“Just giving you a heads-up that Kallie isn’t going home right away,” he says, and my head snaps up to him.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Jacob?” Casey says, and all Jacob does is disconnect the call.
“Jacob, I want you to take me home,” I say, and he just shakes his head.
“There are things that need to be said,” he says, and then he makes his way to the creek. I know he’s going there.
“We can talk tomorrow over coffee.” My hand holds onto the door for dear life. My heart is beating so fast all I can do is hear the echoes in my ears.
He doesn’t say anything to me when he parks the car and turns off the light, and he turns to look at me with his back to the door. “Kallie, we can do this one of two ways. The easy way or the hard way.”
“I don’t even know what that means,” I say, opening the door and jumping out of his truck. “Honest to God, Jacob, I have no idea what that means.”
The sound of his door closing fills the silent air. “Aren’t you tired of running?” he asks.
“Fuck you, Jacob,” I spew at him and turn to walk toward the creek. “Let’s get this over with so I can go home and forget tonight.”
During the whole walk to the creek, I just get angrier at the nerve of him demanding this shit and the audacity of him forcing me to do this. “I don’t know why we have to do this,” I finally say when I hear the creek. “There really isn’t much to say.”
“What are you talking about?” he says.
I see the rock, and I stop and turn around to look at him. I don’t why looking at him gets my stomach fluttering. I don’t know why there is suddenly a lump in my throat. Maybe it’s because he’s going to say things I don’t want to hear. “I’m talking about this conversation. It’s pretty much self-explanatory.”
“Is it?” He puts his hands in his back pockets, and his chest is so much bigger for some reason. Or maybe it’s the darkness or the shadows.
“It is.” Folding my arms over my chest, I say, “Everything that we had was a lie.”
“What?” he asks, shocked.
“So how long were you fucking Savannah?” I ask, ignoring the lump in my throat and the tears burning my eyes. “Was it the whole time?”
“It’s not what you think,” he says, and I shake my head.
“Eight years!” I shout. “After eight fucking years, all you can come up with is it’s not what you think?”
“Kallie.” He hisses my name, and I get even more angry. My stomach feels like a tsunami is in it with all the nerves I have.
“I’m here, Jacob.” I throw my hands up. “This is what you wanted to talk about it. Well, I’m asking my questions.”
“It’s not that easy,” he says softly and looks down.
“When did it happen?” I ask what I’ve been asking myself for the last eight years. “When? Was it in my face the whole time?” He shakes his head. “That’s it? That’s all you got?”
“All I can say is it’s not what you think,” he says, and I now lose the battle of my tears.
“When did you fall out of love with me?” I ask him softly.
“Never,” he says, his voice almost a whisper, and I have to laugh.
“Why?” I ask. “Why did you do it? Why didn’t you just break up with me?” My voice cracks, and he takes a step closer to me, but I take a step back. “Why, Jacob?” I put my hand in front of my trembling lips. “Why didn’t you marry her?”
“Because she wasn’t you,” he says. Standing right in front of me, he places his hands on my face as he holds me there with his eyes on mine. “I’ve never loved anyone but you,” he says, and the tears roll over my rims and onto his thumbs. He brings his head closer to mine. “I’ve loved you my whole life,” he says right before his lips hit mine, and my hands go to his waist.
I’ve dreamed of this kiss every single day, no matter how much I told myself that I hated him. He would creep into my dreams, dreams that were filled with kisses. But nothing can compare to his real kiss.
His tongue mixes with mine, and my body gives in to him. I kiss him with everything that I have. I take and give him everything that I’ve wanted to in the past eight years. My head moves from right to left, and his hands go from my face to my hair as he steps closer to me. Our chests press together, his tongue fighting with mine over and over again.
I get lost in him, just as I always have. I get lost in the feel of him. I get lost in the love I have for him. “Kallie.” He whispers my name, and that memory of eight years ago flashes again in my mind.
“Jacob.” I blink once, twice, three times. I step out of his touch, and I look at him. “It’s over.”
“What?” he whispers.
“This.” I point at my chest and then at his. “This is over.”
“Never.” He shakes his head.
“It was over the minute you touched her,” I say, and then I look down at the ground and then up again. “It was over the minute you lied to me.”
“I never lied to you,” he says, his voice broken. “Never.”
“It is what it is, Jacob.” My voice comes out monotone, matching my heart. “Please don’t follow me.” I turn to walk away and stop turning. For eight years, I’ve hated him in my head, and for eight years, I dreamed of this moment to confront him. I thought I was going to be stronger, thought I would be a hard ass and demand answers. “For eight years, I’ve thought of this, right here. I thought that you could give me answers. I thought you could tell me, but now I know it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters because in the end you chose her.” I shrug now, keeping the sob at bay. “It would have been magical,” I say. “It would have been everything that I’ve ever dreamed of.”
“What would?” he asks, and I see a tear roll down his cheek.
“Our life.” I take one last look at him, and then I turn to make my way back to my house. I shed all of my tears, or what I feel are all my tears. Walking past the barn, I see that the only light on at Casey’s house is the porch light. I turn to walk toward my parents’ house, and I walk up the five steps to the porch, but instead of going into the house, I kick off my boots and walk to the porch swing. Sitting on the swing, I look off into the darkness of the night. My head hangs forward, suddenly too heavy to hold up.
The door creaks open, and I look over to see my mother coming out. She’s dressed in a white plush robe I sent her last year for Christmas. “Did I wake you?”
“No,” she says to me, coming over and sitting next to me, holding my hand in hers. My head falls to her shoulder. “Jacob called.”
“I love him,” I say softly.
“I know, baby,” she says, and I look at her and see she has her own tears running down her face. Leaning back, she lets go of my hand to put her arm around my shoulder, and I lie down with my head in her lap. She plays with my hair as she swings us.
“Tomorrow,” I say softly, my eyes getting heavy. “Tomorrow I’ll work on not loving him.”
Chapter Seventeen
Jacob
She stood there in front of me, each word stabbing me in the chest. Each time, I wanted to tell her the biggest secret of my life. Each time, I wanted to take her in my arms. Yet each time, the lie stopped me.
The kiss was everything that I remember but even better. I haven’t kissed anyone in eight years. I haven’t touched anyone in eight years. I haven’t because no one could measure up to her.
“It is what it is, Jacob.” Her voice came out like there was nothing left inside her. The fight was gone. “Please don’t follow me.” She turns and walks away from me, and I’m about to take a step toward her when she stops and turns around and looks at me. “For eight years, I’ve thought of this, right here. I thought that you could give me answers. I thought you could tell me, but now I know it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters because in the end you chose her.” She shrugs, and I want to fucking shout that it’s not true. That I would never do anything to hurt her. “It would have been magical,” she tells
“What would?” I ask, and now my own tears start to come.
“Our life,” she whispers and walks away from me. My legs actually give out on me, and I fall to my knees. I take out my phone and call the number I will always remember.
“Hello,” Charlotte says, answering the phone after one ring.
“Hey, it’s Jacob,” I say, my voice breaking.
“What happened?” she asks me, frantically, and I hear the covers rustle.
“I …” I start, “Kallie is on her way home.”
“Okay,” she says in a whisper.
“I’m going to make sure she gets there okay, but I won’t be with her.”
“I’ll be watching,” she says. Just as I’m about to hang up the phone, I hear, “Thank you, Jacob.”
Putting the phone in my pocket, I climb to my feet slowly and follow her back to her house. Never once getting close enough for her to know I’m there. The twigs cracking under her shoes is the only sound I hear.
She walks to the house, and when I see her kick off her boots and sit on the swing with her head hanging, anger and rage fill me because I did that to her. The woman with the most beautiful smile in the world sits with her head hanging because I just broke her again.
Turning, I make my way back to my truck and start it. I’m headed home when I turn back at the last minute. I pull up to the house, and the lights are all off. I knock on the door once, twice, and then the third time when I see the light in the hallway turn on.
I turn my back to the door and look out into the darkness of the night. When I hear the door unlock, I turn and look at Savannah, who looks like she was dead asleep. “Jacob?” She says my name with confusion. “What’s wrong?” She pulls her robe closer together.
“I was with Kallie tonight,” I say, “and she asked me when I fell out of love with her.”
“Jacob,” Savannah says softly, and she comes out of the doorway.
I take a step back. “She asked all the questions that I would ask her if the roles were reversed. She said I chose you over her.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says and shakes her head.
“She asked me all these fucking questions, and all I could answer her was it’s not what you think,” I say. “That’s all I could give her.”
“What do you want me to say?” Savannah asks, and it’s my turn now to ask her.
“I’m asking you permission to tell her.” I look down. “I promised you that I would keep your secret.” My heart speeds up.
“Jacob, what if she told someone?” she asks. “Everything will be ruined. Ethan will be thrown in this mess.”
“You think I don’t know that!” I shout at her now, angry with her. “You think this hasn’t crossed my mind in eight years? He is my son, mine.” I point at my chest. “Nothing will take that away from me and away from him.” I swallow. “I’m asking you to give me this, Savannah,” I plead with her. “Give me my life back. I beg you to give me back what you took from me.”
“I never wanted you to be caught up in this. I never wanted you to lose her. I know that losing her broke you, and I know that you blame me, even if you say you don’t. It’s why you flinch when I touch you. It’s why you won’t look me in the eye.”
“She’s my everything,” I say. “I thought I hated her for leaving, but I can’t.” I rub my chest. “I love her with everything I have, and I want her. I want my life back.”
“What about Ethan?” she asks me with tears now running down her face. “Where is he in all this?”
“Ethan is my son, and nothing will take that away,” I say. “Nothing.”
“Then tell her,” she says softly. Turning, she walks back in the house, closes the door, and locks it. The light in the house turns off, and I sit on the steps of the house. I don’t know how long I sit here, but when I get up, the sun is rising. I get in my truck and make my way back to Kallie.
I pull up to the front of her house, and Charlotte opens the front door right away and says, “Thought you would have been here earlier.” She’s still in her robe. I know she hasn’t been back to sleep since I called her.
“Where is she?” I ask, and she looks at me.
“She’s asleep on the back swing,” she tells me. “What are you going to do?”
“Something I should have done eight years ago,” I say honestly. “Fight for her.”
“It’s not going to be easy,” she says, wiping away a tear from her cheek. “She just came back. I can’t lose her again.”
“I know nothing I can say will make you believe me.”
“Actions speak louder than words.” I nod at her and walk around the house to the back porch. Kallie lies there with her hair sprawled all around her, and you can see her cheeks stained with tears. I walk up the steps as quietly as I can and crouch down in front of the swing.
I look at her sleeping, and all I can do is watch. My hand comes out without me thinking, and my thumb rubs her cheek. She stirs under me for a second, but her eyes stay closed. I play with her hair, and she finally opens her eyes. “Jacob.” She whispers my name, confused. “What are you doing here?”
“I need you to come with me,” I say, and she just looks at me with big tears in her eyes. “It’s the last thing I will ever ask you.”
“We said everything that needs to be said,” she says and sits up. “It’s just too much.”
“I didn’t say what I need to say,” I say. “I’m asking you to give me the chance to tell you everything.”
“You had your chance,” she says as she stands. “Just leave me.”
“I can’t,” I say, standing in front of her. “Just give me this chance.”
“If I give you this one chance,” she says, “promise me that after this, you will leave me alone.”
There is no way in fuck I can promise that or would, but I know that if I don’t, she won’t come with me, so I lie to her for the first time ever. “I promise.”
“I need to change. I’ll meet you in the front,” she says. I nod my head and watch as she picks up her boots and goes inside the house.
I’m about to walk to the front of the house when I see Casey walking toward me with a white coffee cup in his hand. His eyes narrow on me. “What are you doing here?” he asks me when he gets close enough. “She walked home by herself.”
“She was never by herself,” I say and look at the ground. “I was following her. I was just giving her space.”
“Not enough space if you’re here again,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Well, if I get my way, you’ll be seeing my face daily,” I say, and I don’t wait for him to answer. Instead, I walk to the front and wait for her beside my truck. When the door opens and she steps out, my breath hitches like every other time. She’s wearing white shorts this time with a beige top showing off her stomach, and she’s carrying a thermos cup in each hand. Her hair blows softly in the wind. I open the door for her, and she hands me a coffee.
“My mother sent this for you,” she says and climbs in the truck. I wait for her to sit before I close the door, then I walk to my side of the truck. Looking up at the front door where Charlotte stands, I just nod at her. I get in the car and hear her take a deep inhale. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Let’s,” I say, and I make my way to my house. She has never been to my house, and I’m hoping that she doesn’t refuse to come in, but with the secret I have to tell her, there is no way I could do it out in the open. As much as I love her, I still have to protect my son, and having the secret out into the world will put him in more danger than I care to think about.
I pull up to my house and press the button for the garage and drive in. “I thought we were going to do this at the creek,” she says softly beside me.
“What I need to tell you can’t be said there,” I say, and she looks down at the cup in her hand.
“Is this your house?” she asks me and then looks at me.
“Yes,” I say. “Give me fifteen minutes, and if you still want to leave, I’ll take you home.”
She debates a bit and then opens the door. I get out with her and wait for her at the stairs that lead to the mud room. I open the door for her and wait for her to step in, and she doesn’t move from the entryway.
“This way,” I say and lead her from the mud room through the white kitchen toward the family room. It’s the room where we spend all our time. Her eyes roam around the room toward the back wall that holds the fireplace and the television on top of it, but her eyes pause on the framed pictures on the built-in shelves. Ethan’s first day at school. His first Christmas. Pictures of us fishing together. The pictures are all there, but one thing is clear. This is where I live with my son.
“I’m here,” she says, trying not to make eye contact with me. “What do you have to say?” I take a deep breath, and for the first time, I tell her my side of the story.
Chapter Eighteen
Kallie
I fell asleep with his kiss on my lips and my heart heavier than it’s ever been before. What I wasn’t expecting was for him to be there with me when I got up.
His eyes shine as he watched me, asking him to give him a chance to tell his side of the story. It was too little, too late, my brain screamed while my heart said to give him this one chance. I got in his truck with my mother’s words lingering in my mind. “He isn’t the only one keeping secrets, Kallie.”
No, he wasn’t, and before this day was over, he would know my secret. He would know it all. I looked out the window, watching the trees pass us by without saying a word, not realizing we were going so far out of the way until we pulled up to a white house with wooden slates around the big windows. We pull into the garage, and I know we are at his house. His house where he lives with his child and God knows who else. I don’t want to get out, but we need to have this talk. I follow him to the mud room, and I try not to look around and invade his privacy. We walk past the white kitchen on one side and a dining room table on the other with eight chairs. A schoolbag sits in the middle of the table with some papers stacked on top.
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