“It all started when I saw your photo in the newspaper. I’d been stuck ever since Joe died. You were laughing, and I wondered how the heck you’d managed it. I saw your face that day, and I had this feeling you held the secret to helping me get unstuck. And you did—just not the way I thought.
“Joe mentioned you in his letters. A lot. That you cussed like a sailor and had a wicked sense of humor. You had a habit of adopting strays—both people and animals. You had quite a reputation with the ladies. But also that your men trusted you because you never asked them to do something you wouldn’t do yourself.” She shrugged. “Thinking about it now, deep down I think I trusted you’d help me too.”
His blue-green eyes captured and burned into hers, holding them hostage until she couldn’t breathe.
“It’s been twenty minutes,” she whispered.
“What?” Tynan’s gaze didn’t move from hers. “Oh, the ice bath.”
Lu escaped into the kitchen to catch her breath and then returned with two dish towels, handing them to Tynan.
He took the towels from her hand and nodded but didn’t move, waiting for her to continue.
“I got the job on your crew, figuring over a week or two I’d get you to open up and tell me how you’d moved on.” She shook her head. “But I couldn’t get you to tell me anything. Well, hardly anything. And then one day I heard you tell Kaz you were responsible for Joe’s death, and I…I wanted to hurt you the way I was hurting.”
“So you bought this crappy place before I could.”
Her gaze shot up to his. “I’m sorry. Really sorry. You can have it. I’ll just sign it over to you.”
He shrugged, his large shoulders gleaming in the firelight. “It’s not that important now.”
What was he saying? That nothing between them mattered now? She walked back toward the window, staring out into the darkness. The storm was fierce now, slashing the rain sideways, bending trees, and tossing branches. Similar to the feeling in her chest right now. Houdini hopped over and leaned his body next to her leg, and she reached down and stroked his head.
She turned back, lifting her chin, deciding she might as well say it all, even if it wasn’t important, so she would know she tried.
“I’m not sure what to say. What words to use. How do I say ‘I forgive you’ when in my heart I know there isn’t anything to forgive? I was never really angry at you. I was angry at the world, at Joe for leaving me, and at myself. And all of that was too hard to deal with. It was so much easier to take all that anger and turn it on you.”
The soldier, the man, who already blamed himself for a sin he hadn’t committed. And if she couldn’t say “I forgive you,” how in the world would she turn around and ask for his forgiveness? For the cruel way she’d blamed him. Tried to hurt him. She’d been mad at herself for being so weak, and she’d taken the cowardly way out and thrown it all at him instead of herself.
“The thing is, Joe could have died over there even if he’d never been in your unit. Lots of good men died over there. And I’m sorry you’re stuck with the blame. I don’t blame you anymore. I never really did, but I had so much anger and you were the safest place to aim it. I guess because you were in the way.” She shrugged, then shook her head. “But also because I think deep down I knew you were strong enough to handle it. To handle everything I couldn’t handle by myself.”
* * *
Tynan busied himself with pulling his foot from the ice bath while he digested everything Lu had said. He used the towels she’d handed him to carefully dry off his foot, which was totally, blessedly numb. What she’d said…was everything he had needed to hear. Her words were like being dipped in healing waters. They flowed over him and into that dark place where he’d hid his pain and guilt and helped wash it away.
He admired her guts. Her willingness to go after what she wanted. He owed it to her, and to himself, to do the same. Carefully resting his foot on a nearby chair, he turned back to her.
“Do you think we could—I don’t know—maybe one day set Joe aside so he’s not sitting in between us?” He hesitated, trying to gauge her reaction. But he couldn’t read her face, so he plowed ahead. “I try to imagine how it would have been if we’d met in another life. Or what if I’d met you before you met Joe? I wonder if we’d have had a better chance, or if it could have been easier.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
Tynan stared at her as a slow, inexorable pressure squeezed his chest. Then he blinked and turned his head away. “Yeah, I get it.”
Just because she forgave him, didn’t mean she loved him. It looked like Joe would always—
“No, what I mean is… Who needs easier? So this wasn’t like a fairy tale or some romantic movie your brother would star in. So what? I mean, I had the fairy tale once, almost…and it was beautiful. But I have to say, I’m really having fun with whatever this is”—she gestured between the two of them with her hand—“I don’t know what it is exactly, but I like it. Hell, I think I love it. I haven’t felt this alive in a long, long time.”
He knew he loved it.
His lips slid slowly into a grin way past confident and all the way into cocky.
“Tynan…” Lu stared at him, then moved back to stand in front of the window before turning to face him, her hands twisting at the hem of his T-shirt. “What about the gun? Quinn said you normally leave it with him, but this year you didn’t. Were you thinking of—”
“Oh hell no.” He stood up and hobbled over to her, sliding his hands up her arms to caress her shoulders, drawing her in against his chest. “No. I did that for Ma. I wanted her to see she could stop worrying anytime I was in the woods with a gun.”
“Good.” Her body relaxed on a sigh and she slid her arms around his waist. “Then if you’ll just get over this survivor’s guilt, we can get on with living.”
God, she felt good in his arms. He pulled her in tight, breathing in the sweet scent of her. “I admit, six months ago I had this burning need to prove I deserved to be one of the survivors. But then I thought, fuck that. Every one of us deserved to come back alive. It’s just that some of us didn’t.
“I don’t regret the last six months, though, because it made me a better man…for you. Joey was a great guy. And I want to make sure I can offer you something—me, a man as good as Joey. Totally different, mind you, but a solid man who deserves to be in your life.”
She pressed her cheek to his chest and stifled a laugh. “You two couldn’t be more different. Joe was a serene mountain lake and you’re a huge surfing wave in Hawaii. Joe was a falcon and you’re an eagle.”
Tynan stood holding Lu in his arms, feeling like the luckiest bastard alive.
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Lu said into his chest.
He kissed the top of her head. “I lied to you too. Remember when you asked if I thought we’d be friends if we’d met under different circumstances? The answer is yes. I like that you suck at singing but do it anyway because you love music.”
She laughed against his neck.
“I love how much you enjoy food. Watching you eat is like foreplay. I admire that you had the balls to bluff your way through the construction—”
A loud crack was their only warning before the window next to them shattered inward. Glass shards flew at them along with a tree branch tossed by the wind at the cabin like a grenade. Tynan reacted instinctively, putting his body between Lu and the flying glass. He’d already battled Lu’s pain, Joe’s ghost, his own guilt, and a freaking bear to keep this woman in his life. He’d be damned if a little wind was going to mess things up now…
40
Tynan reacted instinctively, swinging Lu around 180 degrees, throwing both their bodies to the floor, covering her, protecting her with his back from the shower of glass and debris. He registered the frenzied scurry of his pets as they darted past and into the kitchen.
Lu’s hands frantically touched his face. “Are you all right?”
“Fine.” H
e had a couple more cuts than he’d had two minutes ago and had wrenched his ankle again, but otherwise he was unscathed. Talk about an adrenaline rush. He’d stack that somewhere between a face-off with a bear and getting his ass chewed out by a two-star general. “Are you okay?”
Lu was busy running her hands over his shoulders, arms, and along his back, checking for glass and cuts. With his weight resting on his forearms on either side of her, their bodies were pressed together, and the tight points of her nipples teased his chest.
Focus, Tynan. Her hands and nipples were distracting him, but he needed to make sure she wasn’t hurt. “Lu, what about you? Are you hurt at all?”
“No. I’mfine, except for that big flashlight in your pocket. Could you move it?” Her body wiggled under him. “It’s digging into me.”
“That’s…not a flashlight. I think the guacamole and oysters just kicked in.” He rolled his hips lightly, pressing his hard-on against her abdomen, drawing a moan from them both. “Hell of a time.”
She ran her lips up his neck and slid one hand down the muscles of his stomach to grab his cock. “I’m not complaining.”
Good God, the woman was trying to kill him. “Damn, Lu. I can’t think of anything I like more than your lips on my skin and your hand on my cock, but I don’t want you hurt and I’m covered in glass. Let’s be smart about this. We’ll clean up the glass, check on Houdini and DA, patch up the window, and then we can decide where we go from here.”
Lu leaned up and kissed him. A hot, tongue-tangling kiss that had him even harder. “As long as it’s together, the how and the where don’t matter much.”
It took over an hour to settle down the frightened animals, clean up the shattered glass, and rig up a temporary window with duct tape and his tent. By the time they were finished Tynan’s ankle was throbbing like a bitch, but one look at Lu and the pain barely registered.
“Tynan, go lie down on the couch and elevate your ankle.”
“Yeah, it is starting to hurt again.” He limped over to the couch and stretched out, pushing two of the throw pillows under his foot. “Would you mind building up the fire again?”
Lu turned, looking at the fire in front of the couch. “Really? You think it needs another log?”
“Definitely.” He sent her his one-sided grin, the one that had worked like a charm for most his life. “I think so.”
“Okay, sure.”
She bent over the fire to stir it around and throw two more logs on.
“Take your time.” Tynan enjoyed every second of the view. “Then we can talk about us; you know, where we go from here.”
Lu turned to him with a hopeful smile. “I have a suggestion. We get naked right now and you let me have my wicked way with you. There are a few moves from the romance book I really want to try.”
Tynan went from hard to titanium steel in a nanosecond. Oh, damn. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes tight, because after over six months of near abstinence, he was ready. He was more than ready. He was sporting major league wood. He was ready to drive Miss Daisy all the way home. He wanted to butter Lu’s biscuit.
“Okay, yeah, we could do that. Or…” Tynan opened his eyes and he looked over at Lu. “Or we wait and take it slow. We start over. No Joe in between us. Pretend we’re meeting for the first time. Have a first date, first kiss, first make-out session. Do it all from scratch.”
She stood staring back at him, her teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she worried the T-shirt.
“Lu, I want to strip you out of my shirt this very minute and lick every inch of your skin. I want to nibble at your vanilla-scented neck and kiss your breasts. I want to wrap your long hair around my wrist and give it a tug as I enter you. I want to fall asleep tangled up in your hair. I want to dive into your eyes, down where the deep brown blends into black, and discover all your mysterious secrets. I want to try everything in chapter three with you.”
Lu squeaked and slapped a hand over her mouth. Then she lowered her hand and blinked at him, her face flushed. “Everything?”
“Everything.” Tynan would have thought option one was a no-brainer. But what he felt for Lu was completely different from anything he’d ever felt before. “But—and this is surprising even me—I believe I’d like the second option.”
“Oh.” Lu’s lips pressed together and she wrapped her arms tight around herself. “Sure. Okay.”
He smiled at the disappointment on her face, and held out his hand to her. “Come here, Tink.”
She took his hand and he guided her down so she lay stretched out on top of him, her head resting right up against his heart.
“Lu, I’ve never felt this way before. This is different. I’ve never wanted commitment before, but I want it now.” His hands caressed her back and down to her perfect ass while his heart beat wildly in his chest. “I’m not using the capital L word, but I’m warning you right now, I’m fairly certain I’m heading down that road. Is that something you think you can handle?”
Every muscle in her body tensed, and then she relaxed against him on a sigh. “Yes, I think I can handle that.”
“I want a first date, a first kiss on a bridge, a first movie, a first dance, and a first dinner with my family. With your family. Our first Christmas tree together. With you by my side, one of my brothers might even let me be a godfather. I’m thinking I want it all, Lu.”
She propped herself up on her forearms, her gaze, luminous with unshed tears. She leaned forward and kissed him. “Me too. But, to be completely honest, I’m going to employ every womanly wile I have to get to the hot sex sooner. Fair warning.”
Tynan grinned at her. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Lu tucked her face back down against his chest, stroking her hand along his biceps. “I’m not going to use the L word either, but I’ve been there before, and I’m warning you right back: when I fall I fall forever. Think you can handle that?”
“Oh, Tink, I can handle that.” He wanted to capture this moment in his memory like a dragonfly in amber. Lu resting warm and soft in his arms while they talked about a future together. “Hey, how do you feel about going fishing with me?”
Lu’s head popped up, her dark gaze searching his, and then she smiled her bent pixie smile and made him want to do things to her.
“Tynan Cates, I thought you’d never ask. I’d love to.” She leaned forward and kissed him, warm and soft, sealing the deal before resting her head back on his chest with a sigh. “Hey, will you help me fix up my cabin?”
His arms tightened around her. “You think you can afford my services?”
“Would you seriously charge me?” Lu poked him in the ribs.
“Absolutely. Home-cooked meals and one of your chocolate cakes.”
“Done. But I was kidding about the cabin.” Her hand stroked along his biceps and up his shoulder. “You can have it, although why you’d want this one is a mystery.”
“I want to start a summer camp for kids with ADHD. You know, give them one week when they aren’t getting in trouble. A week when they don’t have to sit still or stay quiet.”
“Uh, oh. Did you hear that?”
“No, what?”
“You remember that L word we were talking about? Pretty sure I just fell in it, head first.”
Damn, he liked the sound of that. He had to reel his body in quick because his heart was falling just as fast, but he was set on romancing her. Taking it slow and savoring each step.
Lu lifted her head again to look into his eyes. “Guess what? Dave is going to let me experiment with the diner menu. He’s all in on the farm-to-table idea, so I won’t need to come work for you again.”
“That’s a relief.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re a fast learner and pretty good with a hammer now.” Tynan brushed a long curl off her face, running his hand down to the end of it and wrapping it around his finger. “But, damn, Lu, you were a painful distraction on the jobsite. Between your sweet ass and th
e way you had every man on the crew falling all over themselves to help you. Plus you always smelled so damn good, like something I wanted to eat for dessert—I came awfully close to shooting myself with the nail gun a couple of dozen times.”
“You and me both.” She laughed. “I still feel bad about hurting all the guys.”
“They’d line up and do it all over again.” He leaned up and kissed her. “Are you going to want to find a more permanent place to live?”
“You know…” Lu’s eyes glimmered at him in the firelight. “I think I’ll stay at Agatha and Beatrice’s for now.”
“That’s only two doors from my place.”
Her lips slid into a soft smile. “I know.”
Every cell in his body went on high alert. “You are not going to make this slow courtship very easy, are you?”
“No.” She stroked her hands over his chest, down his ribs and lower. “No I’m not.”
Epilogue 1
Three weeks later. Around midnight…
Tynan
Something was going on with Kaz. He’d been distracted lately and Kaz’s ability to laser-focus on his work was renown, so it was obvious when something bothered him. Which was pretty much never. He was the most laid back among the brothers. Probably due to all the martial arts he did and the lack of sugar in his diet. Not that Kaz would tell any of his brothers if there was a problem. He’d internalize it. A holdover from his days in the FBI.
Sijan was in LA but Ty could check with the others—see if they’d noticed anything. Paxton and Kaz were pretty close what with the twin thing, but Quinn had some friends in the FBI and might have heard something if it was work related. Kaz had been there for Tynan when he’d needed him recently, and dammit he’d like to return the favor.
Speaking of distractions… Tynan’s phone rang. Just as it had every night for the last few weeks around this time. Lu had been teasing and tempting him for three long, glorious weeks. He started out trying to go through every step like he’d planned: a first date, a first dinner, a first dance and more. But Lu was making things hard. Very hard.
Lying to Her Grumpy New Boss: Cates Brothers #3 Page 24