by Alexis Leia
“I’m so glad this is over, Em”, she said and leaned her head on his shoulder.
“I know, honey. You were very good last night”, he said and a second later burst out laughing, because he noticed his double entendre.
“Linda should’ve hit your mouth. God knows it’s the only way it can be shut.”
“That’s totally unnecessary, but I respect the attempt at humor.”
Selene snorted and started getting impatient. Then, two men walked in her room, and her face lit up.
“Samuel, Sully!” she couldn’t help but hug them both. She laughed when they awkwardly returned the hug.
“We wanted to say goodbye before we left, and thank you for cooperating in every way possible. You’ve made our job easier, and you helped save your own life”, Samuel, the usual spokesperson of the two, said.
“No, thank you for being there for me 24/7. I felt very safe with you guys around. And I think Annie and I will actually miss you in our house.”
“No, we won’t!” Annie yelled from the other side of the door, making both men almost smile.
In Selene’s book, their barely-there smiles were equivalent to someone else’s hysterical laughing.
“I’m glad Emmet reached out to you. And I’ll make sure to have your contact memorized, for whatever future security purposes.”
Sully then spoke, something he did, well, almost never.
“It wasn’t Emmet. We’re on Mr. Ledford’s payroll.”
Selene’s mouth gaped open. “Wait, what?”
“I think it’s best we let sheriff explain. It was nice meeting you, Ms. McClaran. You ever need our services, you call us”, Samuel said and led the way out.
Selene turned towards Emmet and cocked her eyebrow. “Is it true? Did Chris send them?”
Emmet groaned in frustration. “I’m so fucking sick of you two. Yeah, he sent them, and he was right to do so. If you have any complaints, talk to the boss-man directly.”
“No, I won’t complain. It’s just… surprising.”
“Not to me”, Emmet said with a frown. “I don’t think he’d ever let you deal with a situation like that alone. I guess he was next to you through the men he sent.”
Selene’s heart threatened to break again, so she closed the discussion.
“Well, I’ll find a way to thank him somehow. I’ll order a flower delivery to his office in L.A. or something. All I know is… If he attempts to reach me, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it.”
Emmet sighed and shook his head.
“The man saved your life, again. I don’t want to get in between, but a flower arrangement might not be the best way of saying ‘thank you’.”
Selene’s mouth gaped open. “You’re defending him?”
Emmet looked fairly annoyed now. “Y’know what? I’m tired, I have my head in stitches, I’ve got a massive headache, and all of this with you and Ledford guy doesn’t help at all. I’m not defending the prick in general; I’m just saying he did risk his life to get to you, and left immediately after to respect your decision about not wanting to see him ever again. And in my book, that deserves at least a handwritten card or whatever.”
“Wow. Uh. It’s just a little unexpected, your sudden understanding of the situation. You were always aloof about it.”
“Because you two were aloof about yourselves. God, either break it all off or don’t. You’re getting on my nerves.”
Selene laughed in disbelief. Emmet, the king of humor and patience, suddenly exploded. However, he was right. It was annoying, even to an outsider.
“I know it’s not easy listening to me whine about him, and I want you to know I appreciate your patience and your advice. It’s just that he makes me vulnerable, and he always manages to surprise me – be it in a good, or a bad way. I don’t know how to approach this.”
“Listen, he’s an immature douche with a God complex. That much is obvious. But you know him and you know the root causes of his behavior. Deep inside, the man you know as Christopher Ledford is just an insecure child. Why is that? I have no damn clue. However, I think you should know that for the past month, he has called me every single day to check up on the progress of the investigation. He was worried about you, and he sounded really, really bad.”
Selene was shocked, for more reasons than one.
“Wait, what? You two spoke every day?”
Emmet actually didn’t look too happy about it, and Selene would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so perplexed.
“All I’m saying is: he cares about you, one way or another. It is completely up to you how you’re going to deal with it. To care and to love are two different dimensions, but I do know you’d be a lot happier if you could make your peace with the entire topic of Chris. Irrelevant of how you choose to end it.”
Her best friend was right, on all accounts. She did need to make peace with herself regarding Chris. She still didn’t know how to do that, and it would probably take some deep thinking and self-reflection. But before she did just that, she needed a very good rest. Emmet obviously read her mind, because he spoke for the both of them.
“It’s between the two of you. But let’s get us home first. The future can wait.”
He was right. For now, sleep would do, as she desperately needed to zone out for a bit. However, her heart whispered in that moment, in a tiny voice she chose to ignore: but you need him too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The town was fairly quiet. All the people were in their homes, having a Christmas Eve dinner and spending time with their families. It was snowing heavily, the snowflakes falling all over the decorated town; the Christmas lights were on full blast, reminding Chris of his childhood.
Chris purposely chose to focus on all the good moments from his childhood: sledding down the town’s streets when they got covered in snow, skating on the frozen lake with his friends, watching bad horror movies with Selene and laughing with her at poor acting and unrealistic scenes. Talking to Selene in the middle of the night about nothing and everything, playing with her in the snow, teaching her the basics of football and baseball... Almost every good memory he had was connected to Selene, and he wished he could smack himself on the head for being an insecure, childish asshole who managed to lose the person who meant the world to him twice in his lifetime.
He now knew that he could never taint her with his demons, because she would never allow it. She was the light in his dark, showing him that no matter who tried to destroy you, they could never take away your hope in better future. They both survived hell, but only one of them got out if it as a stronger person.
Chris, however, still had to learn how and he hoped it wasn’t too late to get Selene back, because if there was one person who could show him how to make peace with his past, it was her. But his renewed chase for her wasn’t only for her to help him be the best man that he could be; it was rather to become the best man for her. Because he loved her, he loved her to the point of pain.
Now that he finally let himself see the truth, he couldn’t contain his love for her. The very word kept ringing in his mind over and over again. As terrifying as it was for him, it was both exhilarating. He finally felt free from all the chains holding him back regarding Selene, and it was easier to cope with his underlying fear. Which was why he had to try again.
He and Jackson drove to Selene and Annie’s house that was lit up like Bethlehem, with all the colorful Christmas lights covering every surface of their home.
“I think baby Jesus was born here”, Chris said, taking in the sight of the house, the yard, and the surrounding trees completely covered in lights.
“I think this was Annie’s doing. She likes the sparkly and glittery girly shit”, Jackson commented, looking as equally awed as Chris.
“They should be in the dining room. Let’s go around the house to the back entrance”, Chris said and Jackson turned off the car.
They sneaked around the house, Chris being extra careful not to make too much noise. But of
course Jackson had to fuck it all up; he slipped and fell right on his ass with a loud curse.
“Jesus Christ, keep your mouth shut. Do you wanna get shot? I’m pretty sure Annie has a gun in there”, Chris whispered furiously as he helped Jackson get up on his feet.
“I’m from L.A., asshole. I only see snow in photos”, Jacks said and slapped Chris on the shoulder.
“Alright, just – duck!” Chris warned him and crouched down, below the dining room window, where Annie peeked through as if she’d heard something. Jackson followed him down, but looked confused.
“Since when ducks live – oooh, duck. I see”, Jackson said, making Chris burst in laugh that sounded more like bark, since he had to keep it down.
“And I’m a stupid idiot then?” Chris rhetorically asked and started moving below the windows.
He peeked through the window to see Emmet, Annie and Sam setting up the table for dinner.
“She’s not here”, Chris whispered to Jackson, feeling his hopes immediately plummet.
“Well, there’s only one way to find out. We have to get inside the enemy’s lair”, Jackson said dramatically and then stood up, making his way to the back entrance of the dining room, Chris right behind him.
Well, here goes nothing.
“Save some food for us”, Jackson yelled as he stormed inside, shocking the hell out of the trio busy with setting the plates on the table.
Annie looked mad as shit, Sam looked surprised, but Emmet started laughing, which made Chris like the bastard even more. If there hadn’t been for the cop, Chris would have lost his mind in the past month. He was his direct tie to Selene, keeping him informed about her well-being and the status of her attacker. Chris knew Emmet had been beyond annoyed whenever he called, but he still cooperated and hadn’t spared any details. He had drawn the line, though, when it came to personal questions about Selene. His loyalty, he had said, was always with Selene, and her personal problems were her to deal with. Chris respected him even more for that.
“What are you doing here?” Sam asked Chris, sounding a little pissed himself.
Chris spoke to Sam, Annie and Emmet, looking all of them in the eye.
“I’m here to get my girl back”, he honestly replied.
Sam’s face lit up a little and his little lips twitched in happiness. The kid had heart the size of the mountain, and Chris hated the thought of breaking another heart in the process of his self-pity.
“Too bad, she’s not here”, Emmet said and took a big bite of pumpkin pie, the entire pan in his hands.
“Can you tell us where – OH SHIT!” Jackson yelled and Chris lifted his head up to see what the hell was going on.
Annie stood there, with a shotgun expertly aimed at them, a sweet smile on her pixie face, looking like Clint Eastwood’s pretty, midget version.
“I knew someone was snooping around the house. I think you should leave. And Emmet, leave the damn pumpkin pie alone”, she said, her voice dangerously calm.
Jackson lifted his hands up in the air, Emmet dropped the pie immediately, Sam looked bored, and Chris began calculating what would it take for her to give in.
“Babe, I don’t feel comfortable with that gun pointed at me”, Jackson said in a voice you’d normally use when trying to calm a rabid dog. Good doggie, good little bitch.
“I’m not your babe. And I don’t feel comfortable with you in my house. And I especially don’t feel comfortable seeing my best friend suffering for a guy who doesn’t deserve her.”
“You’re right. I don’t deserve her. But I love her, and I at least want a chance to tell her that”, Chris said, standing extremely close to Jackson in order to retrieve the car keys that were in his back pocket.
Jacks obviously understood what was on Chris’s mind since he stood still like a statue, his face a composed mask.
“You don’t know how to love”, Annie spat out.
“That’s not true. I love Selene with all my heart. I love Jackson, my best friend. I love Sam as if he was my own kin. I think I could even love you, you crazy witch”, Chris spoke in a calm, patient voice, hoping he could distract Annie enough to get the info about Selene and get the hell out of there.
She suspiciously narrowed her eyes and pointed her shotgun at him. He knew she wasn’t going to fire, especially not in front of her cop friend.
“You don’t love me?” Emmet grinned, looking extremely amused.
“You put me behind the bars, asshole. It’s going to take some time to get over it”, Chris said, giving the bastard a brotherly smile, which he returned back.
“You know, Annie. I kinda like this fucker”, Emmet said and went back to eating the pie, obviously forgetting about the lunatic with a gun.
“Well, I don’t. Goddamn it, leave the goddamn pie alone”, Annie said, her voice raising.
“Shut up, you little midget and put the gun down. Your arms will break”, Emmet said, completely ignoring her.
“Where’s Selene?” Chris asked in a no-bullshit voice.
“I think she went to the lake. She said something about visiting an old place near the water”, Sam said.
Fuck yes, he knew where she was!
“Sam!” Annie yelled accusingly, getting distracted and Chris wasted no time; he lunged himself through the air, kidnapped the turkey and the pie in the process of running, and then ran as hell through the house toward the front door, followed by some dramatic voices.
“Not the food!” Emmet.
“What the fuck?” Jackson.
“He’s going to die”, Sam.
“I will murder you!” Annie.
“You’ll get the food back when I get Selene back!” he yelled over his shoulder and rushed inside the car before Annie could shoot his ass.
He didn’t know why he kidnapped the food. It was a reflex, almost. But mostly, it was to see the look on Annie’s face.
He carefully put the food on the passenger seat, tied it up with a seatbelt, put his own on, and drove like a maniac toward the lake.
He prayed to God and every saint he could think of for two things:
One – don’t let the turkey slide off the seat, and two – please, let Selene be on the lake, in their old spot.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Selene stood at the lake, staring at the frozen water covered in thick layers of snow that was still relentlessly falling. It was freezing and her legs were knees-deep in the snow, but something told her that she had to be there, at that very moment, at the place where it all began. Her memories took her back to when she was only just a child, sent by her foster parents to go to the lake and get the runaway foster kid. She remembered walking in the deep snow and seeing a tortured young boy, staring at the horizon, defying the bad weather and the entire world. She remembered how she lost her young heart to him in that moment and realized how, no matter the years that separated them, nothing changed.
She was always in love with him, and that would probably never change either. The love had evolved, from the young, innocent infatuation to this real, adult, overwhelming need. Almost everyone had that one person, that one love you could never forget, the one that followed you to wherever you decided to escape. That one person you wanted, but you couldn’t have. And that knowledge within you, when you realized that no matter who came next, nothing would ever be with that person like it was with the one you couldn’t forget.
The past month hadn’t been kind on her. In fact, it was the hardest time of her life, even worse than those gruesome months that took her to recover after almost being beaten to death. But that healing was mostly physical, while this one... Scars on your heart heal much slower than those on your skin, and being unhappily in love, well, that pain was something else entirely. And she’d had her fair share of pain.
Leaving Chris was the hardest thing she had ever done, especially when she heard him yelling her name in despair while she was leaving. However, she couldn’t have afforded herself to go back and stay with him. They were too different, almost
a world apart. And she meant what she had said; she couldn’t live her life without love, in fear that one day he might get bored of her and move on, leaving her to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. But she had to give him some credit; aside from saving her few nights ago, he didn’t attempt to reach her. For that, she was thankful – he let her heal her wounds in peace.
She still didn’t know how to properly thank him for what he had done. He had risked his own life just to save her, which definitely showed a great deal of caring. However, just like Emmet had said – to care and to love were two different things, and she was a person who went all the way or no way. Maybe one day, when she fully healed and felt ready, she’d personally thank Chris for everything he had done. In the meantime, she allowed herself to be selfish, ungrateful even, just so she could move on with her life.
Before she came to the lake, she was spending a wonderful Christmas Eve with Sam, Annie and Emmet. They were joking, preparing food, listening to music and dancing, when she suddenly got this strange urge to show up on the old spot. She was still confused about the sudden need to reminisce, but she had gone with the flow. Not exactly the safest thing to do, given the hour and the weather, but she didn’t regret it. The view was amazing, and the peace she experienced was very much needed.
“I finished the song.”
She closed her eyes, her breath leaving her lungs in a loud ‘whoosh’ when she recognized that deep timbre of his. She didn’t dare to turn around, knowing if she saw him, her resolution would break.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him, her voice barely audible from all the emotions running through her.
“I finished the song and you weren’t there to hear it first like you said”, he spoke gently and she felt his proximity behind her, his warmth hitting her back, which meant he was only a couple inches away.