Southern Chance

by Natasha Madison

  We walk into the family room, and my eyes go to the pictures on the shelves. Pictures of his life with his son. I try to calm my heart as I feel a panic attack coming on. In and out, I tell myself.

  “I’m here,” I say to him, not looking at him. “What do you have to say?” He takes a deep breath, and I look at him.

  “Jesus,” he says, putting his hand on his neck and looking up at the ceiling. “I’ve gone over this speech so many times in my head, but now that it’s here, I don’t even know where to start,” he says and laughs, but a tear comes out of his eyes. “Before I even start, I want to make one thing clear. I’ve never ever stopped loving you, even when I didn’t want to.”

  “I think I need to sit down,” I say and slowly sit on the couch, facing him. He sits on the couch and rests his elbows on his knees. “You asked me before the biggest question, when did it happen?” he starts, and I suddenly think I’m going to be sick. Maybe I don’t want to know this. Maybe I should just accept that they were together. “The answer to that is—”

  “Stop,” I say, and I silently sob. “I know I wanted to know, but I don’t think I can.”

  “Never,” he whispers, and my head snaps back. “Never.” He shakes his head as tears pour out of him. “I was never with her.”

  “What?” I ask him as my head spins. “I don’t …”

  “Savannah came to me the night of prom and told me she was pregnant,” he says, his legs shaking now. “I was shocked. I had no idea she was dating anyone, let alone with someone.” I don’t know if I’m actually hearing this properly. “She was scared, petrified actually, and she had no idea what to do. Her mother was …” I put my hand up because I know exactly what her mother was. “She asked me to help her, and it just happened so fast. My head was spinning, and then you were there in front of me, and the whispers were already starting.”

  “You stood there in front of me and admitted it,” I say, angry with him, and I jump up.

  “I never admitted anything, Kallie,” he says softly. “Trust me, you think I forgot the moment my world shattered around me? I never said it was mine. I never ever said those words.”

  “But you said you could explain,” I say, the night coming back to me. “Why would you need to explain anything if it wasn’t yours?” I sit back down, looking into the same eyes of the man who stood in front of me eight years ago begging to let him explain.

  “You made me believe you cheated on me,” I say now, getting back up again and going to the fireplace where I can walk back and forth and make sense of what he just said to me. “You made me doubt everything!” I yell. “You fucking broke me. Why?”

  “She was desperate,” he says. “Her back was against the wall, and she was drowning. After you left town, I figured I had nothing else left. There was no reason to tell my side of the story, so I kept her secret.”

  “Who knows?” I ask.

  “My father,” he says, and my hand goes to my mouth, “and you.”

  “What about Beau?” I ask. “Surely, the three musketeers would fill him in on that secret.”

  “There is no way that we could tell him,” he says and looks down and then up. “It’s Liam’s.”

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” I shout, and I want to throw something, break something. “This whole fucking thing is a—”

  “Yeah,” he says, cutting me off.

  “You chose her,” I say softly. “Out of all this, you chose her.”

  “I never chose her,” he tells me, getting up. “I chose Ethan.” He says his name, and I look at him with tears in his eyes. “In all this, I chose my son.”

  When he says the words, my body starts to shake. I start to shake. “Your son,” I whisper.

  “Yeah, I have a son,” he says. I look at him, and at that moment, everything comes out of me.

  “You have two sons,” I whisper, my secret now free from Pandora’s box.

  “What?” he says, getting up now and looking at me. “What did you say?”

  He gave me his truth, and now it’s time to give him mine. “I said you have two sons.”

  “Oh my God,” he says, putting his hands to his mouth.

  “I found out I was pregnant a month after I left. I was beside myself. I lost so much weight. I was sleeping and vomiting. I couldn’t keep anything down. I just thought I was depressed.” I don’t stop, knowing that if I stop, I won’t have the courage to continue. “My mother came and finally forced me to go to the doctor. I was twelve weeks along. They turned off the lights in the small white room and put gel on my stomach, and then I saw our son for the first time. His heartbeat was strong, and at that moment, I knew that whatever you did, we created this amazing boy.”

  “My son.” His voice is a whisper.

  “It wasn’t an easy pregnancy,” I say. “I ate for him, I drank for him, I lived for him. My baby. My son.”

  “Our son,” he reminds me, and I look down.

  “When I was twenty-one weeks, I got a sharp cramp, and I thought it was just stomach pains.” I put my hand to my stomach, feeling the emptiness. “Then the bleeding started.”

  “Kallie …” He says my name, but I’m in a trance as I’m back to that day.

  “I rushed to the hospital,” I sob out, “calling my mother along the way, and she rushed there. When I got to the hospital, they put me in the bed, and I lay there while all this blood poured out of me. I tried to stop it, tried to close my legs, thinking it would stop it. In almost the same room that I listened to our son’s heartbeat, I was told there was no more heartbeat.” He roars out a sob and falls to his knees in front of me, and I want to do the same. “These things happen, they told me. I was in a state of shock by the time my mother got there. Catatonic almost, but it wasn’t over. I had to deliver our child. He was perfect.” I sob. “He was the most beautiful baby in the world. I held him for as long as they would let me. I told him that you loved him more than anything in the world. I told him that he had to be our angel now.” The crushing blow was even more now than it was on that day. “I blamed myself for everything. If I wasn’t depressed, then maybe he would have survived. If I ate more, maybe he would be okay. If I didn’t cry every day, maybe he would have known how happy I was to be his mommy.” I walk over to Jacob now who sobs with his hands covering his face. “So you don’t have just one son, you have two.”

  “Kallie,” he says, and I walk closer to him. He grabs my hips and puts his face to my stomach and kisses it. “I’m so sorry.”

  My hand goes into his hair, like I always do, my own tears falling and mixing with his. “I named him Gabriel.” The sob rips through him now, and I hold Jacob in my arms as he cries for our child.

  “I’m so sorry.” He keeps saying that over and over again, and I look at him.

  “I’m sorry for doubting you, and I’m sorry that I ran from you.” I lean in and put my forehead against his. “I was just so devastated that the only thing I could do was run.”

  He’s about to say something else when the front door opens, and all we hear is screaming. “Dad, I’m home!” His eyes fly to mine, and then it happens in slow motion.

  “Dad?” We hear again, and Ethan comes into the room with a huge smile on his face that falls when he sees me with his father. Or it falls because he sees his father in tears.

  “Ethan.” Jacob stands, and I want to say that it doesn’t hurt me, but I’m gutted. Hearing his son call him dad and knowing that our son would be his age. I’m about to get up and excuse myself to leave when I hear Cristine.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” she hisses, and it’s Jacob who talks now.

  “Buddy, bring your bag in your room and bring me down your laundry,” he tells Ethan. The little boy looks at me, and I just smile.

  “Okay, Dad,” he says softly and walks away. Only when Jacob knows he’s out of the room does he look at his mother.

  “This ends now,” he tells her. “This shit. All of it.”

  “She deserted you in
your hour of need,” Cristine says. I want to tell her she’s right, but instead, I excuse myself.

  “I’m going to let myself out,” I say, not making eye contact. I turn to walk out of the house, hoping like fuck it’s an easy way to go. Luckily for me, the foyer is right in front of me, and the front door is now shining at me.

  My hand grabs the door handle, and I’m about to open it when I feel his hand on mine. “You can’t leave,” he says, my back against his chest. “You can’t just leave.”

  “I’m not leaving,” I say, but really, I am. “I’m just … we just have a lot to process, so I was going to go.” He turns me in his arms.

  “You were escaping again, and I’m not going to let you,” he says.

  “I just need some time,” I say. “I wasn’t running forever. I was just …” I look down. “It’s a lot to take in, and I just laid a lot out there for you, too. So it’s a good time to go to our separate corners and talk later.”

  I hear the crunch of rock, and I look over to see that it’s Casey. “Besides, you have Ethan here, and I just …”

  “Can I call you later?” he asks, wrapping his arms around me, and I nod at him. “Okay, then.” He kisses my lips softly. “But we have to finish this conversation.”

  “We will,” I say, and I turn to walk out of the door toward Casey, who looks at me when I get in the truck.

  “What’s the story?” he asks, and I look at him. “Do I need to take him out?”

  I shake my head with a laugh, my heart feeling just a touch lighter. “Not today.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jacob

  I watch her walk to Casey’s truck and get in and fucking hate it. I want her to stay here with us always.

  “You cannot be serious right now, Jacob,” my mother says from behind me, and I take a deep breath. “You brought that woman into your home.”

  “That woman is going to be my wife,” I say, turning around, and she takes a step back. “She just doesn’t know it yet. But I’m going to make her my wife, and if you push her away, that means you’ll be pushing me away.”

  “But …” she starts to say. “But you have Ethan and Savannah.” And Gabriel, I think to myself. I rub my chest where my tattoo hides. A tattoo I got when my father passed away of a cross for him and under it, I put Ethan’s birthday. I am going to have to add another birthday to that. I ignore the pain in my chest as I think of my child and the pain that she went through. Alone. Without me. Doubting that what we had was real.

  “I have Ethan, and Kallie knows this. It isn’t a surprise to anyone,” I say and walk back into the living room. “And as for Savannah, the only relationship I want with her is to co-parent with her, exactly as I have been.” I walk back into the kitchen and open the fridge to start breakfast.

  “But …” I lose it and slap my hand on the counter. I look to see if Ethan is in the room.

  “Mom, enough,” I hiss. “But nothing. Kallie is the one. She’s always been the one. She will always be the one.”

  “I can’t forgive her for leaving you,” she says and looks down. “I won’t.”

  “Then that’s too bad,” I say, “because I’m hoping like fuck Charlotte can forgive me for fathering a child that wasn’t her daughter’s.” She gasps. “Now, are you staying for breakfast or not?”

  “I think I am going to leave you and Ethan,” my mother says. “I think you have a lot to talk about. But,” she says softly, “just remember that he has a mother and doesn’t need a stand-in.” She turns on her heels and walks out, and I make a mental note that we are definitely going to have more words.

  “Where is Grandma?” Ethan comes into the room with his basket of dirty clothes.

  “She had to take off,” I say and start to make breakfast while he carries his clothes to the laundry room.

  “Can I watch television?” He looks at me, and I nod while I make him pancakes, bacon, and eggs. He turns off the television and comes to the island when I call him to come eat. He gets on the stool and looks over at me. “Did you and Grandma have a fight?”

  “Why do you say that?” Wondering if he heard what we were arguing about, I look over at him.

  “I heard her yell, and then she left.” He chews a piece of pancake. “Who was that girl?”

  “Grandma and I were just talking,” I say, “and that girl was Kallie.”

  He looks at me. “Kallie and I were best friends when we were in high school.”

  “Like you and Mom and Uncle Beau?” he asks.

  “She was actually my girlfriend,” I say, and he looks at me and then takes another bite of his food. No doubt he’s processing everything. He’s always been like that.

  “Where has she been?” I look over at him.

  “She left for school, and she just came back,” I say. “You know Casey, right?”

  “Is that the cowboy?” he asks with his eyes big. “He’s so cool. Last year at the county fair, he lasted the longest on the bull.” I roll my eyes.

  “He isn’t that cool,” I say, and he laughs. “But yes, that is her brother.”

  “Cool,” he says again, picking up his eggs and then looking at me. “Are you going to start dating her again?”

  I think about how to answer this. I don’t want to lie to my son, but I also want to be honest with him because if I get my way, she is going to be here a lot more. “I hope so.”

  “Buy her candy,” he says with a smile. “Lollipops for sure.”

  “Is that so?” I smirk at him, and he nods his head.

  “I brought Alexis one, and she held my hand the whole recess,” he says. “But it made my hand all sweaty and gross, so I am not going to do that again.” I throw my head back and laugh. I lean over and kiss his head, and I think of our son and only then do I realize they would be the same age. Tears spring to my eyes, and I blink them away but not before he sees them. “You don’t have to hold her hand if you don’t want to.”

  “I want to hold her hand,” I say, “and I want her to come over for dinners, and I want you to meet her.”

  “She’s pretty,” he says, finishing his last piece of pancake. “We should invite her for movie night.”

  “That is a great idea,” I say and get up, grabbing our plates and rinsing them off. “Now go get your homework so we can get that over with.”

  He grumbles and groans while he walks to the back room when the doorbell rings. Turning the water off, I walk to the door and see it’s Savannah. I unlock the door, and she smiles at me when I step to the side to let her come in. “Hey,” she says softly, “is Ethan here?”

  “He is,” I say, shutting the door behind her and looking at her. She looks like she hasn’t slept, and you can see that she has been crying. “Is everything okay?”

  “You tell me, Jacob.” She stands there. “Is everything going to be okay?”

  “If you’re asking me if Kallie is going to tell anyone, the answer is no,” I say. I didn’t actually tell her not to, but I’m assuming she knows that the secret is just ours. “She wouldn’t do that.”

  “Wouldn’t she?” Savannah says. “She doesn’t know what it’s like being pregnant and alone.”

  I’m about to snap when Ethan comes in the room, and Savannah sees the glare on my face. “Mom,” he says, hugging her waist, “what are you doing here?”

  “I thought it would be a good weekend to go up and visit Grammy,” she says of her mother who lives three towns over. She worked for Beau’s parents for twenty years, and then right before Ethan was born, she hightailed it out of town, leaving her daughter pregnant and alone. The only one it surprised was Savannah.

  “Can we go to the fair?” he asks, his eyes going big.

  “Yeah, if they’re in town, we can.” She smiles at him. “Now go get your stuff.”

  “I’m going to win you another bear, Mom,” he says with a smile and then runs to get his stuff.

  “You’re taking a Saturday off?” I look at her, and she shrugs.

  “After
the brawl last night …” She shakes her head. “It’ll take a couple of days for them to clean up and fix the holes.”

  “Was it that bad?” I ask, and she nods.

  “It was fine until someone threw a chair, and then it went downhill,” she says and then looks down. Ethan comes in the room wearing his backpack and a hat on his head. “Say bye to Dad.”

  “Bye, Dad,” he says, and I grab his face in my hands.

  “Love you, kid.” I kiss his nose and then his forehead. “Call me when you get there.”

  “Will do,” Savannah says, and I walk out of the house and watch them drive away.

  I pick up my phone and call the number again, feeling nervous suddenly. It’s like I’m back in high school. Charlotte answers the phone after three rings, sounding out of breath. “Hey, Mrs. Barnes.”

  “Hey,” she says softly, and I have to wonder if Kallie told her that I now know about the baby. “How are you doing?” Her voice goes lower, and my question is answered.

  “I’m doing good. Is Kallie there?” I ask, and she calls Kallie who picks up the phone.

  “Hey,” I say to her, and her voice is sleepy. “Were you sleeping?”

  “No,” she says, and I hear the blankets rustle. “Just resting.”

  “I was wondering if you’d like to spend the day with me?” I ask. My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I wait for her answer.

  “Don’t you have Ethan?”

  “He just left with Savannah for the weekend,” I say. “I’m sitting out on my porch, and all I can think about is you.” Looking up at the sun shining in the sky, I say, “We need to finish our talk.”

  “Yeah,” she says softly. “We were interrupted.”

  “If you want, I can pick you up,” I say, and I’m so anxious I just want to tell her I’ll be there in ten minutes.