescued two strangers from a lake, you help out some unclean girl you met, you fought back a horde. There’s really nothing to be humble about, Kai. You’re actually pretty amazing.”

  “I’m not that great, Sanna.” Her kind words burned like a brand. I should tell her about Esme. Iris. The Inferno. Everything. He didn’t know where to begin. If she knew about his stint with the Inferno, would she still come with him? Or would she turn him into Raj and his goons?

  “You’ll stay, won’t you?” Though her voice was light and airy, Kai detected a tremor of worry. “I know Erling isn’t much, but it’s safer than the Deadlands.”

  “As long as you’re here,” he answered, smoothly.

  The alley narrowed—a strategic bottleneck to stymy an Infected horde. Sanna went first and Kai followed, racking his brain for the best way to tell her everything
. The walls squeezed in on either side, making him feel trapped. Cornered. By the time he stepped out into what looked like a small courtyard surrounded by a chain-link fence, he still hadn’t thought of anything.

  “You people sure like walls.” He studied the signs that nearly covered the gate. Some were official CVC signs sent from New Hope. Others were crudely painted. The general message was the same; if you’re bitten, turn yourself in before you destroy everything you ever loved. Kai recognized a particularly gruesome one from his childhood, showing depicting a woman cradling a baby in one frame, and then gnawing on its head in the next. The words: YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT SAFE were written in bright red paint.

  “Hello?” Sanna peered through the chain link fence. “Anyone home?”

  A torched blazed to life a few yards away, illuminating a kid dressed in leather duster that seemed three sizes too big. His weary eyes lit up when he saw her.

  “Hey, Sanna.” His voice was neither child nor adult, but something in-between. He jammed a key into the padlock and held the gate open. “You’re late.”

  “Yeah, sorry,” Sanna stepped through. “Are you the only one here?”

  “Raj wanted more guards on the wall.” The boy shut the gate behind Kai and locked it. He held his torch high as he led the way through the barren courtyard. A small log cabin sat in the middle of it, complete with a wide porch. Behind the cabin, Erling’s rusted metal wall loomed.

  “How’s the new doctor?”

  “Dr. Martin? He’s pretty cool. Way nicer than Dr. Larson.” The kid shot Sanna a worried glance. “No offense.”

  “None taken. Wait,” Sanna froze and clasped the boy’s arm, “Dr. Martin? You mean

  Theo? He’s the new doctor?”

  Kai didn’t care for how her eyes sparkled at the sound of the guy’s name.

  “Yeah.” The boy shrugged out of her grasp. “You know him or something?”

  “We grew up together.”

  The boy, emboldened by his audience, babbled on about Theo’s many merits for the rest of the short journey. “He even let me watch him sew Brady’s hand!” the boy gushed as they neared the clinic. “Did you know he used cat gut as thread?” he asked Kai. “It’s so gross.”

  “Fascinating,” Kai murmured, hadn’t stopped staring at the stupid cabin up ahead. She was practically glowing with excitement.

  Whoever this Theo guy was, Kai had a terrible feeling his job was about to get a whole lot harder.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “Theo? Oh my God, it is you.”

  A familiar voice plucked Theo Martin out of his exhausted stupor. He searched the dark courtyard for its source. His chest tightened when he saw her. Sanna. She was taller, stronger than when he left, but her eyes were still the same electric blue that he remembered. “Hello, Sanna,” he said, sheepish. He desperately wanted to know she thought of him. “It’s been awhile.”

  Before he could blink, she raced up the steps and flung her arms around him. “I can’t believe you’re here! I never thought you’d come back.”

  He buried his nose in her hair. Lemons. The scent of her favorite soap. He squeezed her tight, relishing the warmth that spread through his chest like rays of the sun.

  Her companion followed. Theo gazed over Sanna’s shoulder and tensed. A stranger. He was shorter than him by a few inches, wiry and had a rawboned energy that reminded Theo of a cornered wolf. The young man had obiviously been living hard and eating poorly for months.

  The stranger stepped onto the porch and leaned against a support beam, his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was inscrutable but his gaze was sharp. Calculating.

  Sanna pushed out of Theo’s embrace, but kept hold of his arm as she made the introductions. He’d seen scores of Kai Merricks in New Hope. Nomads who slipped in and out of the city through secret passages and past corrupt guards, eking out a living by any means necessary. They were practically feral.

  “So, uh, you’re a doctor now?” Sanna asked, filling the awkward silence. Her smile was far too bright.

  “Yeah, can you believe it?” Theo answered. “They gave me a diploma and everything.”

  “That’s wonderful!” She squeezed him again, practically squeaking in delight. “I’m so happy for you. I always knew you were brilliant.”

  “Ahh, well.” He rubbed his neck, warmth spreading through his chest. “Your parents helped a lot with the funds.”

  “They were happy to, especially after everything that happened,” she studied his face, the skin around her eyes tightening. “You didn’t have to come back. You don’t owe us anything.”

  “CVC sent me, actually. On my first official mission. I’m supposed to help your mom figure out why the Infected are waking up so soon. I can help ou in the clinic, too.”

  “Impressive,” Sanna said, still beaming.

  “So, uh, what can I do for you?” He stiffened as a flash of worry shot through him. “It’s not about Haven, is it? I told her she needed rest but it’s like giving orders to a cat.”

  Sanna laughed. “No, just me and Kai. We’re here for a couple of blood tests. But first,” she punched Theo’s shoulder, playfully, but since it was Sanna it still kind of hurt. “That’s for not telling me you were coming! We get mail here, you know. Twice a month. We could’ve had a welcome home party or something.”

  Theo rubbed the spot. “There wasn’t time.”

  “So, are we going inside, or do you prefer to freeze your patients?” Kai cut in. Theo had all but forgotten the sulking scarecrow.

  Despite his five-year apprenticeship learning how to save lives, Theo suddenly felt the urge to do this guy considerable harm. “Follow me.”

  He opened the door and led them through the waiting room, then down the narrow hall to what had been the eat-in kitchen, but now served as the main examination space. The feeble, flickering light from dozens of candles illuminated the mountains of papers and books covering every flat surface.

  “Sorry ‘bout the mess.” Theo heaved the stack of books he’d brought from New Hope off a metal folding chair and added it to another one on the floor. “I’ve been so busy processing the new arrivals that I haven’t gotten everything sorted quite yet.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Sanna perched on the chair. “Um...could you...test me first?”

  “Huh?” Theo tripped over a cardboard box. The mass of papers in his hands fluttered to the ground. He dropped to his knees and started collecting them. After all these years he was still just a clumsy nerd.

  Sanna joined him on the floor, shuffling the pages together. Theo adjusted his glasses and shot Kai a furtive glance. He was facing the bookcase in the far corner, pretending to read the spines. As if the Outsider could actually read.

  “Why do you need a blood test?” Theo leaned forward, whispering to Sanna. “Did he...” He dropped his voice a few octaves, “give you something?”

  “No!” She shoved the papers into his chest, her cheeks blazing. “How could you even ask me that?”

  He wanted to kick himself. “I-I’m sorry. It’s my job—"

  “Haven would love this,” Sanna said as she quickly grabbed a thick anatomy book from the floor. “You know, I hear she’s actually pretty good for someone who’s never been formally trained. Maybe you could let her borrow this sometime.” She handed the book to Theo.

  “Yeah...uh...sure,” he sputtered.

  Kai’s boots creaked across the floorboards. He’d abandoned fake reading the books and now swaggered about the room like a pirate.

  Theo wondered if they were in danger. The medicines he’d brought from New Hope were precious, after all. Experience had taught him people were murdered every day for far less.

  Sanna returned to the chair, shrugged off her parka. “Well, we’d better get this over with. Stick me, Doc.”

  “Right. Of course.” Theo set the anatomy book onto the pile. “Mr. Merrick? If you could step inside that chamber over there we can get started.” He nodded towards the corner of th
e room where the small isolation cell was built into the wall.

  “No.” Kai said as he prowled the room, probably cataloging all the things he was going to steal.

  Theo shook his head and rolled his shoulders. He’d had difficult patients before, but few had gotten under his skin as quickly as this one. “Don’t make me call the guard.”

  “Please,” Sanna pleaded, touching his arm. “Theo—”

  “You mean the kid?” Kai scoffed. “What’s a matter, doc? Afraid of getting your own hands dirty?”

  Theo clenched his jaw. “It’s a brief, standard test—”

  “That you can easily fake.” Kai finished, then added. “I’ll take it, but I’m not getting in your damn cage.”

  Anger coiled in Theo’s test as he sized up his opponent. “It’s not a request—”

  “Stop it!” Sanna pounded his desk, rattling the mugs and saucers that crowded its surface. “Both of you! You’re acting like children. Besides, Theo would never fake a test, right?” She looked at him, expectant.

  “Of course not,” Theo bit off, glaring at Kai. Though maybe this time...No. He had integrity, and he wasn’t about to throw it away for a nobody like him.

  Theo shifted his attention to Sanna. A shadow flitted across her face, catching him off guard. He leaned forward, curious. It almost looked...no, it couldn’t be.

  “What is it?” She asked with a brittle laugh. “I got a zit or something?”

  “No—it’s nothing,” Theo said, chalking up what he saw to a flicker of the candlelight. What else could it be? Certainly not a dark mass moving beneath her delicate skin. “Okay, I guess I can start with you.”

  “Just don’t tell me, remember?” Sanna flopped her arm onto his desk and stared at the opposite wall. “Zero warning.”

  “You got it.” Theo retrieved the instruments from his desk drawer. He the pad of her index finger with alcohol.

  Even though he’d done this a thousand times in New Hope and even a few times today, his stomach felt hollow at the thought of sticking a needle in her. He swallowed. “Count backwards from ten for me.”