"We both screwed up, Babe."
Her eyes drifted back to mine.
"No sense in dwelling over what we can't change."
Hope blossomed in her glistening eyes. I wiped the wetness away with the pad of my thumb, and then dragged my thumb down to her luscious bottom lip. "I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you did, but what I do know is that I don't want to face a future without you."
"What does that mean?"
"It means we take it one day at a time."
Chapter 30
Holly
We take it one day at a time.
Even a week later, Sax's words resonated with me and gave me hope that we were going to be okay. The day that he'd told me about his horrible childhood had ended on a good note. We'd spent the day getting reacquainted; filling in the year we'd been apart while Ava had done everything she could to keep our interest focused on her. Sax hadn't seemed to mind the times that she'd demanded my attention, and I'd watched him carefully to see if there was any hint of resentment or annoyance toward her. But he'd been patient and understanding.
His interaction with her had been telling, and I knew that I had nothing to worry about.
That night, after Ava was sleeping soundly in her crib, we'd made love for hours. Just like old times. I couldn't say how many orgasms Sax had wrung out of me until I'd fallen asleep in blissful exhaustion with his body wrapped around me. I'd awakened that morning to an empty bed, and Frenchie back outside standing guard. Soon after I'd found Sax's brief note next to the coffee maker, with just two words.
Club business.
Just like old times.
That had been a week ago, and other than a few texts and one phone call, we’d had no communication. He hadn't shared with me what was going on with the club, and I hadn't expected him to. Trust was everything, and I had a long way to go to earn his back. It was enough to know that he wanted me.
"Are you sleeping?"
I kept my eyes closed, but I was sure my smile gave me away. It was Monday and we—meaning the girls—were all at Demon and Bobbie's. Well, those of us who had been able to make it. Annabelle and Jolene had to work. Jolene had said that she might be able to show up later, after Danny came in for his shift. She'd told us that one of the perks of Annabelle and Danny being together was that he showed up for work on time.
"I see your smile," Bobbie laughed.
"I guess I'm drifting in and out," I fibbed. Truthfully, I'd been content to just listen to the kids squealing with glee while they played in the pool. Raven had taken Ava over, wanting to get in some practice. She looked so cute in her bathing suit with her rounded little belly, and she was really good with Ava. She was going to make a great mom.
I opened my eyes and peered in the direction of where all the noise was coming from and saw Ellie, JoJo, and Raven clustered in the shallow end of the pool. Annie was out of the sun and napping inside the cabana.
"She's good," Bobbie said, guessing my concerns.
"She loves the water," I said.
"Don't we all at these temperatures?"
I nodded my agreement. I looked over at Bobbie, noticing how her gaze lingered on the girls and the babies. It wasn't the first time I'd seen a wistful look on her face. "So, when are you going to join the ranks of motherhood?"
She laughed softly, pulling her eyes back to me. "I'd like a baby, it just hasn't happened yet."
"You guys are trying?"
Bobbie nodded and smiled. "All the time."
"Obviously not enough if you're not in there napping with Annie." We both laughed. "It'll happen, honey. Just be patient."
I tried not to think about the possibility that I could be pregnant again. Sax and I hadn't been using protection, and I wasn't on anything. We'd skirted around the issue the first time we'd hooked up, but it didn't seem to be a concern of his now. I knew I should probably bring it up.
"Yeah, I'm not stressing over it. You want to come in and help me with snacks?
"Sure."
We rose from our loungers. Bobbie reached for a sexy mesh cover up and slipped into it while I grabbed my short floral wrap and brought it around my hips.
"We're going to fix some snacks," she announced when we neared the shallow end of the pool. "Any requests?"
"Fruit." Raven grinned up at us. She was being extra careful with what she ate these days.
"Cheese," Ellie said. "And alcohol of some kind."
Everyone laughed at that.
"Do you have anything sweet?" Samuel was floating on his back, and JoJo slowly removed her hands from beneath him where she'd been supporting his little body.
"I made a dump cake, will that do?"
Raven gushed. "I love dump cake!"
"And it has fruit in it," Bobbie laughed as we continued into the house and to the kitchen. "What about you, honey?" She headed to the fridge.
"I'm good with all of it," I joked. "What do you want me to do?"
Bobbie stopped and thought for a moment. "I think we'll just set it up buffet style and everyone can come in and help themselves. It's too hot to take it outside. Why don't you hunt for the paper plates, napkins, and silverware. There are some plastic forks in the drawer next to the dishwasher."
She turned back to the fridge, opened the door, and started digging around for stuff. Since I knew where Bobbie kept everything, it didn't take me very long to set up the things we needed.
"What are you doing this coming Saturday?" She'd taken out a package of Brie and smoked Gouda and set them onto a paper plate.
I thought for a moment. "Just work that night. Why?"
"We're throwing Raven a baby shower in the afternoon."
"What time?"
"Two." She arranged some crackers around the cheese. "She doesn't know."
"I could come for about an hour. What do you want me to do to help?"
Bobbie set the dump cake down and my mouth immediately started to salivate. "Oh, God, that looks yummy!"
Bobbie laughed. "Thanks. If you can come around twelve you can help us set up. Cole is going to keep Raven away until it's time, then make up some excuse to get her to the clubhouse."
"Sounds like a plan." I was already thinking about what I could get her for a gift. Something practical or something fun? Since they were waiting until the baby arrived to find out the sex, it would have to be something unisex.
"You want to let them know snacks are ready?" Bobbie set out a bowl of fruit and an assortment of White Claw beverages.
"I call dibs on the mango. I've wanted to try that flavor."
A chuckle sounded from Bobbie. "I've got more. I've got to go to the bathroom."
As I called the girls into the house, I received a text from Jolene.
havin fun?
loads
u off fri?
yea
dont u ever work? off today off fri
lol, an wed
lol
why r u buggin me?
girls nite fri spread the word
where
grinders 9
I frowned. We usually went to a club for girls' night. It was odd that the plan was to go to a place owned by the club when the whole idea of girls' night was to get away from the men for a while.
explain
LD wants us 2 stay close says we'll b safer at a place owned by the club
Hmm. I knew that security at Grinders had been beefed up since the trouble had gone down, and all the women had someone from the club watching them. Until our men were done dealing with whatever was going on, our options for going out were limited. I didn't necessarily want to go out to a place where I worked, but I felt safe there and could use a night out.
hope i can find a sitter
ask lulu
she'll most likely watch izzy an samuel
There was a short pause before Jolene came back with, there's a club girl at LD's i'd trust, she an lulu could team up an watch them all
idk... I wasn't eager to let a stranger look a
fter my daughter.
hon i promise u carmen is lulu's doppelganger in character
I smiled and reminded myself that Jolene would never steer me wrong.
my house is small but they could all go there
work it out, c u fri 9
"Who are you texting?" JoJo was trying to fix a plate of food while holding her squirming son in her arms.
"Jolene. Girls' night this Friday, nine o'clock at Grinders."
"Figured the alpha assholes wouldn't let us hit a real club," Bobbie snorted, entering the kitchen at the tail end of our conversation. She picked up a plate. "They're so protective." It sounded like a complaint, but I knew better.
"Who's going to watch our little monsters?" Ellie set Izzy down and reached for the dump cake.
"That's for dessert," Raven pointed out.
Ellie winked. "I'll have a piece for dessert, too."
"I'll watch the kids. I can't drink anyway."
I reached for a small slice of Gouda and popped it into my mouth. "No, Raven, you're going, too. Jolene suggested we get Lulu and some woman she knows named Carmen to watch them together." I noticed that Raven was having a hard time fixing her plate and holding Ava at the same time. "Here—" I moved around the island. "Let me take Ava." Ava's little arms reached out for me when I got close. I gave her a sloppy kiss, or rather, she gave me one as I cuddled her close. "Ya'll are coming to my house."
"Who's Carmen?"
I couldn't blame JoJo for the suspicious tone, which matched the frown on her face. "Someone Jolene swears is Lulu's doppelganger."
"I trust Jolene's opinion," Ellie quipped. "I'm cool with that." She stuffed a forkful of cake into her mouth.
"Um, are you planning on feeding Izzy anything?"
We laughed as Ellie glanced down toward the floor to her daughter. When she looked up her face was red with embarrassment, and it was clear that she had forgotten Izzy was there.
She swallowed. "Oops!" She reached for a banana, broke it in half, peeled it, and handed it down to Izzy.
"Well, I guess we know cake is your weakness!"
Bobbie's comment drew a laugh from all of us, a reference to the last movie that we'd watched while on lockdown, Jumanji. In it, cake had been one of Kevin Hart’s weaknesses.
Annie chose that moment to walk in from outside. "Ya'll bitches totally forgot me."
I couldn't help but laugh at the sleep line running down her left cheek. "Have a nice nap?" I teased.
She nodded. "Colton and I are trying to get pregnant, and I swear that man has the stamina of a twenty-year-old. Keeps me up all night. When I do get pregnant it'll probably be with triplets."
"Careful you don't jinx it, honey. My best friend, Bailey, has triplets. I helped out with them in the beginning, and they were a handful."
"Is that why she doesn't hang out with us? Too busy?" Bobbie opened one of the White Claws and took a drink.
"Well, she is busy, and she's actually pregnant with number five right now."
It suddenly occurred to me that Bailey hadn't been included in a lot of the club events, and I had assumed that it was because Moody didn't belong to any club.
"Five kids, holy crap!" Annie whisper yelled.
"That doesn't matter," JoJo said. "We need to start asking her to join us."
The conversation led me to think of someone else in the club who had been left out. "While we're on the subject, how about we ask Kathy, too? I like her."
"She's another one who might be too busy, but it's always nice to be included."
"I agree with Ellie. And the more, the merrier. "Raven smiled, munching on an apple."Ava looks like she's about to go down for the count."
I agreed. When she laid her head on my shoulder, it was always a clear sign that she was getting tired. I was surprised that she wasn't whining for a bottle, until I remembered that Raven had given her one about an hour before. "I better change her and lay her down."
"Can I do it?” Annie asked. “Raven practiced with her all morning, it's my turn."
"You're not even pregnant yet," Raven pouted.
"After last night I could be." Annie came over and carefully took Ava from me. "Is her bag in the bedroom?"
I nodded. "It's the pink one with lambs." I watched her disappear toward the guest bedroom before turning back to the girls. "You know, before I came home I didn't have anyone to help me with Ava."
"That's what family is for," Bobbie responded, cutting herself a piece of cake. "When will you get the DNA results back?"
I'd been waiting for that question, and I released a deep sigh. "I already did." It got quiet as all eyes fell on me expectantly.
"They came in the mail yesterday."
Chapter 31
Sax
Fuck, I was tired. Seven straight days of being on the road, looking for that asshole Radar, and still no fucking sign of him. Someone had to be hiding his ass. We knew that he was still in the area because he'd been sighted. Three separate groups of us had gone out to look for him, and none of us had had any success. Until we put the bastard in the ground, there would be a concern that some kind of shit could happen. He could just be biding his time to strike.
Between nights spent in shitty hotels and at the clubhouse, I hadn't made it back to Holly. Our texts and phone conversation had done little to take the edge off of my need to be with her. Our last night together had been spent fucking our brains out, and I’d rubbed one off a couple of times from the memory. All I'd had to do was close my eyes and think about the sight of her riding my dick while I played with her bouncing tits.
We still had some things to work out. I wanted us to live together again, but I wasn't sure her little house was big enough, considering that there was only one bedroom. Ava needed her own room. So would any future children...Christ, I wasn't sure how I felt about the idea of more children. Telling Holly about my fucked-up childhood had alleviated any remaining doubts that I’d had that I might turn out to be just like my sperm donor. I knew in my gut that I wasn't like him, that I could never abuse a child.
My father's words had done a lot of damage to my seven-year-old self that Holly had spent hours trying to undo, but no matter how many times or how many ways she'd tried to say that my father had been irrational and cruel, it didn't erase the fact that Stephanie was dead. Because of that, I'd spent a lot of years convincing myself that I didn't want to bring any kids into the world that I would be responsible for.
You can't protect them all the time, Sax. Things will happen. That's life. No one goes through it without being hurt, physically or mentally. It's how we grow, how we learn. All we can do is nurture and love them the best we can. Be there for them. And God forbid if anything happens outside of our control, we'll deal with it then. Together. Your dad was sick. He was a monster for putting the thought in your head that you killed your sister.
Holly was right, and maybe I'd been wrong for keeping that shit to myself all these years, letting it fester and eat away at me like a cancer, so that his words became so cemented in my brain that, even as an adult, I hadn't been able to recognize the lie. Nothing would ever take away the hurt of losing Stephanie in my heart, though.
Nor the hatred I felt for him.
I opened the bathroom door. The light behind me allowed me the perfect view of my woman in bed, asleep. I grinned at the sight of her ass hanging out of her tiny sleep shorts, and cursed the blanket tucked intimately between her legs. That was my spot. By the time I walked to the bed I was sporting sizable wood. I stood staring down at her for a minute, giving my dick a few tugs. I'd just gotten out of the shower and was till damp, but I didn't give a fuck. I needed Holly like I needed my next breath.
I took a quick look over at the crib, satisfied that Ava was sleeping soundly, and then I proceeded to crawl up Holly's warm, soft body beneath the blanket. I made it all the way to her tits before she stirred slightly.
"Mmm..." She sighed breathlessly when I moved her tank aside and latched on to a nipple. "I thought
I was dreaming."
I sucked hard until her nipple puckered. "No, Baby." I moved on to the other one and did the same thing. Her body shuddered beneath me.
"How did you get in?"
"Through the window." It was a lie. My brothers had a spare key in case there was an emergency that required them to get inside the house to Holly and Ava.
"And they didn't shoot you?" I could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm going to have to issue a complaint." Her hands traveled up to my hair. "I missed you."
"I missed you more, Babe." I moved aside her sleep shorts, baring her mound, then took my dick in my hand and ran the head up and down between her slit. "I'm so fucking hard for you," I groaned, feeling how wet she already was. I couldn't wait. Easily I pushed my dick past her soaked folds and into her pussy as far as it would go.
We both groaned loudly and stilled for a moment to soak it in. Seated deep inside Holly, my dick throbbed on its own, swallowed up by her tight body. "I could go to sleep just like this."
Her husky laugh came against my throat. "In your dreams." I could tell by the strength of her tone that she was fully awake now. "Maybe after I’ve had a few orgasms and you've filled my pussy with cum once or twice, then you can think about sleep."
"Is that so?" I grinned as her warm mouth traveled over my neck and shoulders. "Sounds awful demanding to me."
She began kissing her way down my chest. "I think I'm being reasonable." She tongued one of my nipples, causing my dick to jerk and a deep groan to escape me. "You have a week to make up for."
I pulled back and thrust back in.
"Oh God, Sax!" Holly shuddered. "That feels so good."
I did it again, and again, relishing in her breathless moans and the way her body tightened around my dick. "Jesus, Baby, this first time is going to be fast." It wouldn't take much to send me over the edge.
She whimpered, giving my nipple a hard bite as her nails dug into my sides. "Do it, Sax," Holly demanded, squeezing my dick. "Fuck me fast. Fuck me hard."
"I aim to please my woman," I growled. I was too fucking horny, too far gone to try and rein in my lust. I pulled up one of Holly's legs over my hip, grinding my pelvis down on hers at the end of every thrust. Giving her fast and hard was no problem. I'd gone seven days without her pussy, and sinking inside her hot juices felt too fucking good.
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