by KB Winters
“Oh!” I exclaimed, feeling like I’d been punched in the gut. At the sudden appearance of the tot, my ghosts came raging back to me, and the surroundings of Kat’s entryway faded to black as a long lost memory filled my mind.
A long, dark hallway filled with smoke and the distant sounds of screams. People running everywhere, calling to one another. I gripped my gun and rounded a corner, scouting to provide ground cover as my team infiltrated hostile territory. We’d been tasked with rescuing a group of hostages from an extremist group—all of which would be armed to the teeth and incredibly dangerous—that were holed up in a bunker on the outskirts of a small town carved out of the mountain range.
We’d spent weeks planning, running down every scenario, before going in. But nothing could have prepared any of us for what had actually happened…
As we’d been progressing down a hallway, towards the location of the hostages, someone had tripped a wire and in a flash, a battle exploded around us. I’d been on my way to the check point, to rally with the team, and somehow got off the path, and ended up alone, charging down a hallway, listening to the chaos erupting around me and praying to anyone listening that I’d have a team to meet when I made it back.
I wove through the series of tunnels, ready to loop back at the sound of a yell, when a small boy had appeared, his arms wrapped around a gun that when stood up would be taller than him. Before I had the chance to speak, a man rounded the corner, tore the gun from the boy, and aimed it at me. I pulled the trigger, hitting him in the center of his forehead, before the man had fully aimed at me, and left the boy screaming over the dropped body…for all I knew it had been his father.
I’d had no choice…
It had been three and a half years ago but the memory of the boy with the gun in his arms, and later, wailing over the dead man, still haunted too many nightmares to count—most of them coming for me when asleep, but even more chilling when they came for me in my waking hours.
I pressed my eyes shut and released a tense breath that I hadn’t remembered gulping into my lungs.
“This is Jax,” Kat’s voice broke through the terror gripping my heart, soothing away the pain, and chasing away the darkness. I took one more slow breath and opened my eyes to find her kneeling on the floor in front of Jax, messing with his shirt, and not looking in my direction—for which I was thankful. I hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about that night, other than my team, and although I trusted Kat—I wasn’t anywhere near ready to expose my heart and show her all the twisted scars wrapped around it.
“Jax, this is mama’s friend, Jace,” Kat continued, finally looking up at me with an easy smile.
My muscles uncoiled one at a time as I took the two steps to close the space between us, and knelt down next to Kat in front of the beaming toddler. “Pleased to meet you Jax. Thanks for having me over for dinner, buddy.”
Jax held out his hand, prompting me to shake it and Kat burst out laughing. “Where’d you learn to do that, little Mr.?” She smiled and ruffled his hair and I took his hand, shaking his tiny palm between my fingertips and thumb.
He laughed and ran off down the hall. I straightened and looked at Kat, who was watching him race away, her face appeared torn between two emotions, her eyes sad, but her lips still set in a small smile. “I guess his dad’s been taking him to business meetings,” she said, more to herself than me.
I kept my distance and tucked my hands into my pockets. After a second, she snapped out of her fog, and turned to me with a genuine smile. “Sorry it’s such a circus tonight. I guess you’re getting the full deal.”
“Sounds like fun to me. A lot more fun than the circus over at my place…” I said with a shrug.
Kat gave me a considering look and then made her way to the kitchen. It was a galley style with counter tops and appliances on either side. It was nice and clean, but everything looked builder grade and simple. She opened the fridge and pulled out a glass pitcher with an amber liquid. “Sweet tea?” She offered, hoisting it up.
“Sure,” I agreed. Truth be told, I’d rather have a beer, but I didn’t want to make her feel put out, since she’d been nice enough to invite me over. My fridge at home was packed with beer—I could wait.
Kat poured a tall glass for me and set it down on the small, four person table in the attached nook. “I have beer or wine, but I try not to drink when Jax is here, but after he goes to bed, we can get to the good stuff,” she said, throwing me a playful wink before going back to put away the pitcher.
I chuckled. “Best news I’ve heard all day.” I sipped at the tea and Kat began checking on whatever was in the oven. As she opened the door, a flood of smells filled the room, and my stomach rumbled in response. Had I even eaten anything today? I wondered, mentally recounting my day. I’d gone to the diner and ate half a sandwich earlier, but that was it. Geeze, I need to get it together.
“I noticed you’ve been a little…off…this past week. Anything you wanna talk about?” She asked, her voice casual, but her expression filled with concern as she leaned against the counter.
I rubbed the back of my neck as I sank down into one of the chairs around the table. I didn’t want to talk about what really had me rattled—seeing the three vets from my past—knowing it would open a conversation that I didn’t want to have. At least, not now. “Filming has been a little rougher than I remember. There’s a new director, John, and the guy’s an asshole.”
Kat quickly shot a look around the corner. “Sorry,” she said, turning back to me. “I wanted to make sure there weren’t any little ears lurking.”
A hot rush of shame lit me up. “Right, I’m sorry, not used to…” I left my thought unfinished.
Kat waved her hand at me, dismissing my concern. “No sweat. I know I can’t protect him from everything, but if he goes to my ex’s house and drops and “f” bomb—” she paused, and I swear I saw a slight shiver run up her back. “—let’s just say…that would be the stuff nightmares are made from.”
I nodded my understanding, even though her statement had conjured up about a dozen questions. She didn’t talk about her ex, and I wasn’t about to ask, but the more time went on, the more and more curious I got about her past. I also wanted to know what kind of loser, douchefuck would ever let a girl like Kat go.
She went back to stirring something on the stove top and looked lost in her own world, so I let myself stare at her a little longer, wondering what it would be like if this was my every day. What would it be like to come home to a wife, a son, and a dog? To have a home cooked meal with my own family, instead of cracking open a beer and microwave dinner in front of the news? To go to bed with the same woman lying next to me every night…
I’d had these questions before, in many different phases of life. When I’d been a SEAL, especially during my active years, I hadn’t let myself even consider it. After getting out, there were a few women I dated—or attempted to date. I’d been a little too broken to really have much to offer. Things were on a good swing now, but did that mean I was ready? Did I finally have something to offer a woman? A child?
Kat turned and smiled at me. “Could I talk you into throwing together a salad?”
It was an innocent question, and yet, somehow it felt like an answer.
Chapter Six — Kat
Although we weren’t touching, somehow, having Jace standing with me, side by side, working to prepared dinner, felt far more intimate than anything I’d done with a man in ages. He chopped the veggies I’d washed and laid out, while I got the roast chicken from the oven and began carving it up, laying the pieces out on a platter. It was such a simple thing, and we didn’t talk much as we worked, both of us mulling over other things, but there was an invisible thread connecting us, and I rested in the silence, basking in the comfortable way we worked together—as though this was something we did every day.
I shot a sideways glance at him, studying his strong, stubble coated jaw, and wished I could peek inside his mind and uncover h
is thoughts. He’d opened up a little, but I could tell there was more hiding beneath the surface. It was almost as though the more time we’d spent together, the more questions I came up with, instead of the other way around. Jace became more of a mystery each time we talked and I hadn’t been able to figure out the key to unlocking him just yet.
I was about to ask more about the show, when there was a soft knock at the door. My heart dropped into my stomach and my muscles tensed, as I couldn’t help but picture Mitch standing on the other side. It was a ridiculous thought. He was on a plane to some business function…but what if that had been a lie? What if it was a test of some kind? To see what I’d say? Or do?
“Do you want me to get that?” Jace asked, glancing over at my chicken coated hands.
“I got it. Thanks.” I answered with a tight smile. I rinsed my hands under a rush of warm water, and was still toweling them off as I went to the door, working to push aside the barrage of insane thoughts with each step. How on earth had Mitch managed to get me so tightly wound that a simple knock on the front door on a Friday night was enough to spin me off into a tizzy?
I popped up to check the peep hole and all remnants of fear drained away as I saw Hilda’s warm smile on the other side. I hurried to open the door, only remembering halfway that Jace was standing just a few feet away in my kitchen. Oh, I am never gonna hear the end of this…
“Hello, Hilda!” I greeted.
She was holding a tray of cookies, and offered it to me. “Hello, dear. I made too many, and thought you might need a little sweet treat to get you through your weekend.”
I smiled and took the cookies. “Thank you Hilda! Jax will love these—” as though on cue, the little man ran down the hall and scampered into the entryway, nearly crashing into the wall. “Speaking of…” I giggled. “Look what Miss. Hilda brought for us,” I said, lowering the tray so he could peek at the cookies.
He jumped into Hilda’s arms and the older woman beamed as she wrapped her arms around him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you!” She shot me a questioning look over his head.
“Yeah,” I started, ruffling Jax’s hair to prompt him to release Hilda from his baby bear hug. “Mitch had a work trip come up…so it’s just us…” I sneaked a glance back towards the kitchen that was partially blocked by a wall.
“Come see my new friend!” Jax told Hilda, grabbing for her hand. My mouth dropped open as he led her around the corner and stopped in the kitchen doorway to see Jace. He’d obviously heard the commotion, and had set down his knife on the counter and was wiping his hands on a kitchen towel. “Jace!” Jax bellowed, waving his arms at Jace, as though he were the finale in some spectacular magic trick.
Hilda, standing a step behind Jax, shot me a sly smile before introducing herself to Jace, “I’m Hilda, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Hilda is my next door neighbor and nanny extraordinaire,” I added, ignoring the triumphant sing-song that was beaming from Hilda as she continued to smile over at me and then back to Jace.
“Mmmm, a man who knows his way around a kitchen. You better hold onto this one, Kat,” Hilda purred over at me. No shame in her game, I thought, rolling my eyes. Before I could even try to explain, Hilda squeezed Jax’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before turning back to Jace. “It was nice to meet you.”
“Likewise, ma’am.” Jace replied, smiling at her.
Hilda gave him one last look over, and I swear I heard her hum an appreciative, “Mmhmm,” under her breath as she passed by me on her way out.
Jace was laughing when I rejoined him in the kitchen after closing the front door. “What’s so funny?” I asked, unable to hold back my own smile.
“Oh, nothing.”
I rolled my eyes again and went back to the chicken, only to pause two seconds later when Jax freed Mickey from my bedroom, and both came bounding into the kitchen, nearly knocking me over. “Whoa!” I called out. “Jax, baby, go wash your hands for dinner.”
Jax pretended not to hear me, as he got down on all fours and started barking like Mickey, roaming around behind the hyper dog. I sighed and went to the sink to wash my hands—again—to be able to deal with him. Jace dumped the contents of the cutting board into the salad bowl I’d pointed out to him, and then he turned around to face Jax and Mickey. “Hey, Jax, I need to wash my hands too, would you mind showing me where to go?”
I peeked over my shoulder as Jax morphed back from a pretend doggy to my sweet little boy. “This way, this way!”
Jace winked at me before following after the little guy, down the hall to our shared bathroom, and I couldn’t stop smiling as I listened in as Jace pretended he forgot how to wash his hands, and had Jax demonstrate for him, and minutes later, they both reappeared in the kitchen with clean hands.
All through dinner, I couldn’t stop staring at Jace, wondering where on earth he’d come from.
* * * *
By half past eight, Jax had finally wound down long enough to lay still for a bedtime story, and crashed out with Mickey lying by his feet. I closed the door and went to rejoin Jace in the living room. “We don’t normally have company, in case you couldn’t already tell,” I joked, sitting on the couch next to him—careful to leave a cushion between us.
Jace laughed. “No worries. That was actually a lot of fun.”
Jax had jabbered on and on through dinner, regaling Jace with stories of magic and the animals he’d seen at the zoo the weekend before, and his favorite TV shows. Jace and I hadn’t been able to get a word in, and as we sat together in the suddenly silent living room, we both took a beat to absorb the peace.
Jace turned his body to face me as he reclined against the arm of the couch. “I believe I was promised a beer,” he said with a lazy smile. I started to get up from the couch, but he held out a hand, “No, no. You relax. Just tell me where ya keep the good stuff.”
“In the left crisper drawer,” I said, smiling at the silly confession.
“Got it.”
I watched as he walked into the kitchen, unable to keep my eyes from admiring the way his jeans were just tight enough to hug his ass, accentuating it’s perfection. I silently mourned that I hadn’t let myself more thoroughly explore his ridiculously hot body before declaring the space between us to be the accursed “friend zone”.
As we’d been in the kitchen cooking, and over the course of dinner, we somehow managed to find small ways to touch each other—whether on purpose or mistake—I wasn’t sure—a small bump of elbows, touching of fingers or grazing of knuckles, all small, but powerful enough to get my body on red alert, aware of his every movement and expression. His blue eyes were always watching me, deeper and darker with a look that told me all I had to do was say the word, and he’d do wonderfully sinful things to me all night long.
I sighed and flopped back against the couch. If only…
Jace appeared moments later and held out a cold bottle of beer for me. He took his place next to me, reaching over for a moment, to clang his bottle on the side of mine. “Bottom’s up.”
I giggled and took a deep pull. “Thanks. I think I earned that.”
“No joke. I don’t know how you do all that by yourself every night,” Jace said, his voice dead serious. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Jax is incredible—” he said with a smile of affection, “—it’s just a lot for one person.”
“It is.” I nodded. “What about you?” I asked, rolling my head against the back of the couch to look at him. “You think you want one of those someday?”
“I hope so,” Jace answered. “It’s not something I think about often, but it’s been coming back to me more and more lately. In the past, it wasn’t an option, and I guess somewhere along the way, I started thinking it wouldn’t ever be an option.”
“Why wouldn’t it have been an option?” I wondered if he’d been in a relationship where the woman didn’t want kids, or hadn’t been able to have kids. I knew nothing about his relationship past.
Ja
ce took a long drink from his beer. “I enlisted with the Navy when I was seventeen, went to boot camp right out of high school, and built my career, working through the ranks, until I reached my goal. To be a SEAL. That was my whole life, you know? I didn’t leave room for anything else.”
The way he spoke was distant, almost clinical, and it was painfully obvious that much of what he was thinking and feeling remained buried. But, I knew it wasn’t my place to pry. He had a past, so did I. Although I had no earthly idea what was happening between us, I knew that over time, we would find a way to share what was behind our walls with each other, so all I said was, “That makes sense. I don’t know anyone in the military, but my heart always goes out to the families left behind. I’ve been a single mom for two years now, but I can’t help thinking it’s gotta be harder on the moms and dads who are waiting for their partner to get home, and working to hold the family together in the mean time. With Jax, he sees Mitch, my ex, every weekend. I don’t have to explain where his dad is, or lay awake at night wondering if he’s safe, or answering the hard questions that kids must have. I don’t know if I could do that…” My voice trailed off as I drifted away, lost in my own thoughts.
“You would. You’re strong, Kat. Probably stronger than you know.” Jace’s words pulled me back to the moment, and I stared at him for a moment. “Look, I know we only met a few weeks ago, but I see your strength. You go to work full time, you go to school. You support and love your son, take care of a household. That’s incredible to me.”
My cheeks warmed and while I would have liked to blame it on the contents of my now empty beer bottle, I knew it had far more to do with the intense look in Jace’s eyes. “Thank you,” I said softly, dropping my gaze to my hands as they worked at tearing the paper label off the bottle.
“Can I ask you a question?” Jace said.
I looked up and met his eyes, “Sure, if I can ask one back.”