“More.” She moaned into Merle’s mouth. Merle used her leg to support Hayley and her fingers to stoke her clit. The orgasm buildup started in her feet and traveled up her legs.
After she came, she exhaled deeply. “You’re—”
Merle said, “I’d like to be dried off and in between soft sheets, and then you may do with me what you will.” They rubbed themselves and each other dry.
In bed, Merle kissed her gently everywhere. “These are called rose-petal kisses.” She kissed lightly, just the barest touch on hundreds of spots. Each one was like a butterfly had flapped its wings on her flesh.
Hayley was in a waking-dream state, but she dimly recalled that she’d wanted to do something specific to Merle that she hadn’t gotten around to the other time.
“Merle?” Merle stopped kissing her and looked up, her eyes soft and loving,
“Yes, love?”
“Come hold me.”
Merle dutifully stretched out next to her and wrapped her up in a snug embrace. “Like this?”
“Yes. Like this.”
“I’ll do anything you want, but I really want to make love to you again.”
“Shh. Don’t be greedy. You just did a few minutes ago in the shower.”
“I’m very greedy. And relentless. You’ll find that out.”
“Oh, I’ve no doubt, but before you do, I’ve something important to tell you. Then I get my turn with you, and boy are you going to get it.”
“Bring it on, but what do you have to tell me first?”
Hayley turned on her side so their gazes locked. Merle’s grayish-blue eyes were grave and attentive.
“I was married when I was twenty-two years old. I had no idea what I was about, what he was about, or what love was about. Clueless doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
Hayley put her hands on either side of Merle’s face and spoke with as much sincerity as she could possibly muster.
“I thought I was in love, but I know I was nowhere close to it. I learned what women in love do by watching videos and reading books, but I couldn’t really appreciate what it’s like or what it means until I was with you. I get what all the excitement’s about. The only resemblance between what it’s like with you and what it was like with him is that both involve two human beings and sexual organs. That’s it. I never had an orgasm with him.”
Merle’s eyes widened. “Never? Not once?”
“Nada. I gave them to myself. But it’s more than that, much more. When you touch me, I feel in my soul that we’re deeply connected. I experienced that the first time and thought it was just me.”
Merle smiled ruefully and rubbed her arm. “I feel that too, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’m sure now.”
Hayley melted at her expression. “Okay. I just had to get that out. I’m ready to keep going.”
“Yay!” Merle started to roll them over so that Hayley was under her, but Hayley stopped her.
“Nuh-uh. Just settle down, lover.” She pushed Merle onto the bed, none too gently, and kneeled over her. “You’ll do it my way.”
“Righto. I’m all yours. Do with me what you will. You’re very cute when you’re being dominant.” Merle grinned and stretched out to her full height, put her hands behind her head, and closed her eyes.
Hayley fell on her, jamming her thighs open with her leg and pushing against her. Merle embraced her and rubbed her ass. Hayley wanted to make love to Merle while she was close enough to sense her every movement and tremor. Oral sex was sexy and sensual, but she was too far away from the rest of Merle’s body.
She whispered into Merle’s ear as she stroked her all over. “Can I go inside you?”
“Yes, please.”
She entered her with one finger, then with two, and pushed as far as she could. Merle’s body jerked.
“Oh. Yes. Keep doing that.”
Hayley obliged.
“Wait. Sorry. Just stop for one sec.”
Hayley, alarmed, obeyed her.
Merle rolled over and opened a drawer on her nightstand and took out a small plastic bottle. “Hold out your hand.”
Hayley did and Merle poured some fluid into it. “Lube. Sometimes, I get a little dry. This will help.”
They resumed what they were doing. The silky feeling of the lubricant was surprisingly nice, and its effect on Merle was miraculous. Her labia and vagina grew soft and squishy. She arched her body into Hayley’s hand.
Hayley kept an arm around her and asked softly, “Will you come this way?”
“Rub my clit with your thumb,” she said. “Like this.” She guided Hayley’s hand to the right position.
Hayley experimented until she could keep her fingers in place and the back of her thumb hard against Merle’s clitoris. The results were amazing. When she came, Hayley could feel everything: the pelvic thrusts, the contractions of her muscles as they closed around her fingers. She’d never felt so powerful, nor had she ever experienced such profound sexuality. Causing and then witnessing and experiencing a woman’s deep pleasure was transcendent. Nothing in her life compared to it.
Merle stopped moving and released a deep, satisfied sigh. Hayley kissed her face, then her lips. She was limp in her arms. The whole thing awed Hayley.
*
Hayley wasn’t sure how the group would receive her news about Merle. Some of them had been looking for love for years, yet she’d found it in a mere five months. It might strike some women as too good to be true. Hayley felt that way herself sometimes, but the thought disappeared when she looked into Merle’s eyes. Merle was no longer opaque or withdrawn. She was totally there, physically and emotionally. It was a marvelous transformation.
Hayley took her seat in the familiar circle, thinking it might be her last meeting. She couldn’t see the need for the group any longer. This was going to be good-bye.
When her turn came, she said simply, “I’ve fallen in love with Merle and she has with me. We’re together.” A lot of gasps and a few claps filled the room.
Sheila, the incurable romantic said, “Aww. That’s so nice. Congratulations.”
Diane, the skeptic, said, “Well, that was fast.”
Amy tilted her head and looked at Hayley for a moment. “I’m not surprised. What now?”
“That’s a good question. On one level, I feel like I’m out, but my work isn’t done. I haven’t come out at work yet, and Mom hasn’t fully reconciled herself to my ‘decision.’ When I introduce her to Merle, I hope that will change.”
The women laughed.
Betty said, “You’re never really done, you know. It’s a lifelong process. If you want to continue to come and share your experience, it would be great.”
Hayley thought about the invitation. “Maybe I will. I have a lot of fun with you guys, and I’ve learned a lot. Maybe it would be good to stay.”
Everyone but Diane said, “Oh, yeah, please stay!” or something similar.
*
One evening, Merle and Hayley forced themselves to forgo sex for a short time in order to discuss their new status and what it meant. It was Hayley who suggested they have a talk, and Merle agreed.
“I have no desire to see other people, but I don’t know how you feel. Is it weird that we’re already living together?”
Merle chuckled because it was so Hayley—the questions, the need to nail down all relationship parameters explicitly. Merle didn’t mind. After years of Kay’s maddening endless ambiguity and elusiveness, the request was refreshing.
“It’s kind of strange that we’re already living together, but at least we know we’re compatible.”
“Yeah, that’s true. It’s kind of the reverse of how it usually happens, isn’t it? Usually people fall in love, find out their sexual compatibility, and then move in.”
“Right. So we did it backward. Who cares?”
“Not me, but I still have my original question.” Hayley fell silent, looking intently at Merle.
“I can’t see any circumstances where
I’d want to see other women. I’m too old for that. I don’t have the time or patience. It’s actually quite nice that the universe kind of dumped you into my lap. Very convenient. I don’t have to go through that messy and annoying process of dating.”
Hayley shoved her but laughed.
“What about you, missy?” Merle asked.
“What about what? I told you already. I can get all the experience I need with you. But, come to think of it, you haven’t dug out any of your toys. What’s up with that? I said I wanted to try a dildo. Maybe even a strap-on. Ooh, just thinking about it makes me wet, and—”
“Hayley, I’ve got some bad news. I don’t have any toys.”
Hayley’s shoulders drooped and her face fell. “Why not? You don’t like them? What?”
“Kay got them in the divorce. I was so distracted, I didn’t question why she’d want them. I just let it go. Now I know why.” She grimaced.
“Oh, right, the other woman.”
Merle put an arm around Hayley and squeezed her shoulders and nuzzled her hair. Hayley relaxed into her and they kissed.
Merle leaned back and touched Hayley’s adorable nose. “Besides, it’s the height of tackiness to use sex toys from your ex-lover on your new lover.”
“Eww. Yeah. You’re right.” She wrinkled her nose.
“So that means we get to go shopping.”
Hayley squealed and jumped on Merle’s lap.
Hayley tore herself away from kissing her and said, “There’s something else I wanted to ask you.”
Merle kissed her neck and said, “Mmm. Whatever it is, the answer is yes.”
Hayley pulled back to make eye contact with her and said, “You might rethink that when you hear what it is.”
Merle raised her eyebrows. “Okay.”
“I want you to meet my mother.”
Merle started laughing and said, “Sorry. Love. I’m not laughing at you. Well, I kind of am. That’s not what I thought you were going to say. Never mind.” She shrugged. “Sure. Whenever you want.”
Hayley said, “I’m not sure. I’m nervous about it.”
“Of course. It’s a big deal.”
“She wasn’t exactly positive when I first told her.”
“So you said. It’ll take some time.”
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“No worries. I’ll be fine.”
“I am really concerned, and I want it to go well.” Hayley had worked herself into a full-fledged case of anxiety.
“Of course you do, but you can’t control the whole scenario or your mom’s reactions.”
“She’s got all these preconceived ideas. She probably doesn’t know any gay people. She lives in Concord and she’s—”
“Hayley, sweetheart. Calm down. It’ll be fine.”
Hayley took a deep breath and concentrated on Merle’s encouraging smile and the feel of her hands. She exhaled. “Yes. I think so. I hope so.”
*
Hayley was grateful that Merle offered to drive them across the Bay to visit Ellie. She assumed she wouldn’t be able to concentrate properly on driving. Instead her mind was free to roam and come up with all kinds of unpleasant possibilities. She’d asked ahead of time if she could bring Merle, and Ellie had agreed, but to Hayley’s ears, her mother’s assent sounded begrudging, though that was possibly her imagination.
Merle told her, “Try to be cool about it. The more calm and matter-of-fact you are, the more relaxed she’ll be. This is just part of normal life. You take your beloved to meet your parents. It’s what people do.”
“I know, I know.” Merle’s advice both reassured and annoyed her. Merle didn’t know Ellie.
Hayley bristled, thinking about the thoughtlessly homophobic comments Ellie might make and hurt Merle’s feelings. Protectiveness and defiance fought for dominance in Hayley’s psyche. She struggled to focus on being positive and remaining calm. If nothing else, Ellie had to be curious about what sort of woman Hayley might end up with. That was the key to the success of the whole thing. Hayley had to let Ellie get to know Merle and replace vague stereotypes with a living, breathing human. They had to start the process sometime, and the sooner the better.
When they walked into the old-fashioned suburban ranch home, Hayley called loudly, “Mo-om, we’re here.” She heard a faint answer from the back of the house. Soon enough, they stood in the dining room face-to-face.
Hayley made her introduction, and Merle solemnly shook Ellie’s hand and favored her with a restrained but sincere smile. “I’m very pleased to meet you, and thank you for inviting me to your home.”
Hayley couldn’t divine what was going on in Ellie’s mind. She seemed almost like a youngster struggling to be on her best behavior for her parents’ important company. She was a little overformal and much less talkative than usual. As agreed, Hayley kept quiet and let Merle converse with Ellie, which she did in a series of innocuous and polite comments on the house, the lunch, the weather in Concord versus San Francisco, and Ellie’s garden. Hayley had fed her information she could use, and Ellie started to thaw a bit and stop appearing as though she expected the roof to fall at any moment. Hayley should have known Merle would be expert at putting someone at ease. She was actually content to observe.
They’d finished their lunch and sat on the deck, drinks in hand. Merle and Ellie spoke at length about gardening and the various seasonal plants, pesky insect invaders, and how to cope with drought.
There was a pause, and Ellie beamed at both of them and asked, “So do you girls think you’ll be getting married soon?”
Merle’s genial expression faltered. Clearly she didn’t expect that question to come up. Hayley was floored as well.
“Mom. I just got divorced, I don’t think I want to rush into anything that soon.”
“Oh, I know, dear. I hear so much about it on the news, it made me wonder.”
Merle cleared her throat. “I can remember back when I was young and no one who was gay had the slightest inkling that marriage would be possible. We all said, ‘who needs marriage?’ It was easier to just not care about it.”
“The world has changed, hasn’t it?” Ellie asked. “We’ve all learned to think about these things differently.”
“I believe so. In answer to your question, I wouldn’t presume to rush Hayley into anything, but yes, it’s something I’ve thought about. Something I hope she might consider. In the future.”
Hayley looked at Merle closely and reached for her hand. “I would. Really.”
Ellie caught the gesture and smiled. “I look forward to it. Now. Do you want more iced tea?”
*
“Okay, okay. You can say I told you so. You’re allowed.”
They were on their way home, and Hayley was surprised it had gone so smoothly. She wasn’t exactly disappointed, but she felt silly for having blown it up into a big drama in her head.
“Not at all, sweetheart. You were right to be nervous. It’s a big step. It went well and we were fine. It’s all good.”
“I never in a million years thought she would mention marriage. That was unbelievable.”
“Well. It’s not out of the question, is it?” Merle turned briefly to make eye contact.
“No. It’s not. Not at all.” Hayley paused.
“It’s crazy, but I think I may be still having a hard time accepting that I’m a lesbian so I think everyone else in my life is going to not be supportive. No one at work but Britt knows. Still. I’ve got to do something about that soon.”
Merle patted her leg. “Honey, you’re not crazy. Don’t worry, and yes, you’re going to have some unconscious negative feelings. It’s called internalized homophobia. We all go through it. The culture sends us too many bad messages. Things are so much better now, but they’re not perfect. You’ll get more used to your new life. You’ll gradually come out. It’s a process, you know, not an event. A lifelong process, actually.”
“Oh, Merle, love, you’re so smart. I some
times forget you’ve gone through all of this already. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“Good news, you don’t have to.” Merle squeezed her thigh and Hayley tingled, happy they’d be home soon. She picked up Merle’s hand and rubbed it on her cheek.
*
A couple of weeks later, Merle and Hayley sat on the couch in Sigrid and Clea’s living room. Their first visit to Clea and Sigrid as a couple was for Thanksgiving dinner. Things had gotten complicated when Ellie had invited them for dinner after they’d accepted Sigrid and Clea’s invitation. Ellie was disappointed, but she asked them to come for dessert.
Arthur was invited as well, and Clea and Sigrid’s two cats were sequestered in a bedroom. Arthur seemed to sense his privilege. He sat erect next to the couch, his head swiveling from Merle and Hayley to Sigrid and finally to Clea, who was setting the dining room table, and then back to Merle again.
Hayley was nearly sitting in Merle’s lap. Merle kept an arm around her, slowly moving her hand from Hayley’s neck to her butt. Hayley had her head on Merle’s shoulder and kissed her cheek or nuzzled her neck every so often. Her soft breaths tickled, and Merle shivered. She couldn’t stop smiling.
“If you two weren’t so cute, you’d be disgusting,” Sigrid said with an insufferable air of self-satisfaction. Merle was happy to let her enjoy her unspoken, but quite obvious, “I told you so.”
Clea said, “You having fun with the weather? Getting out on Bernal Hill? Girl, it’s way too warm for November.” They’d had an unexpected heat wave the last week: the last gasp of summer.
“Yep. We walk the dog every day. He loves it…It sure as heck is warm. Very warm.” Hayley discreetly stuck her tongue in Merle’s ear, making her jump.
Sigrid noticed and grinned and shook her head.
“May all our Novembers be warm,” Merle said. “And all our other months too.” Hayley kissed her as Clea and Sigrid laughed.
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Warm November Page 24